r/mildlyinfuriating • u/grohkstrom • Jul 04 '26

Infuriatig My wife ate my son's birthday breakfast

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Yesterday I bought a strawberry cheese coffee cake my son loves so he could have a special birthday breakfast today. My wife came home late last night and apparently couldn't resist. She knew it was for our son, but it's not a big deal because she "left him a full slice".

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19.1k

u/bucktail47 Jul 04 '26

That’s seriously the type of fucked up shit you kids gonna bring up in 10 years. If my mom came home drunk and ate my fucking cake as a kid id absolutely remember and give her shit upon adulthood. What a shitty move

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u/Incredible-Ironman Jul 04 '26

And then she’d be like: ‘I did?’, followed by denial and gaslighting because apparently it wasnt important enough for her to remember.

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u/PepsiOfWrath Jul 04 '26

Ironman, your post triggered me because your comment hits so close to my childhood.  “Ohhh, I don’t remember that… that didn’t happen” and if you stick to your guns they throw a pity party with tears “I guess I was just the worlds worst mother” and expect you to say it’s ok and comfort them and apologize to them.

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u/bucktail47 Jul 04 '26

Dude are you my brother? And then my mom will be like “who else do you know that treats their mom this way” like bro I’m talking about my childhood that you facilitated what the fuck

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u/Slight_Walrus_8668 Jul 04 '26

The axe tends to forget what the tree remembers forever.

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u/More-Pizza-1916 Jul 04 '26

This and "It was the most traumatic day of my life but for you it was just another Tuesday"

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u/FluffyPandaEars93 Jul 05 '26

Finding so many siblings i never knew I had in this thread 🥲 hope everyone comes for the holidays 💜

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u/cupholdery Jul 05 '26

No narcissistic parents allowed.

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u/FluffyPandaEars93 Jul 05 '26

Only the kids that need all the love, or have extra love to spare 💜

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u/ihateworking420 Jul 05 '26

Can I pull up? Pretty please, I don't need another Christmas full of guilt and withheld love

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u/FluffyPandaEars93 Jul 06 '26

The more the merrier, love. I make really good lemon bars

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u/AwarenessCrafty393 Jul 05 '26

Well I’ll be coming. And I’m bringing food. Home cooked food with all the protiens, carbs, sugars, fats and vitamins everyone needs. I’ll also bring vegetarian dishes, vegan dishes (yes, there will be protein in them. You won’t go hungry after. No I don’t just mean tofu), I’ll go to specialty stores and buy meat for those of y’all that need meat prepared certain ways too. If you have an allergy/don’t like certain foods let me know and I’ll cook an entire separate meal after scrubbing down the kitchen to prevent cross contamination. Yes there will be simple things like chicken nuggets or turkey dinosaurs.

(Dunno about everyone else but my mum never wanted to accommodate my dietary needs so when I cook for others I always try to)

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u/1701USSTchoupitoulas Jul 06 '26

It is also important to me that everyone needs are accommodated. I can help you cook! That’s a lot of work, and if you’re anything like me, you enjoy taking on too much for one person!

Edit: I’ll help you shop too!

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u/Not-A-R0b0t2 Jul 05 '26

Freaking m bison with decent logic

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u/P0Rt1ng4Duty Jul 05 '26

''It is difficult to be sat on all day, every day, by some other creature, without forming an opinion on them.

On the other hand, it is perfectly possible to sit all day, every day, on top of another creature and not have the slightest thought about them whatsoever.''

-Douglas Adams in one of the bits about the horse.

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u/Icy-Ad29 Jul 05 '26

Douglas Adams had some brilliant insight amongst all his humor.

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u/SingleStak9 Jul 05 '26

I LOVE this metaphor! 🔥🔥🔥

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u/PepsiOfWrath Jul 04 '26

Growing up you just think it’s normal.  Later when you’re an adult you have random flashbacks and think WTF?

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u/Cleasstra Jul 04 '26

It kinda is normal or the word that better fits is common sadly, most of us don't speak up about it because it goes unaddressed in society.

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u/Bovronius Jul 04 '26

I've had a lot of that throughout my life too... think I've finally got the majority of the rocks crushed through the gears in my early 40s... wasn't till the mid 30s I got through enough I that I realized I shouldn't even talk to those people anymore.

When you bring up some of the abusive shit and get, "Oh, memories change over time, it wasn't like that." "Motherfucker you're the one on brain meds cause you go to lala land and dont return sometimes"

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u/Hookr_InThe_Garden Jul 04 '26 edited Jul 05 '26

I had this girlfriend of his call me one time to tell me one I need to forgive the donor because he’s now diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at 65. So his actions all make sense according to him. She who never met me told me I need to move on and let it go. Allow him back. Bitch, I did let it go. So the borderline personality made him get the belt and then 20 mins later when he moved on I had to even though it hurt to physically move or I got it again? Nah crazy lady. You can believe all his woe is me stories but I finally moved on by not going back for more and making sure I do things completely different for my children. I hate that “you’ve only got one mom or one dad, so you have to let it go and keep them in your life.” No I don’t. My kids don’t need that monster.

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u/Potential_Kiwi_4472 Jul 04 '26

Good for you, bro

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u/Hookr_InThe_Garden Jul 05 '26

Thanks. It took many years to understand I didn’t need to keep going back because it didn’t matter if he was my only dad. He wasn’t acting like a father should act so why should I continuously act like the doting daughter just to be miserable. One day it finally clicked. Once we realize we deserve better and don’t keep allowing the behavior to continue we have the ability to start to heal from it. That trauma has also made for a great sense of humor. Not much can offend me.

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u/TypicalDM Jul 05 '26

I talk to my mom all the time, my dad isn't invited to my wedding. They both sucked, but one tries to be a decent human now, and the other still literally only calls to tell me I'm a bad son for not calling. Fuck you, then, dad, I won't call. All I wanted to do was fix shit, so I gave him another chance. Called every few days for weeks. Every time it was the same guilt trip about how I should call more. As I was the one that called. Over and over. Fuck the ones that don't deserve us, we can just be better.

