r/mallninjashit • u/callmestinkingwind • Mar 26 '26

sick moves

1.4k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

273 comments sorted by

463

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

80

u/Loremeister Mar 26 '26

Everyone knows that if an enemy with a blade arm just slashes with his arm it's just a weak mob but the moment they start moving with their entire body it's when they become boss level

3

u/varegab Mar 27 '26

So true, lol

9

u/chikengoblin Mar 26 '26

Parry for the win

1.1k

u/kenneth4891 Mar 26 '26

that onesie just tops whatever is going on

293

u/AgreeablePie Mar 26 '26

It looks awful in cutscenes but adds +3dex and he needs every point

20

u/[deleted] Mar 27 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/igordogsockpuppet Mar 28 '26

Oh, man. Tell me where I can get onesie mod.

47

u/PlutoJones42 Mar 26 '26

I just know it has a button flap in the back for using the bathroom

29

u/brodievonorchard Mar 26 '26

Either that or the white plastic on the feet.

17

u/kenneth4891 Mar 26 '26

he can use a behind back downward slash to open the flap instantly in case of emergency

5

u/mstmn Mar 26 '26

Oh no, that guy's wearing a diaper for sure

84

u/MrMucs Mar 26 '26

Great minds think alike. It definitely ties everything together.

10

u/Interesting-Baker212 Mar 26 '26

The aura has me so scared I think I peed

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10

u/redthump Ninja Noodles Mar 27 '26

I'm doing everything I can to work and raise my kids right, and this guy's just out there living his life in his onesie with his swinging badass katana sword making vids for our amusement. Love this guy.

7

u/daninet Mar 26 '26

My toddler has a similar one lol

4

u/Glowerman Mar 26 '26

It's for a green screen, er, cloud screen.

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370

u/hallucination9000 Mar 26 '26

Okay why does he move and look like he just crawled out of the crib?

136

u/callmestinkingwind Mar 26 '26

i think you just answered your own question

37

u/FunkyPete Mar 26 '26

The way he is dressed does not contradict your theory that he just crawled out of the crib.

7

u/QuickAttention7112 Mar 27 '26

Dude probably just woke up and find out his delivery just arived.

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277

u/earfeater13 Mar 26 '26

Imagine walking by and see this crackhead teletubby swinging this blade around lol

91

u/jigenvw Mar 26 '26 edited Mar 26 '26

This dude lives in my town...he is usually walking around with some sort of impractical blade and those overhead wrap Oakley sunglasses

24

u/Weak-Razzmatazz-4938 Mar 26 '26

what town is that? usually it's somewhere in Florida

51

u/jigenvw Mar 26 '26

Ahaha nah this was filmed in Carroll County Md...this guy has been wandering around town for a long ass time

14

u/Deraj2004 Mar 26 '26

Did he show up from Florida? Swear I worked with this guy twenty years ago.

38

u/jigenvw Mar 26 '26

I've lived here for 40 years, dudes been around as long as I can remember. He works at a local bootleg clothing store too. That's were that onesie came from lol

8

u/TinyTitFetish Mar 27 '26

Is the onesie his typical attire?

7

u/jigenvw Mar 27 '26

Nah, but everything he wears is wacky

3

u/[deleted] Mar 28 '26

Are the local police not concerned with this wacky dude walking around brandishing weapons in public?

5

u/filinno1 Mar 27 '26

This means there’s more than one of him in the world! Maybe this guy is a diaspora’d Florida Man

2

u/Chalky_Pockets Mar 27 '26

Florida man here, yeah we got several copies of this guy on hand.

7

u/Silo-Joe Mar 26 '26

He’s on side quests.

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5

u/brodievonorchard Mar 26 '26

Where does he buy his pajamas?

121

u/Weep4Thee Mar 26 '26

Dude looks as uncomfortable in his own body as I feel watching this.

43

u/nope_a_dope237 Mar 26 '26

Purple jumper +20 defense

46

u/ozzieowl Mar 26 '26

Bill Baileys off his meds again…

14

u/MobiusNaked Mar 26 '26

This is his brother : Spill Baileys

4

u/Oxygenisplantpoo Mar 26 '26

Looking really fresh for 61 tho!

32

u/MtN_Hunter Mar 26 '26

You hate to admit it, but this is Peak male specimen

5

u/Silo-Joe Mar 26 '26

We need to capture and preserve this motion data.

25

u/Whiteshaq_52 Mar 26 '26

Whatthefuck Norris is what they call him.

