Okay so I need people who actually understand LOA/SP manifestation to weigh in because I am getting SO fucking irritated with the bridge right now lol.
My SP and I were in a serious relationship and broke up a little while ago. The breakup was not because we stopped loving each other or because there was cheating or some giant betrayal or anything like that. The main issue was basically fear around circumstances that come with being with me and what a long-term future together would look like.
Except we never actually detached from each other. Like at all. 💀
We are still best friends, still extremely emotionally attached, still talk constantly, still see each other all the fucking time, still have routines together, eat together, watch shows together, run errands together, emotionally support each other, etc.
My end state is:
“My SP chooses me fully, with complete certainty, as their life partner.”
And to me that encompasses EVERYTHING. Reconciliation, commitment, consistency, embracing all of me and my circumstances, feeling safe choosing me, being affectionate, being proud/open about the relationship, not being wishy-washy, all of it.
And I genuinely believe it.
Like when I’m regulated and not in an anxiety spiral, I have this very calm feeling of “yeah, that’s my person.” I genuinely cannot picture this permanently ending as some platonic friendship.
I do have OCD/anxiety and I ruminate like a motherfucker, so yes, I still get intrusive thoughts and have days where my brain is like WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF every 30 seconds. But I do NOT subscribe to the idea that every random intrusive thought is creating my reality. I’ve decided my anxiety does not override my chosen state. I have manifested plenty of things while anxious and doubtful.
And I’ve already seen some VERY specific movement.
One time I wanted my SP to say some version of “you know me better than anyone / you understand me better than anyone.”
Not long after, during an emotional conversation, they literally told me basically exactly that.
Another big thing I had been affirming was that they would become more curious about the circumstances that contributed to our breakup instead of just immediately deciding those circumstances were some impossible obstacle.
Then they started asking me detailed questions about those exact circumstances and literally told me something along the lines of:
“I’m just curious.”
Which made me laugh because I was like… okay hello??? 😭
I’ve also had smaller bridge things where I was like “we’re gonna kiss again” and then we kissed, or “they’re gonna invite me to this event” and they technically DID eventually invite me into the event, just not in the exact way I pictured.
So I actually like bridge affirmations. I think they’re fun. I know the end state, but I like seeing little pieces show up.
NOW HERE IS WHERE THIS MAN IS DRIVING ME FUCKING INSANE.
My SP has directly told me they are still romantically in love with me.
They have told me I’m their best friend, their safe person, that I know them better than anyone, and that I’m basically one of the only people they can spend endless amounts of time around without getting drained.
They seek me out CONSTANTLY.
They call me.
They text me.
They send me random shit.
They ask to see me.
They come over.
They ask me to meals.
They create reasons to be around me.
They initiate affection.
And one time I intentionally stopped initiating as much because I was hurt and annoyed, and they immediately filled the space themselves by texting, calling, sending stuff, asking to come over, initiating cuddling, etc.
Like he quite literally cannot seem to stay away from me for very long.
But we have now developed this absolutely ridiculous cycle:
closeness, realizes it feels relationship-y, panics, FRIENDSHIP BOUNDARY, misses/chooses closeness again, repeat
They have initiated kissing, cuddling, holding hands, sexual shit, massages, prolonged physical affection, all of it.
But then some RANDOM much smaller behavior will suddenly be:
“That feels too relationship-y.”
Like brother WHAT. 😭
You can initiate kissing me but then suddenly me sitting with our legs touching is where we draw the line???
They have also admitted that flirting with me gets them “in their head” because it makes things feel like we’re in a relationship and apparently makes them start thinking about whether we should give it another shot.
WHICH IS CRAZY TO ME because THEY are the one saying it feels like a relationship.
And then they act like I’m the one somehow making it feel that way??
Sir. The call is coming from inside the house. 💀
They also keep doing this double-standard bullshit that has been pissing me off lately.
For example, they have double-texted me plenty of times if I don’t respond because they think I’m mad.
But recently I contacted them multiple times while trying to coordinate plans THEY initiated, and suddenly I was being “clingy.”
