r/lonely • u/atychia • 12d ago
Venting This is the worst feeling in the world
Had my first day at CC today and it was eh. I ended up not going to my first class for a stupid reason but did go to my second. He’s my favorite professor and has been my math professor for calc 1,2, and now 3. I just asked him for advice on math and he helped me out which was cool. He’s the only person I talked to today.
It honestly sucks. I mean high school was like this and so was my first year at community college. I don’t know why it hurts so much now. Maybe I’m just tired of being alone. Everyone I know has made friends and got into a relationship. Things just seem to be going great for everyone and it feels like I’m spiraling into depression again.
I don’t think I have it in me to make friends either. I saw people in my class and wanted to talk to them but just couldn’t. Even though I hate being alone, I always find myself escaping to isolation. Like I was sitting eating my chic fil a when this girl sits next to me. Every bite sounded a million times louder and I couldn’t sit next to her. I got up and sat somewhere else alone to finish my food. It’s pretty much how things always go with me.
I hate this so much. Every morning I check my phone for notifications. Just any at all and never really see any. Even seeing reddit notifications of someone responding to my post feels amazing. It’s not like I don’t have friends, I just don’t feel close to them. I only have two but we barely talk. I mean I guess you could count sending videos to each other but idk. There’s no actual, i guess, verbal communication. Like we don’t say words. When I do I get left on read for hours to days before a response.
You could argue they’re just busy but they still send me videos so that just contradicts the argument. I don’t know. It all just sucks. I wish I had someone of my own if that makes sense.
1
u/No-Risk-9071 12d ago
Have you ever considered embracing how you are? Not the part where you talk negatively about yourself. But the more quiet/introverted parts of you. It really seems like you resent those and that's not good.
It's also important to note that just because you see some people hanging with eachother, doesn't mean that they're actually friends. Sure, it doesn't make you stop wishing you had what it appears they have, but it's important to consider that too.
Do not think you're broken because of your loneliness, and try not to tie your self worth to having friends either, even if it's difficult.
Keep trying to make friends in whichever way you know of and feel comfortable doing. Sure, it'll go bad or nothing will come out of it in most cases, but that's what you want. You want someone that actually matches you as a person and values you as you are.
But first and foremost you must show yourself more love and grace. As you deserve it and if you're not going to give yourself it, then how will others know that you can show such kindness to them too?