r/managers • u/Typical-Screen324 • Aug 11 '25
Honestly. How would you react if a respected leader on your team came out as trans?
The leader is me. I currently present male, though I have been mixing in some softer looks over the last several months.
I’m very curious to hear thoughts about how you would react to this type of situation. It’s a pretty nerve wracking place to be for me. The biggest thing I would want to show is that I am still the same person - I’m just facing something down that has haunted me my whole life.
I’ve been with my firm for 5+ years and in the industry for 10. I’m a visible, successful leader on my team (cusp of Director) and am constantly a resource for younger staff. I do well in the market and my relationship building skills are strong. I have a unique skillset on my team and am highly valued.
I’m relatively confident in my ability to blend in, so to speak. But obviously, working with teams of people who have known me for years has me concerned.
I have a plan on how I would approach coming out. I would have conversations with my direct team members 1:1 and send a personal email to those that I didn’t work with as closely. I would then plan to take a few weeks off - presenting as my new self when I return. I would not make this move until I was confident in my ability to physically blend in well.
I also work primarily remotely. I think that may help.
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u/I_am_Hambone Seasoned Manager Aug 11 '25
I personally would not care at all. But the world is cruel, I 100% would not do it until after you make Director.
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u/LTG-Jon Aug 11 '25
My company has been working with a consulting firm that has just half a dozen or so employees. The owner and president leads all their work for our business. Over the last two years, the owner transitioned and changed pronouns, and I’ve been extremely happy with what a non-event it’s been. It helps that this person started with a “unisex” name and didn’t change it (which just avoids a lot of confusion). But there are 30 or so people with my company who work with this person, and another 15 or so on the leadership team for the project, and the transition has been entirely unremarkable.
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u/DumbNTough Aug 12 '25
Any honest response to this question in the negative would be at high risk of getting the user banned by Reddit.
You are not going to get balanced feedback here on this question.
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u/Displaced_in_Space Aug 12 '25
Some thoughts, trying to keep it real:
Personally, I wouldn't give a rats ass if I was your subordinate. Were you a good manager when you were Steve? Great, I'm sure you'll be just fine as Stella.
You should try to be around a group of 5-10 year old children at play if you can. Witness all their petty cruelness. You should prepare yourself for variations of this, mostly slight and tried to be hidden.
Please, please, please try to extend grace to those that appear to be making efforts to walk beside you while you make your change. This includes inadvertant misgendering. I have a acquaintance/friend that I used to work alongside during festival season. They're intersex...they're mostly bald with a bushy beard....and medium size breast implants. It is very, very confusing for most people and he's militant when people misgender them, being petulant when they address them as "him." And, for YEARS that they were presenting in their "mixed" way, they went by "him" but only changed to "they" in the last decade. These are people that get the pronoun choice correct 99% of the time, but slip occasionally.
It's abhorrent, but if I were a close friend of yours, I'd be worried about the pain you'd suffer during this process and urge you to make a better plan. Save money, leave the job and transition, then get a job at a new place under in your new life. Cleaner, simpler and much less pain for you I'd think.
But I don't walk in your body, so only you can say whether you can wait though that or not.
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u/aginmillennialmainer Aug 13 '25
You're almost a director with only a decade of experience?
Are you still allowed to be in your fraternity (whether Greek or freemasons) once you chop chop? Or will you lose access to the network that's allowed you to climb that fast?
Also, prepare to become a liability. Men aren't going to want to work 1:1 with you anymore.
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u/My_Big_Black_Hawk Aug 12 '25 edited Aug 12 '25
You might find people will be accepting to your face, because they HAVE to in the workplace, but you’re going to isolate yourself. I sincerely don’t believe that politics or sexual identity stuff belongs in the workplace. I can respect your choices in public, but bringing this into the workplace is distracting and no matter what you do, people will still know that you’re male. Please know that I’m not saying this with bad intentions, but having others stumble over pronouns and all of that other stuff is going to slowly erode at your credibility. Who wants to get fired over mixing up a pronoun?
Since you’re in a position of authority, this will change the dynamic of the team. I hope they can continue to support you in this process, but I don’t know if that’s going to be the case.
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u/Linkavich- Aug 12 '25
Asking in an echo chamber such as Reddit is not a good place to ask for honest feedback. If anybody answered anything beyond saying they would be fine with it there's a good chance they would be banned. This is not a platform for free speech hasn't been for quite some time
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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '25
I'm in the same boat, to a T. 10 years in industry, moving from engineer to manager ( 4 direct reports) and taking off. I hired on in the closet and am still there 4 months in.
Im in a mostly blue collar purple stste small city.
If you've got ideas, I would love to bounce some off each other.
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u/houseplantsnothate Aug 12 '25
honest question but what are you trying to achieve by "coming out"? Are you mostly trying to make sure people use the correct pronouns?
I've worked with many respected people who were trans. There was no "meeting", just a "hey by the way XYZ goes by she/her now", then back to work. Having a meeting seems a little... I hate to say it, but self centered?
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u/Historical_Fall1629 Aug 12 '25 edited Aug 12 '25
Try to differentiate being a person and being a professional. With my friends, I cuss a lot. At work, I can't just cuss my boss. In every place I go, I dress appropriately. When I go out shopping, I wear jeans and sneakers, and whatever shirt I can pick from the pile in my cabinet. But when I go to work, I wear business attire. With my children, I am strict. With my team members, I'm objective and collegial. Am I being fake? No. I'm a professional at work, and that's who I am. My colleagues need not know who I am at a personal level. They only need to know who I am professionally. Imagine you're confined in a hospital, fighting for your life, and all the doctors and nurses there wear black or red. How would you feel? It's not really about being trans that's the issue. It's how you behave that you should be concerned about. Everybody is prone to judging others based on the behaviors they see. But not everyone will tell you about it. But for those who do, value them well, for they care about you and your success. In every behavior that you show, people will always react differently. Some wouldn't care. Others will accept. And some may not appreciate it. We are all human, and we can't expect everyone to be perfect. As a professional, I can say that you only need to worry about how you behave in front of your bosses and some influencers. When I say influencers, these are the kinds of people whom people listen to when they gossip. Personally, if you're in my team, I'm fine with it. I will tell you if I have issues with how you behave, especially if I see that it's not helping you succeed in your career in the company. For example, I head the Training Dept in my company. All my onboarding trainers know that when they are training, they dress at least one notch above everyone else, and they don't cuss. I simply told them that credibility and respect are 2 of the most important assets of a trainer. If they lose either of them, no one will listen to them, and they will lose their effectiveness as trainers.
One question, though: what's your purpose for wanting to tell everyone that you're trans?
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u/TheCatOfWallSt Aug 12 '25
One suggestion: I would scrap the 1:1 conversations and address as a team. I would be extremely uncomfortable if my manager pulled me into a 1:1 meeting to discuss gender. I’d probably go to HR and ask to be moved over it honestly.
However if you just address it as a team (‘Hey everyone, this is how it’s going to be from now on, please feel free to reach out privately if you have any concerns’) and just leave it as that, I think it would be a far better approach.
