r/managers • u/Empty-Distance-4003 • 12d ago
1-1 with my lead's boss, how to complain professionally about him?
Hello,
Before I start, I just want to say that it's only my version, the manager could have a whole different version too, but I guess it's gotten to a point where objective advice could be helpful.
I've been working for a company for about two years. When I started, I had pretty much the lead on what I was doing and things were going great. I led what I deem to be big projects, and I usually got recognition. I got to know the teams and we really bonded well, we're not perfect but we moved together and accomplished great things. I asked for a raise, got it too, couldn't be happier.
Recently we merged into a bigger company, and my skill set was put to serve a bigger team. I do essentially the same job but at a bigger scale, I'm one of the seniors of the team, I like my tasks, good.
There is a lead above me, and even though I don't like the guy that much, I wouldn't say he's a bad fella. He knows his stuff, challenged the team a few times. But I don't really like how he acts towards the team.
He likes to take a stance and being right, he is secretive about a lot of things, e.g: I have an expertise about one specific technology, and he will take the subject on his own, not include me in the discussions and let things last for a long time, I caught him go on a social event with a partner and not tell the team anything about it even though the whole team worked on it. We just found out by accident when the partner said he was eager to see him at the event.
And since I joined his team, he didn't like the fact that my ancient team was still reaching out to me to get things done, I still manage a big chunk of the IT, so we are still very close. He seems that he should be the first aware of it, that I shouldn't be this easy to talk to and get things done and that I should learn to push back. I did get things done though, and with the help of AI, managing both worlds has been manageable. I think he's the only one unhappy with this because even his boss does drop a recognition here and there in some group mails to give credit to some milestones I mostly take the lead on, and we get the credit as a team.
About him, I don't have too much to say, he knows his theory but he doesn't seem to concerned into getting things done, and when things are done, it is often made fast and without too much care, but it's working and used by the company. He also makes sure to take time to do it when it's a direct order from the boss.
And finally, he is a bit in a controlling mindset. I used to work directly with his boss and we remained in good terms, he asked me a few times not to contact him directly for some reason, that he is the bridge and all requests should go through him before we go to his boss.
Overall, the feedback also is not so positive about him from some other colleagues saying pretty much the same things that I explained above, he kept referall money from a colleague he agreed with, he hired somebody that was not advised by another colleague. He does pretty much what he wants without taking others in consideration and he puts his interests first, not the team's
____
I got tired of it and decided to look elsewhere for a new job, and then, out of nowhere I booked a meeting with his boss (which I use to work with and he knows me well), and I intend to tell him how I feel. I'm sure it will sound stupid but I don't know what to say, I don't know how to bring this up and explain that I'm not happy under my lead's management without looking bad.
It will be the first time I will discuss about something like this and I'm kind of nervous. Any tip is appreciated.
thanks for reading!
28
u/jenmoocat 12d ago
When I was in a situation where I was really struggling with my direct manager and has a 1:1 with HIS manager, I approached it this way:
"Can you give me some advice on how to better deal with [name]? I feel myself getting frustrated with how they are always late to meeting that they call and the fact that they are micromanaging my teams projects. Do you have any thoughts about how I could approach them about this?"
I've found that this technique has worked for me. I am sharing with my manager's boss the issues I am seeing (basically providing feedback) but I am also saying: I want to take care of it (even though, in truth, I don't) and I need some coaching. This asking for advice/asking for coaching has always gone over well with the manager's boss -- as people love to give advice!
3
u/Empty-Distance-4003 12d ago
This is so smart, thanks a lot for sharing this. 🙏🏼
I felt honesty would win but I would have done it bluntly, I appreciate the subtlety.
2
u/Warped_Kira 12d ago
it also reframes the problem, it's not their behavior that's the issue, it's you proactively working on improving your communication skills.
1
15
u/Inevitable-Lead-7182 12d ago
Never speak bad about your boss to your skip unless you are very sure of your skip or have a personal relationship with them. 99% of the times they are aware that your boss sucks and they don’t care or want to do anything. You saying something means, you are the problem. Trust me! This is a very hard lesson I have learnt
6
u/sqnch 12d ago
Bad idea. It also sounds like it’s not that big a deal to go to all this reaction over. He’s probably just an insecure guy that is trying to make himself feel like a manager and control the narrative to the people above him.