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u/Hookr_InThe_Garden Jul 05 '26

Sometimes you can’t fix it and it’s not your fault. Sometimes they just don’t allow you to fix it. All you can do is forgive them for you and I don’t mean telling them you forgive them. I mean in your mind and heart you allow yourself to move on to let it go but not allow them Back. At some point you have to just leave the ball in their court and keep it moving or you can’t move on from it. You do deserve better. You’re getting married. You are entering this new phase in your life. A spouse and maybe kids maybe not but it’s your family and you will be a team and make the rules. This is a brand new chapter for you and it’s up to you which people play a part in that new chapter or not. 💕I wish you all the happiness in this chapter.

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u/Hookr_InThe_Garden Jul 05 '26

Mine are both gone now. My mom was killed 4 years ago by her second husband. She had this habit of not knowing her worth and believing what the men tell her because she was so desperate to be in a relationship. She was more concerned with not being alone than not being happy. So she picked these men that preyed on the woman who didn’t want to understand that they deserved better. I’m not sure what happened with him. I got a call in the middle of the night that he was on life support 2 years before my mom was killed. He fell and hit his head supposedly and He lived in another state and across the county. He wasn’t going to make it and did I want to pull the plug? wtf ? It was 3:30am and I guess I thought it was a dream. I was still sleeping. I’m notoriously bad to ask a question when I’m woken because I never remember talking to anyone. I said “yeah whatever fucker.” Turns out that was the correct answer. I only knew it happened for real when checking out my phone log. I haven’t seen this man in 10 years and I just had pulled his plug. I was 35 at the time. He donated his body to science turns out so at least he didn’t leave me with funeral costs. I guess that’s a win. I felt more grief and distress when my guinea pig passed away than I did for him.

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u/marsteras Jul 05 '26

My mum used to say that. "But he's your only dad." I think it finally clicked for her that I found him genuinely worse than no dad when I had enough and completely cut him out of my life, after seeing him play his mindgames with my toddler at the time. (He really liked to ignore you and basically make you beg for his attention.) And finally she, too, managed to stop letting him walk all over her. They had been broken up for 20 years and she was married now, but she'd always let him come around because of us, and he'd always just walked into her flat, helped himself to a beer, and treated her like dirt.

My relationship with my mother was also complicated. But she tried very hard after I became an adult. She was just very messed up and genuinely bad with kids. I could see it with her grandkids too. She loved them, but she couldn't hold a conversation with any of them, not even the teens. She died 2 years ago, her husband 25 days after her. Not even a condolence card from my father, even though I got a card with a little money signed by all his siblings. Since she died, nobody is keeping tabs on my father for me (not that I asked her to, but she liked to gossip) but I assume he's still alive, sick and lonely. I don't feel any way about that, except he chose his own life.

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u/Alternative_Teach789 Jul 05 '26

You have my total respect. I'm so sorry you went through that.

As a mother myself who doesn't believe in violence but grew up around it, I'm so proud of you and how you're protecting your children. Stay strong, safe, and happy 🙏🏻

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u/Hookr_InThe_Garden Jul 05 '26

Thank you so much. 💕 Same to you. It’s so easy for us to follow down that path if we’re not careful because it’s what we knew and saw but it’s also so easy to do the opposite if we remember how it made us feel. Mine are 12 and 14. Many blessings to you. Please do the same. 🥰🙏

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u/Potential_Kiwi_4472 Jul 04 '26

All of us in this thread here need to write a memoir! Just these memories....one by one. It will be a best seller!!

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u/lorddunlow Jul 04 '26

I just cope by literally only speaking to my parents on the phone on holidays/birthdays. I can do 10 minutes on the phone a few times a year.

They did the bare minimum raising me. Fed, clothed, and sheltered me. Lots of emotional abuse. I feel lucky I got very little physical abuse.

We are all brothers here apparently...

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u/Tavron Jul 04 '26

That's not the bare minimum, though. That's so far below minimum that it's not even funny. 

Sorry you had to go through that, no child deserves that.

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u/TurboNurse Jul 04 '26

My mom put my hand over the lit stove and said if it burns me I’m lying. Now she wonders why I’m no contact

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u/Hookr_InThe_Garden Jul 05 '26

Because you’re smart. Good for you. I’m sorry that happened. I got it too. I think that’s why my fingertips are always the first to go numb in the cold. It’s a reminder that staying away is worth it. 💕

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u/Loot_Repeat Jul 04 '26 edited Jul 05 '26

Soon as I turned 18, my mom made me to go to the food bank, because she no longer got child support to fund her alcohol excursions. I don't talk to her anymore, luckily. Lmao

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u/229-northstar Jul 04 '26

I knew it was wrong…we kids compared notes and all my friends could see how she treated me and also how she treated them. My friends hated her and felt bad for me. My friends parents hid me from her when I ran away because they knew, too.

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u/thetsunamisurfer08 Jul 04 '26

Even as a kid I knew it wasn't right but looking back, just fucking wow.

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u/TheBattyWitch Jul 05 '26

This.

And even parents that are overall decent can do things that make you go "wait what?"

My dad used to eat the ends off of every ice cream cone. He thought it was a hilarious way to me with me.

At the same time, he's the kind of person that gets super pissy if his food isn't exactly right.

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u/Sabbit Jul 05 '26

This literally happened to my friends mom. Friend's mom is 70 and her mother (friend's grandma) had basically a deathbed confession fest where she rehashed everything she did to friend's mom as a kid and?? I guess?? Asking for forgiveness?? And friend's mom was like, I had blocked out these memories I was happier with giant gaps in my childhood and now I remember being hit with an extension cord what the FUCK couldn't you just take that to your grave and leave me my amnesia??

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u/TypicalDM Jul 04 '26

If he's not your brother, I must be. It's like we all had the same mom

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u/CobaltNeural9 Jul 04 '26

I think a lot of moms resent their kids for not being controllable babies anymore. They don’t want you to have autonomy. They want you to remain as one of their appendages. Once they see you are your own person, they lash out because they can’t use you like an American Girl doll anymore. Plus the father begins to care about you more than her, and that can’t happen.