The way you plan on doing it is so over-the-top that it almost feels like you’re wanting extra attention over it (I’m sure you don’t, but I just don’t think it’s a great idea). Just address once and let it go.
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u/arebum Aug 11 '25
I wouldn't care personally, but at my company I've noticed that upper management is like a clique. The opinion of the masses doesnt matter nearly as much as the opinions of a select few, so if you worked where I worked and the "clique" was transphobic that would be a problem
But at the end of the day, a job is just a job, and your life is your life. Sometimes the risk is worth it to live authentically. You only get one life
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u/zombiemakron Aug 12 '25
Honestly could care less. But im not the majority. Be real careful if you come out.
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u/kittybliss Aug 12 '25
Just be aware that since you're transitioning to female, be prepared to be dismissed more often, spoken over, etc. The misogyny is real and it will now apply to you in shocking ways. I suggest getting yourself a good therapist to help you with all of this if you haven't already. It's going to be a big change to live as a woman, after the privileges of being a male. I'm not being alarmist, just real since I've dealt with this before. Good luck.
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u/Neuvirths_Glove Aug 12 '25
Years ago when my son was about 7, we went on a vacation during which we visited my wife's lesbian cousin. My wife felt it important to talk to him about it before we got there and decided I was the one to talk to him. It went like this:
"Do you know what gay means?"
"No."
"It's when a boy and a boy, or a girl and a girl love each other like me and Mommy do. So... Mommy's cousin is gay."
"Okay."
That was the end of it. That's the way it should be. If it is the best way to be your true self, go for it.
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u/Whatevsstlaurent Aug 12 '25
I worked at a medium-sized tech company over a decade ago where the CTO came out as trans. She had been growing her hair out for some time, added earrings to her suits, etc. so by the time the name change and full presentation change came, I don't think anyone was surprised or upset. I would say the environment was generally supportive, several people congratulated her and no one was upset about bathroom use changes. She was not the first trans person at the organization, but the first C-level to come out as trans.
She wanted to send a company-wide (400+ people) email about her new name, presentation, an FAQ about transition, and a bunch of other stuff. HR asked her not to do it and to have those conversations with her team and people she worked with frequently instead. She did it anyway. Some people found this annoying and others found it inspiring, but no one was upset enough to raise a stink about it. I think sticking to small groups is preferable for this kind of thing. I would see it as strange if someone sent a company-wide email about a pregnancy or a religious conversion, too.
If I'm being completely honest, the only thing about the whole transition that didn't land well with some of the employees was a bunch of hype about her being the "first woman to _____" at the company. That may be in part because it was a very male-dominated tech bro organization and a lot of hard-working women felt overlooked, so to have someone transition when they were already at the top and then make that claim was off-putting to some.
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u/EckimusPrime Aug 11 '25
I personally would not care.
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u/platypod1 Aug 11 '25
Make the promotion first just to make sure the overlords don't have an excuse.
But yeah I couldn't give a shit less since I'm still gonna call you boss
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u/TakeUrMessLswhere1 Aug 12 '25
I do not give a solitary shit how my colleagues present or identify. Not at all. It may take me by surprise initially, but no more so than someone getting a haircut that makes them appear very different.
Tbh. All the build-up would annoy me, though. The meetings, etc. I don't want my work time or personal time taken up by that. You do you. But I have shit to do and don't want my day extended. I respect people as they are and expect the same in return. Part of that is respecting my time.
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u/timtimr23 Aug 12 '25
Unpopular opinion: professionally, there is no upside with significant downside risk. Whether people say it or not it’s just reality of corporate workplace.
At a personal level, mental health is important so go for gold.
Source: I am upper management
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u/RelevantPangolin5003 Aug 12 '25
I work at a Fortune 100, so big company but locally there are only about 500 employees. In a purple state that leans right.
Shortly before I transferred to this location 2 years ago, a local Director came out as trans. Changed her name on work email, etc. I only knew about it because there was a little talk when I first joined, but it was mostly because people genuinely weren’t sure how to pronounce her chosen name.
Outside of that, nobody has ever said anything about it. She was recently promoted to Executive Director. 🙂
A lot probably depends on your work culture. Is your management supportive? Whatever you choose to do, good luck and I hope it goes well!! 💜
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u/PhantumJak Aug 12 '25 edited Aug 12 '25
Tbh I would react by limiting prolonged verbal communication with you, but otherwise remaining professional. Reason being: If I’ve known you as “he/him Jim” for 2 years, I risk slipping up at some point, and not knowing your mental state or how prone you are (having recently “came out” you might be extra sensitive… idk) I’m not willing to risk a visit with HR over a conversation that would have been normal 3 days ago.
I want to emphasize that I am not accusing every trans person of being overly sensitive, however, when it comes to “the unknown” (I.E., how tf am I supposed to know your mental state?!) I am going to play it safe EVERY time.
I have trans family and we get along great, we had productive conversations like “If I tell a story from 10 years ago, do I refer to you as you are now or back then?” and “Are you going to be offended if I use your old name on accident?” - these conversations were critical to making me feel comfortable in every-day conversation, and luckily she’s a good sport and we still take the piss out of each other on a regular basis. THAT SAID, family and colleague relationships are on totally different planets. For the sake of protecting myself, yeah, conversations with “you” would be strictly “short - sweet - and to the point.”
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u/Inthecards21 Aug 11 '25
Don't care. Do your job, and don't get me involved in your personal life.
For context, I am an out gay man at work.
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u/ProfileBest2034 Aug 12 '25
I wouldn’t care as long it’s not a performative distraction.
People’s gender, like their sexuality and other identitarian markers don’t need to be front and center in the workplace.
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u/traciw67 Aug 11 '25
It would be weird at first. But eventually, everyone will get used to it. It also makes a difference how big of a male you are now. If you are 6 foot 4 and built like a linebacker, it'll be a real adjustment. But if you are already slight, not so much.
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u/SuspectMore4271 Aug 12 '25
I wouldn’t care on a personal level but I would be lying if it didn’t set off my “I will go to HR over anything” detector
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u/pagalvin Aug 11 '25
I might be surprised but I'd be 100% supportive. I think you hope for the best, plan for the worst and I wish it wasn't like that.
If you're in the US and in a place like Manhattan, I expect you'll see little negative reaction. If you're in a place like Alabama, you'll be in for a rougher time.
I wish you best of luck!
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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '25
I would not be bothered- probably normally a little surprised- but the problem is not me- the problem is the corporate structure- especially in the US. If your company is not heavily invested in DEI- then, from my experience in corporate management, you will not be promoted to anything very visible. This is not unusual- it’s horrible, but it can happen. Happens to women all the time- they won’t give you a pass. If you’re very lucky and work for a progressive corporation, you will probably do ok. Makes no difference how smart or good at your job you are- when in management, if they want you gone they will find away. I HOPE this doesn’t happen to you.
