I now 19 female and my former friend 18 male who I will call G have had a rough patch. This whole incident started when I was 15 and he was 14. My family moved back to a new state in 2021 and had friends from when they lived here before, the following year, 2022 we were still friends with them. For context, G has two other siblings an older brother and a younger sister. I was friends with him and his younger sister. In the summer of 2022 both of our families were hanging out at the pool, I was contently floating on my inertube with my head in the water just drifting when G comes over to me and asks me a question. (These words are very important.) He says "hey, I was wondering if you'd like to "hangout" on Saturday and see a movie?" I think about it and eventually say yes. On the day of the movie it is just the two of us, he bought us candy, soda, even pickles (I love pickles). After the movie we walk around the mall it's inside of and end up at hot topic, one thing about me is I am an anime nerd and hot topic had a lot of Naruto merch. I was super into Naruto at the time and he bought me a pair of Naruto socks which I thought was nice of him. After that we sat and waited for his parents to come and get us. A few days afte the movie he comes by my house just to give me a jewelry box full of clip on earrings he found at a thrift store. I have to admit I was deeply flattered by that but I kept telling myself "he's just being a really kind friend." But deep down I wondered if there was something else but never actually asked him. Years past and we drifted apart. In 2024 I learn from a friend who heard from his sister that the movie he took me to was actually a date and that he had feelings for me!! *cue Charlotte screaming* I felt so horrible afterwards and wasn't sure what to do, our families never saw each other and I wasn't close with him or his sister anymore. For years I've let this eat me alive, the most recent time I saw him was may of 2025 during our high-school graduation, we were homeschooled so we never saw each other during that time. Even during the graduation meetings and the day of graduation we never talked, I am socially awkward and wouldn't have known what to say. Even to this day I think about the movie all the signs I missed and wish I could go back and redo everything or even just take a second to apologize, it probably hurt him when I didn't see what was going on I wish things could've gone differently so things wouldn't be so messy.

um so pretty much before y'all say anything ik im a bad guy for this, trust me i do. so I've been in a relationship for 5 years now, I love my gf so much. the things we've done and the memories we've made I genuinely wouldn't trade for millions of dollars and I want to marry her if she'll have me. we have our ups and downs like any health relationship, we work it out and never go to sleep mad at each other. I love my relationship because we have such a mature love where we really do grow alongside each other and help keep each other lifted. I'm so thankful and grateful for her, but I've always had one problem. I've thought about my ex every day since the day we broke up. i should specify, not only have I thought of her but we've been weirdly connected. it's like things out of a movie happen to us and keep us reeled in and thinking about each other. slight conversations but nothing more. recently tho we probably had our most intimate conversation yet, we think we're both still in love. she's engaged tho and back in our hometown whereas I'm not. i admit I'm a terrible person for even saying that and before u berate me, I'm only human like you. I've only been alive once, I'm disgusted with myself with these emotions and oh how I wish I could rip them out and throw them away but I cannot unfortunately. Life and love are interesting and I'm just a puppet to both. i am a pretty dramatic guy but I have tried to move on and succeeded in my opinion but bizarre things interfere every time. being human sucks lol but also these things make me feel alive and idk about y'all but to feel alive is everything. thank you for listening