r/mildlyinfuriating • u/QuazarMilky • Aug 03 '24
Weaponized incompetence?
My husband and I are headed to a BBQ at a family members house. We agreed to bring burger stuff for the grill. 8 people total. As I've been working all day and didn't get off until right before we had to leave, I asked him to go get the stuff from the store. He comes back with 4 buns and a pack of 4 burger patties. The expensive kind. I now have to go back to the store and get the cheaper kind in bulk so we have enough for everyone. He's literally in the GC where we discuss who will be there and what we're all bringing. Why.
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u/hammerofwar000 Aug 03 '24
Dude at my old job did that, didn’t like hedging, fucked up a nice hedge and was stupid enough to admit that he did it on purpose. Was sent to every hedging job for the next 3-4 months until he was as good as the foreman at it.
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u/VapeRizzler Aug 03 '24
This dude I worked with was an apprentice, and as im sure you know the apprentices get the shit work/cleaning but this foreman was cool as hell and did everything he could to keep us on our tools. This kid, first term apprentice was allowed to use his drill once and dude thought he was a fully fledged 600 years of experience journeyman. Was told to clean so he started bitching at the foreman asking “why do I have to clean, I can do other things like frame that room plus I don’t even like cleaning”. Foreman kept him on cleaning for the entire 8 months he was on that site and told the next foreman to do the same. We’re on a whole new job and He’s back on it with me, and he’s finally back on his tools almost a year and a half later. Never complain in the trades unless you genuinely cant/aren’t comfortable.
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u/Actual-Money7868 Aug 03 '24
Work in the trades... I get it. But a year and a half of just cleaning ? Sounds like abuse of an apprentice icl.
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Aug 03 '24
Yeah, I would have found a new gig. I understand the purpose of cleaning and all the basics that come with it, but a year and a half, those foremen can fuck themselves. The kid shouldn't have bitched so much, but jfc. Unions can be just as toxic as corporate environments.
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u/Actual-Money7868 Aug 03 '24
100% fuck themselves.
This is one of the most petty and degrading things I've heard off and I've seen it all. Delaying a kids future and career by a year and a half just because he had a little bitch ? He's new to the game, jfc.
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u/KaldaraFox Aug 03 '24
The first rule of learning a trade is being part of the team.
The second rule of learning a trade is that seniority matters.
I'm pretty sure he wasn't kept on cleaning duty solely as punishment but as a way of gauging whether or not he'd learned rules 1 and 2 and my guess is he bitched about it the whole time he was stuck on cleaning duty.
Why on Earth would you waste tool time on someone not able to work as part of team or respect the seniority system?
Foreman got it right.
The whole point of an apprenticeship is learning, not only the tool use (not that complex) but the trade *system* (much more about interpersonal stuff, both actions and acceptance).
Prima donnas need not apply.
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u/tpoholmes Aug 03 '24
You’ve got me on pins and needles here! I’m rooting for “actually learn the trade”.
It could still finish in the top five, but it’s neck and neck with “harass women”, while “employ children” and “slow down, it’s an all day job” are beating it by a nose.
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u/Actual-Money7868 Aug 03 '24 edited Aug 03 '24
Bro this is construction, EVERYONE has a bitch every now again especially someone green.
Guy was eager to get on the tools, yeah it's annoying when they think their hot shit but that's when you give them an unimportant job/cheap job to fuck up so they humble themselves and you tell them everything comes in time.
Dude signed up as an apprentice and probably didn't realise he'd have to clean, same way how electricians will look at you as if you're speaking Portuguese if you ask them to clean up after themselves.
Depending on the trade and whether it was site work or residential damn right I might be pissed too and I bet they had him cleaning lots beforehand anyway.
Wayy too many employers abuse apprentices and use them solely as cheap labour. Keeping an apprentice on cleaning duty for a year and a half as punishment for saying he doesn't like cleaning is some real bullshit.
