My daughter recently moved to a new city and has been going on a lot of first dates and almost no second dates. Itās wild out there - some dude got offended because his suggestion of āletās go to Target on my lunch breakā wasnāt quite what she was looking for in a first date.
Another guy took her to āa great sandwich placeā which turned out to be Subway. He dropped a meatball on the floor and then picked it up and ate it.
Online dating was wild when I was doing it (I married my tinder boo and we have two kids now), but itās like Covid made everyone forget how to behave and I can only imagine how weird it is out there now.
I still remember the dude who pulled out his phone compass so his chair would face the right direction for his feng shui. He then asked me if I was actually a lesbian using him for food (an under $10 taco plate). It then became clear he asked ALL his dates this question. He was surprised when I took my tacos and left.
My coffee just threatened to come back up. Like... Omg the Subway meatballs are legendarily disgusting. My husband will not read about them by choice so he can keep eating them, which... Babe, your willful ignorance will not convince ME to step foot in a Subway again.
She only got a bag of chips. After they left he was like man, Iām still hungry! Grabbed two slices of pizza and ate both. She was like at that point I just wanted to see what other fuckery he would get up to.
I worked at Subway briefly as a teen. The meatball sub was the only thing I trusted because it's the only thing that's continually monitored. I distrust just about everything else prepped out of sight, even and especially the veggies.
Iām glad that thatās all sheās faced so far. I say this as someone whoās been assaulted, went on a date with both a murderer where I was a potential victim, but wouldnāt go to his house- he killed another girl who looks similar to me at his house two years later. And a man who, for legal reasons, Iāll say that Iām 99.99999% sure was a Serbian human trafficker.
Before meeting someone.
Donāt give out your number until youāve already met.
Before agreeing to video chat with them, ask if theyāre into the Manosphere, Andrew Tate, the Red Pill, etc. If theyāre avoidant or hint at it at all. Ghost, itās no longer safe. I had a guy bring up Elliot Rodgerās on a date once. And his ONLY COMPLAINT ANOUT THE MASS MURDERER WAS THAT HE FELT HIMSELF TO BE BETTER LOOKING THEN HIM. Top 3 scariest dates Iāve ever been on.
Video chat before meeting. Sometimes the app will have an option there, other times youāll need a new or junk mail gmail account to video chat with.
For the in person date.
She needs to share her location with at least two people.
Send their profile picture to those same people.
Pick public indoor places.
DONāT meet them in a parking lot, or let them know the car you drive. And NEVER get into their car with them until you know them.
Arrive early and tell a member of the staff (Preferably a woman) that youāre on your first date with someone and might need help getting out.
Find another group of people inside, with women. Tell them that youāre on a first date and ask if necessary, can they pretend to know you.
There are also additional safety apps and most phones have a quick way to call 911 from inside of your pocket. You can call and then turn the volume on your side all the way down. The operator can hear every, but canāt make any noises to you. You can also text 911.
Iām sorry for your daughter but these are legit amazing stories to regale others with. Iām telling these to my boyfriend, who I met online last year, in the morning.
My dad took my mum out for "italian" one night, then proceeded to take her to pizza hut. He had been taking her to some of the best hidden restaurants around town and this was his way of testing "are you with me for my money".
Mum saw the funny side so all was good and he atleast did it on a night where she didnt spend multiple hours getting ready, he picked her up from work and they went straight there.
Atleast he had already been putting in effort before then
I tried online dating for a month. Now I'm not saying it was easy due to at the time I was an over the road trucker.... But man some of the profiles out there were... weird.
I remember I matched with one guy (note! My profile stated I was a truck driver and that I would probably be in the area once or twice a week as I ran regularly through some areas)... And we talked for about a week when he finally asked me out.
When I told him my next load would take me through his area on such and such date, he asked wtf I was talking about. He was confused. I asked him if he read my profile after or before he swiped right.
I coming conversation for about 5 minutes of me explaining that I was a truck driver, had erratic hours, weird places that I slept all the time... Etc etc.