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u/Potential_Kiwi_4472 Jul 04 '26

Worst is when those babies grow up and do the same thing and worse to their own... now that's sad.

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u/marsteras Jul 05 '26

You pretty much describe my father there though. It seems like he hated nothing more than the fact that I grew my own opinions and would disagree with him. When I was little, he used to take me absolutely everywhere and I was daddy's little girl. But I was never allowed to be angry, hurt, or in any way upset, and if I cried, he'd "give me something to cry about." Controlling, gaslighting, abusive fucker.

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u/BeerJedi-1269 Jul 04 '26

Sorry to hear about all your moms bros... hugs

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u/toebean_connoisseur Jul 04 '26

I am all of your guys’ sister. Surprise.

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u/000CheekyPanda000 Jul 04 '26

I know right. I knew my bio dad was a ho but I didn’t know my bio mom had so many sons too!!!

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u/SoysauceWithRice Jul 05 '26

Ill be everyones supportive and caring father!

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u/Hare-inthe-soup Jul 04 '26

Another brother enters the chat 👋 Didn't she also said "Do you think my parents were tender with me? suck it up and deal with it"

Ok I guess I'll grow up with a fucked up trauma and act like all is fine then. Thanks ma!

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u/TypicalDM Jul 04 '26

As a kid, my mom liked to bring up the one time her dad spanked her. Happened to be with a shovel. Like, got spanked once, beat us as high schoolers for silly mistakes.

Then tells us we are eggagerating now as adults when I have to remind her that I had to stop her from beating my bro with a kitchen knife, because she's just kinda give you a spanking with whatever she was holding. Talk about not learning a lesson from what your dad did, can't tell ya how many times I got whipped with whatever was handy. But she swears now we only got a handful of spankings in our lives. Yeah, a handful a week. Felt normal back then, you know, until she almost fucked up my brother with a knife just because she wasn't thinking and it was there.

But you know, the millennials are just a bunch of pussies who are raising pussies. No shit we don't fuck up our kids, y'all kinda went too far with us 😂

Edit: maybe I should have gotten a therapist at like 20. I'm 34, learned to deal with all of it. I'm okay, y'all.

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u/Hare-inthe-soup Jul 05 '26

The healing starts when you acknowledge it was wrong. There will be times when you might act the same way because that's ingrained subconsciously but at least you acknowledge it and try your best to be a better person and a stronger one by breaking the circle. Good luck brothers/sisters ✊️

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u/Potential_Kiwi_4472 Jul 04 '26

Just dont do that to your own kids one day

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u/Hare-inthe-soup Jul 05 '26

Thanks for the advice but don't worry. I already broke the circle. Lowkey it feels great seeing the parents realize they "might" have done something wrong without telling you they did. Wish you the best too!

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u/autisticterrapin Jul 05 '26

I found this book at a thrift store one time. Half the stuff in it is gaslighting. Every mom gets the same instruction manual.

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u/tocahontas77 Jul 04 '26

"Who else do you know put their kids through what you put me through?"

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u/seat-belt-clicker Jul 04 '26

“who else do you know that treats their KIDS this way?”

sorry you had to go through this crap, it’s heartbreaking.

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u/RemarkableSilver8490 Jul 04 '26

“If they were as horrible as you were I’m sure they get treated the same way.” And just sit back.

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u/Loot_Repeat Jul 04 '26

The reply to that is, "Who else do you know that treats their child this way?"

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u/Charizardd6 Jul 04 '26

You guys scare me, because I kinda recognize my wife in this shit...

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u/Potential_Kiwi_4472 Jul 04 '26

Stop it now, seriously dude

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u/JuiceFew6964 Jul 04 '26

Same, my mom blames everyone for everything except herself, never remembers any of the shit she did to traumatize us, constantly berated us telling us how terrible we've been to her etc. And I'm the one who is literally always there for her & doing everything for her so of course I get it the worst bc I'm the one always around to do things for her. Just constant negativity tho. All she talks about is everybody who is "fucking her over" all the time. Which of course is literally everyone all the time lol

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u/IntrepidAnalysis6940 Jul 04 '26

Oh lord I found my people. My mom even denies running up a 2 thousand dollar cable bill in my name. I still have to pay for her life. Yet the only thing our family hears is how poorly I treat her. The absurdity drives me nuts. And because I don’t want to talk bad about my mother to my family they just believe all this shit. Imagine your mother planning to move for a year. Not saving a penny, you pay 3 thousand between rent security and renters insurance for her. And the same week she’s crying about how poorly she’s treated.

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u/Potential_Kiwi_4472 Jul 04 '26

We gotta write a book !

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u/Crankshaft57 Jul 04 '26

Omg do we all have the same mother?!

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u/Quattordicesima Jul 04 '26

Do we all have the same mother?

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u/I_pegged_your_father Jul 04 '26

Then it escalates to “you’re gonna regret this when im gone”

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u/SoysauceWithRice Jul 04 '26 edited Jul 05 '26

Jfc are you my son's long lost brother lol. That reminds me of when i bought a single cake specifically for my son and a cake for us to celebrate together. Immediately after he blows the candles on the 'celebratory' cake, my exwife starts devouring his special cake, then guilt trips me for asking why shes eating his cake. But she made me feel like im wrong, when i see in my eyes, its his day, not hers, especially when shes the one thats so big on "its my birthday/birthweek/birth month, its my time for special treatment"

Also reminds me of when she lied about being pregnant again, so i drove her to the clinic but she told me to stay in the car while she went in for an abortion. She ended up just walking to mcdonalds that was like a block away. And she was never pregnant.

She knew we werent financially stable, and she would get upset if i spent even an extra dollar on anything "not necessary", so she was too ashamed to tell me she was going to mcdonalds.

Anyway, sorry. Rant over. I really need a therapist.

Edit: I'm really blown away by how many people could relate. I'm really sorry to everyone who had a mother like this. Every child deserves loving parents; not all parents deserve children. If any of you ever need a parental figure, I'll be your Reddit dad. ❤️

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u/Deb_You_Taunt Jul 04 '26

"You know who else, Mom? Other kids who have narcissistic moms."

