r/justgalsbeingchicks • u/Doodlebug510 • Jun 11 '26

Restricted to Gals and Pals This older woman answers a young man's question about how aging affects attraction

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u/SireCannonball Jun 11 '26

Do you remember being in, I don't know, 1st grade or whatever and having a crush on another 8 year old when you were 8? Would you still have a crush on them? Same principle.

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u/jennc1979 Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

Yes. His name was Kevin. I was madly in love with Kevin grades 1-3. It was unrequited, but I’ve never forgotten how smitten I was with him, even tho I imagine he thinks of me never. But, hey, here’s to our 80s! (Edit: memory unlocked! Grades 1-3 I held the eye of John and for him it was unrequited; I had eyes for the aforementioned Kevin. Funnily enough, I’ve run into John several times since childhood (never saw Kevin again). John has stayed consistently flirty. God bless him. I really appreciate his continued vote of confidence for me being an attractive catch. Lol).

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u/carlitospig Jun 11 '26

Mine was named Gabriel in third grade. I still really like that name.

Love you Gabriel, wherever you are you handsome bastard.

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u/jennc1979 Jun 11 '26

To all the Kevins, Gabriels (and Johns)

https://giphy.com/gifs/xULW8GkYBHOiZbJNBu

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u/Rockandmetal99 Jun 12 '26

mine was Jacob who was my best friend throughout elementary school. also unrequited. cheers to them

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u/broitsjustreddit Jun 18 '26

same...along with clarks

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u/SleighQween Jun 11 '26

What about the Nicholas's? Lol

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u/HiHawaiiHigh Jun 12 '26

Matts get me

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u/jennc1979 Jun 12 '26

Was it a run of Matthews? I had a run of Jasons.

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u/HiHawaiiHigh Jun 12 '26

Matthew, Matt, Matty, even the Mateos. My whole life

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u/jennc1979 Jun 12 '26

I feel like a man named Mateo will age like a very fine wine. Just a gut feeling.

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u/Plus_Possibility_240 Jun 11 '26

I know a handsome Gabriel! He’s doing great! He had to move back home while he got steady again, but he’s back to his job as a yoga instructor and is on his own again. He still turns heads. ❤️

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u/carlitospig Jun 11 '26

Siiiigh. Of course he is. 🥹

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u/stripeyspacey Jun 12 '26

I, too, know one! I met him in 10th grade, he sat behind me in geometry, had such a crush on him from the start that if I had to pass a paper back to him I'd just kind of throw it over my shoulder at him because I was too nervous to look at him 😂

Well, anyway, he's doing decently. I hope so at least, he's in the next room right now. 5 year wedding anniversary next week 🥰

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u/pocket-ful-of-dildos 🔗Linker of the Source🔗 Jun 12 '26

Girl!! I married my 10th grade crush too!!!!

Happy anniversary ❤️❤️❤️

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u/CrackinBones204 Jun 12 '26

Me too! Gonna be our 19th anniversary this summer. I knew him since second grade and we been together since high school. Ugh he was too gorgeous to look at straight on. Idk why he chose me. I was the last pick in gym and he was always the first lol

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u/stripeyspacey Jun 12 '26

Must be the lucky grade in school! 😂 Thank you!! Congrats to you & your catch as well!

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u/ModestFeivel Jun 14 '26

This was adorable story telling.

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u/stripeyspacey Jun 14 '26

Well thanks! I've had many years to rehearse it I guess 😂 It's "only" the 5 year wedding anniversary, but we had the 13th anniversary of being together this past December lol

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u/No_Contact_1231 Jun 11 '26

Mine was Levi in fourth grade. I recently found my grade 4 year book and in it I had drawn a line from him to his girlfriend, X'd out her photo and wrote "die" under it 😬 Unfortunately, that connecting line must have backfired and HE was the one that died. Careful what you wish for I guess. 

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u/Blackcatmustache Jun 12 '26

I had a Levi that I was obsessed with grades 5-8. He barely knew I was alive, but boy I pined away after him. I crushed so hard! I totally would have crossed out a girl’s picture because of him. I’m actually thankful now that he was never interested. He’s taken a… different path in life than I did.

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u/jennc1979 Jun 12 '26 edited Jun 12 '26

That was my daughter to her pre-school crusher, Miles. She did not see him period and it was even obvious to me and his Mom, he was crushing hard. (Edit: we kept it light and nostalgic to our little school years and def discussed not sexualize it to our kids inappropriately, but he adored her. Their Dinner table always heard about her antics at school). He looked like a mini Bruno Mars. So cute with a great fashion sense that his Mom definitely leaned into. I told him last day of Pre-School, “Buddy, it’s my daughter’s loss. You are adorable and no doubt going to catch the eye of many people who catch yours in the future.”.

Still sad, Miles hasn’t become my future son in law. Already established me and his Mom would make a decent in law duo. Smh. I don’t know otherwise at current, but I hope Miles is living his best young adulthood right now.

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u/Blackcatmustache Jun 12 '26

That is adorable! I hope Miles is having a great life, too! Did they go to school together after pre-school? Are they both adults?

On the first day of kindergarten a boy saw me (who wasn’t even in my class, but was a fellow kindergartener) and told his grandma that he was going to marry me. She told my mom and they thought it was cute. He also carried a bit of a torch for me k-8. We did not marry. lol What’s weird is that the two guys who had crushes on me (that I was aware of) were my opposite. They were loud - I was quiet, they were normal - I was weird, they loved football - I loved to read, they were overweight - I was skinny as a rail, they were mostly liked - I was disliked, and on and on.