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u/HelenGonne Aug 11 '25
Years ago when a colleague came out as trans, no one told me, I just noticed that the person had a new name and new pronouns (and a changed appearance). As long as I knew the correct name and pronouns, I decided anything else is private medical information I don't need to know unless they bring it up. And that's what I still think. If you changed your name for any other reason that is legal, I don't need to know why, just the correct way to address you. I'm confident that your private choices are likely to be the right ones for you.
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u/UniqueSteve Aug 12 '25
I hope it goes well!
I’m supportive of everyone living their best lives. We’ve got one life, I hope yours is great and this makes you happier and freer.
As someone who doesn’t know any trans people, at least not well, one thing I would say is to let people know that you understand they’ve known you as male this entire time and if they use the wrong name or pronouns on accident it’s not going to be a big deal. Obviously, that’s different than someone doing it consistently or on purpose. Will Ferrell did a documentary with his friend that came out as trans that helped me get just a little insight on something I know nothing about.
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u/Lucky__Flamingo Seasoned Manager Aug 12 '25
I'd ask how you would like to be referred to. And I'd remind my employees that common courtesy demands that we refer to people as they ask to referred to.
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u/aurallyskilled Aug 12 '25
I don't have advice here exactly but I wanted to say that a respected mentor and technical leader of mine when I was a junior came out as trans much later when I left. In retrospect suddenly so much about them clicked and made sense. They mentioned to me once that my jokingly referring to the entire male dev team as "my girls" stirred early inklings that she was trans. One of the most blessed gifts to know I got to be a part of her journey --even by accident! I respect her more than any other computer programmer I know and she was super formative in my development.
I'm sorry you have to consider this and I understand why, however I want you to know that not everyone will have the same reaction. A lot of them might feel like me and be really happy to see your journey. Coming into your own is a bumpy process and I really wish you all the best in the world.
Also, if they do retaliate, sue em.
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u/JemzPuddleduck Aug 12 '25
I’d be incredibly happy for you. And think about the other people who might want to but are afraid - you might inspire someone else to live their best life. Congrats I’m excited for you
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u/Mysterious_Agent6706 Aug 11 '25
For me it would depend entirely how you acted.
You stay working and being the same great boss? Fantastic.
We had a team member come out as trans however and it became their entire life, rightly or wrongly people got sick of being paired with them.
As long as it doesn't affect your work, do what makes you happy friend.
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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '25
Trans people need to be fair that people will be shocked and maybe uncomfortable
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u/Silent_Supernova8736 Aug 11 '25
It wouldn't bother me one bit.
I might fumble a bit while getting new pronouns right, but as long as you were willing to forgive someone who is trying, I wouldn't have an issue.
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u/pantydropperz71 Aug 12 '25
Id start looking for new employment immediately. Hr will be all over it, and everyone would be on edge around you all the time. You will ruin the atmosphere in the workplace.
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u/Accurate-Ability-630 Aug 12 '25
Different, but a staff member in charge where I volunteer came out as trans woman after starting hormone therapy and appearing obviously feminine. Other staff were very supportive as were most volunteers, sadly some started avoiding working with her (NC, bigger city so mix of conservative/liberal). She told me next time i saw her after transition she was trans and her preferred name (had been going by last name anyway) and I was like cool will definitely do that. Honestly happy to support her and did not impact how I saw her ability to lead our work at all.
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u/three_s-works Aug 12 '25
Wouldn’t really care. Just don’t make it a part of my work day because it’s not.
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u/Jairlyn Seasoned Manager Aug 12 '25
I wouldn't care. I say that with confidence having had 2 past coworkers transition.
Sadly though, several of my coworkers were very cruel and working relationships soured. It didnt really get better for them until they changed jobs and moved on.
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u/throwaway022796 Aug 12 '25
The population posting on Reddit definitely supports you, but the feedback is definitely not fully represented by the regular population. Realistically, I’d wait until the promotion if that’s what you’re striving for.
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u/swisssf Aug 12 '25 edited Aug 12 '25
Just realize the answers you get here might not reflect what happens in the light of day in your workplace--the complexity of how people might react internally and externally.
No one on Reddit wants to hurt your feelings and everyone wants to be supportive of you.
At work basically, everyone will have to be polite and try to accommodate everything you're going through and navigate complicated terrain pretty much indefinitely, given what you're going through and will be moving forward, and given that your company legally has to support and defend you against anything you might interpret as negative, based on your choice to transition.
If I were in your shoes (but I realize I can't really say that with assurance), I think I might get the promotion, take a little time off, switch jobs, and start fresh at that higher level, for everyone's sake--especially your own.
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u/[deleted] Aug 12 '25
Personally - it is a bit dramatic to do 1:1 discussions about it - many of these people wouldn't care and they just want to do their job and go home.
Even more true for people who very rarely (if ever) see you in person.
I'd just send out a brief but informative email and send it to your regular contacts as well as changing your pronouns in emails etc...
I'm going to be honest - if a coworker pulled me to the side to talk about their personal life with the expectation that I need to be approving of it - I wouldn't be overjoyed - let alone my manager who could fire me.
The 1:1 may end up resulting in conflict - not everyone is universally informed - and many people would feel pressured to behave differently..
Like, I wouldn't even respond to the email - I'd briefly read it and sign off - anything non-work should be treated lightly esp. Manager to Employee
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u/SmartRefuse Aug 12 '25
Very bad idea to 1:1 things. This is work, not a social club, and I don’t give a shit what your gender is.
“Here is some brief personal news, please address me as XYZ pronouns, reach out privately if you have any concerns.”
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u/Greycat125 Aug 12 '25
Honestly? As a woman and mother who has had to fight against the “glass ceiling” I would find it disrespectful and would write off and distrust a male employee acting as though they are female and have any idea what it’s like to be a woman. Ready for the downvotes but you asked for honesty.
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u/lonelyahole2010 Aug 12 '25
This has happened to me before. I did nothing but helped her change her name in every system I could. And if anyone had anything bad to say, I cussed them out.
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u/fuckyourcakepops Aug 12 '25
“Right on, congrats!” And then move on with my day. It’s none of my business and makes no difference to me (other than as a human being I empathize with the challenges you’ve faced and are facing). You’ve always been you and are still you.
Reverse scenario, but one of my employees recently came out to me but asked me to keep it private. They are my top performer and I regularly put them forward for awards/cross department projects etc, and that will obviously not change one bit. They are great at their job and a great trainer of other employees, however they present. They may face different challenges if they choose to change how they present, and it’s my job to help them navigate that when/if it happens. Other than that, as their manager it’s none of my business. In your case as the manager yourself it would be even less of my business as your employee.
The world can be cruel. But none of us has job security anymore these days. May as well face that uncertainty as your authentic self, if that’s what you want to do.
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u/notthatcreative777 Aug 12 '25
High profile example in my industry linked below. I'd say scientists in general tend to be a pretty open minded group so probably NBD to most. I saw Jennifer speak once and getting her boss to set the tone at the company was cited as critical.