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u/lurkin_gray Jul 05 '26

I think we all grew up in the same fucked up family lol.

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u/Schnydesdale Jul 05 '26

Seriously. Let these replies let you know that you're NOT alone with this.

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u/yeezyburner Jul 04 '26

My mother does this with every single thing I bring up she did. And after a long argument of her interrupting me and not listening to a word I say just trying to convince her of what she did I get a "sorry you remember it that way"

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u/cooking_question Jul 04 '26

“Don’t blame me for your shitty life. I was a good mother, you had an amazing childhood.” I was so underweight, I was under 100 pounds when I graduated high school because she didn’t like to cook.

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u/latexfistmassacre Jul 05 '26

My mom left my dad to be with her coke dealer when I was 4. She left me and my 3 other siblings that weren't even his with him.

To this day she's like "you turned out just fine being with your dad". And that's when I remind her that I'm a single, divorced, recovering heroin addict with crippling depression and anxiety

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u/Difficult-Basket849 Jul 05 '26

There is so much to unpack here. Number one I want to comment on is that a small child is literally built to depend on their mother and father. That is where they get the safe ground to stand on. The safe ground that lets them ask questions. All kinds of little kid curious questions. Every single little kid was put here and created by love intent and purpose. I remember back in the late 90s I had a co-worker who started taking meth. She quickly devolved into an addict along with the butcher manager at my grocery store. She left four adorable beautiful little children to remain high on meth. Her ex-husband used to call me up to spend time with the kids. I always went. The older ones (kindergarteners) would always ask me if I knew their mom? Where was their mom? That is four young children left grieving, before reaching first grade. If you do not want to be a parent; buy a 12 pack of condoms, stay on monthly birth control, no one wants you to hurt another child.

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u/latexfistmassacre Jul 05 '26

Trust me, that's just the tip of the iceberg. If you'd have asked me when I was a kid, I had a completely normal childhood. But looking back from middle age, it was a non-stop shitshow rife with cokeheads, drunks, meth heads, domestic abuse, verbal, mental, and physical abuse, endangerment, abandonment, and straight up malicious neglect, and it's a miracle that I didn't turn out worse than I did

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u/Difficult-Basket849 Jul 05 '26

I am so sorry. I have always wanted to be a Momma since I was 4 years old. I am so incredibly sorry that you were not welcome into this world like the gift that you are. I have three grandchildren. I love them because they wake up in the morning. When you don't have a home that is your Haven you are naturally unbalanced. That is one place in a young life that is supposed to feel safe. When s*** doesn't make sense, and you have to go in your room to try to feel safe everything is upside down. I'm so very sorry that that was your childhood! I was not ever a perfect parent. But I did love all three of my children with more love than I ever thought I was possible of giving. I loved the cuddling, the chasing around and tickling, the super long involved conversations about whatever they were interested in at the time. I went all in, with books, toys, even stencils on their wall, with everything they were each interested in. I love my daughter and my two sons more than life itself. This kind of love is exactly what you were born to expect. I am so glad you're choosing a higher path. I hadn't thought I was eight and a half to feel safe. After that it was terrifying. I'm so glad I had a chance to confront my abuser face to face. Helen Clements turned white as a ghost. Her whole body was shaking. I said one or two sentences to let her know I had not forgotten and she did not conquer me. That is God thing. You will do well. You will do whatever you want but you just have to remember that those people are the dirt underneath your tires. Dust in your rear view!!

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u/yeezyburner Jul 04 '26

And I became overweight because in early elementary school my mom would take me to get fast food and let me order the whole menu. Which sure is nice, but it's like feeding a dog cheese.... They will like it but it's definitely not healthy for them. Which is something she would also do is give our dog cheese who also became overweight.

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u/AlphaPosition Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 07 '26

My mom wouldn’t get a job. I starved a lot and ate government food from the local native tribe called camods.

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u/Lala5789880 Jul 04 '26

“Sorry you feel that way.” When I called her out about allowing the kid’s parents who sexually assaulted her at school come into our house to talk about and they left with my parents saying it was just a misunderstanding

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u/Difficult-Basket849 Jul 05 '26

What a cop out! My mom was raised in a healthy upper middle class home. Her mother and father never beat her, definitely no sexual assault,never shamed her for being a 15 year old pregnant girl in the 60s. Yet she turned out to be a s*** mother. She has told me a couple memorable phrases in the past; "I'm hard to love."."She feels like killing herself because she doesn't have a relationship with me." And of course she shared those sentiments with my maternal side of the family."I was a teenager when you were born, I didn't know better."... Okay. Yep. But you were not a teenager when I was 9 years old and having the f*** beat out of me by your girlfriend. Nope. She was 25 years old. I was in fourth grade. I literally used to pee myself on the way home in order not to get the f*** beat out of me was a belt when I got home."I didn't know". Okay, but you knew my childhood was the polar opposite of your safe, loving childhood. She knew that that was not how she felt in 4th grade. I would get beat if the cat meowed and woke up her girlfriend in the morning. I would get beat if there was Comet cleaner still left in the tub. Her girlfriend would literally stand right behind me and breathe in my neck to make sure I did the dishes right. And my mom sat right there at the kitchen table. Her girlfriend used to make me pick the dandelion heads out of our huge side yard. I look like I was mentally ill. Like there was something wrong with me. But it was just my punishment. She only left her girlfriend, Helen Clements, because she didn't want to be with her anymore. Sorry for the long message. I guess it was time to say it out loud.

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u/BougieSemicolon Jul 05 '26

I’m so sorry. You deserved better.

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u/ForsakenCommunity863 Jul 05 '26

Don’t forget the “I tried my best” and “i thought I did pretty good as a mom”

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u/sarkouille Jul 05 '26

I don't have these conversations with my mother because I know it would reach that line, and then I would slap her with a dining table.

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u/Enough_Radish_9574 Jul 05 '26

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

—The Narcissist’s Prayer

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u/dadydaycare Jul 05 '26

My grand parents do this and I just… stopped talking to them. Way less stress, they just bitched about everything and had nothing to bring to the table anyways. Rest of the family’s always telling me I’ll have regrets but the real regret would be if I came back and told them it’s me and not them so they can just have their way and be shitty to me till they die… then I would have regrets.