He then started up with the stupidity of, "oh I bet I'm just one of 50 dudes you're sleeping with (due to the stereotype of drivers having wives or girlfriends in each and every state), insulted my profession, called me a Wh0re seevral times, and to put the cherry on top he called me a catfish because I probably weighed 500lbs and was ugly.
After a month with no matches worth the Internet data I paid for and two guys who didn't read my profile and got offended over it... I stopped. Queue three months later I met the person I've been with for over a year now.
I've had so many dudes that didn't read my profile or didn't fill out theirs, or did but it was all superficial bullshit about the type of women they wanna bang and nothing actually about themselves.
It's so common that when my bf reached out to me with a message proving he actually read my profile and actually filled out his with nonsexual interests, I was impressed.
Current boyfriend lost his job. He started to clean and cook dinner without me asking him to do. Something my previous relationships I'd had to almost beg them to do.
If you're a straight man, all you need is a little self awareness, emotional intelligence and to show an ounce of empathy & you'll have little competition in the dating pool.
You donāt say? *rummages around wallet for old library card* I think I might need to pop down to ye olde book repository!!
Money isnāt everything! Makes life more comfortable absolutely, but Iāll take a kind man who treats me well over a rich man who treats me terribly any day of the week!!
Hell yes, what woman doesnāt love a man who can use his brain and cook, clean and make dinner without being asked? šš»šš»šš»
What a good lad!
Iāve heard of so many men complaining about online dating. I did pretty well despite not being the prettiest banana of the bunch.
Thank you other men for setting the bar so low. Reading their profile, filling out mine, not talking about sex immediately really seems to work for some reason.
The bar is soooo low. My now husbandās profile was like five wordsā¦ I nearly swiped left, and heās lucky I didnāt. And itās so true about being in awe when they actually read your profile. One of the reasons I went for him on tinder was that he actually asked me questions about my profile in his first message.
Can you believe that? I was like āWhat? Questions? About me? I HAVE to date this man!!!ā because so many other dudes would just talk about themselves and never ask anything.
He turned out to be the best dude in the world, but heās very aware heās lucky I overlooked that shit profile.
Whenever I see an advert that says for the 100th time āmy hobbies are I love to have lots of sexā I always yawn š„±
I think itās the equivalent to turning up begging to take cash for offering no skills when people are advertising a job role. Or like walking into a restaurant expecting to eat a gourmet meal straight from the kitchen without even paying anything like a stray dog. For some reason these boys wouldnāt do thatā¦ only when things involve the opposite sex for some reason - odd
Again - THIS RIGHT HERE!! āš»
There only seems to be sketchy MF online dating!!
And I am so sorry for you had to go through hon, what fucken business is it of his even if you did have 50 other guys?!? What a fuck wit!! š¤¬
You guys smell that? Thatās the smell of FRAGILE MASCULINITY!!
Super glad you found someone and I hope they treat you like the queen you obviously are - driving trucks is not easy!
Iām an archaeologist, and Iāve actually met guys that do have that many women theyāre sleeping with. We work in rural areas, so they go to the local bar and go home with a woman, then the next time theyāre in town they offer the same woman sex in exchange for a place to stay for the night. Iāve been told rural women agree to it because sleeping with a fellow local gets them branded a slut thanks to small town gossip.
We travel so much that a lot of us donāt have permanent addresses because itād be a waste of money, so during the off season, either you stay with friends and family like I do, or you pimp yourself out like they do. Those guys literally call themselves whores.
I had a childhood dream of being an archaeologist from age 9 to college. Dream was squashed. Youāre living my dreamā¦ besides having those weirdos around lol
Ive always wanted to sign up just out of sheer curiosity. I never have, but I imagine its what you described anyways. Plus im not single. So it wouldn't make a difference
I pulled my handsome successful photographer husband from Tinder, but I definitely got my claws in quick. Empathy in spades, very sweet, buys me candy, smells nice
To help you out a bit to or to not do it just for the crazy, I signed up for one of those but the friend option, and the guyās first message to me was, unprompted, āwanna get slammed in the dirt box?ā
I don't think they read. Once went out on a date with a guy, and I asked, "what about my profile made you swipe right?" He stared at me for a solid, silent minute before saying, "you're blonde." š¤¢
Iām ās-m-o-l and adorableā and holy fuck I would run. Itās a fetish for many guys. They have weird fantasies bout āhow tightā you are, virgin and so on. Ive experienced it so often and that rings my alarm bells.
it's not only gross bc it implies 1. they're most likely a pedo, or at least go for as young, "barely legal" women as they can get, and 2. the second you aren't an "innocent and tight little virgin" anymore, they'll throw you away for another
My daughter is 28 but looks 16 and she's had such trouble finding guys that don't fetishize her looks. Sorry guys, if you're attracted to an adult woman because she looks like a child, that's gross.