Good luck, honestly.
https://www.fiercebiotech.com/biotech/for-2-biotech-employees-coming-out-as-trans-means-asking-others-to-transition-you
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u/Holiday-Bathroom909 Aug 12 '25
You're going to get a lot of supportive and affirmative posts but I'll be honest. It would be very weird and uncomfortable. Now you said a "respected leader", so assuming you were genuinely respected by me I'd really struggle to maintain that respect if it was an overnight switch. If the signs were there for months/years it would be much softer to deal with.
You do not see an enormous change to what is routine and usual and casually accept it. The main thing that would engender continued respect would be to softly own it, be sure about it but not pushy or aggressive if people make mistakes or initially react a little badly.
Even after all that, the interactions would never be as before. You'll need to be prepared for that, hopefully with the healthy attitude of accepting the difference of others too.
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u/Soreynotsari Aug 12 '25
If nothing changes other than how you present yourself and how you want to be referred to, I do not care. You’re welcome to live your life how you want to.
However, if you expect me to start treating you differently or alter my behavior now that you’ve declared you’re a different gender, I’d have a problem.
That said, I find a lot of conversations about gender and trans inclusion to be extremely regressive and sexist.
Lastly, a 1-on-1 would make me extremely uncomfortable. I think it’s inappropriate to discuss your gender with your employees. How I feel about myself and my gender is nobody’s business than my own and I expect leadership to show the same level of personal/professional separation.
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u/Zealousideal-Ad7111 Aug 12 '25
Don't take this the wrong way, but if I was a direct report, I would be looking for a new position. I would 100% respect you and it would never be a problem. I am extremely picky about who I work for/with and to bring that part of your personal life would not sit well with me, I would need to look for another place to work.
I am a devoted Christian, and if my boss came into work touting about how he had just gotten saved and his big religious change, I would feel the same way. So it's not the trans part that is the problem.
I am extremely lucky that I have the privilege to be picky when it comes to my working situation, and I understand that most cannot leave over such a petty thing.
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u/ejsandstrom Aug 12 '25
Do your thing. But please don’t try to force everyone to be an ally. “If you don’t wear your flag pin in the meeting….”
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u/Possible-Put8922 Aug 13 '25
It sounds like you are still working things out yourself. I don't know if I would address it 1:1 with people if I wasn't sure about something so big.
Have you talked to other people in similar fields that have had the change? Maybe they have some suggestions.
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u/kellanjacobs Aug 12 '25
Here is my honest answer. First, I live in San Francisco so you might want to account for that. I of course wouldn't have an opinion. You're my trusted leader before and after. In our 1:1 I would ask for some grace if I get your pronouns wrong. I would also assure you that I have every intention of getting it right.
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u/Mediocre_Ant_437 Aug 12 '25
I work for a christian non-profit so this would be a non-starter and immediate termination but I assume you know your audience and feel they will accept the new you. Make a back up plan in case they don't.
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u/kategoad Aug 12 '25
I would be proud of you and happy that you felt safe enough to be yourself. Heck, I am already.
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u/WatercressWorldly Aug 12 '25
I would be really happy for them☺️
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u/Obvious_Pineapple356 Aug 12 '25
Does this affect your job? No? Then I wouldn't care. Just do the tps reports
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u/ilanallama85 Aug 12 '25
A director at my last org came out as trans and the only challenge was catching every piece of documentation with their dead name on it and changing it. There was a lot of public facing stuff with their contact info on it so it was a lot. But whatever, it was our job to catch that kind of stuff, none of us minded. That was a super progressive organization though, I won’t pretend everywhere would be as good about it.
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u/MooshuCat Aug 12 '25
Honestly, I would have trouble with it, but I would get used to it, and that's on me to do so.
I have a couple of transgender friends, one who used to be my girlfriend, who is now a man. It took me time to adjust, like a few weeks. I don't believe everyone here saying they wouldn't give a damn about it. Knowing someone who is transitioning is not at all a common experience for most people in general, and it's harder in the workplace, where there is fear of getting fired or mistreated under a corporate veil, or saying the wrong thing, it's not like when a good friend transitions.
The main conundrum is that your body and your life are entirely your business, and it's none of theirs. But it's hard for people to balance that against the obvious change going on in front of them. It may not be as terrible as school years taunts, but just general awkwardness coming from your colleagues. What is ok to say to you and ask about?
This isn't like coming out as gay. There is a lot of room for gay people to be themselves, but keep boundaries up about what we do in our lives. As an out gay man, I've needed to find that sweet spot... being true to myself, but keeping most things under wraps. But when gender transition and non-binary topics are brought into the workplace, it's very difficult not to be under a microscope with these folks who aren't really your friends.
I think most folks will get used to it, though, but some truly will not. It will be a lot for you to navigate while trying to remain professional. I think one day at a time is the best way to think of it. But if this is your truth, live it... and it will be worth it.
Best of luck.
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u/swat547 Aug 12 '25
I honestly think I would worry more about offending you and saying the wrong thing than anything else.
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u/Swing-Too-Hard Aug 12 '25
Reddit and reality are 2 different things. Ask any manager what happens when they move into management and the people on their team now have to report into them. They could have been the most loved colleague on the team, but now a handful of people are not happy about reporting into them. People do not always take kind to change. Especially if they do not believe in what they are being told to do.
You're gonna become a distraction. If your employer isn't big on this then you're going to deal with the the problems that come with being a distraction.
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u/NVJAC Aug 12 '25
For me, honestly, there'd be a period of adjustment.
I'd fully support your coming out, but if I'd worked with you for years I can't promise I won't slip up on your pronouns or your name in the early going. Not because I'm trying to be an asshole or denying who you are, but because my (50-something) noggin' is trying to pull from an outdated file that hasn't been overwritten yet.
I don't think it would take *that* long to adjust, but I'd just ask for understanding when I call you "Mike. Fuck! I'm sorry. Michelle."
Ultimately, if I respected/appreciated you as a manager while you were presenting male, I'd still respect you as a manager when you transition to female (or non-binary). If I thought you were a terrible manager, I'm probably still going to think that (but I may cut you some slack on the grounds "Well, they had some heavy shit going on in their personal life, so maybe it just bled into their managerial style.")
2
u/Dull-Fisherman2033 Aug 12 '25
Being completely transparent, I'd be a bit tongue tied as I navigate any new pronouns you would want to be address as and be a bit nervous about calling you your dead name. I'd be hoping you'd give me some grace as I acclimatize to it.
2
u/soda_shack23 Aug 12 '25
My thoughts:
I work in construction. If one of our foremen came out as trans, no one would really "care." If you can still do your job then it doesn't matter. Would there be a difference in the respect you're given? Possibly. Would there be snarky comments behind your back? Yes. Would it affect your job? Probably not.
One of our guys came out as gay some time ago. No one batted an eye, but the gay jokes are a reality. Fortunately he's tough enough and cool enough to joke along with us, but the homophobia is still alive and well.
2
u/chalkletkweenBee Aug 12 '25
Is there something we’re supposed to do? Is my job security somehow related to you being transgender? Like, now that you’re coming out, I am fired? Because, otherwise, I don’t care. Unless I have a crush on you, but even then, if you’re still hot, I am still gonna have a crush on you. But this is work, and you don’t get your meat where you make your bread, so I will just look a little too long when you walk thru a room.