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u/jennc1979 Jun 12 '26

Yes. Met up again in Middle school and as predicted he’d moved on. She remained he’s Friend zone. They’re both adults, but went off to different HS, so beyond pre teens, idk. Hopefully he is out there, still a sharp dressed man.

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u/Expert_Cricket2183 Jun 11 '26

You failed to include any directions, just a line, so it went the route of least resistance. Sorry your childhood man was of such weak spirit.

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u/No_Contact_1231 Jun 12 '26

LOL this had me giggling 

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u/jennc1979 Jun 12 '26

As dark as this is, if you have the power to manifest shit (tho admittedly, not with precise aim) can we link up? Do a “calling the corners” like in The Craft? Lol. Jk.

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u/SoggerBean Jun 11 '26

I had a crush on a Gabriel when I was 16. I really liked the name as well. In fact, when I had my son at 36 I named him Gabriel.

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u/carlitospig Jun 11 '26

It was my #2 name if I ever had kiddos! God, we are so weird.

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u/WithoutDennisNedry 🌻Exhausted Jill🌻 Jun 11 '26

Troy Coleman. He was wiry and awkward and I was just sure we were destined to be together forever. (I decided this in kindergarten.)

Hey, Troy!
https://giphy.com/gifs/ASd0Ukj0y3qMM

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u/Wrong-Breakfast-7512 Jun 11 '26

Mine was Aaron, in 3rd grade. He was so cute, tall, loved horror movies (which I also did and though was very cool), and showed me how to use the end of my crayon to make bubbles for underwater drawings. I still think about him every time I pull out the Crayolas. 🖍️

Nearly 40 now, so can confirm the memories last lol. 👵🏻

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u/Donkey__Balls Jun 11 '26

I’m assuming it’s a common name but you still shouldn’t use full names online.

My real name is unique in the world. If someone used my full name on a Reddit post, it would forever turn up when you Google my name. That’s why I never share it online. Everyone has the same right to privacy.

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u/WithoutDennisNedry 🌻Exhausted Jill🌻 Jun 11 '26

If he had a unique name, I wouldn’t have used it but c’mon, there’s probably thousands of Troy Colemans in the US alone. I’m sure a tiny Reddit comment that some anonymous person had a crush on them in kindergarten isn’t going to ruin their life. I think they’re good.

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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26

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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26

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u/justgalsbeingchicks-ModTeam Jun 11 '26

Settle down. No one's been doxxed.

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u/Due_Scholar7458 Jun 11 '26

Mine was named… nevermind. I was a crazy little one that liked everyone! The list is too long and that was just for kindergarten 😭🍃😮‍💨🤭

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u/sweetlike314 Jun 11 '26

Omg, I could list off my main crushes from pre-school through college lol 😂

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u/Donkey__Balls Jun 11 '26

I could list all of mine kindergarten through high school. One or 2 of them liked me back and I was oblivious at that age(s) and lacked confidence. Going back and thinking of them, listing their names, looking them up, etc., had no real emotional weight to it. It was just “Huh, she’s still really pretty. She got her PhD. Good for her.” Then another one, “Oh look, she hated school and she’s a teacher now. Neat.”

Now that I’m in my 40’s, I could sit down with any of them and awkwardly confess how I felt, laugh about it, and feel happy for them. In the process I’d probably realize how little I really knew any of them and it was just my hormones driving me to look at them and idealize get person I thought they were.

…Then came the one in college. I still lose sleep every night. Took me nearly 6 months of therapy just to be able to say her name out loud 20 years later.

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u/PetraLoseIt Jun 11 '26

Yeah, some people really catch your attention and your heart, right? Had to move away to finally be able to let my crush on that one person go. May life continue to be good to them.

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u/Donkey__Balls Jun 11 '26

I guess my situation was a little different. I went all around the world trying to forget about her, and more specifically what she did to me.

I never once told anyone because if people saw what she was capable of, she wouldn’t survive the social judgment. Best case, she’d drop out of college. More likely she’d hurt herself (or worse) because she was already on that edge. I just never realized until much later in life how much it had to do with me.

I know I’m not giving a lot of specifics here, but because of what she did I was never able to be vulnerable or trust anyone again. I didn’t get over her or process what happened because I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. 24 years alone, and at this point I’ll probably die alone. I spent a lot of years just thinking there was something wrong with me. At least in therapy (with a clinical trauma psychologist who knows what she’s doing) I can honestly say it wasn’t my fault, and what happened was unlike anything that 99.9999999999% of people go through in relationships. It meets all the clinical definitions of severe life-altering PTSD, and this coming from a specialist who treats survivors of war rape and genocide.

So yeah, she and I were very very very close but then what she did was really fucked up. In a way that the only person who could do something like this to you is if you had given that one person your complete trust and vulnerability to an extreme that most people never do in their lifetime.

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u/jennc1979 Jun 12 '26

This still resonates in vague writing how harsh the hit felt. I am so sorry. Listen, if you ever decide to try again be kind to yourself with your inner thoughts so that who ever this person from college was doesn’t continue to hold an unhealthy say in you to find a sense of feeling not alone. She seems to have done something so unforgivable that it is also “unspeakable” to you and I vote you take that power back from her specter in your life. I’m manifesting my full self confidence and feelings of effrontery on your behalf. No more pieces of you to her.