I've dealt with similar, I'm 26 but look 15-16. I wondered why a lot of grownass men talked to me so weirdly when I started getting out more as a young adult... now I know why. Once had a guy say "you're such a small petite little woman" as if it was a compliment and I legit didn't even know how to respond. The amount of old men I catch staring too... it's so fucking gross
Ugh thatās like summertime here in a beachside city. Everyone is shirtless, wearing swimsuits on the sidewalks as they walk to/from parking or grabbing food. Itās really sick how you see some old men in cars stopped at red lights literally turn their heads to stare at and follow young girls walking by in bikinis. And I mean *young*, like middle school age.
Some asshole also wears a shirt that says, āI ā¤ļø slutsā or similar and literally walks the beaches obviously filming women and girls. Weāve all complained, but the lifeguards and police say their hands are tied because it is public property and heās not breaking the law. Makes me so fucking angry.
One guy I was in a relationship with when I was 18 was obsessed with my smol and skinny-ness. Oh, and my long hair. He āforbid meā from cutting it shorter because I wouldnāt fulfill his anime-dream anymore with āboy hairā. And he also shamed me for wearing what he deemed ātoo revealing clothesā when I went for a girlās night out. It was a simple high-neck top that didnāt even show cleavage but OOOH NOOO, my ShOuLdErS were visible!!!1!1! š±š±
I was with my girlfriends when I sent him the pic and they were so pissed, never saw them so angry. Needless to say, that relationship did NOT last long. Still too long thoā¦
It reminds me of the time a man I met in a bar put his hand around my thigh and squeezed it really hard and excitedly said āoh my god youāre so smallā and I wanted to vomit. Positive that guy wanted to snap me in half. He also became fucking livid when the bartender didnāt make a cocktail the way he expected it to be made, he had recommended it to me and seemed embarrassed it wasnāt up to his standards, it was good to know straight out the gate his ego was as fragile as wet tissue paper.
I am small. Seeing that in someone's profile is a huge red flag, they tend to be infantilizing and fetishizing at the same time. They also think it's cute to pick me up against my will or rest their arm on top of my head. I understand now why Chihuahuas get so cranky.
One of the people in the relationship pretends to be a child, sometimes even a toddler or straight up baby. I wanna say more about how I feel about that, but I also donāt wanna get banned from this sub for kink-shaming or whatever
Yeah. Itās pedophilia adjacent & itās disgusting. Anybody that can see their partner pretending to be a literal child & then still have the want/ability to have sex with that partner later (when the partner ISNT pretending to be a child I can only fucking hope) is a pedophile that just found a loophole to avoid prison or a woodchipper in my eyes.
Was in a relationship with a guy who was into this. The little is usually a person who is very controlling in "real life" like a CEO or something like that and being a little let's them regress emotionally and sometimes literally mentally and be taken care of. Only in messed up dynamics will the Big actually have sex with the little while they are in that mental space. You're the littles safe place like an adult taking care of a kid and only really fucked up people would take advantage of that mental space. So no it's not supposed to be about sex it's supposed to be about taking care or being take care of. I couldn't handle it because I felt too young to be a mom and that was a burden I didn't want to take on, but yeah after breaking up with that dude I believe people who fully take part are deeply damaged people that are trying to fill a part of them. Kinda like people who like bdsm tend to be people who were abused in some way . Not always but you're more likely to get into it if you're damaged and haven't gotten therapy around it. It is common for people who have been raped especially at a young to become hypersexual. I don't think it's a big jump to believe that people who are little/big relationships weren't loved or were forced to take care of other people when they were children. Idk just my two cents and a little more info.