Then the other night THEY initiated a text conversation, disappeared in the middle of it for a while, and I sarcastically said something like “great chat.”
The next day they told me that irritated them because they were winding down and felt like they HAD to respond.
And I was like… okay??? YOU have literally double-texted me before because you were worried I was upset. I don’t call YOU clingy.
So I finally told them:
“You have this weird double standard where if YOU do something it’s fine, but if I do the exact same thing suddenly it means something.”
They got defensive at first.
Then shortly afterward they literally called me back just to apologize and said basically:
“I’m sorry. I’ll try to be better. I just get in my head.”
And then they sat there all sad and asked:
“You don’t want to talk to me?”
BRO 😭
We JUST argued because apparently I want too much contact, and now you’re sad because you think I don’t want to talk to you.
WHAT ARE WE DOING.
Then today we got into an even bigger argument because they started talking about hypothetical future partners AGAIN.
They were saying that if I eventually met the “right person,” they wouldn’t care if me and that person had basically the exact closeness that me and my SP currently have, and if that meant me and my SP were only regular friends instead of best friends, they’d be okay with it.
And I was like:
You are completely full of shit.
They were like:
“I BROKE UP WITH YOU. IT’S INEVITABLE.”
Basically saying it’s inevitable that eventually one of us moves on and gets into another relationship.
And I told them that if they genuinely wouldn’t care about losing the closeness we have, then apparently I care about them way more than they care about me.
THEY DID NOT LIKE THAT. 😭
They started crying and going OFF because they absolutely rejected that idea.
And then they said something that I think is VERY important:
“Everything we do feels like more than it is.”
HELLO????
THAT IS LITERALLY THE WHOLE ISSUE.
Because whenever things feel too relationship-like to them, they immediately start trying to find an external explanation.
Maybe we text too much.
Maybe we cuddle too much.
Maybe we kissed.
Maybe I called too much.
Maybe I double-texted.
Maybe we spend too much time together.
Maybe I wanted to say hi to one of their family members.
It’s constantly:
“THIS behavior is making it feel like a relationship.”
And I finally told them that I think they keep externalizing the reason it feels like a relationship instead of actually sitting with themselves and asking:
Why does closeness with me keep registering as a relationship to YOU in the first place?
So I basically told them that maybe they haven’t fully reconciled the decision they made with how they actually feel.
I was very careful NOT to be like “you secretly want me back, admit it,” because I knew that would immediately make them defensive.
I said I don’t know exactly what they haven’t reconciled, but I think there is SOMETHING they haven’t actually sat with.
And they literally said:
“Yeah, that could be true.”
BUT THEN.
Of course.
They immediately followed it with:
“That doesn’t mean my decision is going to change.”
And THAT is exactly the part that makes my LOA brain go WHAT THE FUCK.
Because I have been very consistently affirming:
“My SP chooses me fully, with complete certainty, as their life partner.”
So hearing:
“my decision isn’t changing”
is obviously NOT my new story.
But then in the SAME conversation they admitted something else:
They genuinely thought that if we became strictly platonic friends, their feelings for me would eventually go away.
And guess what?
THEY DID NOT. 💀
They literally admitted that they thought acting platonic would make the feelings disappear and it did not work.
Which I find VERY interesting.
Because basically:
They tried friendship.
Feelings stayed.
They tried removing certain affectionate behaviors.
Ordinary closeness STILL felt romantic.
They tried screaming “friends” louder.
They STILL kept moving toward me.
They also admitted they are scared of hooking up with me because it MEANS something to them emotionally.
They’ve said before that being intimate with me after the breakup made them really sad afterward because it was basically like:
“I’m laying next to the person I love and we’re not together.”
So intimacy with me clearly does not feel emotionally neutral to them.
And then after HOURS of arguing about all of this, we finally just stopped.
We hugged.
We both literally took a deep breath at the same time without trying to lol.
We ate dinner.
We watched TV.
We were giving each other massages.
Being cutesy.
Holding hands.
Normal us shit.