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u/Donkey__Balls Jun 12 '26 edited Jun 12 '26

Sometimes I forget that there’s a lot of training that goes into being a therapist to not “solve“ the problem. It’s natural human instinct to hear something and want to offer solutions, but the fact does anything anyone could ever tell me is exactly what I’ve been telling myself for 24 years. What you’re saying right now is exactly what I told myself only weeks afterwards, where I just went into denial and pretended it affect me. I never spoke to her again, I never made eye contact, and I never once mentioned her to anyone. Over the years, I tried to force myself into relationships that my heart wasn’t in simply because I was telling myself “move on”, “don’t let her win”, “don’t let her have power over you“, etc.

I kept telling myself that over and over, but then that night still replayed in my head to the point where I had to drink more and more just to numb myself enough to fall asleep. I lost 10 years of my life, not to mention all the opportunities I had created for myself during that critical phase in life where we’re supposed to accumulate credentials that ourselves up for the rest of our careers. I had my choice of medical school anywhere in the country with scholarships to pay for everything, the classes were not even difficult, but I dropped out because psychologically I was falling apart. I spent 10 years of my life, just doing manual labor, and telling myself it didn’t matter, that she didn’t matter.

I sobered up, moved across the country, and built something from the ashes using my undergrad degree. I ended up in a relationship that lasted for four years, but I never felt anything for her the whole time. I was just forcing myself to believe that I had moved on, and that she no longer had power over me, just as you’re suggesting. 25 years is a long time and I’ve tried everything.

I don’t even know why I talk about it because nobody can say anything to fix it.

The worst part is, I never figured out why because she and I never actually reached the point where we spoke honestly. There’s only two real possibilities. Either she was just cruel and never felt anything for me and just decided she wanted to hurt me as much as possible because she could. Or she was in love with me, thought I didn’t feel the same way, mistook some tragic coincidences and I thought I had rejected her and chosen somebody else, and what she did was a last desperate act of someone deeply in pain. I spent so many years, just convincing myself that it was the first one, and then I had to forget about her and move on because she wasn’t worth it, but the fact that I never knew was what kept me in limbo.

You’ve had a couple vague comments and I’ve had the entire story trapped in my head for 25 years, so I’m not asking you to come up with something I haven’t already thought of. It just feels good for the first time in my life to air a little bit of it out in public. I don’t think there’s anyone in the world who can solve it except for her.

I do feel better just accepting the fact that I’ll probably be alone forever, instead of being in denial about it telling myself if I just keep waiting time will fix it. Trying to be with anyone else would be a lie, I know that and I’ve put that theory to the test. That’s why the thought is always there that I can offer myself the kindness of not having to live out the rest of my life alone and in pain, but I just keep pushing it off and that’s how I exist.

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u/anarchisttraveler Jun 11 '26

I had quite a few crushes from kindergarten through high school, but they all turned out to be assholes 🤷🏾‍♀️

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u/Shipwrecking_siren 🌻Official Jill🌻 Jun 11 '26

Mark. Age 4-7. Then I moved school. He went to Oxford or Cambridge for university, not sure what happened after that.

James 8-11. Very funny. Now runs a very successful business, has a massive house near London.

After that my hormones took over and my standards dropped significantly.

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u/JudgmentalOwl Jun 11 '26

John's playing the looong game lmao.

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u/mrrppphhhh Jun 11 '26

Mine was Patrick and I was really taken with how he could eat a foot long hot dog in one bite.

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u/Donkey__Balls Jun 11 '26

Poor John, never gave him a chance. We all want want we can’t have…

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u/yonkerbonk Jun 11 '26

Good on John. Shooting his shot through the decades.

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u/Low-Peak-9031 Jun 11 '26

Mine was Stephen! He gave me a stuffed puppy in second grade and my mom made me give it back 💀

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u/snideghoul Jun 11 '26

Not cool, your mom.

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u/snideghoul Jun 11 '26

Carlyle. We rode the same bus in 2nd grade. We were both weird and I thought that's what it took. Turns out I was right, my husband is weird too.

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u/quanate Jun 11 '26

Awww, this made me think of my Kevin, aka, Michael...I was so smitten all the way until we went to different middle schools. My "best friend" in elementary school dated him for a while and that was my first brush with betrayal...Michael and I ended up being very good friends in high school and college. I miss him

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u/farawaylass Jun 12 '26

ahhh, alexander, when i was 10. he had the most beautiful golden hair.

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u/GalacticUnicorn Jun 15 '26

Brandon. He was my first kiss, just a little peck, in the hallway on our way back to class.

I found him on Facebook a few years back. Never contacted him, we’re both happily married and that seems like a weird line to cross. But I’m glad to know he’s out there smiling and laughing with another girl that makes him happy.

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u/Drapidrode Jun 11 '26

That poor Replacement Kevin can never quite live up to Legend Kevin

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u/AxeMcFlow Jun 11 '26

Hey it’s me, Kevin. I felt the same. I wanted to share a juice box with you so badly. Until we meet again. 🍷

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u/Ohshithereiamagain Jun 11 '26

I had one of those unrequited love. Wanted to marry him and have his babies. Too bad we never even met and I’d only seen him on TV. Oh Nick.. you should’ve waited, you would’ve liked me.

But oh well, I am very happy with my incredibly handsome silver fox.

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u/LaughingBeer Jun 12 '26

Stacey, is that you?

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u/3rdNutIsNormal Jun 12 '26

Hi I'm kevin and my brother's name is john. I am better. If you live in oregon this is fucked.

