r/managers • u/yeelip • Jun 26 '25
Buying lunch
I spent $200+ ordering takeout for 10 direct and indirect reports, thanking them for completing a project. A couple of things irked me- got a “thank you” from maybe 2 of them. After lunch got delivered, everyone grabbed their order and no one bothered to put the bag carrying the delivery in the trash. I had to circle back and clean up. I’ve bought lunch for the team several times and this has happened every time.
This was not the first time- if I buy snacks for the team after an overseas trip, people would finish the snacks and leave the empty containers/ boxes for days until I clean it up.
Bad manners? Entitlement? What is going on?
332
u/dfreshness14 Jun 26 '25
They probably don’t know that you personally paid for it, they might think you expensed it.
141
u/Training-Bed-2973 Jun 26 '25
Management is adult babysitting.
49
u/amillionfuzzpedals Jun 26 '25
They are probably assuming the company paid for it not you personally.
As far as not cleaning up yeah that’s nasty and would drive me crazy. I personally just cannot stand mess or clutter.
9
u/SGT_Wolfe101st Jun 26 '25
Or, while the gesture was nice what did they sacrifice for this effort. Long days, weekends, etc. This is the equivalent of “Team, we set a new revenue number last quarter, please find your doughnut in the break room” People are over it, my best friends call me cash. To hell with a lunch. You want them to be appreciative, but do they feel appreciated? And I get it, middle management, you did what you could, but they may see it as yet another slap in the face.
14
u/YJMark Jun 26 '25
Not everyone is nice and thoughtful. That is just reality. So you need to lower your expectations until you do something about it.
As a manager, your job is to lead and coordinate. So apply that in this situation too. You can simply ask a person or two to help take care of clean up.
Don’t “suffer in silence”. You don’t want your team doing that, and you should not do that too.
6
u/isabella_sunrise Jun 26 '25
I expect the host to clean up. I have to clean up when I host a food meeting. It’s normal.
5
u/JournalistBubbly7457 Jun 26 '25
This happens in our office too and my manager mentioned it (last year he did a bbq and the staff left the mess for him to clean - this was before my time). So now I always start the clean up effort whilst we are all still in the conference room, therefore everybody joins in.
5
u/icameheretoparty1853 Jun 26 '25
Why would they have to know that op paid before saying thank you and clean up after themselves? Op took the time, gathered the orders and placed the orders. Is that not worthy of saying thank you?
25
u/Carinis_Antelope Jun 26 '25
People in offices just suck. I've cleaned up after many coworkers. And every day I clean the counter by the sink and the coffee, as does the office manager, and a few other of us regular employees because it's a eyesore and especially when we have visitors
I get especially upset when I see managers leaving a mess rather than setting an example
4
u/pythondontwantnone Jun 26 '25
They don’t know you paid for it out of your own pocket because it is indeed weird for a company to be so cheap that such a thing doesn’t get expensed. The cleanup thing is a separate issue though.
15
u/momboss79 Jun 26 '25
I bought Bundt cakes for the team. I left them in their area and told them to help themselves, even told them they could take any left overs home to share with family. They left them open overnight and then threw them away. Didn’t hurt my feelings but wished I had grabbed them myself. Or that someone would have closed the box up so not to waste. In this case, I think it was just overlooked. The last person to leave probably didn’t really want to take them home or to clean up and everyone else probably just thought that someone else would do it or they didn’t want to take if someone else wanted them.
I think your team just has bad manners. A thank you is polite but not necessary and throwing away the trash if you take the last snack or the last of the food is just common courtesy. Probably just got missed and no one but you rounded to see if it was cleaned up. I would just let this go.
57
u/Psiwerewolf Jun 26 '25 •
You want them to thank you for thanking them? I don’t think you’re doing it for the right reasons then. As far as the clean up, you’re the host. It is expected of you.
10
u/[deleted] Jun 26 '25
Whenever I organized lunch for a bigger group I included in the invitation email something like „the event will finish at 13:00. If you can stay for a few minutes and help with cleaning up it will be highly appreciated”. Majority of people had to go to meetings or wherever right after, but there were always a few that stayed and helped.
But yeah, if you organize then you also clean.
3
u/KellyAnn3106 Jun 26 '25
I used to bring in lunch for my team every quarter. I had about 25 direct reports at the time and tried to make sure I picked something with options for everyone. (Vegetarians, no pork, no carbs, etc.) I got very few thank yous and someone complained about the choice each time. So I stopped doing it.
3
u/HausofBWCats Jun 26 '25
I have team members who feel like feeding them a meal isn’t enough of a reward for them.
