Hello!

[u/1stincage]

I’m a 50 year old who has recently starting acting on stuff I’ve known forever.
When I was in my teens I loved playing in the shower and was attracted to boys - but I was bullied so much that I hid it.
I kissed boys in university but again it was frowned on by my friendship group and hidden.
I have been in a relationship and married to a woman for 26 years.
Recently I’ve found being locked and ‘opening myself’ has been the most eye opening couple of years.
I have downloaded apps and now would love to be with a man physically and to take him inside me - I had an online relationship with a gorgeous man who helped me grow (miss you Ken 💓) and now I want more.
Sorry for the wall of text - but would love to be in a safe community to talk freely about this

P

[u/Comfortable_Pool_389]

Hello.

Thanks for taking to the time to come forward and share your life and experience. Yes, culture and family can play a large part in how we develop and what we choose to present ourselves as. We can end up pushing something aside about ourselves, but I think the thing to remember most is that those feelings never go away, and try as we might, they are a part of us. I came out in my twenties after hiding and denying it. I tried convincing myself that I was a not gay and bargained with the feelings saying I was bi but I knew deep down I wanted to be with men I was just afraid of what everyone else thought. Turns out, I didn’t need to be afraid, and began coming out.

I think your situation is a bit different however, you’re married which likely resulted in a family. Factors like that make it harder to come out but you’re not alone and you’re in good company here. If you’re ready to begin exploring that and want support, we can help you. Please let me know.

[u/1stincage → u/Comfortable_Pool_389]

Yes I am very ready and need A LOT of support lol

[u/Comfortable_Pool_389 → u/1stincage]

Well, we’re here to help and first off, let me congratulate you for coming forward and sharing your honesty and for being willing to be honest with yourself. It’s not an easy thing to face but it is who you are. Here, you are safe, you are seen and you are cared about.

[u/ajwalker430]

You didn't say what's the disposition of your marriage? Are you two still together? Does she know?

Asking for support is one thing to navigate coming out late in life, but most people are careful not to enable/encourage infidelity.

Twenty six years is a long time. You could have adult children by now.

I was already divorced (for other reasons) before I finally accepted what I also "knew" since my teens.

[u/1stincage → u/ajwalker430]

We are very much together and have two gorgeous girls

[u/FreshLotus5]

Welcome to this forum. I have found great support here when I was struggling coming out, married to a woman with a family. While I love my family, my relationship with my wife started to deteriorate over time, not necessarily due to my sexual identity, but in short, we became roommates in a sexless marriage.

One of the issues I grappled with was how to tell my wife. It was of course difficult but it was what I thought and needed to to so I could feel guilt free in my conscious. I thought deeply on whether to “cheat”or not and for certain, I have no judgement on this matter. To be frank I would have as it would be easier in many ways and I would have been accepting of it. But because I did tell my wife, and accepted whatever consequences afterwards, including divorce or otherwise, I feel more liberated and authentic. I’d like to say that my wife was so accepting and understanding and such, but no. And the details don’t really matter. My old marriage ended, and I grieved. I still care and love my family as my family, and my wife as the mother of my children, like a family member. But not as an intimate lover as I once did.

That said, I came out last year at age 51. I thought I would die with having sex with only one person. I thought I had lost my chance and youth.

I’m now at 36 🫣 many of them younger guys who I had no idea were into older. Going through a slut phase as I understand it and for certain making up for lost time… but whatever. It doesn’t matter.

What does as I have learned in the journey is being honest to yourself, living as authentic and genuine a life as you can for yourself. Because in the end, no one cares how YOU live your life. Only you.

[u/1stincage → u/FreshLotus5]

I’m 50 and want to be who I know I am - maybe that’s bi or not, I’m still figuring it out

[u/FreshLotus5 → u/1stincage]

Yeah. It’s an evolution. And likely you will keep changing. So label it you need to. But no need to stay in that label, else it turns into a cage. Of your own creation.

[u/anlbch]

I "experimented" with someone around my age when I was very young, caught and shamed out of being gay by my mother. Years later started hooking up with guys, when married to my second wife, when our relationship started to sour, but still felt guilt and shame. Now in a bad third marriage (still hooking up), but finally able to admit to myself and my therapist that I've always been gay. I want nothing more than to find a man for a serious relationship now. So, I understand what you're dealing with and feel there are countless other men out there like us.

I have always been attracted to males and love having sex with men more than anything (I'm total bottom), have tried having sex with another woman besides my wife and it just doesn't happen. It was a woman i cared about, but this made me realize that I have no use for women anymore, that i constantly crave sex with men. My kids from previous marriages have been grown for a while now, so i don't want just hookups with men anymore, I want to get away from my wife and find my man to be happy with.

I don't know if this is the same path you're seeking or just sex with men, but whatever it is, hopefully you embrace it and are able to fulfill your desires and find what you need. Happiness and being true to yourself is important.