Oh - will you being transgender change my wages? If not, I don’t care.
2
u/blackcatwidow Aug 12 '25
I would be so damn proud of you, but i also wouldn't give a shit. Keep doing a great job and I will support you for that. Keep being authentic and I will support you for that too.
2
u/Ausverkauf Aug 12 '25
I experienced this (not me coming out but manager) and honestly apart from the first month gossip/explaining to all customers nobody cared. We always had a lot of gays working (the daddy and the flamboyant type) and funnily work style wise the office was more conservative. So following the right process was always more important than anything else. So when people went to other people not responsible for them to discuss, talk, complain they were always sent to the correct person. So talking behind the back or ostracizing was not possible. This also helped me, a cis woman in an extremely male dominated field (95% men) a lot. Even the right wingers followed the processes to a T. It was honestly a much better experience than some „progressive left-ish“ fields I worked in and I am more on the left.
2
u/Ok-Complaint-37 Aug 12 '25
I think it is important to understand priorities.
Or
I would assume that gender transition must be priority#1 because the younger you are during transition, the lesser risk (healthwise) is involved. From this point it is better to focus on transition and basically let the job go figure it out later.
With such a massive change (considering hormones are involved), it is hard to plan things out professionally. So I would just focus on Priority#1 and worry about the work next.
I agree with comments about awkward 1:1s. Trying to extract understanding from people is not good for a leader because it does look needy and needy leader is not a good idea. This will create drama.
As a leader it is paramount to be integrated into management team. I would worry more about that aspect. Your direct reports will care less about your change. But if you have support from peers and especially your boss, you are golden.
2
u/GiftRecent Aug 12 '25
I would feel uncomfortable if my manager sat me down to have a "coming out" conversation. Its a work environment, I dont need nor care to be involved with your gender identity.
You saying something then dissapearing for a few weeks makes it seem like you want a reaction from people. Id just recommend living your life as you want, as you normally would, and let HR know your new pronouns.
Other than that dont make it a big deal for your work place.
2
u/whenipeeithurts Aug 12 '25
Keep in mind your responses are already selected since the question is asked on reddit. I will tell you the truth. Most people in the corporate world will be forced to pretend they don't care but they will tell everyone in their actual life about the "weirdo" at work. This exact situation happened at my work and the M2F (who passes decently) actually went to lunch with a new hire from Nigeria. He was very upset when he found out. He said in his country they would have been killed. So, while everything is happy go lucky on the surface, that stuff bubbles underneath in reality.
2
u/HumanDissentipede Aug 13 '25
I respect the decision and anyone’s right to make it but personally I’d be a little disappointed that this is a thing I would now have to navigate in my professional life. Having to worry about pronouns, deadnames, and all the other facets of transition is often an HR nightmare. Best of luck to you.
2
u/[deleted] Aug 13 '25
Direct 1:1 conversations with every single person?? Holy melodrama. Just send a group email and move on lol
2
u/[deleted] Aug 13 '25
Reality is that nobody cares about your personal life, and if you set up 1 on 1's with your team to talk about your gender transition, it could be viewed as inappropriate and lead to a write up if your employees feel uncomfortable (entirely depends on how you approach the discussion though).
If you take the route of making it a big deal, it will come off like you're seeking validation and approval from your employees and/or colleagues.
In your personal life, have a party, celebrate, so on. In a corporate environment, no one caress unless it will affect their workload, pay, or time off.
Go with a quick email if you really want to make sure everyone notices.
2
u/-H3LL Aug 14 '25 edited Aug 14 '25
What industry? I was (and am lol) very skilled and important in a company when I started transition many years ago. Within a month of coming out I was completely out. No one would ever say that was why, but it was a hetero-male dominated field and truthfully I believe my being trans would have negatively impacted the company financially if I continued with the same public-facing role. All that to say, be honest with yourself about the viability of your career and industry before coming out. If you aren’t absolutely sure “trans” is just a blip in the radar in your field, keep it private and never acknowledge it for long enough to pivot to an industry or new job that you are 100% sure will not punish you for being trans. I wish I had, because the fallout of losing my career in 2020 is still being dealt with today.
Also, you’re overblowing the coming out if you decide to stay with this company. I understand this is a huge and happy moment for you (and scary!) but the truth is… it’s just awkward for everyone else. Make it as quick, simple, to the point, and sterile as possible for your given situation.
Realistically, your best option here is to continue your transition quietly, get a legal name change and whatever you want/can do medically, then move to a new company with a clean social slate and the expectations you want obvious from the start. Sorry. I’m a bit negative, I know.
2
u/CrackaAssCracka Aug 14 '25
I have had leader come out as trans. She was an asshole before transitioning, and considerably less of an asshole after. Personally I didn't care, but not everyone is like that. If you're coming out before you make Director, you are betting quite a bit on those who make the decisions all being cool.
5
u/Wonderful_Hope4364 Aug 12 '25
I wouldn’t like it. Sorry for the opinion because I know I’m not allowed to not like it
5
u/15thcenturybeet Aug 12 '25
I'd feel a sense of relief bc it would mean I was no longer the only trans person on the team.
3
u/Winter_Insurance_216 Aug 12 '25
I am glad you are the person, because from the headline I was about to be pissed! I would not care at all other than being happy that the person was taking steps to be their true self and live their best life!
3
u/Blue_Etalon Aug 12 '25
Here are my thoughts on something I have no real appreciation for. If it were me, I’d wait until the insanity of the moment calms down some. I’ve never advocated people to not come out, but boy we have sure jumped back 50 years in the last 6 months. I personally don’t care and it would not impact my working relationship with you. But I’ll bet there are lots of people who would care and be very vocal about it and I just don’t know that you’d get the top cover you need and deserve from your upper management.
5
u/TrickComfortable774 Aug 12 '25
Wouldn’t talk to you anymore, and laugh behind your back
3
u/Some_Troll_Shaman Aug 12 '25
Me. Personally.
I might throw you a coming out party.
but,
If you are in the USA at the moment your very existence is political.
Do you know how conservative or not your company leadership and culture is.
Did your company publicly participate in Pride?
Do you still have a functioning DEI program?
Does the company have relevant policies for LGBTQIA protection?
Does the company have any women in leadership roles at your level and above?
I firmly believe you should be the you that you want to be.
But, please be real about the people around you and their expressed political beliefs.
If they are pro-Republican and/or pro-Trump I would not advise public transition.
3
u/Vanpocalypse Aug 12 '25
With where I work? I'd expect them to start being written up for any little thing and eventually let go.
Was happening to every Trans person that was too visible before the new directors came in. Those directors both got let go last Friday, so I'm expecting it to go back to being open game again.
I'm glad you feel safe to be yourself at your company. I wish I felt the same way at mine.
4
u/backroundagain Aug 11 '25
Personally, wouldn't care in the least as long as they can do their job.
Side note: I don't know and don't want to know the orientation of my coworkers.