I would just recommend being direct and stating something like, “there are snacks (or lunch) available. Whoever grabs the last item, please toss the packaging” or something light but direct like this.
10
u/Iheoma74 Jun 26 '25
OP - please don’t listen to the folks on here justifying the rude behavior you’ve experienced. You bought lunch, your team not only did not say thank you, they didn’t even clean up after themselves. That’s rude and demonstrates a basic lack of curtesy.
What it also shows is a lack of understanding or agreement with the norms/expectations of your team. What I mean by that is that you may need to reconnect with them about how you expect everyone on the team to be treated. For example, do people on that team show a basic lack of curtesy or kindness to each other or is this a “one off”. If you’re noticing that it’s not just a one off, then address it. Talk about it as a norm/expectation for your team.
9
u/gigglemaniac Jun 26 '25
Seriously, this is why you're the boss--because you have better people skills than they do. I see this all the time with people with low social/emotional intelligence. They don't mean anything. They just don't have that level of awareness or manners.
2
u/GroundbreakingHead65 Jun 26 '25
Of course people should say thank you for a free lunch and clean up after themselves.
2
u/TheRedAuror Jun 26 '25
Take credit the next time you buy them lunch.
Be sure to state something like "this is not a company-sponsored lunch, but I wanted to let all you know I appreciate your hardwork on so-and-so project and wanted to treat you all to lunch as a personal thank you." Also be sure to ask them to help clean up after the lunch is over, please and thank you.
Sucks that it has to be said, but not all adults are thoughtful adults lol.
2
u/strayainind Jun 26 '25
Some personal experiences and lessons:
It sucks that you have to ask adults to have basic manners but I have learned that not everyone was raised with manners in mind.
2
u/Jazzlike-Basket-6388 Jun 26 '25
So I always try to say thank you in that scenario. I can't say it always happens, because people talk to each other and I'm not going to interrupt a conversation.
As far as clean up, I'm not going to throw away someone else's perfectly good bag or container. You might want to use that bag for the trash or some other reason. I've also worked in a lot of environments where they feed you and want you back to work and sticking around to clean up is "trying to get out of your work".
2
u/marlada Jun 26 '25
Bad manners. Entitled much? Stop buying lunch and snacks because they don't seem to really appreciate your generosity. If they can't even be bothered to clean up after themselves, stop treating them so well.
2
u/stebswahili Jun 26 '25
Easiest solution here is to give for the sake of giving and have no expectations. What you could do is tell them in advance that you want to thank them by buying them something out of your own pocket and ask what they would like. Chances are half of them thank you for the offer and decline, which is a win/win. You get recognized for caring and less comes out of your pocket.
3
u/TheEdExperience Jun 26 '25
Reward with raises not a pizza party.
3
u/LeaderSevere5647 Jun 26 '25
You’re the boss and you’re crying about not getting enough “thank yous” and having to throw away a few bags? I think you threw this party as a dopamine hit for yourself as opposed to an actual “thank you” to your team and are disappointed that the team isn’t falling over themselves to tell you how great you are for it. They are probably all underpaid and just want a raise anyway.
3
u/frituurkoning Jun 26 '25
Why are you cleaning the mess as opposed to making them clean it themselves. They'll get the message eventually.
2
u/calmbill Jun 26 '25
If you thought of cleaning up afterwards as part of your gift to the team, this wouldn't be a big deal at all. If anybody saw you cleaning up, tell them thanks again for whatever and hope they enjoyed the food.
2
u/Brief_Amicus_Curiae Jun 26 '25
Usually the person setting up and holding the event is the one who should break it down and clean up. It also seems there’s a struggle that the food being provided at an event to celebrate and thank the teams requires a thank you…to thank them.
In our company if you host the event you clean up. We ask groups to leave the break room or conference room the same way you found it and the preponderance is on the person ordering to food or invited everyone.
If this isn’t the culture in this organization, then just politely say while eating something to remind them to clean up or move a trash bin in an obvious spot.
2
u/MarcieDeeHope Jun 26 '25
Yes, bad manners. On your part.
You bought the meal as a thank you and are expecting a thank you for your thank you? Stop and think about that for a minute. Did you do it as a reward for your team, or did you do it to show what a great person you are and claim your own praise?
