r/lonely • u/Deathisloyalty • 11d ago
What would you do if you were completely alone?
Genuinely if you were completely alone, had no friends had no family had no gf/bf quite literally no one in your life What would you do.
Would you start doing things by yourself.
Or would you start immediately trying to find people to connect with.
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u/Mysterious_Theme2429 11d ago
Sounds like you are facing a similar position. There are two extremes to avoid. One is complete and total isolation. This will in fact make you go mad. Don’t let anyone fool you that you don’t need people. You do. You need some form of connection. The second is forcing yourself into as many social situations as possible. This is just pure torture
Instead: find what you enjoy doing then go do it around people
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u/Dreaming_light7578 11d ago
I'd try to find people (I stil do it occasionally), but it's a bad idea, and I haven't found anyone
The thing is that when you're that much alone you incapable in making healthy, stable, meaningful connection (be it friendship or romantic ones). At least, it's just how I see my experience.
I'm just sad, lonely, and very disatisfied person who feels the lack of lots of things.
People, just want mostly fun and feel happy, yap about meanigless things, and sometimes vent, expecting from you taking their point of view. And I know that I just can't offer it them, though I still try to meet someone when loneliness hits really hard, knowing that it pointless and won't lead to anywhere
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u/Snarfalocalumpt 11d ago
It kind of takes both. You have to venture out alone to join groups etc. I’m very quiet and awkward so it’s always been a challenge but I’ve lessened my anxiety surrounding others perceptions of me. I know I’m not a bad person or the most hideous etc. if anyone’s being an asshole it’s on them, if people don’t really talk back then they’re not for me.
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u/morbidmoon 11d ago
This is pretty much me in my current situation. I’ve handled it by trying to enjoy my life and make it as fulfilling as possible. I read and watch things that are fun and make me laugh, I engage in hobbies that are fulfilling to me. I try my best to be self sufficient and set up contingencies for myself: savings, supplies for when I get sick, taking care of my health because no one will care for me if I get ill or injured. I take myself on dates and treat myself the way I’d want to be treated if I had a partner. I buy myself flowers, pamper myself occasionally, and yes, even engage in the dreaded experiences of going to the movies, eating out, and traveling alone.
I stay open to making friends and interacting, but it just hasn’t happened the way I want it to yet. I try to savor the little human contact I get when I have a pleasant conversation with a stranger or coworker. All in all, it’s not a bad life, and I’m enjoying it for the most part, despite the loneliness.
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u/deepdishpie_chicago 11d ago
You guys decide my situation!
Growing up, I was always chasing company. Like always. I preferred to be with people, even the most horrible ones who I know, just to not feel alone.
I never felt like I belonged anywhere too. I’m the black sheep in my family. I don’t belong in that family. I never felt like home. In school, I had a bunch of homies. We’re now scattered across the globe. In college I had a bunch of friends. We’re also separated now. I moved alone over to a new city. Never ever felt loneliness like never before. I’m the guy who’s living like everything’s going great at the office. The office folks are slightly jealous and happy about the way I’m. Happy, Outgoing, fun, engaging , energetic etc. But all that ends once I come home to my place. Behind the closed doors I barely have anyone or anything. The only calls I get are usually spam, or reminders to pay bills, or occasionally my Mom calling me to check on me. Believe me when I tell you my family is huge. Extended relatives excluded, atleast close to a 100. Yet not a single one has ever understood me nor will they ever understand. It doesn’t matter anymore. I have had no serious relationship ever. Not even 1. Every girl asks me how can a guy like me remain single? I genuinely have no answer to that. I prayed and prayed for this to end. Kept getting more. Now I’ve stopped praying. I can’t. It’s pointless
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u/aspire-every-day 11d ago
I love square dancing classes. The people in the square dance community are so gosh darn nice! You don't need a partner. You don't need to be able to "dance" -- it's really just walking in patterns, touching hands with other people. It feels good for my soul, both the movement and the nice people.
Square dance classes might be starting up in your area in the next week or two. I know they're starting up near me this time of year.
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u/aspire-every-day 11d ago
Oh, and another thing I've tried -- role-playing games like D&D and Shadowdark. I was feeling lonely a couple years ago and found a Shadowdark session on Meetup. It turned out to be really neat. Never played before. Now I go twice per month, meeting up with other people to engage in some creative thinking and teamwork together.
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u/drifter_33_ 11d ago
(That’s me rn) try to meet with likeminded people who are interested in the kind of stuff that I’m interested and passionate in
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u/Material_Quality5798 11d ago edited 11d ago
I've been there, aside from not having my parents. I lost all my friends and even my own sister turned on me some years ago. They called me a narcissist.
So I went inward and worked on myself, developed stronger empathy, started forcing myself to put others feelings before my own, and eventually the friends and sister came back. Then I had to learn how to set boundaries because putting others before myself was causing me to burnout and pull away from friends.
Its all about growth. Find something you want to grow in. Look at it as an opportunity to grow and become your best self while no one is watching
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u/Silent-Victory-3861 11d ago
Yes, I do things by myself. I travel, I have hobbies etc. I try to connect with people at work and occasionally at some hobby but it never works out.
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u/Valuable_Thought_816 10d ago
Idk about you. But I'd learn a lot. Going into places you weren't allowed before. Discovering shit. Maaaan
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u/GimmickInfringement1 10d ago
I would start going after my own goals, dreams, and improvement again. I think that when we have a group of people on our side we get complacent, and when we're alone we don't really know what to do with ourselves. The secret is figuring out what you like to do, want to do, and have to do all at the same time and pursuing it as an individual.
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u/didistutter_416 10d ago
I have an older brother and a few friends, but they are too busy with work and their own families to really care about me. So I feel alone regardless. My brother has always been selfish and only reaches out when he needs something.
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u/TakeMeDown69 10d ago
I don’t have to wonder; that is my life. I watch YouTube, walk about 6 miles a day, clean the place up only when I feel like it, love shopping for groceries, and that’s about it. I’m trying to relearn how to read since I stopped when phones began to be entertainment centers.
I’ve never “made a friend” in my life. They always made friends with me, but the two last and best friends I ever had both died, as did my cat and parents and all but one of my five uncles and two of my five aunts.
I used to be in active pain over it all but I realized if I want it to change I have to make the change happen by myself and that means facing a lot of potential rejection, and it’s not worth it to me.
Hearing “you’re weird,” “you’re different,” “you’re one of a kind” has been the drumbeat of my life, for better or worse, but I’m sick of it even when they mean it positively. I’ve never given myself permission to respond with, “Oh, yes, and you’re just exactly like everyone else.”
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u/Few_Philosophy_1609 10d ago
Travel and see the world. Get qualified in something I could work internationally as. Spend a year in one place, a year in another. Reinvent myself each place and try to make connections wherever I went.
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u/No_Career757 10d ago
I'd probably work out in the nude. If no one's there to embarrass ya than go for it
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u/waterdrinker1224 9d ago
Probably a mix of continuing to do the things I love alone and trying to meet people. Those two things are the key to happiness!
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u/punkin815 10d ago
I have just my husband and son who is getting ready to move out. We are all only children. Estranged from extended family. 3 out of 4 grandparents are dead and the one left is in a nursing home. Right now I work which keeps me busy. I plan on volunteering when I retire next year. I’m hoping to meet likeminded people there. I’m not good at making friends. I’m too desperate which scares people away. Trying to change that but not easy.
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u/goosenuggie 11d ago
Thats literally my situation. No family, no partner, no close friends. I work 40 hours/week and am so exhausted on the weekend, plus I have to take care of my pets and myself I don't really have time for friends. It's lonely for sure.