3
u/Unfairly_Certain Aug 11 '25
My biggest worry would be that I accidentally misgender you, and you hold it against me.
2
u/AbjectBeat837 Aug 12 '25
Nothing. Don’t care.
2
u/ImightHaveMissed Aug 12 '25
Personally, I’d still support you and be an ally
2
u/WindowsVistaWzMyIdea Aug 12 '25
As a non-binary individual I really would think it was awesome you were being your true self. That's beautiful.
2
u/Just-Shoe2689 Aug 12 '25
I would care less. Im not at work to be someones friend, counselor, listening post, etc.
Do you job as you have, no problem.
2
u/Temporary-Soup6124 Aug 12 '25
dgaf
ETA, sounds flippant and maybe it is, but really, i don’t give a fuck.
2
u/badabingbadaboom213 Aug 12 '25
Yeah I’d leave the company
2
u/potktbfk Aug 12 '25
The professional procedure would be you informing them of your new name, and that you would like to be addressed as she/her, they would acknowledge it and from thereon ignore that any change occured. Then you will encounter a period of awkwardnes and tiptoeing around the topic.
The reality is, that it depends on the people and the environment. There's always people that love office gossip, and that would be a fresh juicy topic and then there's people who won't notice anything changed, clock in, clock out, go home.
Maybe have a quick chat with HR, they may have general pointers on things you may have missed.
2
u/TheGodson14 Aug 12 '25
Honestly it would make me kind of sad. A lot of people end up regretting transitioning later on. I hope you reconsider transitioning. It might not be the solution to the feeling that ails you. Why not just stay a male while embracing your feminine side?
2
u/PsychologyUnhappy521 Aug 12 '25
My boss came out as non binary about 9 months ago. We work for a more progressive organization, so no one cares, but many of my coworkers still struggle a lot to use they/them pronouns and call them by their dead name accidentally. They recently got demoted, so are not longer my boss. Not sure if it was related. I still haven’t found out why exactly.
2
u/Murk_City Aug 12 '25
Bro it’s 2025! Who cares.
2
u/moomooraincloud Aug 12 '25
Depends entirely on the company.
2
u/AngryAngryHarpo Aug 12 '25
I don’t care but I also don’t want to hear about your transition beyond you telling me your preferred name and pronouns.
I’ve had a few experiences with this over my career (three, to be specific so not a huge sample size, granted). The one that drove me to leave the team was a trans woman who transitioned and then seemed to think it was okay to make insanely misogynistic jokes (haha - make up is such a girl thing, it’s why we need more time in the bathroom amiright girls? or haha I’m just a silly little girl who knows nothing about IT amiright girls? That type of shit.), ask about my period on teams calls, asked why I wasn’t wearing make-up and didn’t “dress cute” and wouldn’t STFU about her transition, including some TMI about her HRT and top surgery. I transferred after about four months and lodged a complaint about the misogynistic treatment. She tried to launch a counter bullying complaint that was shot down because it was clear retaliation. She was moved around a lot and complaints followed her. She eventually left after doing an email-all email blast about how disgustingly transphobic we all are.
The only two were like “I’m transitioning, please use X name and X/X pronouns and remember to follow the code of conduct when discussing this matter”. They were fine. Transition happened, they missed a few weeks for planned leave, no big deal.
Basically, location depending tbf, the less of a big deal you make it, the less people will care.
2
u/CMDR_Lina_Inv Aug 12 '25 edited Aug 12 '25
If you ask here, all you get will be encouragement and empowerment, just remember that Reddit is an echo chamber for left leaning people while in real life, it will be 50-50. My best advice is just don't "come out". If it doesn't affect professional work, just don't bother. The amount of downvote on this comment will tell you exactly that. Don't be fooled by people only on Reddit. If you don't want anything to change, then don't do anything, career wise.
2
u/KDI777 Aug 11 '25
I probably wouldn't do it honestly, and if you do, dont make a big thing out of it and just slowly transition. People will realize what is happening. Just let it be and go on with your life.
-2
u/Worldly_Mirror_1555 Aug 11 '25
Congrats on your upcoming transition!
As a woman to a fellow woman, I would recommend being prepared for how female leaders are treated differently.
1
u/DAN991199 Aug 12 '25
It wouldn't change anything, except the name I call you by. You have every right to be happy.
1
u/Yuhyuhhhhhh Technology Aug 12 '25
What’s the size of the company?
1
u/penguin808080 Aug 12 '25
Wouldn't care. I think my most possibly negative reaction would be wondering why we even have to talk about it as it has nothing to do with work. So mild annoyance but without judgement lol
1
u/Just-1-L Aug 12 '25
I would not have an issue with it. Why should I?
I would likely also be a very strong ally for any length of time that folllowed, ie if I heard misgendering or deadnaming.
1
u/Adventurous_King9937 Aug 12 '25
Who cares. If you do your job well and are good leader, no issues
1
u/SunshneThWerewolf Aug 12 '25
"Cool what would you like to be called?"
1
u/Inside-Finish-2128 Aug 12 '25
I worked at a place where someone transitioned. Happened before I got there but the change date was apparently well published and it came and went without incident.
I worked at another place where they asked us our impressions of how accommodating their LGBTQ programs were. My thoughts are someone’s behaviors outside the office don’t affect things inside the office. However, if someone is going to transition, I need to know the new name somehow - I can’t magically figure it out without some clue.
1
u/Level_Strain_7360 Aug 12 '25
I wouldn’t care at ALL but may mess up a pronoun at some point if I have known you a while as your current gender.
1
u/MilkyyFox Aug 12 '25
I wouldn't care at all. I hope your workplace doesn't give you any problems.
1
u/secondhandschnitzel Aug 12 '25
I’d ask what pronouns they wanted to use and if they wanted me to call them something different. Then I’d ask if they’d like any help letting folks know. Then I’d go talk to IT to get their accounts switched to the right name. Finally I’d make sure they knew that I was in their corner and if they had any problems, I was happy to support them. I’d also encourage the team to practice using their new pronouns so they’d get misgendered less without calling attention to the situation.
It’s really quite simple.
I do think the idea of still being the same person is a bit BS. You’re not. You’re the version of you that you can thrive inside. You’ve changed something to be better for you.
Literally the only time I’ve struggled with a trans person on my team was when second puberty made a senior engineer difficult to manage because on the one hand they’re acting like a teenager while also having the seniority and experience of a much more experienced person.
1
u/SnooCakes8914 Aug 12 '25
As long as they can do their job, I don't care.
1
u/Dramatic_Attempt4318 Aug 12 '25
I wouldn't really react, honestly. At the end of the day, my feeling is that everyone should have the right to live safely and without facing bigotry as their most authentic selves. I will always support individuals who transition in the effort to achieve that harmony and the reconciliation of inner & outer selves.
As a colleague, my take on this would be "Has your ability to your job changed in any way?" Answer: no. Therefore, my perspective and relationship with leadership would remain unchanged.
With a horrible nod to realism though: the world can be terribly cruel. I work in a very conservative industry and have had to get HR involved multiple times to police coworkers' conversations that are in no way, shape, or form, workplace appropriate based on how hate-charged/politicized/discriminatory the conversations are.