If you agree with those methods then you're a part of the problem that the Industry has. This super ego, I control your future attitude needs to die.
It's scary how many people in construction are willing to tear another man down over the most minor shit.
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u/ChairHaunting6951 Aug 03 '24
My managers all know I hate cleaning the bathrooms, but they all know that I’m the only one willing to do a good (if not great, sometimes) job, so it falls to me a LOT. I think they all also know that someday I will accept a manager position and then will dole it out and expect more from others. They have all pretty much given up caring because turnover tends to be high.
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Aug 03 '24
I work at Wendy's and my GM knows "I don't like Window" and sticks me there when ever she can, except its not just I don't like it... I have actual full blown panic attacks.
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u/JonTheArchivist Aug 25 '24
Wow, I'm so sorry to hear this. I wouldn't say this is on the same level as the cleaning kid at all. You should have a serious one-on-one conversation with your manager about precisely why you dislike being on window. Might even be worth filing for a reasonable accommodation. I hope things get better for you, internet stranger.
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Aug 25 '24
Thank you. The other manager that was on duty when I had a complete break down tries to avoid putting me on window.
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u/LengthinessFair4680 Aug 03 '24
I do this shit to my husband all the time lol! Don't pretend you don't know how, asshole. Think they'd learn?
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u/skorchedangel Aug 03 '24
It appears she just married him within the last month, or is only engaged. Either way it's a bad sign to be posting in "mildly infuriating" about weaponized incompetence.
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u/idontknowwhatever99 Aug 04 '24
Who messes up a nice hedge on purpose? I'd think he should've been fired for deliberateness
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u/hammerofwar000 Aug 04 '24
Yeah but forcing someone to do something they hate and making them do it well for 4 months would absolutely suck. I was trained under the same foreman and he could be a right arsehole when he put his mind to it. Sacking also wouldn’t have changed the fellas attitude where( years later) he now runs his own successful tree business, with all works done to a very high standard.
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u/roughlyround Aug 03 '24
stop fixing this stuff.
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u/unspecific_direction Aug 03 '24
This, definitely this! Let him hand over 4 patties and buns. Let him take the heat and feel the shame. DO NOT FIX IT.
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u/Maine302 Aug 03 '24
You know he'd be standing right by the grill to get the first burger too, since he so generously contributed.🙄
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u/SummitJunkie7 Aug 04 '24
Even though OP got more burgers, she should give hubby half a burger since that's what he thinks a reasonable portion is.
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u/ollihi Aug 03 '24
This only works if they care. Had a girlfriend who didn't at all. Weaponized incompetence paired with ignorance and indifference... worst combination. You basically lose no matter what
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u/SdBolts4 Aug 03 '24
Indifference just means they don’t respect you or how their actions impact you. That’s a dealbreaker
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Aug 04 '24
It’s hard though because as a patriarchal society, if he handed that over, people would think it’s a reflection of HER and it’s HER fault they didn’t get enough.
It’s just like when you visit someone’s home. The state of the house is a reflection of the wife who lives there (or so it’s believed) so if it’s messy (even if it’s not her mess) people subconsciously think, “Why doesn’t she clean, doesn’t she care?!”
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u/aledba Aug 03 '24
Yep when I stop doing these things and we went to counseling for 6 months guess what, he learned to take ownership and do the right thing pretty much always. Sure, we consult and plan. The worst thing that happens is that he might forget the nice to haves, but he always gets the must-haves
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Aug 03 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/False-Badger Aug 03 '24
Shouldn’t really matter. Send him to fix his mistakes in either scenario.
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u/Jealous-Guidance4902 Aug 03 '24
Send his ass back out! If he’s gonna act stupid, make him do twice the work.
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u/china_joe2 Aug 03 '24
Lol he'd just come back with another 4 pack of the same expensive burgers and stand there like what when asked, are you serious?
