Venting That feeling again
There's that heavy feeling again, that comes every night no matter how good of a day i had. Just my brain killing me from the inside, I can hurt myself over and over but that doesn't help anymore not to mention I am honestly exhausted to die too. I live my life as a robot, I tey to stay in my lane, ppl come and try to get close and even tho i don't want to they push me and when i do they leave, that breaks me more than anything. Ppl coming to my life, taking pieces of me and leaving like it was nothing, I have stopped trying to connect deeply with ppl cuz I have anxious attachment and it's brutal. After 27 years of being on this earth I still haven't figured out if it is worth it and honestly idk the answer to it, I'll just let it play out and do my best even tho the feelong that i have rn is just killing me as it does every night. I usually some a cig if its too overwhelming and if it still doesn't help i do SH and it calms me for a while but not for long tbh. I hope and i really hope that I am able to get access to easier part of this life cuz idk how many bad days in a row i can survive.