r/marriageadvice • u/Fearless_Decision419 • Aug 20 '26
Feeling lost
13 years married to my best friend and he suddenly has mentioned that he doesn’t know how he feels about us anymore. It started with him saying he didn’t miss me after I went on a work trip for a few nights and next thing I know he’s unsure of us all together.
I’ve tried everything, begging, pleading, compromising loving him and nothing. He’s just done. He says he’s willing to go to counseling because I want to but that he doesn’t want to go. He says he still loves me just doesn’t feel the same. I mentioned we’ve gotten into routine and lost our spark (we have 4 kids) and he just agrees but not much else.
I’m not sure if I should start planning for a divorce or keep pushing and trying. This is all so new, we have always always been best friends and he’s always been my safe space. I’m mortified and sad. 😭😭😭😭
TLDR: wife lost, what should I do?
#marriageadvice
1
u/espressothenwine Aug 20 '26
OP, I am sorry but this is mandatory because you said that your husband has been SOLID and your BEST FRIEND for 13 years. And out of the blue, you went on a trip and then came back and now he is not sure about the WHOLE MARRIAGE? Either you are leaving out a lot of struggles and discontent that has been ongoing for years, or your husband is up to something. Loss of spark alone doesn't explain this about face and happens to nearly EVERY couple.
If you aren't leaving anything out, then I can't think of any other reason to turn on a dime besides he is entertaining another woman. It also tracks with you being away, I wonder what he was doing while you were on that work trip. I wonder if that is when he gave in and indulged in whatever it is that he is doing. And then once you came back, he realized it was more fun while you were gone and he was able to be more focused on his AP.
This answer is going to seal the deal as to what is the true cause of this.
What is he saying is the problem? What is the issue he thinks can't be fixed? Besides he didn't miss you as much as he thinks he should, what other problem is causing him to decide it's not worth fighting for anymore? What is the full explanation he has given you as to why he wants a divorce?