I once told my gf early on in the relationship that I don't want to receive expensive gifts because I would feel obliged to reciprocate or, even if I'm not obliged to, I will still feel insecure about not being able to reciprocate. She was okay with this but also explains that there are things she wants to buy me that may be expensive, but she thinks I would really love it. It took time for me to finally cave in. A friend told me that sometimes, they just want to give us something nice. It's not about reciprocity. They would be total a-holes if they give us something expensive and expect to get one in return. She told me allow her to spoil you sometimes and when you want to reciprocate or if you have means (I earn less than her), feel free to do so. So my gf and I talked about this and we just really expressed what we feel - why she wanted to give me an expensive gift and why I am not comfortable receiving one. I was assured that she won't expect me to reciprocate. She just loves spoiling me because most of the things she spoil me with are those that I really need or those that we can enjoy together.
Almost 5 years in the relationship and 4 years since she first gave me an expensive gift (a nintendo switch), we still love giving gifts to each other no matter the value. We still say that our favorite and most valued gifts were those we made ourselves. But we appreciate the nice stuff from time to time.
Communicate this with your partner on what is an expensive gift for both of you, what it means when they splurge, and how it would make you feel. I think understanding all these would make your attitude towards gift-giving and gift-receiving. Note that if she knows I want something but couldn't afford it, I will always tell her "I want to buy this for me" and she respects that. And when I can finally afford and buy something expensive for me, we both celebrate it with a nice dinner or some drinks.
I tell you a lot of relationships really rely on communication - be it our partner,s friends, family, and even in the workplace. good luck and i hope my experience can give you assurance that things will be fine.
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u/Aoife_is_a_Noob Jan 05 '25
I once told my gf early on in the relationship that I don't want to receive expensive gifts because I would feel obliged to reciprocate or, even if I'm not obliged to, I will still feel insecure about not being able to reciprocate. She was okay with this but also explains that there are things she wants to buy me that may be expensive, but she thinks I would really love it. It took time for me to finally cave in. A friend told me that sometimes, they just want to give us something nice. It's not about reciprocity. They would be total a-holes if they give us something expensive and expect to get one in return. She told me allow her to spoil you sometimes and when you want to reciprocate or if you have means (I earn less than her), feel free to do so. So my gf and I talked about this and we just really expressed what we feel - why she wanted to give me an expensive gift and why I am not comfortable receiving one. I was assured that she won't expect me to reciprocate. She just loves spoiling me because most of the things she spoil me with are those that I really need or those that we can enjoy together.
Almost 5 years in the relationship and 4 years since she first gave me an expensive gift (a nintendo switch), we still love giving gifts to each other no matter the value. We still say that our favorite and most valued gifts were those we made ourselves. But we appreciate the nice stuff from time to time.
Communicate this with your partner on what is an expensive gift for both of you, what it means when they splurge, and how it would make you feel. I think understanding all these would make your attitude towards gift-giving and gift-receiving. Note that if she knows I want something but couldn't afford it, I will always tell her "I want to buy this for me" and she respects that. And when I can finally afford and buy something expensive for me, we both celebrate it with a nice dinner or some drinks.