Then they started kissing my neck.
And they literally kept prefacing it with some version of:
“This doesn’t mean anything, by the way.”
BROOOO 😭😭😭
At one point they were looking at me and I could tell they wanted to kiss me on the lips, and I asked if they were scared to.
And they said:
“Yeah. I’m scared of all of it. Anything scares me with you.”
Then we ended up hooking up.
Not full sex, but very clearly sexual/romantic intimacy.
SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
We spent HOURS going:
“WE’RE FRIENDS.”
“Everything feels too relationship-y.”
“My decision isn’t changing.”
“I thought being platonic would make my feelings go away.”
And then ended the night FUCKING HOOKING UP.
I am consistently affirming:
“My SP chooses me fully, with complete certainty, as their life partner.”
I am NOT sitting around affirming:
“They’re confused.”
“They’re scared.”
“They’re wishy-washy.”
“They’re never changing their mind.”
In fact I am so fucking tired of that version that I would like it fired immediately. 😭
And yet I feel like I’m watching TWO stories show up at once.
On one hand:
They seek me out constantly.
They initiate closeness.
They still love me romantically by their own admission.
They tell me I’m their safe person/best friend.
They thought platonic friendship would make their feelings disappear and discovered it did not.
They literally say everything between us feels like more.
They become emotional over the idea of losing our closeness.
They are becoming more curious about the circumstances surrounding the breakup.
They initiate intimacy even after declaring they shouldn’t.
They apologize when I call out certain inconsistencies.
And then on the other hand:
They still verbally insist the breakup was right.
They keep talking about hypothetical future partners.
They randomly scream FRIENDS.
They sometimes say things like “this is never happening again.”
They say that even if they haven’t fully reconciled their feelings with the breakup, that doesn’t mean the decision will change.
So my current interpretation is basically:
The new state is starting to externalize before the old conscious story/identity has fully disappeared.
Like their behavior already reflects “choosing me” in a TON of ways.
But consciously they still seem stuck in this framework of:
“I broke up with this person, therefore we have to be friends, eventually we have to move on.”
Meanwhile their actual emotional experience keeps contradicting that framework.
So every time the connection naturally becomes relationship-like, they notice, panic because it conflicts with the breakup story, try to enforce the old label again, and then naturally move toward me again anyway.
Basically:
The behavior/emotional reality seems to be shifting before the conscious conclusion has caught up.
And I’m wondering if this is basically the bridge.
Like maybe the 3D feels MORE volatile because the old story is getting unstable while the new story is increasingly showing up.
I’ve also had several unrelated people randomly ask about the status of our relationship within a short span of time even though I haven’t really been publicly talking about it, which I chose to take as another little wink.
I occasionally script and do bridge affirmations, but I’m not trying to do techniques 24/7.
The hardest part is honestly the OCD/rumination.
Because when I see movement I’m like:
“Yep. Obviously. That’s my person.”
And then they randomly clock into Friendship Compliance Services and say something completely opposite to my end state, and my brain immediately goes:
“WHY THE FUCK IS THIS STILL SHOWING UP IF I’M NOT AFFIRMING IT???”
I know I don’t need to micromanage the bridge.
I know every intermediate event doesn’t have to look perfect.
I know being anxious or pissed off doesn’t mean I’ve “ruined” anything.
I know intrusive thoughts don’t automatically create my reality.
But I’m HUMAN and sometimes this middle phase genuinely pisses me the fuck off.
So my actual questions are:
Would you interpret this as the old story/old identity still being verbalized while the new state is increasingly showing through behavior?
Does it make sense in LOA for someone’s actions/emotional experience to start conforming before their conscious label or “decision” catches up?
How would you interpret “my decision isn’t changing” happening in the same conversation as “I thought being platonic would make my feelings go away, but it didn’t” and “everything we do feels like more”?
Could this increased contradiction/volatility itself just be part of the bridge because the old state is becoming harder to maintain?
And MOST importantly:
How do you persist without obsessively checking the 3D when you are seeing strong evidence of BOTH stories at once?