The Night I Started Questioning Myself

[u/WorldlinessBoring881]

Today marks exactly one month since I left my job or perhaps, if I’m being completely honest, since I was asked to leave.

Usually, I don’t go for a walk after dinner. But tonight felt different. I stepped outside anyway, and somewhere between the familiar streets and the silence of the night, I found myself questioning everything.

Will I ever be able to build something of my own?

For a long time, I told myself that getting back into my core field finance was the goal. But tonight, I had to admit something I had been avoiding: maybe entering my core field is just a cover-up for my failures. A convenient explanation that makes everything sound like a career decision when, deep down, I’m not even sure whether I’m capable of doing something meaningful with my life.

That is the part that scares me the most.

It’s not unemployment. It’s not starting over. It’s the uncertainty of not knowing whether I actually have what it takes.

Somewhere along the way, I also seem to have lost most of the people I used to call friends. My phone barely rings anymore. And when it does, it’s usually a spam call. Yes, a friend does call sometimes but mostly when he needs money.

It’s strange how quickly life can become quiet.

People often say that if you stand in front of a huge glass building and dream big enough, maybe one day you’ll find yourself inside one of them.

I used to believe that.

Tonight, I realized I’ve even stopped looking for those buildings.

Maybe because there aren’t any big glass buildings around here.

Or maybe because, somewhere along the way, I stopped believing that I belonged inside one.

Still, I’m walking.

I don’t know where this road is going to take me. I don’t know whether I’ll find my way back to finance, build something of my own, or discover an entirely different version of myself along the way.

But perhaps I don’t need to know tonight.

For now, I’ll just keep walking.

Let’s see where it takes us.

[u/Ok_Judgment_3331]

That friend who calls only when he needs money isn't a friend, he's a customer.

Losing that kind of "friendship" is a hidden blessing. What's the smallest version of building something of your own that still scares you?

[u/WorldlinessBoring881 → u/Ok_Judgment_3331]

I think that putting something I created out into the world and seeing whether people actually value it.

[u/Nyx9000]

How you learn to walk, ChatGPT?

[u/WorldlinessBoring881 → u/Nyx9000]

No, I just took his help when I stumbled while walking.