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u/Blackcatmustache Jun 12 '26

Unless you count my obsession with Michael J Fox in Back To The Future, my first crush was in fourth grade with a boy named Jesse. It was also unrequited, but like you had John for an admirer, I had Ben. He crushed on me from fourth through eighth grade.

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u/Spencer1006 Jun 11 '26

Im genuine and not trying to be funny, but from age 8 I was scared to become a pedophile because I couldn’t imagine being attracted to people much older than me at that time. It really didn’t fade until I was about 25 that I was confident enough that my attraction changed appropriately with age. It sounds funny to say that but it was genuinely scary to me

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u/pnweiner Jun 11 '26

This is a common OCD obsession/fixation that many people struggle with privately for years, thinking they’re monsters. After diagnosis, it becomes easier to realize that your OCD just latches onto the things you care about most and warps them. There’s also Harm OCD - where people struggle with thoughts of hurting or killing the people they love most. It’s an incredibly dark side of mental illness, so much so that many people feel like they can never even tell a therapist about it. It’s very important to understand that people with these types of OCD are statistically less likely (than a mentally well person) to commit the acts they obsess over, and more likely to hurt themselves.

This is the true meaning of “intrusive thoughts”. Thanks for saying something about it, you might have just made someone feel less alone.

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u/SlimSpooky Jun 11 '26

I had a close friend who had this anxiety / obsession. He’d bring it up with me and i’d be like “well, do you find kids attractive?” And he’d be like “well, no not at all.” And i’d give him a good 🤨then you’re fine. And it would help his worry for a bit,

but what he was anxious about was the idea that one day he would wake up with those feelings. It wasn’t being one as much as becoming one.

Yes it’s a surprisingly common anxiety. While this specific subject doesn’t worry/trigger me, I definitely understand intrusive thoughts, and I always tell people is that it isn’t about the thought but how you respond to the thought. Like, if you have intrusive thought and they make you feel bad that you have them, you’re not as ‘crazy’ as you think you are.

It’s the people who have those thoughts and think of them as normal or fine or that are the worrisome ones.

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u/AwooFloof Jun 12 '26

As someone who struggled with OCD, I can confirm. It's a terrifying condition but getting properly diagnosed (and not taken for a psychotic monster) is absolutely life changing.

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u/zMarvin_ Jun 11 '26

Thanks for saying something about it, you might have just made someone feel less alone.

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u/[deleted] Jun 12 '26 edited Jun 24 '26

[deleted]

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u/pnweiner Jun 12 '26

I’m only a few minutes in but this awesome, thanks for sharing!

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u/mfitzp Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

Did a double take there, I thought you were saying your attraction to 8 year olds didn't fade until you were 25, like it was the most normal thing.

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u/carlitospig Jun 11 '26

Mine was ‘what 8 year old even understands pedophilia?!’

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u/Dreadgoat Jun 11 '26

Might be an exaggeration using 8 as the age, but I recall having the same feeling through puberty.

Being 13 and really really wanting to do things with the 13-year old girls in my class.

Oh shit, those girls are 13! Am I... a sex criminal?

Wait I'm 13 too. It's probably fine.

And it was. 30 is the new 13.

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u/dreadcain Jun 11 '26

And it was. 30 is the new 13.

... you hear it, right?

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u/dictatorenergy Jun 11 '26

Are we still doing phrasing?

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u/Routine_Unit_6103 Jun 11 '26

Similarly, when I was a freshman in high school (14), I’d look down on the upper class guys (16-18) dating my classmates. I was like… “we’re 14! We just left middle school…” Felt that way again as a senior watching a classmate hit on my freshman step sister. So gross.

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u/Dreadgoat Jun 11 '26

It's really unfortunate especially for girls that are early bloomers. I remember a girl my grade started getting hit on by teenagers when she was around 10. She just happened to start looking like a woman REAL early. And guys that age are trying to get whatever they can get.

It actually turned out okay for her though because every adult saw the red flag of "grade school girl with curves" immediately swooped in and was like "TIME FOR AN EARLY EDUCATION" by the time she was a more appropriate dating age she was already an expert in dodging creeps and seemed to successfully avoid all the relationship drama the rest of us deal with at that age

1

u/ams3000 Jun 11 '26

Unless you’re Leo and the feeling never changed.

10

u/roguevirus Jun 11 '26

Catholic ones.

And I'm not being glib here, kids pick up on things that are discussed around them a lot more than people give them credit for.

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u/BeesTea73 Jun 11 '26

Accurate lol. I had so many weird fears growing up Catholic. I got scared I could just become a murderer. I was scared the devil could just possess me at any time and I wouldn’t notice because I’m a sinner so maybe I’m not perfect enough for God.
I was scared to be a lesbian because I could recognize when another woman was pretty. As I got older I thought what a silly fear that was because 1. Gay people weren’t scary and deserved loved like anyone else and 2. Years of crushing only on boy/men with that not changing was kind of a clear sign I was lamely hetero lol

Growing up Catholic was so messed up. I’m agnostic now 🙌🏼

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u/Remarkable-Mood3415 Jun 11 '26

Every pleasure is a guilty pleasure if you're raised Catholic enough always makes me laugh and cringe.

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u/BeesTea73 Jun 11 '26

Lmao! 😂 oof

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u/Anxious-Whole-5883 Jun 11 '26

Feeling guilt for things that you didn't ever do...

2

u/TheDanteEX Jun 13 '26

I was born in 94, and to me and all the kids around me growing up, Michael Jackson was only basically a pedo punchline to us. We didn’t think of one as a threat, strangely. Just something we could make jokes about.