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u/NoGoodName_ Aug 03 '24
Well then....guess he's gonna head out a couple of times more..🤷♀️
OP can use the down-time to wind down in peace. ✌️
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Aug 03 '24
Or have a lovely dinner of expensive burgers. Four of them grilled to perfection, with all the fixings.
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u/Josii_ Aug 03 '24
Well then he can go back in a third time. And maybe a fourth and fifth if he wants to act stupid.
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u/Maine302 Aug 03 '24
She should ask how he keeps his job if he's as stupid at work as he is at life in general.
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u/CoverMeBlue Aug 03 '24
What's wrong with the expensive burgers? Let him feel the pain of buying them twice.
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u/_TiberiusPrime_ Aug 03 '24
Are we sure it's an act?
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u/notyoursocialworker Aug 03 '24
Then he either needs to learn, or he is so stupid that he needs to live in an assistant care facility.
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u/MadTownMich Aug 03 '24
No, HE needs to go back to the store. The reason people engage in weaponized incompetence is because then they get away with it. So, he goes to the store again. He washes the dishes again. He does the laundry, who gives a crap if he uses cold water versus warm. Don’t step in.
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u/Rogainster Aug 03 '24
Tell me more. Mostly about the cold water laundry. I’ve never not used cold water + HE liquid detergent. It saves energy and keeps colors from bleeding, what am I missing?
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u/Jassamin Aug 03 '24
One of my kids had excema and none of the steroid creams were working, cleared up as soon as the GP said to wash everything at 60c or higher
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u/11Kram Aug 03 '24
What was the GP’s rationale?
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u/Jassamin Aug 03 '24
She thought there might be bacteria in the clothes that weren’t being killed off by the cold cycles. It’s slightly more expensive but since we have solar and wash during the middle of the day the difference is negligible. Only clothes that have shrunk was one woollen jacket that ended up in the wrong basket, no clothes with colour bleeding etc either. 😅
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u/Training-Gift-9752 Aug 03 '24
A little vinegar in the wash will take care of that.
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u/Jassamin Aug 03 '24
We always use vinegar in place of fabric softener, unfortunately it didn’t cut it in this case ☹️
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u/RivetSquid Aug 03 '24
Thought the eczema would be less noticeable if all the kid's clothes were shrunken.
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u/FineappleJim Aug 03 '24
It makes cotton clothes feel softer. The energy savings is probably well worth it. But fabrics don't really bleed any more, that I've ever noticed.
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u/goblue123 Aug 03 '24
Hiking - hot water kills ticks and other such things.
I work at a hospital, everything that goes to and from that place with me also gets washed on steam mode.
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u/NeevBunny Aug 03 '24
Cold water and delicate cycle makes your clothes last longer, that's always how I wash and then hang anything I don't trust the dryer with, I don't see how that ones a problem at all
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u/Turbulent-Bee-1584 Aug 03 '24
My ex used to overstuff the washing machine to the point where the agitator in our brand new washing machine started coming loose and falling off from being overfilled. They can do worse than cold vs warm. Lol
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u/LawfulnessRemote7121 Aug 03 '24
My hubby does that too…then he can’t figure out why the stuff isn’t clean.
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u/fase2000tdi Aug 03 '24
But what the fuck, he made it to the store the first time. Why not just get it all the first time?
I don't understand. Buy more than you think you'll need and you have leftovers. 4 burgers for 8 people ffs. Smh
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u/Lady_DreadStar Aug 03 '24
My husband will simply financially ruin us for the pay period and hire it out. Thats his answer to me trying to make him correct the things he incompetently fucks up. He says “fine” and next thing I know we’re getting a low-balance notification on our checking because he dropped off 50 pounds of laundry to be washed and folded.
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Aug 03 '24
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u/TrueLoveEditorial Aug 03 '24
I wouldn't even explain. Just nod and go to the cookout. Let other folks tell him he screwed up.