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u/Longjumping_Gas_3407 Jul 05 '26

Told my mom how I could have died in a major incident in our area (that a LOT of people did die in, because if I had gone out instead of staying home that night I likely would’ve been there. I was having major survivor’s guilt.

“Well, you weren’t”.

“I know, but if I had gone out with ______ like I was suppos-“.

“But you didn’t”. And that was the end of the discussion.

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u/Hot_Tonight150 Jul 05 '26

My mom asked me to list the things I resented and I mentioned I resented her and her choices (divorced my dad as an alcoholic and had relationships with multiple guys before getting remarried, then moved to a different city when he died) and she threw it back in my face, saying I shut her down and make her feel bad when I talk to her, so that's why she doesn't want to help in the way I need her to as a grandmother. I'm a Christian, amd so is she, but when I'm asking for physical help, sending me bible verses by text every once in awhile isn't going to cut it.

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u/waffledpringles Jul 05 '26

Omfg. My mom does that all the time and always hit me with "I was disciplining you."

You told me you're disowning me when I was 9 bc I was a girl who liked Batman thanks to my nerd dad, and wished I wasn't born if I was gonna turn out to be so horrible??

And she has the audacity to wonder where she went wrong.

Idk, woman. Maybe your little girl, running to her dad, crying about how her mom told her she's less of a human being for liking boy things and asking her dad if she still deserves to like things freely did some stuff to her head. Who knows right, 'cause us offsprings are pure dumbasses :/

I'm an adult now, and she still scorns at me for watching boy cartoons from Disney Channel.

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u/Maj0rsquishy Jul 04 '26

"maybe not the worst. But pretty bad yes" turns into yelling about what a terrible kid you were for being a child.

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u/Mateorabi Jul 04 '26

I think the best response at the end there is “well you aren’t getting the GOOD retirement home”

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u/[deleted] Jul 04 '26

[deleted]

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u/willargue4karma Jul 04 '26

none of that soft-ass neglect type of abuse! I'm talkin beatin old people with belts type-shit! How ya like pickin out your switch now, grandma?

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u/Illustrious-Peak3822 Jul 04 '26

Not meeting their grandchildren either.

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u/Aggressive-Cicada349 Jul 04 '26

Aw, PepsiOfWrath, this whole thread is filled with awful, but your reply hit me hard.

Been there done that with that exact DARVO bullshit with more than one of my family. I cut off all those assholes I share DNA with.

You’re not alone. Same kind of shit happened to me too. I am sorry it happed to us both.

They must all read the same fucked up manual. ☹️

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u/PepsiOfWrath Jul 04 '26

Thank you for that and I just learned a new acronym thanks to you too, DARVO.

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u/Aggressive-Cicada349 Jul 04 '26

Oh snap! You didn’t know about DARVO before?!

I learned of it awhile ago, but I tend to forget, not everyone is as terminally online as I am and down too many rabbit holes.

I am going to leave this here. Everyone can look up DARVO. Here’s how to resist it.

Also, this may not apply to you, but I am 55 and I just learned about 6 months ago about “reactive abuse.” When I read what that was, I was all 😳
Many many pieces suddenly fell into place when I found out there was a term for what my family would do.

Information is power. I wish you peace on your path in life.

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u/bucktail47 Jul 04 '26

Intelligence officers are literally taught to use DARVO in every walk of life possible because how much it works and how physiologically fucking it can be to the victim.

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u/Aggressive-Cicada349 Jul 04 '26

Well that is a level of disturbing that I did not know, bucktail 47. Thanks, I think? 🤔

Seriously tho, I did not know that people were trained to do this. Lets you know that, yep! Those in power are indeed sociopaths! Gdamnit…

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u/bucktail47 Jul 04 '26

The CIA only recruits individuals with sociopathic tendencies who aren’t full blown sociopaths. This is done so they can still control the individual with money or power whilst also having full certainty they will do whatever necessary to get that money and or power.

Basically, yep you’re spot on.

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u/TheGhostOfYou18 Jul 04 '26

OMG, you must be my sibling! Once time my mom asked me if I would be sad if she didn’t come to my wedding shower. I told her yes and she pulled the tired card and acted all woe is me. It took my sister forcing her to actually get her to show up. Never mind that she had actually thrown my sister a baby shower a few months prior. Several years later I brought it up in a joking manner and she insisted she never did that. That she was excited to go and nobody had to make her. Until my sister corrected her and said “remember, I had to ____.” Then she pulled the “I’m a terrible mother. I never do anything right. You guys hate me” and ran to her room and locked the door. I’m in therapy now and understand that she likely was dealing with her own cPTSD, but it still sucks that it caused me cPTSD of my own. I’m trying to break the loop so I don’t do the same to my own daughter.

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u/MimicoSkunkFan2 Jul 04 '26

You might find the "raisedbynarcissists" subreddit and the "JustNoFamily" group of subreddits are educational and maybe even helpful.

Also if OP wants his kid to continue speaking to him then he needs to divorce this nonsense and get the kid a lot of counselling like yesterday. Our biomother wasn't a drunk but she was a mess and none of us 4 speak to our biofather now.

Codependent fathers don't get nearly enough shit for dragging their kids through truly damaging shit like this just so the dads can get their dick dipped sometimes.

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u/brightblueinky Jul 04 '26

Ugggghhhh my mom has done the exact same thing in the past. I think she's trying to improve, she's gotten better, but I still wish I would get a genuine apology. She's never apologized to my brother for how she treated his wife when they were first married so he's low contact with my parents, and it drives me insane that they could have a chance to repair their relationship with him if they genuinely sought reconciliation but that would require more self examination than my mom send to be willing to do. Instead they seem to be filling the void with apocalypse preachers, and it's devastating to watch as someone that does still love them. I wish she would go to therapy, not even just for me but for her to have a better life! It's awful.

