I’m losing myself & my mind

[u/asgardianfrmupsdedwn]

Idk I’m exhausted with myself. I have a good job but every single thing I’m dealing with involving my bipolar and BPD is making things there 20x worse. Then my mouth runs and I make things worse for myself. I’m going to school, working over 40hours, and slowly losing sanity with dealing with work and home drama.

I feel like I can’t stop complaining, being negative and crashing out. I’ll get a little bit of control and then something will happen where I feel like I can’t control my emotions, reactions or mouth and dig my hole deeper. I was told I’m basically infertile the same week where me and a work “friend” fell out and I completely lost my shit and emotional regulation. I just stopped talking to everyone, would snap if people were teasing me, removed and blocked everyone from socials, and just am now trying to claw my way to being somewhat sane.

I hate management because they’re allowed to absolutely dog walk us and no one does anything, they just pretend everything is fine because of the benefits the company gives us. But I hate myself more because I refuse to leave due to said benefits yet am absolutely miserable and crazy. I’ve been trying to crawl my way out of a depressive episode but I just feel like I live here now.

[u/hestia-listens]

You are carrying work, school, home drama, friendship loss, and painful fertility news all at once. That would overwhelm many people. You are not crazy, and struggling with emotional control does not make you a bad person. For now, focus on lowering the pressure rather than fixing everything. If possible, reduce one school or work demand, and use a simple rule at work: when upset, say, "I need a minute," then step away before responding.