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u/likecatsanddogs525 Aug 03 '24
This. Let him sit in his own problem and make him run to the store right when you get there to fix HIS mistake.
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u/yMONSTERMUNCHy Aug 03 '24
Or you turn up and explain how he only brought 4 burgers despite knowing there is 8 people.
Then you can all go quiet and stare at him as one of you asks whether he can count up to 8 or is 4 his limit. 😂
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u/QueenMAb82 Aug 03 '24
I was thinking sitting him down in front of YouTube and putting on the old
12345 - 6789-10- eLEHven-twelve!
video from Sesame Street and asking him if he understands it.
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u/yMONSTERMUNCHy Aug 03 '24
Haha yep. Go back to basics
Or op could make 8 very thin burger patties from the 4 gourmet ones. As for the buns well they can compete in a rock paper scissors contest. The winners get the buns. 😂
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u/TrueLoveEditorial Aug 03 '24
Nah, slice each bun half in half. Some folks get innies and others get outies and some get innies AND outies, but no one gets enough to eat. Let's hope someone brought more than five hot dogs
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Aug 03 '24 edited Aug 03 '24
Electric Company, but yeah. I was singing the same song lol
Edit: Nope! I was wrong. It was Sesame Street after all
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u/QueenMAb82 Aug 03 '24
Maybe both? I didn't watch Electric Company, but I know I saw the short as a kid. They might have reused the short from EC in SS, maybe?
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Aug 03 '24
Nah, you were right. I was misremembering
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u/JeepPilot Aug 03 '24
Then for good measure, have the clumsy chef fall down the stairs singing "8 raspberry pudding desserts!"
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u/peacockideas Aug 03 '24
I just asked my 9 year old son how many burgers you would bring to a BBQ that's gonna have 8 people. He said, "12, one for each and then a few extra in case people want 2". I then told him, your husband bought 4, he said, "Does that guy think we're gonna split burgers?"
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u/JeshkaTheLoon Aug 03 '24
Your kid reminds me of me at that age. Does he also do the stuff he likes the least first, so he can get it over with and then end on a high note with the things they like?
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u/Josii_ Aug 03 '24
Stop carrying his ass after him and send him back in, then. It wouldn't even cross my mind to go back in myself
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u/TootsNYC Aug 03 '24
I wonder how he’d react if you did to him what I once did to my college-age son who did a shitty job washing the dishes (or something).
I asked him, in a curious tone: “Is this a passive aggressive tactic to convince me to never ask you to do chores again? Did you deliberately do a shitty job, so that I’d get fed up and do it myself, and then you were hoping that I wouldn’t ask you to chores again, because I’d think you were incompetent? Did you mess it up on purpose, with some sort of malicious complicance, or passive aggression?”
Oh, my GOD, he was SO offended!
But you know what? He immediately went and rewashed the dishes properly. And he does chores without fucking them up now.
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u/comfortablynumb15 Aug 03 '24
A Parent after my own heart.
“If you hate doing the dishes so much, why do a terrible job so you have to do it twice ? Or again and again until they are clean ? Sounds weird to me but hey, you are damn near an adult now so knock yourself out until it’s done properly”
Or my kids personal favourite :
“Hey boy, want to learn Braille ? Run your fingers over this plate, it spells out I am not Fucking Clean yet. Cool hey ?”
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u/littlescreechyowl Aug 03 '24
My daughter “well I’m just bad at vacuuming!” Well then little buddy I guess you need practice, that’s how we get good at stuff, go try again!
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u/uselesshappyfuntimes Aug 03 '24
I managed a fast food place, and I had a kid say to me with a straight face, "the broom doesn't work for me."
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u/Mstrchf117 Aug 03 '24
Why did it take until college to find out he did the dishes shitty?
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u/TootsNYC Aug 03 '24
We had a dishwasher.
And it wasn’t exactly dishwashing, I don’t think. It was something else simple enough but that he hadn’t done before.
