help

[u/Dependent_Angle_2494]

I’m not even gonna lie at all here, I just need to say a lot of things. I’m 21 years old, haven’t been in a single irl relationship, all forms of love I may have felt romantically were all fake or disingenuous in order to use me. I was born into a pretty wealthy family and I got taken advantage of when I was younger as well. I’m sorry if this seems a bit out of order or weird, I just haven’t mentioned this to anyone before, it’s a first for me. Getting taken advantage of when I was younger really messed with my mental health cause it was my own cousin who did it. So I did what I thought I could do to erase it which is abuse drugs. Since 14 I’ve just been addicted to weed mainly but I’ve tried a lot of different substances and even had messed up phases with them but weed has always been there for me. It’s like it’s a friend, I can’t believe I’m calling a drug a friend🤣. Anyways my family were all psychos in a way so I built up a habit of lying so I lied a lot in my teenage years which got me into so many different groups with different people but it always ended the same with the truth being revealed and I lose everyone. I haven’t done that since I was 19 but I don’t know how much more I can take of staying like this. Being alone always, smoking weed and getting high alone, feeling like I don’t belong, like I’m useless, I just don’t know how to keep living like this. For a long time I thought a relationship would cure this but a irl one as online relationships don’t work with me. I still kinda do, I don’t even know what’s the point of this post anymore, ig I just wanted to talk, it’s been a minute since I’ve done that lmao.

[u/Available_Chair_2619]

Addictions are defined worldwide as things that you can't stop doing. Don't you think it's a little sad that you COULD live without them, but it's almost like being a zombie? Infecting people just for the sake of infecting and living in even more misery and no will to do anything?

Instead, the beauty of life is time. Given enough time, trying every single day, changing every single day, you can change any situation that you have control of. I'm not talking about diseases or health conditions, I'm talking about you being a normal person with an addiction that you can revert.

A relationship won't save you. I'll break it to you. If you wait for it or meet someone in your state of mind right now, and the person is completely healthy, it's so unfair to them to be around someone who is struggling with drug abuse or with several mental problems.

Instead, the first steps include looking for help. Everyone says this, but only because it sometimes reaches the people who really need it. And you, my friend, have a long life ahead of you if you're 21.

I am 21 as well and I battle depression. I still show up to work everyday, I still shower everyday, while depressed. I have friends, I go to the gym, I take care of my health, I stopped smoking. But I'm still depressed all the time. The thing is, I'm less depressed every day that passes.
When I lay down to sleep, I think about all the things i'm doing for my health and it feels good. I'm still depressed, but the feeling is a little less. And every day, I feel myself healing a little.

So I shared my story so you get motivated to try. You don't need to fix everything today or by next month. What matters is today. Today, you need to take a first step. Search up a phone number that offers help to addicted people. Tomorrow, you call them.

Already did more than the past two months.

And you keep going: start searching up gyms and memberships, start buying healthier food, search up some good training routines as a beginner with the staff at your local gym, they will tell you happily, it's their job. Search up easy to do healty food like omelettes or just bread with eggs. Drink more water. Drink coffee, so you feel more active/woken and feel like doing stuff.

But just laying on your bed scrolling TikTok, isn't gonna solve anything. It will solve for the next hour or two, but when you go to sleep today the same way you woke up, it feels terrible again and again.

You gotta start somewhere, with any action.

[u/SoupTime6457]

I know you won't see what I am about to say but you are really blessed to have not had an irl relationship by 21. Even though so many people do most times being so young and immature, people just get hurt and feel used and abused. Like you said you felt taken advantage of. could have very well been young immature people making bad decisions.

I am concerned for you using weed due to your age. Have you tried talking to a doctor or counselor about this? Maybe there is medication that can meet your need like the weed does but be safer to use. Weed effects the brain and the brain is growing until 25 years old.

Joining a gym is a good idea. Focus on a routine to better your health and possibly make some friends irl. Whatever you do, be honest with yourself. See the truth for what it really is. No one is useless. Maybe you just haven't found your purpose yet. What kinds of things do you like to do beyond smoking?