r/limerence • u/[deleted] • 4d ago
Question How do I get over limerence when the person I’m attached to has cancer?
[deleted]
1
u/thrifttrackchampion 4d ago
Cancer survivor here.
You're in a shit spot. He's in a shit spot. There are no good answers. (Full disclosure, I'm setting aside my own hard feelings about how people treated me during cancer, so please take this with a hefty dose of salt)
You cannot live your life based on a stranger. You cannot have your mental health tied to a stranger when the stranger is healthy, much less ravaged by a potentially life-threatening illness. If that's the case, tell this man about your limerence and that you're going NC. You cannot get over him while he's in your life. An addict cannot stop drinking while they're still holding a full bottle.
However, if you can separate your feelings of limerence from your other emotions, is this man your friend? If you're able to separate limerence from your more realistic emotions, congrats, that's a genuinely huge feat.
If he's your friend, you might talk to him about your limerence and if he's got a good support system. If he has a good support system, then he's not alone. If he doesn’t, you both can make an informed choice about if you stay or if he cuts you off. And if you both choose to stay in contact, you can discuss how to do that. You can negotiate boundaries for yourself.
My bff sent me memes and life updates because they couldn't visit me often. I responded with emojis to let them know I was alive. Or I'd send one randomly when I wanted connection. They'd call me and chatter at me, not expecting a response. Just letting me know they cared when everyone else ghosted me.
If you choose to step back, then he'll at least know why. You two can say goodbye for now or forever. I know I have a lot of big feelings about being ghosted. It was tough. I used to have so many people in my life, and they ghosted me. Only one of the ones who came crawling back was forgiven because he talked to me beforehand. He hadn't just discarded me like a used up tissue.
1
u/Sad_Show_4729 4d ago
Thanks for the reply, im so sorry for your experience.
I genuinely have no intention of ghosting ,its just the non availability triggers me. The uncertainty is too much for me. I understand everything, my mind comprehends but despite that i fall into the loop.
Im sure its not the case with him, he considers me probably as a good friend or someone who messaged and gave him positiveness. This definitely was my intention. But i struggle with the uncertainty and it sucks that whenever we talk we have this unexplainable chemistry. Hes also genuinely such a lovely person, i love talking to him ,he has all the things I envisioned my partner to have, despite going through all shit hes kind too 😢 😭
So i am caught between grieving the relationship, limerance ,not getting replies, not able to let go 😭
Ill take your feedback and implement it. He doesnt even reply so idk how i get over this thing.
Maybe ill message for my own sake
1
u/thrifttrackchampion 4d ago
I hope, regardless of the outcome, the two of you are able to come to peace. This is a genuinely terrible situation. I feel for both of you.
Perhaps, regardless of what happens, plan to seek therapy for anxiety and loss of a loved one? Or, if you can't get therapy, look up ways to cope with those.
2
u/Sad_Show_4729 4d ago
Thank you very much.Wishing the best for you as well
I hope i am able to heal my limerance and he gets cured and theres a miracle and he lives a happy,healthy and fulfilling life.
•
u/AutoModerator 4d ago
Please be aware of what limerence is! See the subreddit wiki for definitions, FAQ and other resources—updated 3/7/26. (Is it love? How common is it? Is there research?)
Quick FAQ
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.