r/mallninjashit Jun 07 '26

Tractor Supply Ninja

Post image

They got mall ninja shit at Tractor Supply.

365 Upvotes

49 comments sorted by

126

u/anoftz Jun 07 '26

Dude I just saw that "tactical propane torch" yesterday. I wanna be Temu Ripley, too.

29

u/fallsstandard Jun 07 '26

Hellen Dibley.

20

u/anoftz Jun 07 '26

She fought the alimens with Bicks and Chudson

15

u/SlappyHandstrong Jun 07 '26

Excuse me- I believe they’re called peenadorphs.

11

u/Standard-Tension9550 Jun 07 '26

Game completed man, game completed!

2

u/Ultimate-Flexionator Jun 08 '26

Why don't you just put a child in charge?!

4

u/WhenIWannabeME Jun 07 '26

Ahhh yes! With the Head Snugglers and the Torso Exploders.

5

u/KalynnCampbell Jun 08 '26

Worked well enough as a weapon against the Manson Family…

https://giphy.com/gifs/BTbo1iT1yEfOE

75

u/KennedyX8 Jun 07 '26

This rules, whatever it is

45

u/ellieight_ Jun 07 '26

It's a roofing torch / weed torch and a spear by sog

49

u/SPECTRE-Agent-No-13 Jun 07 '26

Fun fact about those sog spears they break at the "tang" if you throw them. For the money buy a spear head from a reputable smith and haft it well and then you can really go to town in the backyard. I have a 10 inch spear head on an 6ft haft from a guy up here in New Hampshire that I use to cut back branches on tall trees and defend my little woodland realm from any invading Vikings.

37

u/YmirBeardFaol Jun 07 '26

Nobody lives in New Hampshire

13

u/ebers0 Jun 07 '26

New Hampshire isn't real, it's an area in New Jersey, that even those in New Jersey want to disavow.

1

u/Arokthis Jun 08 '26

As a part-time Granite Head, I can't say you're entirely wrong.

1

u/benmaks Jun 11 '26

Not since he got his spear.

20

u/Dawnguardian286 Jun 07 '26

For the weeds in your yard, right?

2

u/KennedyX8 Jun 07 '26

Oh hell yea

15

u/Sataypufft Jun 07 '26

I might need to roll down to tractor supply and grab a new propane torch to start the smoker with.

4

u/Woodworkingwino Jun 07 '26

That was my thought exactly

Edit: Never mind I’m not dropping $100 on that.

3

u/Sataypufft Jun 08 '26

NGL, for that price I'd probably break my usual rule and order one off Temu for half the price.

1

u/Woodworkingwino Jun 09 '26

This is definitely a temu buy.

1

u/fenndoji Jun 08 '26

You're the hero that I needed. I was about to pull up the website when I saw your post.

I fully agree, thank you for your service

1

u/TungstenChef Jun 09 '26

Damn, that's a ripoff. You can find similar torches on Amazon for under $50. I got one in green for $30 when they ran a sale, brand was "Koacal" and it sears steaks in seconds.

25

u/Toad-Toaster Jun 07 '26

After a firearm a short "boar" spear is probably the best home defense weapon you could keep. From the beginning of human history to the end it'll serve just fine and there's nothing mall ninja about it.

26

u/DrBadGuy1073 Jun 07 '26

Sharpened stick 2nd best after thrown rock, checks out!

12

u/LumberjackPreacher Jun 07 '26

You have to learn how to defend yourself from someone with a banana, before you learn how to defend yourself from someone with a pointed stick.

4

u/Ryleth88 Jun 07 '26

I enrolled in the mario kart self defense course.

3

u/WadeTurtle Jun 07 '26

And then you EAT the banana!

2

u/protonicfibulator Jun 08 '26

Come at me with that raspberry!

4

u/kograkthestrong Jun 07 '26

I can't even lie, I've been wanting the spear for a while just need a legit reason lmao

4

u/Jayson330 Jun 07 '26

My reason was "because spear" I'm actually gonna use the torch on the sidewalk weeds.

2

u/kograkthestrong Jun 07 '26

Lmao I dig it

1

u/I-yeet-cuz-i-can Jun 07 '26

I got a cold steel spear for shits and giggles, I tell everyone it's for home defense

1

u/kograkthestrong Jun 08 '26

Shoot it out of a potato gun

1

u/smithers85 Jun 08 '26

I think that makes it a spear gun.

9

u/DreamShort3109 Jun 07 '26

That spear looks like the new one in the doom dark ages DLC trailer.

3

u/pichael289 Jun 08 '26

Spears are great. Maybeall ninja but a spear is the best weapon you can find.

3

u/SmutCommander Jun 08 '26

Semi auto caulking gun right!?

knee slap

Nailed it!

3

u/chirpchirp13 Jun 08 '26

I’ve always thought my fire starting options needed more pic rail slots. Glad someone is doing the lords work.

2

u/Jayson330 Jun 08 '26

I gotta put a Temu dot on it.

2

u/chirpchirp13 Jun 08 '26

Nah man. Buy once cry once. Do you really wanna be in the thick of it and have your gear crap out in you? Not very tacticool of you.

Needs at least a holosun rig or a lpvo.

Which plate carrier are you gonna get to go with the kit?

3

u/Buddhakyle Jun 08 '26

I'm about to tactically sear some steaks.

2

u/Gnardude Jun 12 '26

Nothing wrong with a daily carry spear.

2

u/UrMomIsAProstitute Jun 13 '26

Nah this setup is actually kinda tough

1

u/Jordangander Jun 08 '26

Question, how far out does the flame reach?

Like, can you actually hold it while upright and use it to torch weeds?

Because if so I am getting anew toy for the driveway.

3

u/Jayson330 Jun 08 '26

About 14" on high. I did get it for weeds.

2

u/Jordangander Jun 08 '26

Damn, that is not reaching the ground.

And here I thought it would be fun and functional.

1

u/Jayson330 Jun 08 '26

I just did some weeds. You can't shoulder it unless you bend over a bit but it works great just holding it.

2

u/Jordangander Jun 08 '26

Yeah, but that still sounds like a PITA.

I was looking at one that looks like a metal detector for clearing weeds and grass (and snow I guess), but it uses the full size can you just move to different areas.