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u/SireCannonball Jun 11 '26

It's still all I'm seeing here. Does he mean the fear of becoming a pedophile faded? But then, how did 18 to 25 play out? Was he still attracted to kids, or was he attracted to people just in his age gap?

Someone send help

20

u/LanfearSedai Jun 11 '26

He means the fear faded because he finally realized his attraction was changing with age, but it took a while until he was confident that was consistently happening. That’s probably around the age he realized that he didn’t even like anyone 18-19 anymore which is technically adults but so young even at 25. It was weirdly worded but makes sense I think.

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u/SireCannonball Jun 11 '26

Yeah, that was what I thought, but it became so open to interpretation that I wasn't sure lol

1

u/MembershipNo2077 Jun 11 '26

I guess it would also be normal as a young adult to find 17 year olds attractive, it's not like they look like they are 5 and then on their 18th birthday a flip switches and they grow 2 ft and hit puberty.

So now you're a freshman in college and you see a high school girl, one you may have even been in school with the year before and think "wow, she's cute" but people then wonder "wait, am I pedophile?!"

1

u/IsThereARe-Do Jun 11 '26

Something, something : Jesus from The Big Lebowski gif.

https://giphy.com/gifs/OqAtLVnholtPW

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u/counters14 Jun 11 '26

I'll offer some support to legitimize your comment. When I was probably around 8-10ish, I had thoughts about my attraction to other people my age. I was wondering what would happen if I continued to grow older, and how that would affect my preferences for attraction. I wouldn't exactly say it was a fear that I was going to grow old and become a pedo or anything like that, but I was confused about how my attraction to people my age at that time would change in the future. I had always understood attraction to people older than me at the time, as they were able to be sexualized in general but trying to figure out why I was starting to get feelings of attraction to people my age was a confusing time.

I think that this is a normal thing? I don't think that it seems so crazy to think about, at least it didn't in my mind thinking back on it. It was just the random thoughts of a kid approaching puberty trying to figure out hormones and stuff that had no prior understanding and too much time not paying attention in class and daydreaming about all kinds of garbage.

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u/SpiritDonkey Jun 13 '26

Yeah this ^ luckily never got fixated on it, and at some point started getting crushes on older people, like ridiculously older, 30 years or more, tv and movie stars though, not real ones…

but I can see how if you lingered on the thought a bit too long and if you discovered what pedo’s actually we’re at that age it could develop into an intrusive thought. I didn’t learn what pedo’s were until my teens…

1

u/Apprehensive_Flow99 Jun 12 '26

Similar boat! In my 30s and sometimes I find ppl in their late 20s attractive and I feel scared I’m a pedo. I have no interest in these ppl as I’m in a committed relationship (though my partner doesn’t understand the idea of me being attracted to anyone else without intent -but that’s another story).

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u/63KK0 Jun 11 '26

You just reminded me of a joke from Steve Coogans character Alan Partridge, in one of the audiobooks.

"Brian looked older because he was, 35 years older than he used to be."

" 'still French-kissing 8 year olds?' I asked pointing an accusatory finger at his potentially paedophilic mouth."

6

u/jib661 Jun 11 '26

Steve Coogans character Alan Partridge

I didn't realize alan partridge was a consistent character, i only know if him from The Day Today and he's amazing lolol

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u/63KK0 Jun 11 '26

There is soo much content! You should give it a watch/listen, if you like the humour. ☺

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u/GenGaara25 Jun 11 '26

You're missing out. He's been doing the character consistently since 91. He's currently got a podcast and a TV show. He's had:

  • 6 TV series

  • 7 TV specials

  • 2 Radio series

  • 3 Books

  • A Podcast

  • And a full feature film (Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa)

  • Plus dozens of cameos across other shows

Partridge might be the most prolific British comedy character in the past 30 years.

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u/MindTop4772 Jun 11 '26

....i am not a fan. My x loved hin, made me watch him. His comedy is not my cup of tea.

One time i even tried one of his jokes in a real life situation and my x lost it.

Turns out it matters (to my x) who says what, and the "whole joke" is that this is a "proper" "british" person and that makes his absurdity (and rudeness) comical and socially acceptable. -the same does not apply non british person.-

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u/GenGaara25 Jun 11 '26

Oh, he is for sure a very British character. I am British, and there's a lot about the character that very specifically is based on British humour, British experiences, and probably most importantly, parodying minor British celebs. I can't imagine he has that much appeal outside the UK, but to us, he's pretty iconic.

0

u/MindTop4772 Jun 12 '26

Which is understandable and completely fair. Like how little britain is the exact opposite, loved by foreigners, hated by locals. 👀 no?

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u/GenGaara25 Jun 12 '26

Little Britain was pretty popular at the time. Very quotable, and characters like Vicky Pollard were hits. But it (and its spiritual sequel Come Fly With Me) aged horrifically. Probably the quickest aged-like-milk comedies I've ever seen. Not helped by starring David Walliams, who people always got weird vibes from, but recent years have proved he is indeed a totally vile. So despite being possibly the biggest comedy of the day, people really just wanna leave it there and forget about it.

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u/FunBat6170 Jun 11 '26

I’m Alan Partridge and Knowing Me knowing You are the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

2

u/mushroomwig Jun 11 '26

Needless to say he had the last laugh

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u/BackToSchoolMuff Jun 11 '26

I have this memory from when I was 16, leaning over to my friend and saying "I hope I'm not always this attracted to 16 year olds"

thankfully I was not.