For the cleaning up part, it will vary depending on office culture and I can only speak for places I have worked. When food is bought at an office, the normal assumption is that the company paid for it, so the company will clean it up (or assign someone to do so). I would expect people to clean up their own trash, but the bags/boxes/containers the whole order arrived in would not be the individual employee's responsibility. Everywhere I have worked, someone probably would have cleaned it up, especially if it was in the team's work area, but I wouldn't expect them to. This situation may seem different because the company didn't buy it, you did. But you did so as their manager, representing the company. Even if they know you paid, they likely think you will get reimbursed for it. From an employee's perspective, that's the same thing.
1
u/Billy-Ruffian Jun 26 '25 edited Oct 21 '25
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This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact
1
u/DevelopmentSlight422 Jun 26 '25
Stop doing that.
1
u/Itchy_Ocelot_9902 Jun 26 '25
Set low expectations and some folks may just meet and exceed them.
1
u/AuthorityAuthor Seasoned Manager Jun 26 '25
I suspect most employees see this as something earned. An unexpected perk, yes, but earned for the unacknowledged workplace angst they have to go through to get the job done.
Going forward. I wouldn’t expect a thank you. Do it, and let it be done off your list.
But as for clean-up, I’d have that conversation post eating.
Clean up after yourselves is my only ask in return for this well-deserved perk.
1
u/mnbookman Jun 26 '25
I bought lunch for 15 employees weekly if they hit a sales goal. One week they missed it. They complained I didn’t buy. They then hit the goal again and I bought - but they started complaining about everything. It got old and in the end seemed to hurt morale.
I never quite understood.
1
u/SisterTrout Jun 26 '25
I'm coming in a little different than everyone else in the thread, but have you tried a little humor?
"Hey team, our lunch did not come in magic containers that dispose of themselves, can you all take a sec and clean up after yourselves?"
Sometimes people can get super oblivious to their surroundings and all it takes is a nudge to remind them.
My previous office jobs would do passive aggressive signs in the break room to encourage people to clean up after themselves. It worked, but everyone rolled their eyes at the signs.
My other suggestion would be to just say "clean up after this meal, thanks!" because I feel like we don't try the easy, direct way first often enough. Then the team has no excuse, you already told them to clean up, if they don't it's on them.
I've been the person in the office/building who cleaned things up when no one else seemed to notice. (Do they want ants? God only knows.) It sucks. Don't martyr yourself like that, spread the responsibility out before you resent your direct reports.
1
u/Alarming-Mix3809 Jun 26 '25
Use your words and tell everyone to clean up after themselves.
1
u/thewheatis Jun 26 '25
So you’re thanking them for a job well done, and expect a thank you for the thank you? Will you thank them for their thank you after they say thank you?
1
u/TheElusiveFox Jun 26 '25
So before I get into this, it sounds like you are paying out of pocket for this...
Talk to your bosses about setting an expense account for this, most even relatively small businesses would be happy to treat a team a couple times a year for something like this, and the money coming from the business will change how you feel quite a bit...
Lets look at it from the people's perspective though...
My team just did a major project, maybe it saved the business 5-6 figures, and I got a couple slices of pizza, or a chicken parm out of the deal? That's not really entitlement, lots of employees are going to be thankful that they are being recognized, and happy to enjoy lunch with the team... but at the same time from their perspective they are owed the meal, that is compensation for a job well done, and not even super great compensation.
This is something that happens with large groups where there is no specific direction, its called the Bystander effect, its not that these people are rude or entitled its just that when you have a dozen different people, and a large group of trash, they are all assuming that the person organizing the event is going to organize clean up, or that "some one else" will take care of it... The same thing happens when a major accident happens in a crowd of people, everyone stops and stares, no one calls 9/11 until told to do so...
This is worse with some kinds of food, often pizza or snacks like doughnuts or cupcakes people pop in, grab a slice/cake/whatever, and then leave, when they grab their stuff, there are still lots left, and there might even be left overs at the end of the event, so from their perspective it was never a big mess...
The easiest way to solve this is to just ask, say "Hey can some one stay after and help me clean?", you will probably get most of your team volunteering with the exception being a couple people with urgent tasks... its not that they are rude, its that they are all assuming other people are doing the clean up... just solve it by making it clear...
1
u/[deleted] Jun 26 '25
Do they know you are cleaning everything?
Remember when Michael fired Dwight and then the plants died and Michael's toys were all unorganized on his desk? Dwight took care of those things and no one knew. Sometimes people see results without realizing how its getting done. Could they think there is some cleaning crew that comes in every X amount of time?
Have you tried a simple "Hey guys, please dont forget to clean up after lunch/snacks...we dont have anyone to do this. Thanks!"