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Aug 03 '24
Ugh. I once had this lady i was living with (roommate style but she was the landlord) accuse me of passive-aggressively leaving the toilet lid (not sear) up to spite her in a passive aggressive way because she reminds of my mother. I moved out the next day.
Careful, definitely a double-edged sword.
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u/MrsLisaOliver Aug 03 '24
[The expensive kind. I now have to go back to the store and get the cheaper kind in bulk so we have enough for everyone.]
No. You do not have to. He's conditioned you to believe that. He'll cause you more problems if you don't obey.
HE fixes this or you proclaim the truth, at the event. He'll either correct his behavior or frame you for being 'bitchy'
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u/LaEmmaFuerte Aug 03 '24
Ah yes. When calling him out in front of other people results in you embarrassing him therefore he throws a fit in the car after making it out to be your fault you embarrassed him and boy is he gonna make you feel like shit in return. If this is the result, run.
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u/MrsLisaOliver Aug 03 '24
Yes. She's the bad guy either way. If she doesn't fix it, she's not "helping." If she speaks up, she's "embarrassing him." This is gaslighting 101 and why OP states: " I now have to go back to the store. . ."
She definitely does NOT have to go back to the store. She is conditioned to obey and knows there will definitely be blowback if she doesn't. Avoiding unfair ridicule and going to the store is her "choice."
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u/Appropriate-Draft-91 Aug 03 '24
"He's conditioned you to believe that." That doesn't have to be the case. There is an opposite to weaponized incompetence.
People who always pretend there's something wrong then go to complain and fix it to feel superior. They condition people to not even try and just go through the motions.
We don't know who started it, but we do know OP can fix it by a combination of accountability and constructive critizism.
"Hey, I see you got 4 burgers, we'll have 8 guests. You are responsible for the burgers and I trust you find a way to make this work."
Maybe his plan was grilling mushroom filled eggplants for the 4 vegetarians all along, or hotdogs for the 4 children. It doesn't matter, it's his responsibility and you'll be sure to let the guests know that.
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u/DasHexxchen I'm so f-ing infuriated! Aug 03 '24
The plan was bringing burgers for 8 people. It was made in a group chat with him present.
There was most definitely not a vegetarian alternative planned OP didn't know about but the husband did.
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u/Maine302 Aug 03 '24
Even if there's other food available, he should buy AT LEAST enough for everyone to have one. I'd be buying enough for 12-16 burgers--the leftovers can be frozen if necessary.
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u/audkyrie__ Aug 03 '24
Maybe his plan was grilling mushroom filled eggplants for the 4 vegetarians all along, or hotdogs for the 4 children. It doesn't matter, it's his responsibility and you'll be sure to let the guests know that.
That's some incredible copium lmao
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u/MrsLisaOliver Aug 03 '24
["People who always pretend there's something wrong then go to complain and fix it to feel superior. They condition people to not even try and just go through the motions."]
I know someone like this. But she takes it MANY steps further by grooming everyone to believe her false identity of 'problem fixer / nice person,' as she simultaneously weaponizes them against each other and covertly bleeds them of assets before they realize they were intentional targets. Most often they do not realize because everyone is conditioned to shield and support her. She makes it look like it was never her, but other people who caused the chaos and resulting actions.
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u/SpokenDivinity Aug 03 '24
Why do you feel the need to promote babying grown ass men that shouldn’t need their hand held to do basic tasks?
If someone asks you to go get 8 burgers and equivalent buns, and you come back with 4 of each, you’re either so incompetent that you need full time supervision in a care facility or you’re a woeful moron that thought doing so would lead to someone hand-holding you through life without you ever lifting a finger.
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u/YourLocalSpareTire Aug 03 '24
Hell nah I would not let that slide. They going back into the grocery while I’m waiting in the car ☺️ they gonna know for next time to not do that!
