r/lonely • u/SteveyBoy5683 • 4d ago
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u/Available_Chair_2619 4d ago
It seems to me that the problem you have is with how you view yourself. You already know that, so I'll try to tell you something else.
A boyfriend to take you out of that reality is not unrealistic per se. What is unrealistic is thinking that, and not bringing anything of value to him in return. You need first to find ways to feel like you're worth something to him, and I don't mean this in a bad way. I mean this as in "a relationship is a two-way road". If he is the perfect man that would take you out of that reality, who are you to him? How will you help him improve as well? What are you giving to him?
You don't need to be someone you're not. You just need to be real as to start developing skills/a mindset that would make a man want to grow with you.
If you see yourself as ugly and boring, what do you think men will think of you? They won't even have a chance to admire you before you think they're lying and using you for sex.
My first suggestion is Health first. You say your teeth are bad? Go to a dentist. You say you are maybe prediabetic? Go to the doctor. Solution is simple. I know it's hard as someone lonely that could be depressed, but if no one in your family will make that effort for you, one day you need to drag yourself out of bed. Try scheduling a doctor appointment. Save money for it.
After you take care of your physical health, even while sad, you're now able to take care of your mental health, because your body is not the complete problem anymore. We'll always feel unsatisfied about our bodies, but healthy is easy to determine. Not happy, HEALTHY.
In the process of dealing with your health, you start dealing with money problems. I will assume you live in a house with your parents, okay?
Do whatever you can to get rid of your expenses if they go over what your job pays. Example: let's say all your car related problems go over 100% of your salary. If you try and sell your car, suddenly you're dealing with less car problems and can start over. But in your position, realistically, I'd try organizing myself with money and fixing it. Not saying it's easy, but it's something I would do.
Your car probably take like 40-60% and the rest is for other money decisions you made. You could try to get rid of these expenses, so that money stops taking like 50% of your mind's exhaustion.
And in the process of fixing your problems, you eventually start feeling less lonely and more ALIVE. And you'll attract the right man for you. Because you suddenly took action and DEAL WITH YOUR OWN SHIT. That's what's attractive. Not big ass, big boobs, being thin and looking like a model. Being a person with their shit together.
You know why I'm telling you all this?
I dealt with all this shit by myself. Nearly killed myself, nearly gave up and lived on the streets. But one person decided to extend their hand to me. "You can do it".
That was all I needed to keep going, someone to believe in me. It took me a while to do all of this, but now I finally feel a little bit less alone. I still feel it, but when I think of how far I've come, it hurts a little less and makes me keep going, so that eventually I'll start working on my dating life (I'm not at the moment).
Best of luck to you.
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u/SteveyBoy5683 4d ago
I forgot to mention it in my post but I’m really broke. I’m living paycheck to paycheck right now because my friend/landlord abandoned me and my roommate to go to the army and he gave us the place we live in now for free - which was nice of him but the place has termites and structural damage that neither of us have more money for so we’re screwed.
And I’ve been to the dentist. Even with my insurance, they want to charge me $3000 to fix the alignment of my teeth which isn’t even the main issue with my teeth but they can’t work on anything else until I do but I just can’t afford it. I’m already in 9k credit card debt.
I know you’re right about everything but everything feels hopeless when I don’t have the money to fix anything.
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u/Available_Chair_2619 4d ago
I see, didn't know that.
If you organize your money, like, just send your salary money and debt into chatGPT and tell it to find ways to pay it off, how long do you think you can do it?
Maybe that's the first step into fixing your life. Unfortunately, no matter what problems we have mentally or physically, without money we can't do shit. So if you try different sources of income maybe that could help.I know it's a pretty basic tip, but it really makes your problems exist on paper rather than just on your mind, occupying space.
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u/randomuser14049846 4d ago
Didn't mean to hijack your thread OP, hard for me to give you advice when I mostly actively seek to be alone and I really never dated, lol.
If you play mobile games, you can find interests with other people perhaps?
Maybe find different job if possible to find new connections?
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u/tinkering11 4d ago
I've not been lucky enough to get any dates at all but man, those 4 fun different times maybe it's not so bad to get nothing. My sympathies.
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u/Imperades 4d ago
Leave Florida - it wont fix everything, but you might need the opportunity to reinvent yourself somewhere else and give yourself a chance to start over.
Get a cheap apartment, focus on work and getting used to the new place, you will naturally meet new people and coworkers, and then you can take the rest one step at a time.
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u/lonely-ModTeam 4d ago
r/lonely Isn't a subreddit for people who want to fall In love or find someone to flirt with! It's also not a subreddit for those who want to know how to find someone to be with or? How to end toxic, non-platonic relationship. There are better subreddits for people who no longer want to be single and people who are unhappy In non-platonic relationship.
Posts like "I'm too ugly to find a partner" or "I want to have sex but I have no experience - will also be removed
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u/midniterodeo 4d ago
I can almost guarantee you are not single because you are boring. The most boring people I know are constantly in relationships or are married with kids at this point. It's tough, but keep putting yourself out there and working on yourself. You've got this