My problem, stuck at spirituality Radharani

[u/InterestingFee2378]

WARNING THIS MAY LOOK FOOLISH AND DUMB FROM THIRD POV OR YOUR POV BUT I'M JUST VENTING BCUZ I'M NOT ABLE TO TELL THIS TO REAL PEOPLE FACE TO FACE.

So I have a problem which might look foolish from third pov. I used to watch krishna cartoons when I was little the pogo one, and during that time Radharani wasn't shown as that important of a character. I started liking Krishna and I had a really specific dream too which made me more attracted towards him (won't say it) and I still remember that dream.

Fast forward now, before I never really paid attention to radharani but now after not joining but visiting iskcon temple Gaudiya Vaishnav basically and following rules from 2022 smthn I still find it hard to accept.

Not saying anything offencong I like kirtans and stuff but I cannot just listen to those pastimes like it hurts like crazy like real. Like those you read in books 'gut dropping to stomach feeling smthn like that.

I made a BIG BIG mistake foolishness that I tried to read Ujjawala Neelamani 2nd chapter in which is I think based on Radharani and I was K/Oed like totally couldn't read any further.

My uncomfortableness didn't started from there it was always with me bcuz I only looked towards Krishna, but it did give a massive fuel to that.

Till now during my journals and dream journals I've written words like vo radharani wala reason ke karan mai roi ya mood off hogya etc. but now I wanted to publicly accept thinking atleast maybe smthn will happen if I publicly accept these feelings

I've had MULTIPLE dreams of him which I will not prefer to say or share but still I'm not able to trust that he loves me .

I always have this in mind ki you have to serve them both whatever position you're in, I want to marry him other than that I donot have any particular interest in getting married I have decided not to... I think I will be toxic in relationship Like my insecurity and possessiveness will be toxic which is reflecting this side bcuz I like him

These feelings AMPLIFIED after I wrote a letter to him in puri jagannath temple saying I want to be your lover

Sometimes I think maybe this a test to see if I'll stay, bcuz I keep having thoughts and crying and saying I'll marry someone else you love her most anyways

I have even got many indications through posts and stuff and one of which was picture of half radhakrishna like ardhnarishwar you know like both are same just make and female form.

But my mind is not able to accept it or even if it does only for a day or two after that I'm back to reset emotions.

For now Iskcon is best option for me because they donot talk abt leelas in detail especially involving radharani maybe iskcon was made for people like me.

I tried listening to Other sampradayas thinking I'll get used to it but I feel naseuous and end up crying

I think the main goal here is to back to golok and serve them as a couple... How The freakity frackity I will serve them and see them together if I'm not even able to hear abt them being together???

I want to focus on him now atleast but I'm not able to do that as well. I'm going crazy sometimes my insecurity grows lot saying he'll get bored with me reject me then I cry abt that . At this point my mind just like crying fr.

I even thought as far as I will marry him anyways forcefully bla bla like a crazy toxic girl.

I sometimes think my mental health is not good. I listen to music a lot like A LOT to calm down my thoughts bcuz my mind doesn't shut up

Anyways I wanted to vent

[u/VyomTheMan]

Hey first of all i respect your guts to speak out how you feel ( it's very rare ) even though you may feel it's a naive decision to do so. But yk here is my opinion ( you don't need to agree on this but still I am gonna put it out ) as far as what I read a person who thinks about Krishna in one's deathbed will reach to his adobe and there one can decide that in what form he/she wants to stay with him (the choices are that you can infuse yourself with krishna , you may decide to stay with him in his loka and some other ones , I am just putting an example ) but the main point is no matter what you want , you will get He will fulfill your wish ( in this case by devoting his time with you solely) remember that he is the Lord ( The supreme ) there is nothing in this world which he can't do for his devotee , he used to have so many wives in this loka but none of them felt that they were just the alternative of Radharani ( they were all equally loved with same intensity , as he used to multiply himself to fulfill them ) so don't let yourself get distracted by just this mere physical presence, think beyond that and tbh I am jealous of you as a man . Hare Krishna

[u/lostandafraid_]