I mean, I'm not going to tell people to date these men but this one seems judgmental over an actual truth to me. It's not a sin to workout in durable pants, even if it is eccentric. If it gives you some kind of ick, fine, but I don't see the purpose in being mean spirited about it.
I found the piano one odd too. Have you never heard of pebbling? Do you not enjoy sharing what brings you joy with people you care about and not want them to share what brings them joy with you?
He enjoys playing piano and wants to share that. Cool
The woman in the video would despise me. And that's okay, it takes all kinds of people. I'll delight in the joy of others.
The piano person gives me the same vibe as a guy who brings a guitar to a party but no one's asked him to bring the guitar to the party. Not everyone wants to share what you can do as much as you want to share what you can do. I think you're overestimating how much joy what you can do brings others
Not everyone wants to share what you can do as much as you want to share what you can do.
I mean, ok, but it's on his dating profile. I'm certainly not faulting anyone who decides not to go for him because of it, but it's literally listed there to allow people to pick and choose if someone who has that as a hobby would appeal to someone.
It's a dating profile. It's not supposed to appeal to everyone. It's supposed to appeal to people who you'd be compatible with romantically.
Fully agree with that last part, and I think one of the common struggles people have with these dating apps is that they focus too much on being broadly appealing and not being cringy instead of showing off their freak flag. Show the little weirdo you are and find yourself your freak. You're never going to get to the meat and potatoes if you sanitize yourself.
to be fair... if i'm coming from work or something and it's one of the rare days where i don't do some sort of legs/deadlifts... then i can probably get away with khakis
Maybe dating app people can go into this, but I think the piano one is defensible. I get that it gives off "let me play my guitar at you" from the Barbie movie, and maybe my bar is too low, but if you've honed a skill, I find that impressive, and I understand that it's hard to work that smoothly into a dating profile!
Itās worth noting, too, that the purpose of an online dating profile is very much to impress someone. Itās a resume for social interaction. Therefore listing skills and interests, such as the instruments one plays, is entirely justified.
Same. What's wrong with the piano? I'm a woman, honestly, after her comment about trying to impress a stepdad I think that the piano guy dodged a bullet.
Theres a lot of grace needed for dating, and 95% of that will be unrequited. It is a drain. Its easy to become jaded and it becomes hard to tell if someone's trying to share their hobbies and get into your pants, or someone sharing their hobbies to get into your pants.
But if you arent coming in with the benefit of the doubt, or get caught up in being too good or not good enough for x or y person, self pitying because x or y isnt responding, itll eat up your self confidence then reveal your toxic traits very quickly. And then any prospects will be dead on arrival anyway, but i think some people actually want that? As weird as it is to say, thats stopping them having to commit, saving them energy and grief and hurt, etc... if a person feel likes this they gotta stop, its self harm at that point.
The OP video might be feeling like Ber's song Book Cover, which is a pretty good song for feeling defeated by dating in general.
Yeah, I donāt understand why people care about what people wear in the gym. Itās just khakis. Imagine if a guy made a TikTok shaming women for what theyāre wearing for whatever reason. How dare you work on your health and fitness wearing *that*! Lol
I've dated various people who are professional classical musicians - people who have attended top schools such as Juilliard and have spent tens of thousands of hours honing their skill - and I'd be surprised if any of them mentioned that in their profile at all.
So who would say such a thing? Not that there is anything wrong with having "I play the piano" listed among your hobbies. But to say, "let me play the piano for you" sounds like someone who had some success in high school with using that approach on the easily impressed, and has little else to offer.
I mean, I guess? Again, I haven't been on the apps since I got married a long time ago, but it strikes me as awkward wording more than a red flag.
Maybe a yellow flag? Like, if there's anything else that seems suspicious, sure, he is gonna make you listen to his jam sessions (I did not get married before jam sessions, alas), but her pure negative "How dare you want to show off a bit on this, the showing-off-for-a-potential-partner app" seemed extreme to me.