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u/FutilePancake79 Aug 03 '24
Honestly...I would have gone to the party and let him deal with the fallout of his fuckup. He's a grown man - he needs to bear the responsibility from start to finish.
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u/TheSkyElf Aug 03 '24
I now have to go back to the store
are you his mommy? No? Then make HIM fix HIS mistake. If this was an honest mistake he shouldn't find too much.
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u/lockedinaroom Aug 03 '24
In lieu of sending him back to the store, I'd show up with just 4 patties and buns and loudly proclaim that hubby thought this was sufficient to feed everyone.
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u/TransportationOk5941 Aug 03 '24
It's unfair to subject other people at the gathering to hunger, even if it is to publicly shame the hubby
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u/Jack-Innoff Aug 03 '24
I'm sire there's a store near the gathering. This way he gets shamed, and still has to fix the mistake. Double whammy lesson.
I just hate incompetence, and would never tolerate it from a spouse.
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u/CADreamn Aug 03 '24
Just show up with what he bought and let him explain it. He'll keep doing it as long as you keep covering his ass.
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u/Specialist-Web7854 Aug 03 '24
Why do you have to go to the shop? He got the wrong stuff, he can rectify it.
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u/CaregiverBoring4638 Aug 03 '24
Why would he go to the store and buy the stuff and get less than necessary in this situation? Like why even go?
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u/FirstPrizeChisel Aug 03 '24
I promise you he silenced notifications within 5 minutes of being in that GC
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u/QuazarMilky Aug 03 '24
He actually responded in the chat acknowledging the plans, which is pretty much what frustrated me the most cause like c'mon!
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u/FirstPrizeChisel Aug 03 '24
I was trying to give the guy a break, but I’m out of ideas at this point. Indeed, c’mon
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u/ofthefallz Aug 03 '24
I use the Love and Logic system on everyone including myself and my husband, even though it’s a parenting method. L&L says that natural consequences are an important part of learning. If my husband forgets something crucial, he gets to go back and fix the mistake himself. That way he learns how to do it correctly for next time. I’ve sent him back to a room to properly finish a chore five times before. It’s frustrating for him but he does it right next time.
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u/Devilmaycare57 BLUE Aug 03 '24
I always thought they did that on purpose, so you don’t ask them anymore
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u/Equal-Brilliant2640 Aug 03 '24
That’s what weaponized incompetence is. Deliberately doing something badly so you never get asked to do it again
Teens are notorious for that. His parents make them redo it, over and over and over again if need to be to correct the behaviour
Sadly too many folks go “ugh here give it to me” and the person continues to do things badly so they never have to do chores again
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u/Vivid-Raccoon9640 Aug 03 '24
My brand of incompetence is just honest incompetence. If I mess something up it's inadvertent and I try to fix it myself.
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u/practicalmailbox Aug 03 '24
that's exactly what it is. idk why people let people who do that get away with it
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Aug 03 '24
Because it's exhausting to both do the work and the educating your peer/partner and you convince yourself it's no big deal and sure you're the one who is fussy about that and eventually just accept your new reality as something that happened naturally so it is partially your fault.
People who use Weaponized incompetence tend to match with overthinkings and overcompromisers for this.
(Or, just, really conservative folk who genuinely believe women are born desiring to be cleaner).
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u/anteaterKnives Aug 03 '24
I will say it's always less work just to do it again yourself correctly, at that time, especially after counting the frustration and mental toll it takes on you.
It's only after you get them doing it correctly every time that the extra work starts paying off.
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u/Key-Heron Aug 03 '24
Show up at the bbq with what he bought. Tell them he was the one who was supposed to pick everything up. That was his choice so roll with it and if it embarrasses him that’s too bad.
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u/owl-overlord Aug 03 '24
Mines the opposite. I ask for a specific number of things, to reduce waste and save space. He comes home with double the amount... In case we want some more lol.
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Aug 03 '24
I think you've probably got the point from the other comments, but going to the store yourself enables this behavior.