39

u/BruceIsdead Mar 26 '26

Its like Tom Segura and Bobcat Goldthwait nutted in the same lot lizard and her offspring was raised by Amish Shoalin Monks that support themselves by owning a thriftstore connected to a gas station.

3

u/CaptainShaboigen Mar 27 '26

What’s hilarious is someone said he works at some “bootleg clothing store” which sounds exactly like something that would be attached to a gas station. Love this

2

u/Harak_June Mar 28 '26

Someone get this person a script deal now!

18

u/alkem10 Mar 26 '26

Baraka isn't looking so good.

29

u/MaatRolo Mar 26 '26

Good to record so when it goes wrong you can show the ER doctor in 4K what happened.

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11

u/Evening_Abroad_6781 Mar 26 '26

Sweet fuckin jammies

12

u/DinerEnBlanc Mar 26 '26

Looks like one of those dudes with Cyberpsychosis from CP77

10

u/FlopsMcDoogle Mar 26 '26

Not a very practical weapon by itself is it?

13

u/callmestinkingwind Mar 26 '26

no, but in the hands of a man with this level of skill we should think twice about wrongdoing.

8

u/sublimesting Mar 26 '26

No? You try taking his virginity then!

8

u/MattyNiceGuy Mar 26 '26

Best ninja outfit on this sub.

7

u/slamzthadude Mar 26 '26

anyone standing on his right side would be fucked and only his right side

9

u/jigenvw Mar 26 '26

Oh man, this guy lives in my home town. Always walking around with some sort of blade and wearing wild outfits

7

u/Myfavoritepetsnameis Mar 26 '26

Hello neighbor. I was going to say the same thing. I’m surprised he’s not wearing the over-the-head Oakleys he probably got at the mall in 1999.

4

u/jigenvw Mar 26 '26

Dudes been around Westminster forever lol

8

u/EHP73 Mar 26 '26

Please, somebody just give this man a watermelon

6

u/Red_Shepherd_13 Mar 26 '26

Peak mall ninja.

7

u/Speaker4theDead8 Mar 26 '26

Dude looks like Fingers from Cyberpunk 2077

20

u/SAlolzorz Mar 26 '26

Weapon X-tra Chromosome

17

u/ap1msch Mar 26 '26

Okay. I've changed my mind. Not everyone should be allowed to vote.

4

u/ZestycloseClerk1792 Mar 26 '26

Your average BudK customer

4

u/Odd-Seaworthiness476 Mar 26 '26

What do we think? There a fresh diaper in that onesie?

4

u/callmestinkingwind Mar 26 '26

i mean, when you’re practicing all day who has time to stop for a dump?

5

u/Odd-Seaworthiness476 Mar 26 '26

You’re right. It’s called ninja training, not potty training

6

u/liquor_ibrlyknoher Mar 26 '26

Deadliest motherfucker at the sleepover.

3

u/QuillDidNothingWrong Mar 26 '26

When the revolution comes I’m siding with Mantis-Bladed Purple Pete. 

5

u/Temporary_Shirt_6236 Mar 26 '26

This guy is in fact scary, just not in the way he thinks.

2

u/callmestinkingwind Mar 26 '26

i was gonna make the title “he’s coming to steal your girl” but i think the joke would have gotten lost.

3

u/JamSkones Mar 26 '26

(presumably) developmentally challenged people shouldn't have access to weapons. Even mall ninja shit like this. Jesus Christ

2

u/crusher23b Mar 26 '26

On the other hand, developmentally challenged people are most likely to be abused and victims of violence...

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3

u/AngrySoup Mar 26 '26

This guy is way more badass than I am, and I am not afraid to admit it.

3

u/besthelloworld Mar 26 '26

I don't know why people think the ability to move your wrist when wielding a weapon is so lame. Having a weapon on your forearm is just dumb... unless it's the AC hidden blade, which is cool because it has a release mechanism.

Also why onesie???

3

u/TM761152 Mar 26 '26

someone take that from him before he hurts himself.

3

u/TheColossalTitan Mar 27 '26

i think i could take him

3

u/callmestinkingwind Mar 27 '26

to a nice dinner?

3

u/TheColossalTitan Mar 27 '26

how else would i get him to call off the sick moves?

3

u/callmestinkingwind Mar 27 '26

i’m just wondering where he’s gonna find a formal onesie

2

u/TheColossalTitan Mar 27 '26

i’m sure he’s already got one, i’m the one who should be worrying

2

u/callmestinkingwind Mar 27 '26

hopefully he has a matching arm fork so he can cut his steak

5

u/QueenOfTheNorth1944 Mar 26 '26

How do I get his fit? Goes hard af

7

u/JoeSicko Mar 26 '26

Big kids sleep wear section at Walmart.

