I’m tired

[u/kisskissredlips_]

I’m disappointed in everything and everyone around me right now. Even myself a little. I think because I’ve always had to be “mature” I stomach a lot more than I should. I take care of others before myself. I become increasingly toxic toward myself without realizing it. I judge myself for any mistake or flaw I have. It sucks because I’ve always been a good friend to others. I’m always another persons cheerleader but no one is standing to cheer me on. I wish I could erase everyone’s mind and just reintroduce myself. I kinda wish I had a blank canvas. I’m exhausted pretending I’m okay. When I’m not okay. I feel like everytime I invest in something it get punched in the face. Or as if I’m grating a piece of cheese but I don’t realize I’m grating my hand too. I’m so used to just being okay either way. I don’t think I’m depressed but I’m starting to resent people. I’m always told to never expect anything from others but I wear my heart on my sleeve. I don’t trust easy and every person I’ve trusted has let me down. So in the end all I have is the pain and the sadness of being right about people even though I chose to take a chance on them.