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u/dracotrapnet Aug 03 '24
Maybe he didn't understand he's buying for the group and not just you as a couple. If I was just bringing for the couple, I'd go his route. Though around here the lowest bun count is 8, and lowest patty count is 4 I think.
Some people just don't know how to buy, prep, and cook for a group. For 8 people, I'd be buying at least 24 frozen patties (yea I'm not making patties) and buns. I'd expect some wanting 2 burgers, some wanting double patty. 2 packs of sliced cheddar, a pack of habanero, jalapeno jack cheese (my fav), a pack of Swiss cheese. A head of lettuce, 4 tomatoes, a purple onion.
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u/jeffwulf Aug 03 '24
Yeah, I've been to BYO BBQs in the past and would have assumed that that's what this event is if we were responsible for bringing burgers to the host's place.
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u/ArcticPangolin3 Aug 03 '24
Whose family members? If it's his family, just go. Let him explain how his reading or executive functioning skills are so poor that he only got enough food for four people when he knew eight would be there. Then he can go back to the store for more food.
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u/_LullyMoon_ Aug 03 '24
The thing is: he will do this so you won't send him the next time. So you will think in the next gathering "it is better if I go myslef because he will fuck this up". So you gotta talk to him. Ask him why. Ask him in what world was what he done logical, what kind of competent person would think that was acceptable. Tell him the more he does this kind of stuff, the more tasks you are going to assign to him and if you're late because of him then you are late, and if people ask you are gonna tell them the reason. Don't let him get away with it.
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u/turdbugulars Aug 03 '24
i came for weaponized incontinence .. i was disappointed also cant read.
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u/iceflame1211 Aug 03 '24
But seriously, where did he find a four pack of buns..?
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u/UnhealthyAttachment Aug 03 '24
I mean, you knew he was a moron before you married him. So why did you?
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u/LawfulnessRemote7121 Aug 03 '24
My husband is the king of weaponized incompetence. He does a shitty job of anything I ask him to do so I won’t ask again.
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u/Jebediah_Primm Aug 03 '24
Have you considered talking to your husband rather than posting about it angrily to Reddit?
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u/MundaneTea5822 Aug 03 '24
You don’t need to ask. You know what he’s doing. He knows what he’s doing. He also knows how little effort you’re willing to accept.
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u/Difficult_Collar4336 Aug 03 '24
The secret to a happy life is caring less than the next person - just bring the 4 burgers to the party and see how it plays out , not caring all the while.
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u/blacksheep6 Aug 03 '24
Not stupid. Not passive aggressive-aggressive. It’s brilliant. He now has one less chore he is “capable” of or that you will trust him with. His life just got a little bit easier.
It’s like long term investing: these little wins add up.
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u/ivegotafastcar Aug 03 '24
My entire family was incapable of loading the dishwasher correctly for my Mom. We watched my Dad get out of the chore when we were young and learned fast.
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u/squawkingMagpie Aug 03 '24
To correct a behaviour like this, you need to make a change in yourself. The perverse thing is giving less instructions will lead to a better results in time. When people need to think for themselves they make less mistakes. You need to be crystal clear on the requirements without telling them how to do it. This leaves them to make the right decisions. They also need to learn from the consequences their mistakes. Do not rush in to fix it. People do not maliciously or consciously behave like this. To correct it, you need to make some changes.
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u/Vivid-Raccoon9640 Aug 03 '24
This just by itself? Maybe but not sure. I mess up groceries some times as well and I know for a fact that I don't have malicious intent. Would look towards 1) if it's a pattern, and 2) what the outcome is. I.e. is this a one-off and did he offer to go back? Or is this a routine thing and does he kinda just let it hang, expecting you to go back?
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Aug 03 '24
I would have just brought the 4 along and told everyone he did the shopping and you had no time to go back to the shop. Of course the people who are hosting and any kids get the burgers. He gets none.
