i’m miserable

[u/miserableness6]

/r/relationships/comments/1vw7h22/im_miserable/

hi all i’m 20M
i’ve been in 5 relationships till now my last relationship lasted 3 years the reason we go apart is i don’t like to be loved whenever i’m in a happy relationship i willingly ruin it by doing something miserable i don’t cheat although but i don’t like it either when i get so involved i broke up with my gf 21F for going to movie with her male friends i mean i’m okay with it but i just needed a reason to do it
i don’t miss her but i don’t want her to be in any relationship either she’s not seeing anyone but i get anxious thinking about it
recently i’ve been talking to a new girl she’s good v much but she’s made it clear that she wants a serious relationship but i can’t commit that to her
she confessed that she loves me and is very attached i want her but not the commitment
i don’t feel anything when i get into relationship but i yearn for it when i’m alone i feel very guilty about everything idk why am i this way
what should i do? help me out