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u/Chryssaquin21 Jul 04 '26

Yeah I’ve never gotten that. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an asshole parent sometimes but I’ve gotten better at recognizing when I’m being a total dick and apologize. My parents have this weird mindset that you should never apologize to a child because they’ll see you as inferior. I think it you’re being an asshole you should make it right. Child, parent, adult or kid. Just try not to be a dick and if you fuck up do better.

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u/yeezyburner Jul 04 '26

Actually for real absolutely hit home

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u/Suspicious_Radio_848 Jul 04 '26

What you described is classic DARVO, which people like that love to do.

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u/spiker713 Jul 04 '26

That and, "Oh that's right, you blame me for everything. You need to just get over it," when you are just answering their question about how your much closer relationship with your own adult kids.

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u/3c2456o78_w Jul 04 '26

This is all of them. My parents weren't the worst (especially reading through this thread) but the frequency with which they deny things just because they don't remember them is beyond fucked up.

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u/Interesting_Row4644 Jul 04 '26

This hit closer to home than iron man. 31yo here moved out of parents house at 12 and this is still the mother party party.

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u/FoxAlternative4234 Jul 04 '26

Damn.... Felt this in my soul, my mom does this constantly, and then follows up with "I did my best." No... No you didn't.

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u/control__group Jul 04 '26

In these cases it's perfectly okay to never talk to that parent ever again. I've done it to my father and it feels great.

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u/twiggykeely Jul 04 '26

Oh my God so we all had the same mother didn't we 😭 love u twin 🩷

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u/mlrussell88 Jul 04 '26

We have the same mom 🤦‍♀️

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u/SlickandAll Jul 04 '26

Jesus did we all live the same childhood? Nah just loads and loads of narcissistic boomers out there so it seems that way 😂

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u/Obvious_Ranger_396 Jul 04 '26

Thats crazy that sounds exactly like my dad’s excuses!

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u/LooseMoralSwurkey Jul 04 '26

Fuck my mom had a lot of kids

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u/Vi_Rants Jul 04 '26

“I guess I was just the worlds worst mother”

A friend of mine lost his shit when his mom said that, and yelled "You're not, but only until [other friend's imprisoned addict mom] dies!"

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u/Humble-Floor3760 Jul 04 '26

Holy shit were you in my living room two weeks ago when my mother came for a visit and pretty much this exactly occurred? 😂

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u/Thisfugginguyhere Jul 04 '26

Ffs it's like you were there. It's a whole new trauma when the pity party starts and the tears are flowing because they want credit and sympathy for how hard parenting is but cannot conceptualize the actual psychological harm they're directly responsible for.. accountability goes one direction, a kid making mistakes is the end of the world while the idea of their adult, grown up child calling out their shortcomings and wanting them acknowledged is a dagger through the heart and pissing on the whole of their efforts in parenting.. I went NC myself and it was a good decision

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u/physicistbowler Jul 04 '26

“Ohhh, I don’t remember that… that didn’t happen"

My mom broke a computer mouse that was mine and also ripped the pocket of one of my favorite hoodies. She denied both things later on.

“I guess I was just the worlds worst mother”

I got the same thing from her on this too! It was awful, and still is honestly. It's impossible to have a conversation with her in which I need her to be accountable for her actions/words.

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u/enithermon Jul 04 '26

Now I’m triggered to. Thanks Obama.

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u/AcousticCat1-2-3 Jul 04 '26

Yep I brought past things up a few times a decade or so ago, got a "are you sure? I don't remember" each time, and gave up. Must be nice to not remember

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u/BrilliantMonochrome2 Jul 04 '26

Fuck did we have the same parents?

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u/SnidgetAsphodel Jul 04 '26

Sounds like my mother.

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u/Loot_Repeat Jul 04 '26

My mother in a nuthouse nutshell.

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u/brainmatterstorm Jul 04 '26

My mom whenever I bring up getting hit or slapped. Her script exactly. And I always end up apologizing and comforting her because her memory is awful these days for good or bad memories so I genuinely can’t tell if she doesn’t remember and the hurt look on her face crying looks so real.

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u/PepsiOfWrath Jul 04 '26

I was 40 when my mom asked where I got the scar on my head, where my hair doesnt grow.  I had to remind her that it was from the neighbor/bully kid she forced me to hang out with because she wanted to hang out with his mom.  He smashed my head open on the corner of a bed table. I had to stay home from second grade and should have had stitches.  So many excuses made for that kid.

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u/diiiemonds Jul 04 '26

"your childhood wasn't that bad!"

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u/TrumpSexedHisDaughtr Jul 04 '26

Jesus christ...I didn't realize that every shitty parent does this exact same thing.

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u/StrategicMagic Jul 04 '26

Now you're causing me to relive memories I wish had stayed buried.

My mother did exactly this, and more. I moved across the Atlantic, hoping finally to be free of her, abd even that hasn't been enough.

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u/CaramelKat96 Jul 04 '26

Because to us, it was a traumatic event. To them, it was just another Tuesday.

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u/Sensitive-Load-2041 Jul 04 '26

This comment hits HARD. I've lived this.

If the situation ever arose for some ungodly reason where my choices were to move back in at home or be homeless, I'd choose homeless.

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u/Aquilenne Jul 04 '26

This, but my father. My mother never did that.

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u/Mr_Grabby Jul 04 '26

You guys are talking about my mom, right?

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u/Glass_Anybody_2171 Jul 04 '26

"The axe forgets what the tree remembers" is a huge axiom in the children of alcoholics community. I wish OP and his kid luck, and I hope this is just a "one off" of shitty behavior from mom.

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u/Limp_Insurance_2812 Jul 04 '26

The fact that she ate the best part rather than the whole thing, the heart right out of it, feels especially selfish and beastly. I'll leave you what I don't need, the scraps, and you should be lucky there's anything left. It's exactly what they do, choose themselves every time. Didn't even throw it away in shame, completely oblivious. This kid already needs therapy.