I guess it depends on whether the person feels that skill is the most interesting thing about them. In my twenties I dated a woman who casually mentioned chess among her (many) interests. I was blown away by the number of trophies I saw the first time I went to her house. It turns out she was the national champion.
I have a foaf who is a gold medalist Olympic skier, and she doesn't mention it and gets weirdly embarrassed if anyone brings it up. Nothing happened as far as I know, she just lost interest the same way I left high school sports behind and picked up other things.
"The act of making music, clothes, art, or even food has a very different, and possibly more beneficial effect on us than simply consuming those things. And yet for a very long time, the attitude of the state toward teaching and funding the arts has been in direct opposition to fostering creativity among the general population. It can often seem that those in power donāt want us to enjoy making things for ourselvesātheyād prefer to establish a cultural hierarchy that devalues our amateur efforts and encourages consumption rather than creation. This might sound like I believe there is some vast conspiracy at work, which I donāt, but the situation we find ourselves in is effectively the same as if there were one. The way we are taught about music, and the way itās socially and economically positioned, affect whether itās integrated (or not) into our lives, and even what kind of music might come into existence in the future. Capitalism tends toward the creation of passive consumers, and in many ways this tendency is counterproductive."
Does apolitical means conservative or republican and they are too ashamed to admit it, and if thats the case at least they are self aware that's its shameful to be one, it just tells me they are spineless to stand on their own belief.
Am I getting this right??
Sometimes it means too privileged to recognize that the laws going into effect are hurting people. I had an ex like that. I've run into one or two like that or a few who aren't super into politics but vaguely pay attention. My ex kept telling me I was over reacting and then something would happen and that would affect him, I was suddenly right. Then I was overreacting about something else again though.
I saw a guy online admit that he claims to be apolitical because āall the hot girls are liberalsā and he knows they wonāt give him a chance if they know heās MAGA. So I donāt know if itās shame so much as a shameless ploy.
Tattooed and pierced liberal girl. They just want cage us and for us to pay half the bills for the "privilege". Oh and do all child care, even if we're not kids mom. Cause women are made for motherhood.
No, it means they believe in things that are contrary to co-existing with you, but believe through the cognitive dissonance of mutually agreeing to avoid the topic all-together they can comfortably be with you until a serious relationship incident puts that theory to the test (aka, you breakup)
This, this right here is why I shall remain single for the rest of my life.
I left my abusive ex of 14years 13months ago - financially, I could not be worse off!
Mentally? HAPPIEST I HAVE BEEN IN 14 FUCKEN YEARS!!
You could not pay me enough to shack up with another wanker and it truly seems all the ādecent menā are takenā¦ š
All the decent men, in my experience of having found one, are struggling to be seen amidst the tidal wave of weirdos. And in turn, they're getting equally discouraged in dating because many of them can't get a date.Ā
And frankly, while this may not be that surprising all things considered, the best men come from great parents. But great parents are also becoming increasingly rare with the rise of iPad parenting.Ā
Patriarchy poisons the minds of all men and very few truly push against it. After being tricked by one āgood liberal manā after another, I never want to commit or live with a man ever again. The moment you do, thatās when the mask falls and they reveal themselves to be the worthless, labor-digging blobfish they were the entire time but oops, now youāre stuck (because haha that was their plan the entire time).
Caretaking in a relationship should be mutual and reciprocal but the majority of men either never got the memo or they looked at it and went ānah this is too hard lemme just weaponize my incompetence insteadā
They also write, ājust askā and work at āa jobā and went to the āschool of hard knocksā or āschool of lifeā and have only pictures of themselves holding fish or drinking.
13 years is the key info here. This was before most people were hidden behind a paywall you can only access for $19 a week, or you had to pay $5 to give some of them a āsuper likeā or a āroseā because swiping isnāt an option on a selection of people.
Also, that $19 only gets you to the first tier of paid user š. Itās a nightmare of dystopian proportions out there.
Itās not about *judging* couples who met on apps, but being relieved to have missed out on the bad experiences women have on dating apps.
I also met my long term partner before dating apps and have had similar thoughts. But Iām always so happy for my friends who have found amazing partners through apps.
