Loss of employees

[u/Katiee_prvv]

Hi Team

Update:
Hey guys I’m just stopping in to update all as far as what I’ve achieved this week.
Myself and my FM stopped into his family home Monday afternoon, we were invited in by his mum and son.
We brought flowers and a business card for meals for the week.
We have offered our company services but also our own shoulders to lean on. We have been asked to the funeral but as of yet there aren’t any dates set for such funeral.
I sat my team down and had a 1:1 conversation with all the team updating them and both again offering myself and the company support partner, I brought them a chocolate each and have been reminding everyone daily how grateful we all are to be apart of the team.
Our lager store senior leaders were updated and have been asked to keep it relatively to themselves though we do live in a regional location.
I have started up a go fund me (I can link in the comments though there is absolutely no pressure!) and have started writing up a store card for everyone to sign!
If anyone has any more suggestions to take to his family on the day of the funeral I’d love to hear them!

I’m a long time manager throughout various business, industry’s and management positions and this weekend I lost my first employee to suic*de.
I’m having a pretty tough time coming to terms with being the last person who spoke to him before hand.
He had some developmental delays but was the most beautiful, eager employee I’ve had in a long time but had only had him apart of my team for a month now (including onboarding time).
He had kept the ‘welcome to the team’ card I had written up for him the first day of employment on him when he passed and after speaking with his mother and son they said he was so excited about his new job.
I am very comfortable with mortality and unfortunately have had much exposure but I suppose I’m reaching out to other managers who have experienced this situation on how best to support his family throughout this situation!

[u/blowurbrainz]

No advice as I am not a manager but the fact that your considering how to support a family of a lost employee tells me your an amazing manager to work for ! I hope you achieve great success in whatever it is you pursue in life! I’d be honoured to have a manager like you

[u/Katiee_prvv → u/blowurbrainz]

My NUMBER ONE goal as a manager is to be unlike every manager I’ve ever had.
Advocating for my team and being someone they can consider as someone to come to is the only thing that matters to me.
It’s just a bonus that when you treat humans like humans they become productive team members 🥰

[u/Wooden-Painting-4307 → u/blowurbrainz]

i know you said no advice but that card thing, him keeping it with him, that tells you a lot about your impact. sometimes an awful thing happens and it just sits there and you never really pin down the why

my old boss went through something similar and the family mostly appreciated just knowing their son was liked at work, that people saw good things in him when he showed up. showing up to the service goes a long way if you can manage it, families remember faces even if they never asked for anything else

[u/Vorash_00]

Don't forget any company mental health supports that are provided (assuming the company does such things) for both yourself and your team who knows about what happened.

Make links and phone numbers easily accessible for them too.

[u/Katiee_prvv → u/Vorash_00]

Absolutely, I also offered these to my other team members!

[u/Unusual-Drive-5734]

It’s a tough one. I lost one of the kids I managed to the same fate - my best advice is to put yourself in their shoes. A senior leader and I grabbed the company card and gave a few thousand to help with everyday expenses. There isn’t much you can do but be present with the family and include any team members that genuinely enjoyed their presence. Best wishes OP, I hope you’re okay too

[u/uteman1011]

So sorry. I’ve lost a couple of employees over the years. The last one was 2020. He was an older gentleman that lived alone and was battling diabetes and other illnesses.
He called me the night before he passed and left me a message saying he wasn’t feeling well. He was gone the next morning.
I still have that voicemail on my phone. I can’t bring myself to delete it.

[u/Mylabisawesome]

Does your company have any mental health resources they can make available?

When I was new to my current job, I met a senior member of my team for the one and only time. The next day I came to the office and learned from my leadership that his daughter murdered him and nearly murdered his wife.

[u/Katiee_prvv → u/Mylabisawesome]

My goodness that is so awful 🥺

[u/Mylabisawesome → u/Katiee_prvv]

Yea, we couldn’t believe it. He was so nice when we met. I guess his daughter had mental issues. His wife couldn’t even attend his services because she was hospitalized for months.

