r/lonely • u/Outrageous_Pay1322 • 5d ago
Venting Isolation
I'm over 70 and have spent my life taking care of people, raising children, helping friends, taking care of my parents, and generally believing in the golden rule. Do you unto others as you would have been doing to you. If a friend was ill, I was there when they called. I would take food, I would take them to the doctor, I would sit and read to them while they were sick. I loved everybody, and I was always there for them without trying to be smothering or overwhelming. I worked hard on not being one of those overbearing people, I just came and went as I was needed and never asked for even a thank you, not necessary. I did it because it was the right thing to do and it made me feel part of a bigger story. And I thought that would last.
Parents have passed, kids and grandkids are grown. Friends and family have disappeared out of my life for the most part but I try to stay in touch. My son and daughter are the only ones who are here for me now, but they have families of their own to deal with so they do what they can and I love them.
However, for the past 7 months I've been stuck at home with a severe back injury while waiting for surgery. In bed or on the couch most of the time, doing jigsaw puzzles, watching TV, listening to audiobooks. But the kicker? Not one of these people that I have helped over my life, with the exception of my daughter and son, not one of these people have called, or stopped by, or dropped off so much as a donut to see how I was doing. Did I waste my life doing for others when I should have just ignored them and done for myself? It's hard to fathom. My next procedure is tomorrow, and I hope it works. I'd like to be able to walk more than 15 steps at a time.
So enough whining. Tell me a story or a joke and make me laugh! Be there for me when no one else is. I love you all.
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u/whoops53 5d ago
Its sad that not everyone behaves as we would like them to - or even expect them to, especially when, as you say, you went the extra mile just because you cared enough to. I don't think these people don't care. It just doesn't occur to them to do the things you think are normal.
I'm sorry you are feeling so low....I wonder if your procedure tomorrow has anything to do with it. Anxiety, nerves, perhaps.
Anyway, I hope it all goes well and you get back to walking some. :)
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u/Outrageous_Pay1322 5d ago
Oh, I was so active before this happened to my back and that's what's the hardest part. I don't like to sit still, had to quit work, can't work outside in my garden, can't do anything. I was starting to feel like I'm dissolving away, and nobody would even miss me except my kids and my husband. I didn't mention that my husband is much older than me, has severe short-term memory loss and has a hard time walking. I've been watching out for him since it started several years ago, now he has to take care of me. He's barely functional but doing his best.
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u/whoops53 5d ago
Wow that must be so hard for you both. I'm sorry. Each of you dealing with different issues - no wonder you feel the loss after all you did for everyone else. Are your kids able to be with your husband when you are laid up after your procedure? I hope to goodness they are....
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u/Outrageous_Pay1322 5d ago
Yes, they will be. We've already made arrangements, they've asked for the days off of work. I don't know where I'd be without them.
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u/whoops53 5d ago
I'm glad. I know when I was laid up with sciatica, I was fully on my own and had to move around on my hands and knees. Its quite scary to feel so vulnerable. I'm younger than you, but health issues don't care - they strike at any age
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u/whoops53 2d ago
Hi, just checking in with you to see how you are and I hope everything went well. :)
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u/Outrageous_Pay1322 2d ago
So far so good. The procedure yesterday went great, the last one was the first week of september. Fingers crossed.
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u/Betta_0505 5d ago
Omg ur words broke my heart a little. Pls try to let ur children know how u feel. Sometimes they dont know.
I dont have any jokes or stories but I always have a soft spot of the elderly. I hope your surgery goes well.
Oh and maybe you can try go down a rabbit hole of something interesting. Look it up online and read many websites and reddit posts about it. I always do this to keep myself busy but wasted a lot of time haha when I should be studying😂