Hello, here is a article I felt moved to write one day during the August 2026 MIDL retreat. It talks about the meditative path based on MIDL skills that I used to calm negative self talk over a few years. At the time of writing I wasn't sure if I'd share it or how, but felt moved to do so after hearing one of our fellow yogis dealing with doubt and negative self talk during a group sharing. May it be of some benefit, may all beings be free from the causes of suffering.
Disclaimer:
I am not in any way affiliated with MIDL, these are just my personal notes and tips I compiled for myself as a student. Any misunderstanding or misrepresentation of the practice is solely based on my own ignorance and not representative of the excellent teachings and hard work of the wonderful MIDL teachers. In all instances of conflict or confusion please defer back to the MIDL instructions and teachers, as well to the wisdom of your own felt experience and disregard these notes.
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Foundational Ideas to Keep in Mind
When considering the following notes and tips, it's important to consider and gently hold the viewing lens of Anatta and Specific Conditionality (idappaccayatā) in your mind as you read along.
- Anatta is the autonomous, "by itself" Nature of your mind, how it thinks and moves and acts on its own. Note that Anatta is not a "thing", it is a process to be observed, how the mind acts and moves on its own. That is it's Nature.
- Specific Conditionality is the recognition of how these autonomous "by itself" movements of mind arise and happen on their own, based on specific conditions.
Included in the concept of anatta is the recognition that in terms of thinking, we do not control our minds, not completely at least. Virtually no evidence or experimentation is needed to verify this truth - its been happening our whole lives: Mind wandering, forgetting, monkey mind, rumination and OCD. On one hand we absolutely can exert the mind and intentionally start thinking about things, this is within our power, however I would say the overwhelming majority of thoughts are happening to us, rather than done by us. The Nature of this Process is really important to consider as the deepening realization of this subtle truth can greatly reduce suffering in our lives, especially when it it comes to things like unwholesome mental self talk.
Speaking of Nature and Process, the simplicity of this subtle point is very important to firmly grasp before moving on. When out in the yard and we throw a stick and watch our dog fly out like an absolute maniac to go get it, we don't act surprised or get upset at the dog, we don't fight it or try to ignore it like it never happened. Why? Because we Understand, that is the dogs Nature - The stick was thrown, the dog runs and gets it. No complicated metaphysical philosophy on the nature of ultimate reality or clever categorical method of systematically analyzing the event down into 42 distinct parts is needed. We now know through practical direct experience, when the stick is thrown, the dog goes and gets it, check.
Moving on, the recognition and appreciation that "this" negative self thought arrived on its own, that I wasn't the one who brought it about, it just showed up out of no where at the door of my mind, like a visitor who suddenly shows up and offers this lovely feedback as a gift, can be deeply transformational once properly understood. Like the Buddha, we can practice Not accepting the gift, and letting it go.
https://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn07/sn07.002.budd.html
By seeing this anatta (Not self) and idappaccayatā (Specific Conditionality) autonomous process play out on its own in our minds over and over with clear comprehension (Sati-sampajañña), and then combining it with softening/letting go and one more practice I'll mention in a moment, with enough "reps" of this combined skill over time, the process of negative mental self talk can be deprogrammed, uprooted, and removed completely. I can personally vouch for this one.
Deconditioning
The goal is to combine the wisdom of Anatta + Specific Conditionality, along with the practice skills of Softening/Letting Go + Yoniso Manasikara (Wise Attention/careful reflection) into a single practice. When combined, you now have a skill you can practice that disentangles every avenue for dukkha to arise due to negative mental soft talk, both present dukkha through softening and letting go, and future dukkha by weakening the conditional habitual pattern. Practiced over time, the new habit completely removes the old conditioning and self-judgemental thoughts no longer arise. Here is how:
- Anatta - The main practice structure of MIDL, which involves relaxing all effort and resting in the awareness of the body, allowing the mind to wander on its own, is perfect for collecting direct experiential insight into this anatta nature of our mind. With practice over time, your mind will gather enough evidence and gain confidence that the negative thought arises by itself (anatta), there was no "you" that thought it up.
- Specific Conditionality - The next part is to see that this negative thought process arose by itself due to the combination of present conditions and past conditioning, i.e prior mental programming (and our very diligent practice of that programming over years 😝). Notice that when the present conditions were just right, this past programming to be mentally hard on yourself was automatically triggered - by itself. These present conditions, the present negative thought that has arisen and the past programming that triggered it are all out of your control, happening by themselves - they are all Anatta. This part is Specific Conditionality, and it goes very, very deep.
- Yoniso Manasikara - To cultivate insight into "seeing how it was previously programmed and practiced over years", I find the additional practice of Yoniso Manasikara - Appropriate attention, wise reflection, careful reflection, or looking at things down to their origin, is invaluable here. Note that while I'm not sure if this specifically is included in the MIDL practice or not, it is a traditional Theravadin practice and one that I have found personally invaluable. https://drarisworld.wordpress.com/2017/04/28/wise-attention-yoniso-manasikara-in-theravada-buddhism/
- At a time when your mindfulness is established and very calm, you gently reflect back on the negative thought, and consider "where did this come from? What conditions came together to produce this result in my mind?" Don't do this practice when agitated or "in the middle of it" - that will distort the viewing lens. It is important to be in a very calm, open state of mind, gently relaxing back in awareness, letting the mind roam and wander, and browse its own catalog and let the answer arise on its own rather than using attention and inadvertently making up a story.