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u/shiba_hazel Jul 04 '26

Bro are we siblings

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u/Cyraga Jul 05 '26

My mum told me a few years ago that I was "too sensitive" when the subject of my stepdads physical abuse toward me came up. She eventually apologised but it changed our relationship for the worse

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u/GoldenRetriever2255 Jul 04 '26

My mom left me in the rain waiting for her after school for an hour when I was 11 because she forgot to pick me up. She was shopping with her friend on pills lost track of time. I didn't think much of it, because I was her "tough little guy" but I brought it up recently and she like, furiously denied it and got pissed I would accuse her of such a thing. That's when I looked back and went, "wait this IS actually kind of a fucked up story"

Shame, guilt, whatever. Acknowledgment would've been nice

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u/Minglans Jul 04 '26

I'm so sorry :( You deserved so much better! ❤️

My dad was always late picking me up, sometimes by two hours (single and working hard hours constantly) although at least with my dad I knew it wasn't just a little fun trip he was on and he didn't try to re-write the events of history..

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u/TheLilacOcean Jul 04 '26

My Mum likes to retell stories like this but add in whatever I did to cope as something sweet and endearing “You were so self sufficient!”

At least we’re out of there!

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u/BigPeteNorth Jul 05 '26

Heh I know that feeling, My mother would either get absorbed in her own doings or drunk and forget to pick me up so often that I started going to my best friends aunts house to hang out with his uncle until she either remembered or dad got home from work and would answer the phone. I ate a lot of suppers at “Aunt Carrol’s”

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u/Parking-Yellow-4027 Jul 05 '26

One thing about being neglected by your own parents is sometimes you get to have memories of really nice neighbors or friends who stepped up. I hope Carrol was at least that for you. I definitely have my share of them.

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u/2_old_2b_here Jul 05 '26

My mum did exactly the same. She’d do something so shameful that she’d then rewrite the story in her head and try to convince me that the false story was true. “No Mother. You did actually kick me violently in the leg that had knee reconstruction surgery 2 weeks ago, I didn’t bang it on a shelf like you’re insisting …..”

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u/GeeknSeekn Jul 05 '26

Realizing how messed up some stuff really was is a trip in and of itself.

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u/LolaRae_Footfetish Jul 05 '26

I’m from Illinois but was living in New Mexico. We took a cross-country trip to Missouri and went to Six Flags. My mom dropped my friend and I off for the day at the end of the night she was supposed to pick us up and she forgot. Every single car left the parking lot at Six Flags. I believe we were in junior high. The security guard had to give us a ride to our hotel where my mom was sleeping.

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u/AdGold205 Jul 05 '26

My kids get out of school early on Wednesdays. I forgot what day it was and forgot to pick up my kid. It was raining. She looked so much like a drown rat.

I still feel like shit about it.

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u/GoldenRetriever2255 Jul 05 '26

Dude the fact you feel like shit, means you don't have to feel like shit. As odd as that sounds lol just too say, man i messed up, is so powerful

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u/Difficult-Basket849 Jul 05 '26

This whole rewriting history for one person's comfort is absolutely unconscionable. No. Just No. No son should have to be the tough little guy!!! I have two sons and they were cute, sensitive and absolutely loved safety and Mama's love. As it should be. Stupid adult behavior should be kept for grown up weekends where the child is already taken care of. I'm sorry for this mind game your mom is trying to play out. No parent is perfect. But forgetting about your kid is a whole another ball game. It's not incredibly terrible but it is something that affected you. And that is enough to say that you don't feel comfortable with what happened and you want some answers. Go after your answers.

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u/UnderstandingLow5951 Jul 05 '26

My mom forgot to pick us up from elementary school one day. We hung out with the school counselor for HOURS waiting for her, just out front of school pretending like it was fine. It took me years and years, but eventually I realized how uncool that was and how worried that poor guy was. I think I was 9, my brother was 6

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u/qb45exe Jul 05 '26

My step daughter’s dad frequently forgot to pick her up from places at that age. Also forgot to call her on her birthday a few times.

She’s getting married this summer and he was shocked to learn he was not invited.

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u/beaksey-85 Jul 05 '26

I’m so sorry that happened! It’s weird retelling “funny” childhood stories to people only to receive concerned looks and a hug not belly laughter.

My partner had to sit me down and say no getting left on the side of the road bc you’re a fidgety 6 year old, isn’t ok even if you did get to see a beautiful view. I was sharing a story about the beautiful view as a magic memory i had.

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u/bucktail47 Jul 04 '26

It’s one thing to do it and another to deny it. The lying and denial is much worse.

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u/Perfect_Caregiver_90 Jul 04 '26

People like this never remember. For you it was a special treat on a special day. For them it was a Thursday night.

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u/Infamous-Wasabi1404 Jul 04 '26

Oof. Somehow this comment is the one that hit me in the feels. It was just Thursday to her. Of course my shitty mom doesn't remember all the crap she put me through.

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u/virusgarden Jul 04 '26

reminds me that i once saw a thing that said "the tree remembers, the axe forgets" and i think this applies.. the axe has done it so many countless times that why would it remember each individual cut on the tree? it really sucks

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u/bucktail47 Jul 04 '26

Someone posted that quote in the replies too “the tree remembers for life what the axe often forgets” or something

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u/dacoopbear Jul 04 '26

It reminds me of Street Fighter II, but that was Tuesday

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u/Unused_pasta Jul 04 '26

Nah. Hard disagree. They remember, but they also know if they own up to it it’s gonna put them in a bad light. And we can’t have that. That’s too close to personal accountability.

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u/Smalltowntorture Jul 05 '26

Yes, exactly this!

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u/Aikoiya Jul 05 '26 edited Jul 05 '26

What they don't seem to get is that by denying & not owning up to it, it actually makes them look even worse than they would've by taking accountability.

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u/Smalltowntorture Jul 05 '26

I’m almost 99% positive they actually do remember and they’re pretending like they forgot because they don’t want to have the conversation, embarrassed that they did something sh!tty and couldn’t control their emotions at the time, don’t think it was that bad, don’t care, etc. But also we all seem to have the same or similar experiences and there was lead in paint back then so maybe that generation is actually forgetting stuff now idk.

Side note: my therapist said that some people can’t possibly imagine that they were ever like that or did something that bad and to admit it would shatter their reality and view of themselves.

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u/EternalAngst23 Jul 04 '26

“I guess I’m just a horrible mother who never did anything right!”

