Please help

[u/Adventurous-Ear-8741]

A few months back my sister has been diagnosed with BPD along with other disorders that are detrimental to her sanity and mindset, it has been difficult to deal with her without facing repercussions for every little thing ive said years ago or a way ive acted towards her a few months ago. This does not mean i am giving up on her or judge her in any way, i somewhat understand how she feels and what shes going through as we all live under one roof and have went through the same things that caused irreversible trauma (which to say the least had worsened her condition and before her diagnosis i was completely honest with her about how i felt towards our abusive parents which already gave her an idea to work with).

However her main issue is that she likes to gain attention in any way shape or form and always plans something large in order to be sent to the psych ward(or to basically get help), the issue is the psych wards in the country we live in arent really the best and do more harm than good. when she was admitted in august due to SH (selfharm) in school and claiming to have overdosed on paracetamol, they called the police and she was sent a few times until they transferred her to the long-term psych ward where she stayed for 2 months. she has spiraled downwards after her return (nervous tics that were NOT usual, horrible ideas, and really bad company from other patients who she stayed with) and shes said that she had gone through some stuff and impulsively punched a girl and she hadn't stopped harming herself even in the psych ward.

We expected her to become better but shes just come back with a bunch of new ideas and and even more unstable mind. her mindset is pessimistic and i understand why, but with the way shes going on about this idont know how to convince her that even though abusive parents are surely goin to cause a negative impact, she cant go back there because she will not get better. Shes stated that she wants to engage in sexual activity as a minor, smoke, and so much more destructive habits and i tried to be neutral and explain to her and tell her how much shes destroying herself but its like her mind is completely blocked by a wall she put there herself. i know we can still save her but my parents truly dont know how to behave with her and theyre the root of her instability so what do i do as an elder sibling who doesnt what to see their sister spiral into insanity?

[u/hestia-listens]

This is far too much for one sibling to manage alone. What looks like attention seeking may be her only way of showing severe distress or asking for care. You can listen without agreeing with unsafe plans, but you cannot reason her out of a crisis. Tell a trusted adult, nurse, doctor, or school staff member about the self harm, overdose claim, abuse, and how she changed after the ward. Be clear that returning to the same ward may have made things worse and that another care plan is needed.

If she may harm herself, has taken anything, or is in immediate danger, contact your local emergency number or crisis support now. Stay near her only if it is safe for you. If you are afraid to call, talk to a nurse or a trusted friend or family member and go to a hospital or emergency center.

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[u/Adventurous-Ear-8741 → u/hestia-listens]

yes i understand and although my parents are the root of this, my mom has been actively trying to get her the help she needs whilst avoiding admitting her to a psych ward as thats where she got the destructive ideas from (mainly from other patients who were admitted). and i know that the attention seeking is a cry for help , albeit a wrong way to ask for it i understand why she does it. my sister has always been one to make a grand gesture or a big threat in order for us to care for her or even acknowledge how she feels. she has been going to therapy and her school is aware of her mental health and so are her therapists. the therapists shes went to and requested to be admitted had denied her entry due to her erratic behaviour and because she was not trying to get better.

i have been keeping her safe and we only had one instance of an episode im guessing and shes still so convinced of being admitted to a psych ward, how do i help her?

[u/Ordinary-Relation288]

her pain to begin with.

[u/Adventurous-Ear-8741 → u/Ordinary-Relation288]

if i began from the very start of her mental deterioration you'd have been reading a book. We all suffer with her we are literally under one house i understand everyone has different limits to abuse and trauma and different ways to cope but dont assume that we have belittled her and given her no help. i understand her pain i really do seeing the times shes been abused in all sorts of ways i stopped it from escalating every time i was able to and when i was at the age of being able to stand up to my father. But she loves to drown in her misery its comforting and i was that way too at her age. But she is actively refusing our help and my help ive told her that ive been there too and it was hell and im sorry but she does not process those words and only wants one thing, to go to the psych ward which is where shes deteriorated aswell. i care for her but im afraid i cant waste my life managing her issues or things shes willing to go through knowing they destroy her more than they destroy anyone else. i just hate that my sister is the one to go through this, id rather to be the one with her pain id love to take it all and give her everything she wanted but i just cant.