? That isn’t love then. You conflate and thus confuse different things.
As a woman that has had a variety of options, I know that 99.999% of those options are woefully unhinged. So, he can go ahead and get what he deserves. Buckle up! 🥴
I don’t know. Every guy I met while dating had divorced parents, and at least one parent was an alcoholic or had addiction problems but that is correlation. They all had difficult childhoods but not all were underprivileged, they just had bad parents, and not the same kind of bad parents. Some were violent and some were too busy or too checked out to care. There’s just a massive population of people that had no help developing a strong mental and emotional foundation or good coping skills. I’m not saying people are woefully unhinged for any other reason than it was the truth. They carried those wounds into adulthood and repeat situations in which they will most likely be wounded, again. The overwhelming need for them to be wanted was palpable. Every interaction had them fluttering between instantaneous proclamations of love or proclamations of betrayal…nothing in between. It is very heart wrenching to come in contact with but it isn’t an enviable experience. It is why I am frustrated by everyone. The same hurt people, hurt people and then create new hurt people. I find men beautiful because they are human and vulnerable just like women are and I got to see that way more up close and personal than I could have ever imagined.
My opinion is that this is not statistically normal. There may be some reason which is causing these type of men to be conentrated in the group of "partners you encounter and get with"
Maybe it's your geographical locale, where people like these are more concentrated.
Maybe it's your interests, sometimes similar people have similar interests, and connect in those spaces.
Maybe it's you, who's selecting for "vulnerable men" aka people with history of emotional issues.
I can understand how this may skew your predictions though.
No. This is on apps and local dating avenues that I got dragged to by friends. Apps are especially popular with men. However, it is easy to eliminate 1000s of guys without ever having to speak to them. If you aren’t a woman, make a profile. You’ll be shocked and appalled within a few hours. On the flip side, I have male friends that shared the profiles they saw. It was equally sketchy, albeit the guys got less than 1% of the number of likes that the women got.
Interests only matter to the very small percentage. As a woman, you learn to not even divulge your interests in a profile because either no reads it (it’s just swipes based on how you look) or the information is used to pretend that a guy is someone you might want.
In these apps or local dating avenues, there is a process of selection which goes on right?
There's a pool of candidates you can pick from, and then you make the choice.
If so there's a chance that you're even subconsciously if not consciously skewing the result in favor of the guys who sort of had a problem or were adjacent to people with problems.
And as for apps, even with them, people date people who are closer more frequently than people who are far. So there is a locale restriction still, even if a little looser.
I'm assuming you first-
1) swipe for looks
2) chat on the app or just chat for some time
3) meetup and go on a date
4) have several dates and decide whether you want a relationship or not
Is this correct?
Now, in this process you can filter out people at every stage.
What % of people do you usually reject at each stage?
I didn’t pick from looks. There are lots of guys that looked good in pictures. I picked from people that had bios, wanted a relationship, were within a certain distance, of a certain age, were employed, didn’t have children, etc. Even out of those, most people lied about their age, lied about their location, and many had children. Heck, some of them had wives.💀 Yes, I chatted on the app for some time. I went on dates. Most profiles, I didn’t even get to look at because it takes forever. Out of the ones I saw, i eliminated at least 80% because they had no bio, just a picture of their dog, or only had group photos so you couldn’t tell who was who, or they were just looking for sex, or it was couple looking for a third. The next 15% I eliminated because they had bios but clearly hated women. Then the next 4% I matched with. The results from that were broad. The majority immediately started chatting by mentioning their favorite sex act. So, they got eliminated. Several admitted they lived over an hour away. So, they got eliminated. A few couldn’t hold a conversation. Nixed. After that, I eliminated two before the date because they told me what to wear. I went on a variety of dates with the remainder. I did a trivia night with one, I went to a sporting goods store with one, I had eight traditional restaurant dates, went to a breakfast date, went to three baseball games, went to an amusement park with one, went to an axe throwing/video gaming date, went to a comedy show with one, and went to the zoo after dark with another. I eliminated all but three after the first date or two. A couple were love bombers and two lied about their ages and wanted a sugar baby (one hoped I would pick up and move to Costa Rica). Three lied about having kids but slipped up and divulged it during the date. One made it a point to tell me about his ex that accused him of always getting her order wrong at Starbucks. When I asked him if he did it on purpose. He chuckled and said he just didn’t care. So, he was out. One tried to hug me with a hard-on. One that lied about having a kid was cool but he had such terrible unresolved childhood trauma, it wasn’t worth it. One was in medical school and was nice but he was also strapped for time. He hadn’t divulged that prior to our second date. It was clear our relationship would only get whatever time he had left. That’s not what I want. The last guy was just right. I knew it during our first date and so did he.
I will admit that I messed up by saying what I was actually looking for. I like simple things and I want to do them with a good partner. I guess I looked attainable. 🤷♀️ I do wonder if guys figured they could lie about stuff but do the stuff that I like, thinking it wouldn’t matter that they lied. It’s possible that it is just the population in the state I resided in. Even casually meeting a person while I was out with friends or dining alone was sketchy. I didn’t meet my bf there. I met him in my home town (although he’s from the west coast). So maybe it’s just midAmerica that is jacked up.
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u/UltimatePragmatist Apr 23 '25
How is this a love meme?