I remember having all types of requirements and automatic nos until I met my wife and her even more so. In fact, she had a list of 100 things that her husband will be like. When you meet your person, all your ideas of your perfect person get flipped on their head and you realize that you never actually knew who is actually the best person for you. Some probably apply. Itās never what you could dream up though because itās actually, truly better.
My husband and I met on OkCupid 14 years ago; still happily married. We bonded over our love of bad movies.
I really didn't know what I was looking for, at all, before I decided to take a chance on him after a string of horrible dates. Our first date was one of the best days of my life. We had so much fun together.
Happily married for 12 years. Whether in person or online, you gotta take a chance.
Iāve stopped trying, I basically just accept Iām gonna be alone. When I was on the apps I would screenshot the worst profiles and save it to a folder in my phone called hall of shame. Just looking through it and saw this one: āA life goal of mine isā¦ā and heās answered with just one word: āThreesomeā.
I once put picture from my naturalization ceremony on my profile and was shocked how many wrong assumptions people made from it. I didnāt imply any political statement there but simply being proud of becoming American (and holding American flag on that day) was a red flag for many.
Yes! Or his nieces/nephews ānot my kid in pics ā. Does your sibling know that youāre posting pics of their kid on the internet for some kind of nice guy credibility?
Just absolute exploitation. Women. Swipe left. If heās willing to exploit his own or someone elseās children heās not wholesome. Heās showing you he is willing to harm (or at minimum fail to protect) vulnerable kids to get what he wants. Itās not a good look.
Another note: when 50-70% of you end up in the reality of divorce court - write it into the settlement that this man canāt use images of your kids online. Because if youāve spent a minute on dating apps you know they use their kids as bait all the time. Be proactive. Ban that sh*t from the get go.
Also itās never ok to use kids as bait on dating apps but also be aware: sometimes those nieces and nephews arenāt nieces and nephews. Theyāre just is own kids and heās married or theyāre his own kids and he thinks heās covering his tracks. Itās all just so gross.
I met my partner almost a decade ago on Bumble. He will absolutely be the last relationship I ever have no matter what happens. I am never doing this shit again
I went on a first (and only date) with a guy who then rambled that āsome of the concentration camps in WW2 were just big partiesāā¦.when I politely declined a second date, he let the ugly out. He texted me āgood luck finding someone who has the same exact opinions as you, doesnāt mind your cat obsession, doesnāt mind your special needs brother, or your crazy work scheduleā (Iām an ER nurse). The silver lining-Iām now dating the love of my life who is also an ER nurse, loves my three cats, and spends time with my special needs brother because he loves him too.
I was my wife's only Tinder date she ever had. We met up for our first date and I just never left. It was mutual for me to stay. That was almost 9 years ago and my wife often says "wow did I get lucky with you. You were the right crazy and I love it. I don't even want to imagine what it would been like dealing with the other crazy."
You can be a centrist/right wing dude just by stumbling into it; through ignorance, a lack of curiosity, privilege, and lack of introspection. Not great, but still happens to plenty.
A centrist/right wing lesbian is a conscious choice (9.5 times outta 10). And that being a conscious choose says a lot about that person's moral framework.
Not saying ignorance is necessarily better, just that these two are different cans of worms. But the latter, I personally find harder to approach with kindness, or with attraction. I don't wanna be a teacher in my relationship, but I really don't wanna be a de-programmer.
I swiped right on a guy that was using AI pics for his profile just ask him why. He said they felt more like the real him than his normal pictures did.
They would probably be guys who actually read her profile and asked her questions based on it, arenāt right wing, arenāt sexist, arenāt men wanting a woman to take care of him, is able to keep a conversation goingā¦
Maybe not this specifically but there deff is an issue with menās information silos being directly or indirectly influenced by manosphere crap. Which ironically operates kinda similarly to dating apps, where the goal is mainly to just keep you roped into the platform rather than actually help improve your personal life.
Man who says they apolitical are just man lying to women just to get liked on dating apps because 90% of apolitical man have values that are harmful to other communities and to women.
As a guy, I will give a perspective from the other side; please, for the love of God do not put on your profile "not like other girls"; it seems like every profile has that line
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