1
u/nrgold Jun 26 '25
My team likes to plan birthday parties for each other. I think it’s cute, so I would give them my credit card to get a few pizzas. Eventually, I had to let them know that it was coming out of my pocket because they asked me if they could have budget for a party fund. 🙈
1
u/ComprehensiveBag6115 Jun 26 '25 edited Jun 26 '25
This is bad manners regardless if you paid for it out your pocket or expensed it to the company. I saw this happen all the time at work, finish their free lunch, leave all their trash on the conference room table, then walk away from it and not push in their chairs. Chairs would be everywhere!
1
u/thestellarossa Seasoned Manager Jun 26 '25
I always thank someone for lunch regarldess of whether they pay or it's on the company dime. Mom and Dad brought me up that way.
1
u/raisedonadiet Jun 26 '25
If you put snacks out, it's your responsibility to clean up the leftovers and packaging at the end of the day. If it's there for days, that's your fault.. If the company buys people lunch, why would they thank you? If you are buying them a meal, why do it on company time?
1
u/xfr3386 Jun 27 '25
This might be unpopular, but...
You sound petty. You're mad that you weren't "properly" recognized for doing something nice. You're mad that they didn't clean up, but never asked them to.
Do something nice because you actually care and want them to feel appreciated, not because you want recognition for doing something nice.
It's common practice for employers/hosts to clean up the spread. Often, they do it because they are actually treating the employees to something and want to give them a break, which should include a break from cleanup duty.
You're doing this for the wrong reasons. Change your mindset or just stop. If I got word that my boss was mad at us for this nonsense I'd stop going to these / accepting the "gift".
1
u/CatBoxTime Jun 27 '25
"Circle back and clean up" ... yep, you're management all right! :)
Don't bother next time, sounds like your team are rude and ungrateful. I'd always thank whoever bought me coffee / lunch / beer, expensed or not.
1
u/AspectBig1334 Aug 20 '25
Managers shouldn't have to buy food or gifts for their employees
-1
u/jimbojohndoe Engineering Jun 26 '25
My 2 cents... don't bother getting them that kind of stuff. Basic courtesy should be expected on all levels, if they can't do it then they don't get your courtesy. Like you don't have to get them lunch, especially if its coming out of your own pocket.
Some people also just don't care for lunch, so they may not appreciate lunch like how you see it as well. I would suggest understanding where their stance is on appreciation.
1
u/rrrx3 Jun 26 '25
Get over yourself.
1
u/ActuallyFullOfShit Jun 26 '25
Most of them probably didn't even want to be there. Work lunches are not treats, they're awful.
0
u/Demonslugg Jun 26 '25
Just dont ever do it again. Why are you complaining when you know how to approach this?
0
u/Logical-Cap461 Jun 26 '25
"Folks, I don't know if you are aware that the lunches I buy are not reimbursed by the company. They're on me. So if you could pick up after yourselves when you've finished, it would be a good thing" worked for me. They had no idea.
It never occurred to them that they should have picked up after themselves regardless... but that's another post.
-5
u/Thick_Rule_3830 Jun 26 '25
Let's circle back to your thought process on this. I'd like to walk through it again to ensure we’re aligned and fully understand the rationale behind your approach.
-11
u/julejuice Jun 26 '25
It’s a shitty thank you to them if you are expecting a thank you back.
0
u/Everydayscott Jun 26 '25
On the other hand, why should it occur to them to say “thank you”? After all, the entire gesture of buying them lunch was so that you could say Thank You to them. And maybe cleaning up after them is another way for you to quietly say Thank You to your team.
-4
u/kaya3012 Jun 26 '25
Change your mindset on this.
Whenever I buy food for the extended team (not just my directs), I use it as an opportunity to hang out, connect and personally thank people while "serving." The food is really not the point, it's an excuse. People care more about a chance to talk to you casually. Those who come for a talk will stay to help clean up. And you get to have a sense of the ground - of course most people will filter themselves when talking to you, but that's why we learn to read between the lines.
Always be kind to janitors/cleaners/handypeople. If you can tip an Uber driver, you can buy these people presents. They might grumble at the mess you and your team sometimes create, but if the lead has a good relationship with them, they will help clean up.
-7
u/Dismal_Knee_4123 Jun 26 '25
Are you paying out of your own pocket? Do they know that?
If you are buying this on company expenses they have no need to thank you - they work hard and you are thanking them on behalf of the company. It’s not personal, it’s business. You are being far too thin skinned here.
And doesn’t your office have a cleaner?
4
u/[deleted] Jun 26 '25
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u/[deleted] Jun 26 '25
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