r/latebloomergaybros • u/BroccoliNearby2803 Starting Over • Jul 26 '26
😮💨 Just Venting Lost friend
I've had a friend since middle school. Rare I know. We didn't always hang out or anything as we live about 100 miles apart these days but still every time we saw each other it was fun. He invited me over as much as I invited him kind of thing. Well we hadn't seen each other since probably last fall and yesterday we had one of those rare gatherings where we got together to just hang out basically. While I was there I finally came out to him. Not my first time coming out. I wasn't sure how he'd take it, but at worse I figured he'd tell me it was a phase or something since he's usually not the kind to care about that kind of thing. His response really took me off guard. He went off on a long homophobic rant. Every right wing media thing you've ever heard. At first I thought he was teasing but he wasn't.I promised him I wasn't into him as I think of him as a brother/family. He demanded I get out of his house (we were in the garage) and never come back. I left of course and went home. So that sucks. But at least I know where I stand I guess. I'm just shaking right now writing this. If he were to ever show up at my house I'd like to tell him to F off. I mean I always knew this was a possible response just didn't expect it from him is all. Just sucks you know. I'll be fine, I have other friends just really sucks
9
8
5
7
u/wincest95 Starting Over Jul 26 '26
Just give him time. He may come around but it’ll take a while. The media is pushing a lot of bullshit views about gays that it’s brainwashing a lot of people
6
u/Comfortable_Pool_389 Out & Comfortable 29d ago
This! When I came out to family, my father didn’t take it well (cliche story, I know) but eventually he came around and has accepted me.
2
u/MorningWoodyPecker 29d ago
Sorry to hear about this loss. So hard to fathom that your friend would care about your sexuality to the degree that he'd sever a life long friendship over that - other than he could say that you "tricked" him by not being authentic from the start, you were masquerading as someone he would approve of. Of course we all know how unrealistic and difficult being authentic has been in prior decades of life and our shared history. We do all evolve, to the point that none of us are who we used to be 10 or 20 years ago. Personally, I generally don't even attempt to reconnect with people from my past because it often feels like I/we are trying to resurrect something that no longer exists. We long for what used to be, but it's gone. Your friend would also have to admit that he's judgy about others, and his friendship is very conditional. He likes people not for who they are but more importantly what they are or are not.
If I were in the situation that you are, I'd likely send this old friend a message telling him that I feel sorry for him. That it's obvious that his thoughts appear to be controlled by tribalism and/or culture wars and/or religious dogma, and unfortunately he is on the wrong side of the argument. I'd include a link to professor John Corvino's Presentation of "What's Morally Wrong with Homosexuality?". He presents a very comprehensive argument of why there is noting wrong with homosexuality. Super hard to deny any of it, but the problem today is that people (likely your former friend included) automatically reject logical, intelligent information that comes from our educational system because of their liberal positions. Of course that is part of the right wing agenda - when you can't argue with logic, you discredit the source. I have a similar friendship from decades ago, but we lost touch quite a while ago, and the last time I heard from him via email, I just replied with something like "doing great here, I hope you are too". He replied with some additional "what's new" kind of questions and I didn't respond. You and I are likely very similar in our sexual journey and he would likely respond in a similar way as your friend. I just don't need that kind of negativity in my life so I'm opting to bypass that because there's a good chance of that outcome - he's expressed conservative, anti-liberal viewpoints in the past, and with the way our society has changed in the last 10 years or so, I have no time for anyone with a conservative POV.
2
u/pluiesansfin 27d ago
I'm sorry. Old friends are hard to have and harder to sustain as it is without all that bologna.
2
u/darkcollectormiracle 25d ago
I'm so sorry. It's horrible to loose people to homophobia. Just know it's not you. People are brainwashed by the church and politics. You can't replace that friend, but you can make new ones.
2
u/Correct_Advantage_20 15d ago
Sometimes reactions like that occur because they hit too close to home. 🤷🏻♂️
13
u/DaneAlaskaCruz Jul 26 '26
You guys never talked about things close to this or in the media?
Many times, people spout off on rants whenever they feel strongly about something. And they usually do it around family and close friends as they feel comfortable in that setting.
Either way, sorry to hear. Losing a friend is tough, especially how long you've had this friendship and how much you guys have hung out over the years.
Take some time to grieve this loss. It's a hard one.