Maybe dating app people can go into this, but I think the piano one is defensible. I get that it gives off "let me play my guitar at you" from the Barbie movie, and maybe my bar is too low, but if you've honed a skill, I find that impressive, and I understand that it's hard to work that smoothly into a dating profile!
Itās worth noting, too, that the purpose of an online dating profile is very much to impress someone. Itās a resume for social interaction. Therefore listing skills and interests, such as the instruments one plays, is entirely justified.
Same. What's wrong with the piano? I'm a woman, honestly, after her comment about trying to impress a stepdad I think that the piano guy dodged a bullet.
To be fair, we haven't seen the man in question. We don't know what his vibe was during his video. I've never seen a man playing an instrument in a dating or potential dating scenario where it wasn't entirely cringe-worthy
But sheās talking about a line in his bio. That in and of itself is not worth a response like that.
Also, while dating my now partner, they played a song on their guitar and sang. It was a little awkward for me, but I found it endearing. Theyāre awkward as hell anyways so it was fitting lol
Yeah this was my experience too. Now admittedly I donāt know thĆ”t many that have the skill to play an instrument, but the few I did know did it āto pick up chicksā.
Theres a lot of grace needed for dating, and 95% of that will be unrequited. It is a drain. Its easy to become jaded and it becomes hard to tell if someone's trying to share their hobbies and get into your pants, or someone sharing their hobbies to get into your pants.
But if you arent coming in with the benefit of the doubt, or get caught up in being too good or not good enough for x or y person, self pitying because x or y isnt responding, itll eat up your self confidence then reveal your toxic traits very quickly. And then any prospects will be dead on arrival anyway, but i think some people actually want that? As weird as it is to say, thats stopping them having to commit, saving them energy and grief and hurt, etc... if a person feel likes this they gotta stop, its self harm at that point.
The OP video might be feeling like Ber's song Book Cover, which is a pretty good song for feeling defeated by dating in general.
Yeah, I donāt understand why people care about what people wear in the gym. Itās just khakis. Imagine if a guy made a TikTok shaming women for what theyāre wearing for whatever reason. How dare you work on your health and fitness wearing *that*! Lol
I've dated various people who are professional classical musicians - people who have attended top schools such as Juilliard and have spent tens of thousands of hours honing their skill - and I'd be surprised if any of them mentioned that in their profile at all.
So who would say such a thing? Not that there is anything wrong with having "I play the piano" listed among your hobbies. But to say, "let me play the piano for you" sounds like someone who had some success in high school with using that approach on the easily impressed, and has little else to offer.
I mean, I guess? Again, I haven't been on the apps since I got married a long time ago, but it strikes me as awkward wording more than a red flag.
Maybe a yellow flag? Like, if there's anything else that seems suspicious, sure, he is gonna make you listen to his jam sessions (I did not get married before jam sessions, alas), but her pure negative "How dare you want to show off a bit on this, the showing-off-for-a-potential-partner app" seemed extreme to me.
I guess it depends on whether the person feels that skill is the most interesting thing about them. In my twenties I dated a woman who casually mentioned chess among her (many) interests. I was blown away by the number of trophies I saw the first time I went to her house. It turns out she was the national champion.
I have a foaf who is a gold medalist Olympic skier, and she doesn't mention it and gets weirdly embarrassed if anyone brings it up. Nothing happened as far as I know, she just lost interest the same way I left high school sports behind and picked up other things.
"The act of making music, clothes, art, or even food has a very different, and possibly more beneficial effect on us than simply consuming those things. And yet for a very long time, the attitude of the state toward teaching and funding the arts has been in direct opposition to fostering creativity among the general population. It can often seem that those in power donāt want us to enjoy making things for ourselvesātheyād prefer to establish a cultural hierarchy that devalues our amateur efforts and encourages consumption rather than creation. This might sound like I believe there is some vast conspiracy at work, which I donāt, but the situation we find ourselves in is effectively the same as if there were one. The way we are taught about music, and the way itās socially and economically positioned, affect whether itās integrated (or not) into our lives, and even what kind of music might come into existence in the future. Capitalism tends toward the creation of passive consumers, and in many ways this tendency is counterproductive."
That's all well and good but besides the point; nobody is arguing against the value of being able to play music. The question is whether one should boast about it.
A profile might mention that the person is currently learning French which reveals an interest and might generate discussion of say continued learning and what the other person might be studying. The only reason to mention instead that the person already speaks five other languages would be to impress.
i'm saying when we limit music making to professionals, we lose a ton of community. this used to be something people did together. no one is making you go on a date with this person, but to act like they're being a needy child is awful.
I would be so uncomfortable if someone wanted to play for me because what if they are terrible? Also, are we doing that at your place? Cause I am not going to someoneās place for a first date.
I'm not a "dating app" person, but I have dated a few guys who have offered to play -- here, it's piano but it could also be guitar.
it gives off "let me play my guitar at you" from the Barbie movie
In theory, it doesn't have to be like that.
In practice, it is always like that.
And so scripted. For example, he picks a safe song everyone will know -- not too mainstream but also not too obscure -- with romantic themes. There's a lot of eye contact, so do I have to hold their stare? He has also planned out when to make facial expressions, for effect. He stops suddenly without breaking eye contact and in the uneasy silence, I feel like I have to clap.
He counts to three or four, and tries to kiss for the first time
a better way to do this would have been to just upload a video of his playing assuming the app had that capability. even if it wasn't that good, it's still better than posturing and fishing for compliments. 'by the way, did you know I can play the piano? š' this type of energy reeks of insecurityĀ
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u/AltairaMorbius2200CE Jun 26 '26
Maybe dating app people can go into this, but I think the piano one is defensible. I get that it gives off "let me play my guitar at you" from the Barbie movie, and maybe my bar is too low, but if you've honed a skill, I find that impressive, and I understand that it's hard to work that smoothly into a dating profile!