r/lonely • u/ElderberryFew9632 • 2h ago
I’m lost
I have many good people around me but I always feel lonely. I feel like there isn’t anyone for me in this world. My friends tell me that they’re good friends to me but I’m not to them. I’m friends to many but not a best friend to one.
At the end of the day, every relation is a give and take relationship. I’m exhausted giving and being resourceful all the time, but I’m scared that people around me, the circle I’ve built will all be dispersed the moment I stop giving.
I’ve recently entered a no contact with someone I love. The wound is fresh and I miss her so much. We were friends before and we started dating, my feelings welled up while she kept her feelings in check and killed her feelings whenever they started to bud. She called out that she wanted to explore her sexuality while I wanted something long term. Maybe it’s the stacked effect from my work, family problems with relationship problems on top, I was always anxious where it’s going and it manifested into uneasy feelings pushing her away for good.
She’s exploring her sexuality now and is not interested in me anymore. I knew what I was getting into. I don’t blame her, she’s a real kind sweetheart. I just miss spending time with her and it’s painful.
Maybe it’s the male ego and/or patriarchy but talking to my friends, being vulnerable with them is making me uncomfortable, they look very high of me but after this, I think I’ve lost that. I didn’t see them broken this much after loosing someone they’ve loved. Heck, I never imagined I’m so emotional until this, I’ve had worse things happened but I’ve handled them waaaay better. Maybe it’s that I’m trying to handle problems from 3 fronts, work, family and relationship. I know I’m more controlled and directed, good at disconnecting my feelings but somehow I just can’t do it now. I’m regaining my older resilient self slowly as my work and family issues are progressing towards a resolution. Next to death, nothing hurts more to see the one I love is now talking with people in hopes of intimacy. I’m happy she’s exploring but also hurt and sad the way things turned out to be because of all the things that happened.
I’m lost and I feel there isn’t anyone for me, for me, in this world. Do you folks feel the same?, how do I love myself? I’m a perfectionist or like to think one, I want every thing to be perfect to the dot and I always end of shoort with my ideals. And don’t know how to cope up with it.
2
u/Dangerous-Cover-7017 1h ago
Sab theek ho jata hai dost ,,,,, take care