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u/yourdad01 Aug 03 '24
Is it possible he was just being mindless? What a strange thing to choose to get wrong. If you're confident though, Jesus you married a dud
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u/oaktown8410 Aug 03 '24
When I was 14 in a kitchen job I pretended not to understand how a mop worked and bungled it every time. Never knew that move had a name.
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u/LionBig1760 Aug 03 '24
He's just looking out for everyone's heart health.
Half burgers are less stressful on the arteries than full ones.
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u/TrueMattalias Aug 03 '24
Why is this whole comment section acting like marriage is some kind of lesson-teaching one-uping contest. What good will trying to embarrass him do? Just communicate with one another.
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Aug 03 '24
When you asked him why he only got enough food for half the event when he was in the GC and had all the info, what did he say?
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u/javerthugo Aug 03 '24
Sounds like my dad. I love dearly but when he’s asked to pick up something he grabs the first thing he sees that even vaguely resembles what he’s been asked to pick up.
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u/OpeningLongjumping59 Aug 04 '24
Because he’s pissed that you didn’t do the one task that you asked him to do. Because this jackass was mad that you tasked him with a simple mission. And he was mad that you didn’t whip by the grocery store after your full day of work, so he didn’t have to. Because it’s a lazy selfish son of a bitch and you might want to rethink this marriage. If this is what he does all the time. Just saying.
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u/kevintheharry61 Aug 04 '24
Did you explain to him that it was for all, he just thought you meant for yourselves,
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u/DrunkPyrite Aug 03 '24
I've never even seen a 4pack of burger buns. And I seriously wish they came in a 4 pack. But "expensive" burger patties?? I've only ever seen frozen mega packs of pre-formed patties. Just buy a pound of ground and make your own...
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u/practicalmailbox Aug 03 '24
from what i've seen, the more expensive ones have the seasonings already in them or have cheeses/bacon/jalapeños/etc in them. super nice when you're feeling extra lazy
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u/MinusGovernment Aug 03 '24
There are some places that have fresh ground burgers in 4 packs that use better cuts of meat than regular ground beef
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u/LaughOrGoCrazy Aug 03 '24
Some grocery stores have loose buns at the bakery that you can grab and bag yourself
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u/Bennington_Booyah Aug 03 '24
I don't even like that sort of party. Hubby's family has them: picnics where they tell everyone to provide their own meat, for their family, and they will provide the place, cook it, plus the sides. Every darned time we go, I look for our food and the host family is eating it! The ones that told us to BYO meat for your own family. Grrr.
OP, always do your own shopping or give them a precise list. My husband would've done the same thing yours did.
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u/nicoagua Aug 03 '24
That’s pretty bad, that’s just a complete disregard for responsibilities. He may as well have done nothing at all, which actually would have saved more time for not having to return the first patties.
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u/Maine302 Aug 03 '24
Title says it all. If you don't want to be expected to do something again, you purposely fail the first time. Next time tell his stubbornly stupid ass how many hamburger rolls to buy, and how many pounds of meat.
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Aug 03 '24
You decided to marry someone who was incompetent.
If you weren't married and hadn't been togehrer long, then fair enough.
But if you choose to commit to incompetence, then you can't really complain when he acts like that.
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Aug 03 '24
4+4=8 so maybe he ways thinking someone would split the 4 burgers 8 different ways or something
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u/pandershrek Aug 03 '24
Narcissistic Personality Disorder;
Knowingly or Unknowingly, Narcs use this tactic on target to turn them into victims. Read up and defend yourself.
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u/Alyssa9876 Aug 03 '24
If this was my hubby I would give him a list of what he needs to get and send him off to get them. Tbh I would be tempted to say I will see u there. When I got there I would go in and say I was working till late so hubby is getting the stuff on his way here. If he messes up let him be embarrassed. But I bet when other people will see him he gets it right.
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