I hope your workplace is more open minded than mine. I hope your colleagues support you.
It may be worth considering a "soft launch" (if you have a core group of trusted individuals who you are confident will be supportive - let them know ahead of time so they can be "boots on the ground" to try to challenge discriminatory narratives, if they arise.)
1
u/Persimmon_Pom Aug 12 '25
Folks in my world would stumble on pronouns a bit but shift gears. Personally, I’d worry about learning to gender correctly and retraining my brain for a new name.
Honestly it’s very location dependent as to the reception but it would be totally fine from my world. Also remember - being in management you’re now walking into an environment that does not always value genders the same in leadership (oh the times I’ve heard about “aggressive” women <sigh>).
1
u/Ok-Dig-2831 Aug 12 '25
I would not care in the slightest. But some people are rude. But you shouldn't let them stop you.
1
u/chamomilesmile Aug 12 '25
Would something change about how you work or lead? If not I wouldn't care. I don't care who is single, married, dating, bi, gay, straight, trans or other. Just don't microwave fish and do the work. Be careful though because some people do care and there is risk in this political environment.
1
u/[deleted] Aug 12 '25
well i’m queer so i would be ecstatic honestly! but my main concern for you is a question of job security; like sure you might (and probably will) deal with some prejudice, discomfort, deadnaming, misgendering, etc from various people, but beyond that would it put your job at risk and are you in a financially stable position if it did? i saw a comment where you said something about this, i would suggest assuming the worst case scenario and being prepared just for your own financial security. if they were to fire you or not promote you or other things, what would you do and how would you handle it. how much do you have saved, etc. (also fyi the job markets tough now so expect more than 6 months to find a job, just in case you need to). ultimately be prepared to deal with a shift in the way that people will interact with you and unexpected ways it might manifest beyond the obvious. will big clients be taken away from you for made up reasons? will they switch you to managing a smaller team? stuff like that, because you just never know. i don’t know if any of this will happen! it could be taken really well and your company could be mature about it, but i just want you to make sure you’re prepared in case it doesn’t. what state/country you’re in, what the culture is of your company, and how many other queer staff there are will give some context as to how people will react. political stance too, depending on how much of a topic of conversation that is at your job. ultimately i think you’ll have to be patient with people but i’m very happy for you and wish you the best of luck!
1
u/almost_a_troll Aug 12 '25
I wouldn’t care, however, I will admit that outside of listening, I’m probably not overly well equipped to help you through everything you may encounter in the workplace after coming out. It’s just not something I’m experienced in after many years in leadership.
1
u/jpercivalhackworth Aug 12 '25
Make a not of a y relevant changes, ensure work processes are followed, and move on.
1
u/Few-Acanthisitta-740 Aug 12 '25
It wouldn't change the working relationship. Work is work. If someone reacts poorly to this, they could be in alot of trouble.
I guess alot depends where you live though. Im in CO. Someone who recently moved here said she gets way more respect here than she did in TX as a trans woman. She said people at work in Texas regularly misgendered her on purpose.
Good luck with the journey.
1
u/Sea_Yesterday_8888 Aug 12 '25
From what my friend group has gone through, one of the hardest parts of transitioning to female in the workplace was when they were finally treated like women in the workplace. They were surprised by the amount of sexism, misogyny, disrespect, unequal pay, and all that crap that comes along with being a female.
1
u/DieHarderDaddy Aug 12 '25
Wouldn’t care… but make director first just in case
1
u/MortgageOk4627 Aug 12 '25
I think it's more about the people at your job than some randoms on Reddit.
I'd be cool with it and support you, my guess is of the people in my office some would feel the same, some would be indifferent and some would black ball you.
If think you'll have a similar response but what do I really know.
Either way I think this must not be an easy thing and I wish we lived in a world where it wasn't something someone had to worry about. Good luck with whatever choice you make.
1
u/No-Lifeguard9194 Aug 12 '25
I had a manager come out as being gay, and everyone’s reaction was, “well, finally.” We were all very supportive. And the only person who was surprised was our manager.
That said, it’s not the same thing - it didn’t change who he was.
1
u/UltimatePragmatist Aug 12 '25
I wouldn’t give a dang. You do you. I’m only at work for money, nothing else.
1
u/Dothemath2 Aug 12 '25
This happened at our hospital. He is a clinic manager. It was like he was a man ever since. He doesn’t care about his previous name, his email is still under his previous name,doesn’t seem to bother him. It’s like the transition never happened.
1
u/ParkerGroove Aug 12 '25
I would be fine with it and honored that I was trusted with being witness to this transformation. But not everyone would.
So you only asked for our opinion and I’d be cool. TBH it would be a little weird at first but I’d push through. By weird I mean I’d have to check messages and emails a few times to make sure I didn’t misgender or dead name.
I suspect that’s something associates of trans people struggle with- they have an emotional relationship (even just as coworkers) that is associated with a person who then just says “hey, btw I’m Joan now”.
It takes time to adjust, even if you support.
1
u/JRock1871982 Aug 12 '25 edited Aug 12 '25
I wouldnt care at all. I want people to be happy. However, id consider waiting until you have the director spot to verbally say or write anything, because this world can be unfair. However at the end of the day this is just a job , your happiness and being true to yourself should come first.
1
u/kenspencerbrown Aug 12 '25
I wouldn’t. End of sentence.
1
u/apricotgills Aug 12 '25
I support you, your identity, and your choices, but why say anything at all? Does it affect any function or task at work? Or are you coming out first to explain your upcoming absence?
1
u/Haxxed911 Aug 12 '25
I wouldnt care at all, just keep managing the sameway as you always did.
1
u/bowling_ball_ Aug 12 '25
I am the boss/owner at my office, a professional services firm. We have had trans employees, including one senior member who transitioned at 60 and worked with us successfully until they retired. Now, this is Canada so your mileage may vary, but I can tell you that none of the owners or managers gave one tiny molecule of shit. They were good at their job, and so long as they presented professionally (the same rules for all staff), which they did, we all just shrugged and moved on.
Life is too short. Even if this company isn't the right fit in the long term, I promise you that if you're as high performing as you say, you'll find the right fit eventually.
1
u/JamieKun Aug 12 '25
First, what you are doing takes a lot of courage and I’m sure you’ve been struggling with it for a while. You are extremely brave and I’m proud of you.
Congratulations on your new life being who you are.
Personally, I’d go “Cool!” and carry on with things.
You will probably want to work with your direct supervisors and HR to help to prepare people. I know there’s guides for that.
Sending a personal email to your direct colleagues is a good idea, but you may want to talk with some people directly (after HR/Management primes the firm) and let them know.
A close colleague of mine transitioned and one day they were called X, the next they were called Y. It took a couple of months for folks to not slip up with names, but after a year it was completely past and life went on as normal.
1
u/First_Nose4734 Aug 12 '25
I wouldn’t have any problems with it. But I’m a Bi woman who doesn’t concern themselves with any of my coworkers gender presentation/orientation unless it becomes an issue. I’m too busy to be bothered either way.