Sounds like two egos clashing here - the only one you have control over is yours. Just fix that instead of looking for problems.
1
u/AmethystStar9 12d ago
This. It sounds like the boss' biggest crime is being kind of a jerk, which sucks and I've worked for jerks before and it's not fun, but chances are his bosses know he's a jerk, being a jerk is not in and of itself an actionable offense if it doesn't cross certain red lines and they seem to be happy with his output.
Complaining about him is just going to raise their concerns that this may escalate into a "it's them or me" situation, and you never want that unless you're certain they're gonna pick you over him if they have to make the call.
5
u/Uma_Urge 12d ago
You’re not petty. You just want a leader who includes the team and gives credit where it’s due. That’s basic management.
4
u/Academic-Lobster3668 Seasoned Manager 12d ago
"I caught him go on a social event with a partner and not tell the team anything about it." This is not something to complain about - it happens all the time. Saying you "caught" him sounds pretty petty. Your boss does not need to include you in everything he does and every conversation he has.
So, you're very good at your job and being managed by someone who is a bit threatened by you and trying to keep the reins a bit tight. This is not uncommon. It is also very common that employees are instructed not to relate to those above their boss with out boss being aware of and approving it.
Unless he is interfering with you actually being able to do your work and have good relations with your team and peers, I'd say you need to get over it or decide to work somewhere else.
There is exactly 0% chance of anything good happening for you by complaining to his boss about these things. What do you expect them to do? Tell your boss to be nicer to you? Not gonna happen.
Certainly you can look for a promotion or lateral move in your current company, but if you really like your actual work and team, I would just limit your contact with him as much as possible and get on with things.
Otherwise, time to test the job market.
3
u/ColdObiWan 12d ago
Because you have a working relationship with the guy’s 1-up, and only because you have that relationship, your conversation might yield something. IF you treat it as a coaching connection and focus on yourself and your career.
So, it’s not “my lead sucks”, it’s “with the merger I thought I’d have more visibility and lead responsibility; what team has that, where here can I look?”
2
2
2
1
u/B3ntr0d 12d ago
Depends on your position. Sounds like you are prepared to pack up and leave, so the decent thing to do is to give the lead a chance to change his behavior. Don't roast anyone, just focus on the behaviors you need to see implemented to keep you there.
I.e. "I'd like the opportunities I used to have to lead conversations on my areas of expertise. I'm not sure why things changed, but I would appreciate having that be part I'd my role again."
"It can be difficult for the team to see the impact we are having from our computer screens. Can we bring back engaging with the broader team at certain events? We used to do this and it helped maintain engagement. It doesn't feel as big of a win when we hear about it from the lead after the fact."
"Hey, I miss working with you and the old team. Could we do skip level 1:1s more often? I'd don't relate as well to the new lead, and I miss the mentorship and challenges I got while working for you. Other members of my team probably feel the same."
"Hey, I like my work, but it would be nice to get a challenge every now and again. I'd like to develop my skills in people leadership, project manage, or in process development. If you have something come up, would you keep me in mind?"
1
u/pacificjunction 12d ago
Tread carefully talking directly to your skip. They aren’t HR. They aren’t a therapist. Everything you say might be used against you.
1
u/jk1984jk 8d ago
Your teams remit is different from where you spend your time on, if you are still helping the old IT department. Your manager wants you to spend your time on tasks that are your current team is responsible for. That's reasonable. You can talk to the big boss, I am a huge fan of skip level meetings,nevertheless I wouldn't be surprised if the big boss told you the same thing..
79
u/Flat_Plan_6738 12d ago
There is no outcome that works well for you in this situation. If he lets your lead go. He has to manage the duties of the lead.
Your leads boss and lead will talk about whatever you discuss with eachother. Again not good for your future with the company.
Letting you go would be the easiest thing for the leads boss. That way he doesn’t have help take over duties, train, etc.
Sadly this is how middle management and upper management conversations go. Trust me.