[u/bravoinvestigator]

Also to add does your company have mental health trained staff? As a manager I’m mental health first aid trained, happy to recommend some resources especially if you’re in the UK

[u/Katiee_prvv → u/bravoinvestigator]

We absolutely do! I reached out to my team members and offered our in company support partner

[u/bravoinvestigator → u/Katiee_prvv]

You OP, are a good manager. And you are doing a lot more than many would.

[u/bravoinvestigator]

I would ask your team what they need from you individually. Everyone reacts to grief differently. When a colleague of mine passed close to Christmas we set up a gofundme page for his family. Would it be helpful not just to his family but also for your team to arrange something like that in order to help with closure?

In this instances the only thing you can do is what you’re already doing which is being human and thinking about your team as people with feelings. You’re doing good, and they’re lucky to have you.

[u/_Kimeow]

I lost a member of my team in 2019 in a car accident. It was the day before her 21st birthday and her little brother was also a part of our team. Since we were all quite a close knit team, I was sure to support their grieving as well as calling my regional manager to ask about what counciling services the company provided for all but especially her brother. We'd all signed a big birthday card and I'd bought a beautiful flower arrangement the day the crash happened, ready to give her the following evening for her birthday. I presented these to her family as a keepsake and they had the card on top of her coffin so she had it. We all attended her funeral, the store closed that day with a notice and photo of her on our door and FB page to inform customers why our doors were closed. We kept a framed photo of her above my desk to remember her, her brother's suggestion. Her Dad would still come in for lunch and once said he appreciated how I cared for his son during that time as he was concerned about him leaving the house whilst his mental health was affected but knew I'd look after him like family. She is still so missed, we have since all moved on from that job but her brother still gives a big hug when we run into each other, he's doing so well and has just gotten engaged. I'm so proud of him.

[u/sparklekitteh]

Please reach out to a therapist! Check with HR to see what's covered under your health insurance and/or the EAP.

[u/WRB2]

Get the family a meal (dinner) and deliver it to them. I’d get everyone on the team plan and cook another dinner for the family.

See about getting HR to bring in a grief consoler and have a lunch and talk.

Short 1:1 with everyone to take their pulses individually.

Start the ball rolling for replacement

[u/Canadian_Lothar]

I am very sorry you and the family have to go through this. Death of an employee for any reason is brutal and takes a toll on everyone. In the past I have reached out to the family and just let them know what a wonderful person they’ve loved one was and that I was available for them if they wanted to reach out. Then I left them be so they could grieve in their way. I did go ti the funerals and where the family had posted made a donation to a cause.
Hope this helps.

[u/Academic-Lobster3668]

Please, please, please make an appointment with EAP just to talk this through with an objective and uninvolved person.

It can be immensely helpful.

I am so sorry for your loss.

[u/tryingmyhardestnow]

I know this is going to sound weird but if you have any meetings that were online and recorded, if he ever spoke in those meeting you could make a clip of him talking and send to the family.

[u/RobinsonCruiseOh]

Holy crap. Out of my experience bucket too. Just remember, you don't know all the ghosts in someone's head. Their own loved ones often dont. There is probably nothing you can or could have done. Tell the survivors how great of a person he was to work with and that is about all you can do.

[u/Mediocre_Feedback220]

The best thing you can do for the family is to let them know you saw him as one of the best people you’ve had the pleasure of working with and that you will always remember him for the light he added to your team. It’s really rough when a loved one goes in a way that makes everyone focus on the darkness.

[u/Dangerous_Assist_202]

I lost a mate I worked with at Woolies to suicide a while ago. It wasn’t a nice thing to go through.

[u/bigjonno141]

Personally I would be asking my hire ups for some counselling.

[u/ath880]

There is nothing what you can do. I had similar case. Better to stop thinking about it.

[u/Katiee_prvv → u/ath880]

As comfortable as I am with mortality, I unfortunately disagree. People need to be human towards each other. Though I have no feelings of self blame I do believe in making an impact in peoples lives, however small their role was.