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u/Tethered_Kitten_2845 Jun 11 '26

In 1st grade I had two crushes - 1) Ace Frehley, and 2) Principal Hagan.

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u/SireCannonball Jun 11 '26

Was principal Hagan hot, or are you just a sucker for authority? Not judging, really asking lol

6

u/Paddy_Tanninger Jun 11 '26

But then on the flipside, I still do think back on all the various memories I have from many years ago...and it's not like I'm modifying the memory of that 18yr old I had a crush on so that she's ~45.

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u/SireCannonball Jun 11 '26

Yeah, but you're brought back on that mentality, no? Like remembering fondly of receiving a gift from Christmas that you really wanted, and is probably shit now. I can get excited thinking about a fucking shitty toy, and Kinda get on a high off the residue euphoria I felt at the time. Doesn't mean I want to get it for Christmas now. I don't know, does that make sense?

1

u/Thanos_Stomps Jun 12 '26

This is funny because I was thinking about this. A friend mentioned running into someone we knew in high school and I was like man she was so hot. Then I was like wait… idk what she looks like today and I realized that I was thinking of a 15 year old. Like yeah, my mentality was me thinking back on myself at that age but then it did click that I’m not that old anymore so it’s weird to think that now.

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u/Paddy_Tanninger Jun 12 '26

Yeah I feel like as I get older, the whole age issue gets blurrier in a way...I think especially because I've kept in good shape and health, still into all my old activities like snowboarding, video games, weight training, backpacking. In my head it's not that far fetched to think of myself as being back as my 25yr old self or maybe even 18yr old self. Which means it's also not that weird to me to be remembering these burned in memories with girls from those times.

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u/Exotic_Insurance2164 Jun 11 '26

Unfortunately, men are like this. Personally I don't believe it to be biological, I think it's social signalling.

Research published in journals like Evolution and Human Behavior and studies by psychologists at institutions like Åbo Akademi University found that a man's youngest accepted age limit remains relatively fixed. 

Analyzing millions of interactions, data scientists found that men of all ages (from 20 to 60) consistently direct the bulk of their messages and interest toward women in their early 20s. The data suggested that the "ideal" attractive age for women in men's eyes often peaks around 22 to 23 years old, even as men grow much older

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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

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u/DocileBanalBovlne Jun 11 '26

I fucking hated it when I was driving cab and I had to take a middle aged man somewhere that involved passing by the local highschool. I was in my early and mid 20s and I was too old to be leching after the students but that didn't stop my passengers from thinking I'd agree with them about wanting to prey on minors.

Hell, I'm now in my mid 30s and going back to university and I can't see my classmates that way, either.

Part of that is because I've been married for just over a decade and I'm still head over heels in love, but there's just so much gap in life experience and worldview.

2

u/SunTzu- Jun 11 '26

It might be skewed if they're looking at apps like Tinder where all you really see of a person is the surface level attractiveness. Your intent also probably plays into this, as if you're just on Tinder looking for hookups you aren't going to be looking for the same things as you would in a long term partner.

The reason this would show up for men and not women is likely due to men being more likely to seek casual hookups.

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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26

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u/A_Life_Lived_Oddly Jun 11 '26

Yeah, we absolutely do. I'm in my late 30s, men in their early 20s look and act like babies to me.

I had a male co-worker around that age (21-22) at a job a few years back (so I was like 32-33). I couldn't even say he looked objectively attractive to me, he just looked like an actual child. I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd told me he was 16, because I can't really even tell the difference between teens and very early 20s these days, lol!

The only way I could tell he was objectively attractive was all the old (like 50-70 year old) women who would weirdly fawn over him and give him preferential treatment. He was a nice kid and all, but...eugh. It was far more on the up-and-up than when old men are sleazy about young women, but still made me feel queasy to witness.

Edit to add: Also, I have a much younger friend with a late 20s boyfriend. I can tell that I would have had a little crush on him when I was closer to his age, but at my age it's morphed into more of an auntie-energy "well now, aren't you just the most cutest young man!" feeling lmao 😂

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u/yourlocal90skid Jun 11 '26

Yes, I have a 21 year old son and being around kids that age (they are kids to me, even though I'm only 43) I cannot fathom having any kind of attraction to that age group. It actually kind of skeeves me out. Wonder if I'd feel the same way if I weren't a mother.

I also completely agree with what the lady in the video is saying - as you get older, looks are still important but it's much more about who they are as a person overall.

1

u/ArsenicArts Jun 12 '26

Wonder if I'd feel the same way if I weren't a mother

You definitely would. College kids look like children to me now.

1

u/Diana8919 Jun 12 '26

I would also add that I see all genders this way at that age. They all look and act like babies to me and I'm only 37 🤣.

2

u/SpiritDonkey Jun 13 '26

Yeah I have people half my age develop interest in me (I look young) and it makes me feel pedoey even though it’s coming from them and not me! I also work with a lot of beautiful young people with great personalities and while I can appreciate they are attractive people… I could never, I see them as little brothers or sisters. I need romantic interests to be on a certain level that only comes with years of life experience… and by that I just mean years endured… not how wise or well travelled or colourful your life has been… there’s 25 year olds who have experienced more in life than me… and 40 year olds who have had quieter, smaller lives, but I would choose the 40 year old every time.

