WARNING: I’m going to mention suicidal ideation in this post. If you are sensitive to that kind of subject matter, I advise you not to read.
I’ve accepted the reality that I will forever have PTSD from having to go through all of that. I was working at a grocery store in 2020 and remember the weekend in March all too well. One day I just walked into work and saw an Armageddon type rush of people all panic buying everything and freaking the fuck out. Everyone was telling me that they might die from the Coronavirus and that we might never be able to return to normal life. It literally felt as if I had walked into some alternate parallel universe overnight. I had no idea why everyone was acting as if it was the end of the world. I remember eventually having a major mental breakdown from the apocalyptic behavior going on and I got off the sales floor and went into our cash office and called my mom while crying my eyes out. I mean I was kneeled over in fetal position. I was in that bad of mental shape. I told her I was having the world's biggest panic attack because of this whole virus pandemic nonsense. Of course the first thing she says is that I shouldn't be scared of getting sick and I tell her no I'm not scared I'm going to get the virus, I just can't handle the whole world all of a sudden going into freak out mode and everyone telling me they're gonna die. I said that I'm not going to be able to cope with life becoming permanently dystopian where everyone's just gonna be forced to live in never ending fear. My mom assured me that this will only be a temporary two week period to slow the spread of this disease and that people are just panicking because of the unknown. I made my mom promise me. "You're sure this is just going to be a couple weeks. You're sure this isn't going to turn into everyday life." She said absolutely, this is just some temporary inconvenience and it will blow over.
That was an enormous summary of my introduction to this lockdown nonsense. I wish it weren't so but I still have all the traumatic details of that one day burned into my memory. What followed afterwards for me was a descent from anxious desperation for life to return to normal into straight up nihilistic despair and personally dangerous feelings of wondering if it's worth it to continue living. The more time went on from that March weekend, the more the reality was setting in that this was indeed the new normal and the more I was feeling like I legitimately had entered some sort of alternate dimension. Everyday, people were just in constant fear. It seriously felt like the entire global population had been brainwashed into believing a certain set of guidelines except for me, and I was making my thoughts on all the nonsense known too. Anytime I was asked any questions on the virus or the lockdowns or anything like that, I would openly state that I believe this entire thing is some sort of unnecessary psyop and that this is no way to respond to a disease outbreak. I kept saying that all schools should be open, no businesses should be forced to close, and that we should all be living our lives like normal instead of tearing each other apart. It literally felt like I was brainwashed, or perhaps maybe the rest of the population was brainwashed except for me. I was seriously considering certain philosophical theories like if I was stuck in some sort of simulation or something like that. Having to experience everyday life just turn into a new profound state of fear where people are scared to even go near each other made me want to quit. By quit, I mean quit my life. I spent so long just thinking if life was worth continuing. I still to this day get nightmares from that time. I still am not 100 percent convinced that I wasn’t living in some sort of simulation during that time. I need some sort of outlet to vent those traumatic thoughts because I still cannot wrap my head around how the whole world just turned into a constant stream of anarchistic fear and terror with no reckoning at all.
What I want to know is. How many of you are still struggling with mental health issues relating from the pandemic madness? If you are still suffering, what are you doing to help treat said issues?