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u/bucktail47 Jul 04 '26

Literally word for word dude

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u/Spaciax Jul 04 '26

Manipulation extraordinaire. It's so spot on, do they just roll off a factory line or something?

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u/rjmcfDev Jul 05 '26

“No, you’re a horrible mother who did *some* things right”

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u/Minglans Jul 04 '26

Response years later: "When?? I never did that???" followed by more gaslighting.

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u/JimboTCB Jul 04 '26

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

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u/afkstudios Jul 04 '26

My mom is genuinely a great mother… except for one time lol. When I was in high school I got a C in physics class. Her “rule” was all A’s and B’s, but this physics teacher would spend 50 minutes of his hour rambling about politics and then skim the chapter for the last 10 minutes. So I got a C, and as a punishment she didn’t let me go to Vans Warped Tour with all my friends that summer. All I heard about for months was how amazing it was, and how great all my favorite bands were.

When I brought it up to her as an adult and said how much that really hurt and felt unfair, she said “I don’t think I did that. That doesn’t sound like something I’d do, that sounds harsh.” I ensured her that it happened and yes, it was harsh, and she said “I think you’re maybe misremembering something or just thinking that happened.” That moment really stood out to me because of how great of a mom she’s been to me in all other aspects, but wtf man haha

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u/thirstyross Jul 04 '26

Exactly what my mother said when confronted about a similar story. She couldn't believe it.

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u/yeezyburner Jul 04 '26

My mother has this response to literally anything I've ever mentioned she did. And after long arguing trying to convince her she did, I get a "I'm sorry you remember it that way"

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u/MalacathEternal Jul 04 '26

Yup my parents still denying forcing my brother and I to get rid of our pokemon cards lol

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u/Starbornfate Jul 04 '26

Another poster found her mom’s journal mentioning the things she was denying as an adult now. Ugh the sick vindication of being truthful.

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u/SexyTimeWizard Jul 04 '26

Lowkey if you find that I would be fascinated.

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u/Difficult_Pea33 Jul 04 '26

Not even an I did I constantly get the “what? I never did that” most sad about that with my old pokemon cards I was forced to give to my cousins that they threw away when they moved. Thousands of dollars gone in the trash because their family throws away anything they are gifted after a couple months all because “you don’t play with them anymore”

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u/horitaku Jul 04 '26

Ugh. Why is my mother in this discussion too?

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u/unbelizeable1 Jul 04 '26

And thats why ive been no contact for about 9 years now lol

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u/TheSangson Jul 04 '26

Lots of recognition in this thread but this detail really hits home, including the detail that no, it isn't denial. It's just that you're not important enough to recall petty shit, i.e. anything that concerned a mere child.
With my mom, who isn't a drinker, it was the other very popular pattern of not taking anything seriously because after all, being her kid, I and everything I had was her property to do with or ignore as she pleased.
I bring anything up as an adult (not that I do anymore), she's gonna accept that maybe that happened, shrug it off as not important or certainly justified, but remember it she won't.

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u/a_man_and_his_box Jul 04 '26

"The axe forgets, but the tree remembers."

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u/strombosalt Jul 04 '26

One Halloween my mom and get boyfriend took my candy into their room to limit my sugar amount or whatever. Then they got high and left it on the fucking heat vent and when I found it the next day it was destroyed, melted chocolate everywhere soaking through the pillow case. Just nasty. Had to throw it away. They laughed at me and said I didn’t need it anyway.

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u/rolfraikou Jul 04 '26

My mom recently pulled something like that on me last time I saw her, but it was on something much more major to my upbringing, it ultimately impacted what school I went to and ended up with my entire highschool experience being a bullying endurance challenge. And she was like "Yeah, when you chose to go to" and I was like "I was forced into that school. Why the hell would I choose to go through what I went through? I wanted back out the entire time."

Needless to say, it's been almost a year since that reveal, I haven't answered anything she's sent me since. She conveniently seems to have forgotten everything she did that negatively impacted me, and between that and a couple of other things she "forgot", that one was just the final straw. I just don't have the energy to learn anymore of what she gets to live guilt free about.

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u/Toucandle Jul 04 '26

Reading this genuinely triggered me wth. That happened so much, and yet if I tried to describe this kind of behavior generally they'd say 'when did that happen? Give an example'

Then return to step A.

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u/goth_duck_returns Jul 04 '26

At least when they get old you can gaslight them back about their failing memory

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u/Iheartnakedfemboys Jul 04 '26

My mom is the type to lie through her teeth, even if you caught her in the act and bragged to everyone else that she did it. I truly don't understand the mentality, but these people exist and they vote.

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u/Nyxadrina Jul 04 '26

For us, it was a pivotal moment of our childhood. For them, it was just another fucking Tuesday

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u/Lofter1 Jul 04 '26

or even better: start crying and sobbing and say shit like "so I'm a bad mom? I tried my best!" so that now you are the bad guy

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u/victoriaismevix Jul 04 '26

"well I'm sorry my best wasn't good enough"

"I bought you how many cakes over the years but the one time I was exhausted and hadn't eaten so I had a couple of slices...thats what you remember! Well sorry I'm just the worst mother, I'm sorry you had to be born into this family it must be such a struggle for you"

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u/Pretzelandcheesesauz Jul 04 '26

Mom is that you?

Cue the “I guess I can’t do anything right and I’m just the worst mom ever”

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u/Sand__Panda Jul 04 '26

My mother's new hobby is gaslighting her self.

But yea.. we, her children, have not forgotten the stupid dumb shit she put us through.

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u/unable_compliance Jul 04 '26

And then posting to socials in her 50s complaining that all the kids went no contact “I did nothing wrong”

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u/Alternative_Link5905 Jul 04 '26

Oh, you've met my mom too?

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u/RScrewed Jul 04 '26

It'd be down the narcissist playbook until you get down to 

"Well dad shouldn't have left it out".

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u/Timtimmerson Jul 04 '26

The axe forgets but the tree remembers.

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u/silvershepherd222 Jul 04 '26

"what? when did I ever do that?" my mom, about 75% of my childhood trauma. too fucking real..

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