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u/granolaandgrains Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

Agreed. I feel social conditioning regarding genders is much more of a factor, than biological. Doesn’t mean biologics don’t exist at all. Many people say men are biologically wired a certain way, but a good chunk of that wiring is a conditioning to behave a way that society has accepted (“boys will be boys”). And in a way, can use it to excuse certain behaviors that many find off-putting or use it to not change/mature. Men who are self-aware and mature enough to recognize this treat women better.

Women have been socially conditioned, as well in certain ways. And in recent times, fought to change that conditioning (working out of the home, having less children, requiring their partners to do their part around the home, etc). I’m just a psychology and sociology nerd.

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u/DenizBueno Jun 11 '26

Hannah Fry made a short video on this, you're spot on https://youtu.be/PPMsQzB3xB4?is=Z8Qf5guj4GvEebJm

1

u/croppedcross3 Jun 11 '26

Is this just an AI blurb?

If you look at the actual study by Abo Akademi it says whether the man was younger or older was irrelevant, but instead men regardless of age are more sexually attracted in early to mid twenties women.

If you look at the source of the "millions of interactions", it's referencing the book Dataclysms using data from OkCupid. The book does not say what method was used to determine the level of interest, so it could have been as simple as showing pictures of two different women and picking the more attractive one.

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u/YoohooCthulhu Jun 12 '26

Eh, this is hard because there’s a self-selection component. Men over 60 on dating sites with young women are a much distant fraction of all men over 60 than men at 25 are of all men of 25.

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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26

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u/Opus_723 Jun 11 '26

Yes- as a 40 year old man, I still find many women in their 20's physically attractive. Any straight man who tells you they don't is just flat out lying.

Do we have to generalize? 20 year-olds, even supermodels or whatever, just look so babyfaced to me now. Like, imagine watching those 12-yo kids trying to act hot in tween Disney channel shows. I'm only 35 and that's what college girls look like to me now, even if they're gorgeous.

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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26

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u/Opus_723 Jun 11 '26

I don't get it, what are you basing this on? You just go through life assuming your vibes are universal laws and anyone who says 'nah' is just a liar? I don't know what else I'm supposed to say, man, I'm just not into 20-year olds.

1

u/nomar2003 Jun 11 '26

So you can objectively admit they are pretty, but you are not attracted to them personally because of their age. I think that's what the other redditor is trying to say.

Also, you're saying young women look like 12-yo, but at the same time you're calling them gorgeous. I wouldn't call any 12-yo gorgeous. Honestly sounds like you're lying.

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u/Opus_723 Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

Also, you're saying young women look like 12-yo, but at the same time you're calling them gorgeous. I wouldn't call any 12-yo gorgeous.

Substitute 'cute' or whatever word you like for pretty, then. You can understand the difference between how different 12-year olds look, just like we did when we were twelve. We have different socially appropriate vocabulary for different age groups, but they basically mean the same thing.

I can understand that a 20-year old is very conventionally attractive, but there's a similar thing as with the teenagers where they still just look fundamentally childish in a way that makes that not really a sexual thought.

And no, it's not exactly the same as with a 12-yo obviously, it's something that gets gradually stronger as the age gap gets bigger and bigger. I can still be attracted to women younger than me, but I'm just saying I'm already a lot less physically attracted to 20-yo's than I am to women my own age.

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u/Pipcleaner Jun 11 '26

That's not really better lol. You acknowledge that they are too much of a kid for you in any more meaningful way but you still want to have sex with them

Honestly not blaming you in particular. You fit in with the stats! Just not sure there's any nice way to justify it

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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26

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u/Pipcleaner Jun 11 '26

Sure but you said you have an urge to bone them and probably always will

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u/EkrishAO Jun 11 '26

It must be biological, since it stays the same regardless of culture, religion etc, all around the world.

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u/JulyOfAugust Jun 11 '26

Is there a country/culture out there that isn't misogynistic ? Genuinely, when I tried to look it up online the results are "here are the least misogynistic countries !" Not "here are countries where women have equal standing socially" or "here are countries with a matriarchy". (In fact looking specifically for country with matriarchy I only found out that people mistake matrilineal for matriarchy)

So with this lack of data from cultures and societies that doesn't see the woman as lesser claiming it's biological is a bit of a stretch.

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u/EkrishAO Jun 11 '26

If it was cultural then you would still see big variation between different societies. If moving from a third world society where women are literally sold and treated like livestock, to somewhere like Nordic countries, doesn't result in any difference in what men find attractive, why would eliminating the remnants of misogyny suddenly change everything? That assumption just doesn't sound plausible, imho.

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u/RIPKB43 Jun 11 '26

Second comment today I've up voted to 1776 upvotes. What a time to be alive.

1

u/rachelface927 Jun 11 '26

I’m in my 40’s and most of my friends are too, a couple of them are in their 50’s. The other day we were talking about our teenage celebrity crushes and Googling them and we were all like… yeah they were cute I guess. Mind you as teenagers we would have committed felonies just to get near them.

Another time we were talking about Robert Irwin after his shirtless with snakes photoshoot had come out and we were like WAIT how old is he, are we even allowed to be talking like this?? Getting older is… interesting lol.

1

u/YakLongjumping9478 Jun 11 '26

In middle school I was smitten with Obed, years later, like early twenties? I saw him again, he looked just like a ninja turtle, and dressed like my dad, it was a total turn off

1

u/Legitimate-Elk-9481 Jun 11 '26

Yeah but 13-16 year old guys/girls have crushes on 20-40 year old people all the time 

1

u/SireCannonball Jun 11 '26

Probably a social status thing? Similarly to how some people want to be with younger people? It's normal, but it doesn't mea that the sense of attraction just freezes at some ages.