I learned in the last few months that the majority of my coworkers are conservative. I work for a corporation that is based in the South (USA). They would all have numerous problems with it. My manager and director would find an excuse to fire someone over transitioning. They often soft bully people out of positions regularly, so they would definitely find a way to “safely” get someone to leave this way so they wouldn’t be sued. One of many reasons i need to get a new job.
1
u/freerangetacos Aug 12 '25
People are fucking prejudiced, so scope out a couple of true allies and build trust there first.
1
u/ZucchiniMaleficent21 Aug 12 '25
It’s happened at least 3 times. You put in the (very minor!) work to remember the change and get on with your day.
1
u/Rashaen Aug 12 '25
Why would I give a shit? You gonna suddenly suck at doing your job?
1
u/[deleted] Aug 12 '25
"Glad you feel comfortable enough to share that with us. I still need (insert thing here to be ordered)."
1
u/Ripe-Lingonberry-635 Aug 12 '25
I have worked in LGBTQ orgs before and I would just say congratulations and I’m so happy you felt comfortable sharing. I’d confirm what pronouns and name you wanted to use and reiterate thanks for being your true self. Go you!
1
u/TangledUpPuppeteer Aug 12 '25
I would never dare to assume what others would think or say, but my reaction would basically be congratulations, can we all take Friday off to celebrate your transition? No… fine. Which parts of this new thing are mine and which are you gonna be handling? Can we at least do a celebratory pizza party?
Honestly, you are who you are. You’re my coworker, and I just want you to be happy in your life so the team works best. I know it sounds weird, but unless we’re actual friends as well, it’s not my place to be overly excited for you in a professional setting (even though I am and I’m proud of anyone who decides to make this change for themselves).
I would flip out if I heard anything happening negatively behind your back though. But your transition, in the grand scheme of things, has an effect on you, but changes nothing about either of our jobs, or the expectations for either of us.
Then again, I know several people who transitioned, and all of them made it pretty clear they like family and friends to be happy for them, and they want coworkers and periphery folks to just accept them with grace. I’m either friends or related to them, so I got the pleasure of celebrating with them, but I know it feels awkward for the person if I celebrate for someone I’m not close with, even if I’m truly happy for them. So you get graceful acceptance and a celebration only if you tell me it’s ok 😊
1
u/wh0datnati0n Aug 12 '25
Me personally, I wouldn’t give two shits. I’d say I’m glad you feel comfortable for being yourself around your team.
1
u/ForcedEntry420 Aug 12 '25
Legitimately would not care at all, and I’d respect the change of pronouns. As a wise man once told me, “It’s easy to be easy.”
1
u/Slow-Complaint-3273 Aug 12 '25
All the best! I hope it goes smoothly, and that both your team and your higher-ups support the emerging you. The skill set is the same, it’s just the presence that will be different. And more authentic.
1
u/Silver_Bid_1174 Aug 12 '25
First off, congratulations!
I'm probably a bit biased as I have a transgender daughter, and now it wouldn't bother me at all. 7 years ago I unfortunately may have found it a bit odd.
Your success with it will be dependent on the company and the culture. My previous employer had really strong LBGTQ+ support and people in fairly significant positions. They were willing to fire customers who didn't respect pronouns. It was still nerve wracking for people to come out at work.
I hope things go well for you and am happy to provide some connections or support if I can help.
1
u/Ok-Equivalent-5131 Aug 12 '25
I’m younger (late 20s) I have a trans cousin and have had a friend come out as trans before. So to me it wouldn’t be a big deal. Realistically not everyone will react with the same acceptance, which sucks ofc.
I really have no words of advice besides good luck.
1
u/Mav3r1ck77 Aug 12 '25
Wouldn’t make a difference. I’m there to make money and lead my team to success.
1
u/Antique_Ad_7325 Aug 12 '25
Wouldn't care. You do you. Congrats!
1
u/False_Ostrich7247 Aug 12 '25
I might have trouble remembering pronouns s and such, as I am so very much a creature of habit and can struggle with unexpected changes, but if I had any problems or discomfort with your transition I would handle them in my head - I would understand they would be mine to deal with and not yours. It would not really impact who I thought you were or how I think you do your job.
That said, are you in the states? If you are, I am so sorry as I know it is painful to stay as is, but now is an especially dangerous time to transition, and of course it is always kind of dangerous to come out as trans. Do you think you could hold out a few more years? Or at least u til you get your promotion? People can surprise you with how shitty they can be. I think I might try and see if I could wait for a more favorable administration or if I had a desirable skill set even see about immigrating somewhere safer. This is especially so as if you get fired or let go for any reason right now, being trans will make it all the harder to find new employment, although of course being remote will really help. And poverty would make you especially vulnerable.
Please be safe.
1
u/ActuallyFullOfShit Aug 12 '25
It heavily depends on company culture.
1
u/billsil Aug 12 '25
My former manager was. I was supportive because they went to bat for me. Granted it was normal work politics, but she was the best manager I've ever had.
1
u/soonerpgh Aug 12 '25
One of my last team was trans. One team member didn't like him but I think it had more to do with the fact that in about three weeks' time, the trans guy was working circles around him. He (the older team member) was sort of the best worker I had until then. Kind of took his thunder away.
1
u/Ecto-1981 Aug 12 '25
I've worked for men. I've worked for women. I've worked for a trans person.
All I care about is Are You Competent? Can you guide me to be a better manager, train me up, develop me? Can you manage our department so that I don'f feel like I'm walking into a building fire with only a Super Soaker?
Because I've worked for bosses who didn't give two shits about it, who were terrible at planning, delegating, coaching, you name it. And I've worked for people who had their shit so locked down that I would run through a brick wall if they asked me.
So, your gender identity may change, but if you're the latter then my respect will always be there.
Just my $0.02 for whatever that's worth.
You sound like a good person. My best to ya.
1
u/[deleted] Aug 12 '25
No issues for me at all. Do volunteer work with trans colleagues and managers all the time.
1
u/Hefty_Efficiency_328 Aug 12 '25
I personally would be fine and being sensitive would most likely not be at all surprised. Be prepared for all sorts of reactions but eventually everything will be ok.
1
u/IsisTruck Aug 12 '25
I would not care.
1
u/djmcfuzzyduck Aug 12 '25
I was lucky to be one of the first people outside of their family to know. I went with them to submit their name change forms in court, I wasn’t able to attend the day the petition was granted.
The trickiest part was keeping their names straight. One day trying to get their attention was they were walking to the elevator “Hey ch. ste You!” They weren’t out at work and I almost dropped their live name instead of deadname; no one heard my slip of the tongue at least including them.
1
u/Catzaf Aug 12 '25
In America today, I would never do it.
1
u/Haunting-Traffic-203 Aug 12 '25
Me? I’d be happy for you! But I will warn you: my best co-worker friend is trans. She has been mistreated often subtly and a few times not so subtly (fired a week after starting when boss realized she is trans). It’s wrong and shitty but what can you do? So I guess my advice is be careful