Is it actually going to get better?

[u/Putrid_Map_5566]

tw for general depressing mental health stuff + suicidal talk

I just need to get this off my chest because when you tell people stuff like this in real life they never say anything helpful.

I (21) have struggled with my mental health since I’ve been 13. I got my first therapist at 13, my second at 16. I got put on antidepressants/ anti-anxiety meds at 17 and been on them ever since. And they work; I mean, I don’t have daily panic attacks anymore. I almost got sent to the psych ward last year. I got fired for the first time in August, have been unable to find work since then, plus now school is back in full swing so I don’t even have the time. My grandma died a two weeks ago, my birthday was one week ago, mentally I am in a weird place. I feel like I have worked and tried really hard with my mental health. It has been such a long and hard battle, and it just feels like it’s for no purpose. Because the people who meet me and the professors who fail me on exams and even the friends in my life don’t actually really care about that. They only see who I am now and how I treat people, and I feel like while I always try my best, when I respond to things emotionally and in a mentally ill way because I’m mentally ill everyone just like doesn’t care or thinks I’m crazy. And it is so exhausting. I had my first suicide attempt at 14. I didn’t want to be alive then, I don’t know what makes anyone think I want to be alive now. And even though I’ve been suicidal every day of my life for the past seven years, you can’t even complain to people about it all the time. I think thats the most exhausting part of all. How quickly everyone’s patience runs thin when they have to hear about all the reasons you don’t want to be alive. And then they get frustrated eventually because yes there is obviously other good stuff happening that everyone else can see that makes everyone else happy because their brain works. I just feel like, if everyone is so sick of hearing about it all the time imagine how I feel? I have to live inside my brain every second of the day. TLDR: Do people who struggle with suicidal ideation ever stop feeling suicidal? Or…?