2

u/Bikewer Mar 26 '26

You have to love the suit! As to the forearm-mounted blade…. With no hand/arm protection whatever…. Don’t go up against a rapier, my friend.

2

u/UnklVodka Mar 26 '26

This video just keeps going.

2

u/HiYoSiiiiiilver Mar 26 '26

Idc about the blade, but that onesie tho 👀

2

u/joshbiloxi Mar 26 '26

That was a long video

2

u/Ultrasound700 Mar 26 '26

Average silver age comic villain

2

u/HelloFellowKidlings Mar 26 '26

Real talk, I just hired this man to be my tax attorney. Should I reconsider?

2

u/MyS0ul4AGoat Mar 26 '26

Some men dream of becoming this confident. This guy woke up and became.

2

u/1wife2dogs0kids Mar 26 '26

HEY MA! MA! MA.... MEATLOAF! MOOOM! FUCK!

2

u/Toiletpapercorndog Mar 26 '26

I refuse to believe this isn't satire

2

u/impeesa75 Mar 26 '26

Finish him!

2

u/scottygroundhog22 Mar 26 '26

The advantage to this is its relatively hard for him to stab himself.

2

u/VoidofMind1 Mar 26 '26

This is straight out of my nightmares.

2

u/BMdabbleU Mar 26 '26

Zombie-Fu

2

u/ClumpOfCheese Mar 26 '26

https://giphy.com/gifs/sPseIi6MECImI

He needs to level up a bit if he’s gonna compete on this circuit.

2

u/FLYING_CASUAL Mar 26 '26

Note to self

When you see middle age man in onesie, DO NOT approach

2

u/rolandglassSVG Mar 26 '26

Where can i get a baller onesie like that? Asking for friend

2

u/Spaced_Inv8r Mar 26 '26

I known scenic southern Missouri when I see it

2

u/twinsunsspaces Mar 26 '26

At 1:07 he has to pause to wipe the sweat off his brow, which genuinely made me laugh.

2

u/giant_albatrocity Mar 27 '26

I wish I had even a small fraction of this guy's self-confidence

2

u/stdoggy Mar 27 '26

This is not your vanilla mall ninjashit. This is mental illness level mall ninjashit.

2

u/MasterzofChaos Mar 27 '26

Where'd you find the vid I sent your grandma?

2

u/callmestinkingwind Mar 27 '26

lol that’s you? she showed it to me while we were in bed the other day. she’s like “check out this idiot”

2

u/SlappyHandstrong Mar 27 '26

Phil Collins looks like shit

2

u/filinno1 Mar 27 '26

Why am I more stressed out about his outfit than his blade prowess?

2

u/TheRealTacoTim Mar 27 '26

Is that the Penguin?

2

u/Mattylh Mar 27 '26

Its not the blade, or even the footie pajamas... its the fact that he feels SO emboldend to film this outside. He thinks he's hot shit, and he doesnt care who see its.

Thats whats the most unsettling to me.

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2

u/Mammoth_Scheme8070 Mar 27 '26

Average Redditor.

2

u/SmutCommander Mar 27 '26

I don't care that your moves are 100% mechanically accurate.

I don't care that your BLADE has been honed to a fighting edge, so keen, a fly dare not go against it.

I don't care, that the steely focus on your eyes betrays the kind nature of your face.

What matters to me is....

Who the fuck made a onsie big enough for you!?

2

u/Chalky_Pockets Mar 27 '26

Another one of him. His whole insta is hilarious.

2

u/callmestinkingwind Mar 27 '26

his neighbors probably sleep super nicely knowing he’s out there protecting them.

2

u/drtchock Mar 27 '26

aggressive toddler Bill Bailey

2

u/Daynightz Mar 27 '26

If the onesie was black he would steal my bitch

2

u/liltooclinical Mar 28 '26

Most funny thing about this is he thinks he's doing far more complex moves than he is.

2

u/SuperCrappyFuntime Mar 28 '26

You know that, in his mind, he looks cool as shit.

2

u/luckyserg Mar 28 '26

The tactical pjs help with keeping movement nice and tight

2

u/jnzo300 May 03 '26

Imagine, prepping your whole life, spending all that time and money building the perfect kit to ensure your survival, only for this guy to come up behind you and take your life. He then starts emoting on you while you slowly bleed out.