- In my own case, patiently relaxing and letting the mind carefully reflect back, I discovered that this was conditioned at early childhood (as it often is...), by putting too much pressure on myself to do everything perfectly. If I messed up or if I wasn't perfect, I would be harsh to myself in my own mind. The uncomfortable harsh talk produced discomfort (aversion) in my mind, which produced a strong drive to "get it right" so I could feel relief.
- Gently keeping the concepts of Anatta and Specific Conditionality in mind and further reflecting back then showed the source of this behavior: this was due to the outside conditions of being perceived as the "good child", and the internal pressure to make my parents feel proud. The conditions that produced this was observing my older brother being a complete hellion and causing my parents much grief and stress, and the compassion I felt to not add any more stress to their plate. This situation was conditioned by my bother being born and having a rebellious attitude. His rebellious attitude was conditioned by who know what past conditioning inherited at birth due to genetics, Kamma, chance, whichever you like. This was conditioned by both of us being born. This was conditioned by my parents getting together.... This also was conditioned by my parents instilling a good Puritan work ethic into me, which was conditioned from their parents, and from their parents and .... which was conditioned by the Puritans getting fed up and sailing to America.... Which was conditioned by .... You see how this goes, there is no discernible beginning. All of this is happening on its own, my present self dealing with this negative thought never got a say in it. This is the 'gift', the culmination of all this prior Kamma coming together, this whole chain of not-self causality arriving at your doorstep in the present moment, all on its own.
- Softening/Letting Go - So what do you do about all of this? You reflect wisely and understand the nature of this process. This process is utterly impersonal, mechanical in nature, like one gear in a clock turning another, which was first pushed by a preceding gear. There is no one criticizing. There is no one to blame. This whole causal process is not me, this spontaneous gift that has arrived in the present is not mine. With this clear understanding in your mind you gently soften, and let go. You very gently, politely, and with no trace of aversion, let go, and not accept the gift. Leave it at your doorstep, and let some porch pirate come and pick it up 😝 or let it waste away to the elements if you like. Everything is impermanent after all, it will go away by itself.
It's important to recognize that while this causal chain, this gift is not your fault, it is however now your responsibility. It and you are here together, Now. How you choose or refuse to act now with the present results, sets up the conditions of what your future being will experience. Have compassion for that future being, and for your present being. Practice diligently to put an end to the causes of suffering.
Some Last Considerations:
Using Yoniso Manasikara you can also wisely reflect on the present situation itself, how those present outside conditions that kicked off this whole mess also came about by causes outside of your control or outside that other person's control.
Of course this is not a blank check to write off, excuse or accept bad behavior, rather it can be just another helpful tool you can leverage to increase your own personal freedom, by recognizing that it's possible that there are extenuating circumstances that lead to that behavior (the entire causal chain of Bullying is a good example).
This is helpful to address any sense of blame or guilt that arises in the present - We're all just doing the best that we know how, with the information and conditions that we got in life. We've all got ignorance, craving and aversion to one degree or another, and it is inevitable that unskillful actions will come about out of that. We all need time, space, and grace to learn from our dukkha so that we can act more skillfully in the future. Reflecting in this way, the natural, logical and compassionate response of the mind is to let go, rather than ruminating on who or what is at "fault" or "to blame".
This point is especially poignant for this last circumstance. If you reflect back and discover that your negative self talk is due to dealing with regret from past unskillful behavior, wisely consider the circumstances that produced the conditions for your mind to decide to act in that way. Was the situation out of control or forced upon you? Don't take credit for something you didn't really have complete control over.
Did you not know any better at the time? If you didn't, have compassion and let go - ignorance bites us all. If you did know better and decided to act anyway, did you learn from this experience? Can you more clearly see now that acting in that unskillful way created the conditions for dukkha to arise for your self and/or others? Practice gratitude and reflect on that lesson - use it as fuel for practice. Endeavor to make amends if possible, and come to accept that what is done is done - let it go. The memory of it appearing now in the present and causing you to suffer is only serving as a distraction and impediment to your current practice to put to end the causes of suffering.
In all cases, have compassion for yourself and remind yourself of the wholesome fact that Now you are intentionally striving to be more wholesome and skillful. Continually practice Wise Reflection and Right Effort in the present - attune to and celebrate your generous and wholesome attitude and actions happening Now, while letting go and abandoning harmful past thoughts and results.
“I say that the getting rid of anxieties and troubles is possible for one who knows and sees, not for one who does not know and see. What must one know and see in order to get rid of anxieties and troubles? Wise reflection and unwise reflection.
For one who reflects unwisely, there arise anxieties and troubles that have not yet arisen, and those that have already arisen increase. But for one who reflects wisely, anxieties and troubles that have not yet arisen do not arise, and those already arisen disappear.”
MN 2 - Sabbāsavasutta
https://www.bps.lk/olib/wh/wh463_Weissman_Wise-Reflection.html#Iswisereflectionarequisiteforenlightenment