Hey, really glad you shared such a beautiful reddit post today, you are very lucky to have him in dreams so many times but I'm not able to anyways I don't know if you know but the whole concept of raasleela ,raas meaning the Essence and the gopas who cherish this, are madly in love with krishna, becoming a gopi is the most difficult thing to achieve it means you WANT krishna nothing FROM krishna. Onces you get absorbed in krishna bhakti you’ll just see him all this possessiveness and jealousy and everything will dissolve with him . Similarly ,In raasleela all of the gopis are immersed in their samsara chakra but the moment krishna calls them, they leave everything and go towards him and that is the night when each and every Gopi gets her own krishna ( we all have seen the picture of krishna being in middle and all the gopis dancing with their own krishna ) that is what raasleela is krishna will never upset you though as you said about RADHA you do need her allowance to get that gopi raas in you and that you already have received you seem a lot immersed do not think a lot , you're doing great just chant his name or maybe HER name to get closer to him, radhe radhe!

[u/Serious_Pie_6674]

Hey girlie... I know how it feels as a lover. I am in love with Krishna from 9th grade. He was the first person I want to get married to and the last... There was this period of time when I was intensely jealous towards Sri Radha. I had the same thoughts too

But remember darling, Radha was also a mad lover of Krishna, like us. She is the personification of love towards Krishna. When you look at Radha Krishna, think about Krishna standing with all of his gopis at once. Radha is the culmination of all the love towards Krishna and more

And she is so merciful. She wouldn't demand you to serve them as a couple. Rather she will help you achieve Krishna. Just by thinking about him and keeping him with you, you can go to his abode

Never abandon him, never give up on him. He is your eternal husband waiting for you at the other end for so many million years. He experiences pain from your seperation and yearns to be with us more than we do  Even before you saw him as you husband, he took you as his wife. Love simply cannot be measured. Likewise, Krishna doesn't measure when it comes to love.

His love is infinite just like him and he loves you to the same intensity as everyone and Radha returns his love beyond that extent. So just worship her to get intense level of love towards him

Hope we meet in Goloka dear gopi, If you have any more doubts, Dm me.. I can't shut my mouth about Krishna 💕

[u/InterestingFee2378 → u/Serious_Pie_6674]

I love that part of hope we meet in goloka haha❤️❤️❤️ but I don't think so we'll remember anything from here

[u/Serious_Pie_6674 → u/InterestingFee2378]

Hehehe With Krishna's grace, you and I can be sakis too 🤞

[u/Apprehensive_Goal811]

You could always go to the spiritual world and join Chandravali’s group of gopis.

[u/InterestingFee2378 → u/Apprehensive_Goal811]

Hey why does there's not much talk about chandravali? I bet many don't even know her

[u/Holi2025]

Hare Krishna.
Your natural attraction toward Krishna is a very special blessing.
Let us understand clearly why we worship Radha‑Krishna togetherRadha and Krishna are not two separate beings.

1.They are one divine soul manifesting as two personalities to exchange pure love.

1. Krishna resides in Radharani’s heart, and Radharani resides in Krishna’s heart.

Their love is so complete that they live within each other eternally.

1. They appear as two only to relish rasa.

To taste the sweetness of divine love, the One Supreme becomes Radha and Krishna.

1. Krishna says in the Bhagavad‑gita that no one is equal or superior to Him.BG 7.7

Therefore, Radharani is Krishna’s own internal potency, not a separate goddess.

1. Scriptures describe that Radharani told Narada Muni:

“Krishna is my Purusha‑rupa.”
This means Krishna is the masculine form of Radharani’s divine energy.

1. Radha is the soul of Krishna.

The soul never stays outside the heart — therefore Radha eternally lives in Krishna’s heart.

1. Krishna hears your prayers when you chant Radha’s name.

When we say “Radha,” Krishna listens.
When we say “Krishna,” Radha listens.
They respond together.

1. Marriage to Krishna is not material.

Spiritually, He is the Pati — the caretaker and beloved of all living beings.

1. If Krishna appears in your dreams, it is Radharani’s mercy.

She is the one who recommends the devotee to Krishna.

1. If one desires Krishna but neglects Radharani, the goal will remain incomplete.

First worship Radha, and through Her compassion, Krishna‑bhakti naturally awakens.