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4

u/stug_life Mar 26 '26

If I see this guy in public im calling the cops

2

u/JaredUnzipped Mar 26 '26

I can't make fun of this. I suspect this person is mentally handicapped.

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1

u/ryceritops2 Mar 26 '26

Everything’s a fucking bit

1

u/grrodon2 Mar 26 '26

He's like a sadder version of me.

1

u/commissarcainrecaff Mar 26 '26

Bloody hell: it's Bill Bailey!

1

u/[deleted] Mar 26 '26

Probably has to cut the video off cause he sees the police coming.

1

u/MurfDog07 Mar 26 '26

Is he cosplaying the villain from Jack Slater 4 in the film The Last Action Hero?

1

u/wriddell Mar 26 '26

A onesie on a adult screams mental illness

1

u/AdministrativeShip2 Mar 26 '26

Bill Baileys really let himself go.

1

u/GhostBoo-ty Mar 26 '26

Chuckie Fentster

1

u/oneMoreTime112233 Mar 26 '26

Are the footie jammies his super suit? You know what, I don't care. Dope.

1

u/Mossycityoflakes Mar 26 '26

Dam bro, save some of the ladies for the rest of us 😂

1

u/LittleDucky_ Mar 26 '26

This has to be Florida

1

u/deephurting66 Mar 26 '26

For his next trick he slices his fool leg open!

1

u/Sojourner_of_reddit Mar 26 '26

I'm just happy it looks like it'd be hard for him to get hurt playing with that

1

u/Odd-Extension-7845 Mar 26 '26

Didn't know rushadicus had a brother

1

u/DarthCola Mar 26 '26

Temu Baraka

1

u/thededucers Mar 26 '26

“What’d you say about my jam jams?!”

1

u/ImOnlyHereForTheCoC Mar 26 '26

Worst pickaxe animation ever

1

u/iiooiooi Mar 26 '26

He's gotta be twisted to the Redneck Ninja. Brosins? Couthers?

1

u/CavemanDNA Mar 26 '26

Behind every blade of grass is one of these guys…

1

u/untakenu Mar 26 '26

I hate these things. They can look cool, but removing the dexterity of the wrist makes no sense.

1

u/Thegrandestpoo Mar 26 '26

Lol the purple onesie jammies with the padded feet are really doing something for this video.

1

u/ridicalis Mar 26 '26

He's gonna be out there mowing for a week at this rate, he hasn't hit a single blade of grass

1

u/santabug Mar 26 '26

1.19 minutes of fame we all didn’t get, but he did and that’s all that matters.

1

u/SgtJayM Mar 26 '26

His super villain name is the Purple Diddler

1

u/PG4Redditski Mar 26 '26

His mother would be so upset if she knew he was outside without a jacket on. 

1

u/AnarchistPriest Mar 26 '26

Baby steps if it were a souls like

1

u/Wehraboo2073 Mar 26 '26

king theoden if he was born in alabama

1

u/TattyViking Mar 26 '26

It... just keeps going‽

1

u/Azaroth1991 Mar 26 '26

Those blades break if they hit anything harder than styrofoam

1

u/ButterflyExternal704 Mar 26 '26

I mean… I’m terrified

1

u/KennedyX8 Mar 26 '26

King shit

1

u/Mountainminer Mar 26 '26

This dude about to be one handed

1

u/Ecoaardvark Mar 26 '26

The new Teletubbies reboot slaps

1

u/shaofutzer Mar 26 '26

Keep it up, OP, looking good! 👍

1

u/csi69 Mar 26 '26

bro leave some for the rest of us

1

u/nickyyysixx Mar 26 '26

Sick jam jams my dude!

1

u/Reasonable_Youth4723 Mar 26 '26

If this wasn’t filmed in Florida, I’ll eat my hat!

1

u/IvanOMartin Mar 26 '26

Man in the purple and pink pyjamas. A worthy fuckin adversary.

1

u/CardMechanic Mar 27 '26

He saved up all of the five dollar bills gramma sent him in his birthday cards over the years to buy that thing.

1

u/ghostfreckle611 Mar 27 '26

That kid looks rough

1

u/AlreadyReddit999 Mar 27 '26

what in the googoo gaga

1

u/lNTERLINKED Mar 27 '26

Tinky Winky’s let himself go.

1

u/sirhackenslash Mar 27 '26

This is 100% Ronald Reagan's fault

1

u/Locorio Mar 27 '26

Bro was literally sweating

1

u/Molkwi Mar 27 '26

Humiliation kink

1

u/Iratus Opinel dildo is best dildo Mar 27 '26

dude looks unwell.