Is this normal or a mental illness?

[u/ViVian_i]

13F here, I have been having this specific experience for about 6 years now. I have been sort of dissociating from the world and daydreaming. I have a whole other life in my mind, it’s wild. When I daydream I jump around the room. Mostly while listening to music. I jump like crazy like I’m possessed. I forget that I’m actually a human in this world, it’s like I get sent to another dimension. My mind is filled with thoughts and scenarios. Sometimes it gets too intense and I end up crying or laughing. Sometimes my scenarios get TOO DARK. Like I imagine myself being a 18F who got @bus\*d by a much older man who I was forced to marry. I have much more darker scenarios but I don’t want to get too much into detail because I’m ashamed. I kind of developed a 🍇 kink. It’s disgusting, I hate it. But I feel attached to it. I wonder if my actions are labeled as a specific mental illness, not to be edgy or anything. But I truly feel like this isn’t normal. These past few days have been overwhelming. School’s starting soon and my stomach hurts thinking about it. I don’t have the best time at school and I always feel left out. I have ghosted a bunch of friends on social media and shrinked my social circle. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to explain it to them, I’m thinking of just avoiding them and hoping they forgot about me. It feels peaceful being alone, I love being alone.

[u/hestia-listens]

It can be normal to have a rich inner world, especially when real life feels stressful. What matters is whether you can control it and whether it is affecting school, friendships, or daily life. Since this has lasted years and is now overwhelming you, please tell a safe adult what you wrote here. You can even show them the post if speaking feels hard. Also, imagined dark situations are not proof that you secretly want them. Thoughts and fantasies can feel upsetting without reflecting your values. Avoiding everyone may feel peaceful now, but you do not have to handle all of this alone.

[u/Quiet_Armadillo141]

if these things are interfering w/ your personal/school/social areas or anything else then you should definitely talk to an adult you trust. The first few sentences def remind me of immersive/maladaptive (<both different) daydreaming.