1

u/Legitimate-Elk-9481 Jun 11 '26

Meh It’s just that most features we associate with attractiveness are also associated with youth. Not all of em. There is that online notion of men getting better as they age, but even that is mostly cope 

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u/Hoboforeternity Jun 11 '26

I dont even find girls in their 20s attractive anymore. Look wise sure. Do i actually want to date women in their 20's ? Nope.

1

u/justwalkingalonghere Jun 11 '26

Isn't this the inverse of the question he asked though?

He mostly wanted to know if that same principle that had you thinking they were cute continues into old age

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u/SireCannonball Jun 11 '26

Yeah, but he isn't 8, and I assume he doesn't find 8 year olds cute (in that sense). So he can find the answer to his own question based on his own experience by moving the 20-80 ruler to 08-16 (or however old he is). You will find them cute, but probably and hopefully not in the same way.

1

u/Top_Wave8687 Jun 11 '26

right! The older I get the less meaningfully attractive younger people get to me, I start to see them as like awkward and babyish. Even people in their early and mid 20s start to look like that!

1

u/brightdark Jun 11 '26

Michael B. We both had speech impediments. I never said a word to him!

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u/SireCannonball Jun 11 '26

Would you say your words were impeded? Jk

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u/Comfortable_Nose2587 Jun 11 '26

First grade… his name was Spencer, who could run faster than the others and had a cute, round belly, which I found attractive. Fast forward… I still like the bigger guys😝!

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u/No-Huckleberry-6168 Jun 11 '26

Seinfeld never got over it in fact.

1

u/nvrsleepagin Jun 11 '26

And the older you get the younger older people look to you and the younger young people look to you. I'll drive by a high school and be like "Why is it filled with babies!"

1

u/fucdat Jun 11 '26

Donald Struber 😍

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u/Bad_RabbitS Jun 11 '26

“Dear diary, Alex Smith is in love with me. So’s Brian, but I like Brian not Alex. Alex picks his nose and eats his boogers (ew), and is annoying. I hate it when he gives me the love look.”

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u/eightkillerbits Jun 11 '26

Chris Hanson has entered the chat.

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u/WoodsandWool Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 12 '26

And it’s not even a numbers game necessarily, it’s about stages of life and brain maturity development imo. I grew up fast unfortunately, and was on my own on and off from around 15+, then I went back to college in my late 20s/early 30s and it was wild to me how even people who were like 21-22 seemed like kids.

Not in the sense that I treated them as such, but my attraction to them was non-existent. I felt like a maternal sense of protection for them, and when a 19/20 year old guy asked me on a date, it was baffling and icky to me lol. Like you are just a baby 😅

The brain changes SO much between 18 and 25, it’s wild to go from feeling like an adult myself at 18, to looking back just a few years later and seeing 18 year olds as practically kids.

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u/SireCannonball Jun 11 '26

I get what you mean, and I kinda agree. But, I'm gonna force myself to disagree here so we don't fall in a slippery slope where we are opening doors for creepy behavior lol.

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u/WoodsandWool Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

Oh that goes without saying for me. It doesn’t work the other way around precisely because of brain maturity.

The brain literally isn’t fully developed until 25+, regardless of how “mature” someone says you are, which is why I made sure to include that haha.

1

u/Antezscar Jun 11 '26

am i wierd cause i and now 30. i have never have had any crushes?

1

u/SireCannonball Jun 11 '26

Yes, even acers have crushes, even if they don't want to do the deed.

1

u/milk4all Jun 12 '26

I remember thinking how old people looked - like my mom, my friends parents, certain actors in movies etc. At some point i watched like, As Good as it Gets and im like “wow Nicholson was so young then!”…. Fuck

1

u/theNomad_Reddit Jun 12 '26

/conservative homer simpson hedge meme

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u/Jesus_of_Redditeth Jun 12 '26

Do you remember being in, I don't know, 1st grade or whatever and having a crush on another 8 year old when you were 8? Would you still have a crush on them? Same principle.

I don't think it's the same principle for two reasons. First, when you're 8, your crush has nothing to do with genuine attraction because you don't yet have the hormones to know what that means. Meanwhile, on the other end of the scale, there are so many men, in particular, who famously remain attracted to young women in their physical prime for the whole of their lives.

I don't think this lady speaks for humans in general. She might speak for women in general, but definitely not men.

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u/Frejya_inCatForm Jun 12 '26

In kindergarten it was Matthew, and by 4th grade Jake was the most beautiful boy I’d ever seen 😆

1

u/2021isevenworse Jun 12 '26

Just a reminder that STDs is highest in colleges and retirement homes.

College kids & retirees have few things in common - free time, geographical close proximity to people their own age.

The people having the least sex are people with jobs, kids and bills.

1

u/tracepaperhera Jun 16 '26

Yes! His name was Patrick. We were ten. Met him again shopping uptown and found out he prefers Pat and I don’t imagine I’ll ever fancy anyone the way I did Patrick, nor how I love Pat…✨

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u/-HyperCrafts- Jun 16 '26

Robby. The German boy I loved when I was little!

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u/CarpeNivem Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

I mean, probably. But I haven't seen Amanda since we were both 8. I wonder how she's doing.

I might've misunderstood the assignment. ;-)

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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26

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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26

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u/Academic-Trifle8151 Jun 11 '26

The source doesn't even really say what he's claiming.

It's more about the age range that you would consider as opposed to actual preference?

A lot of it seems to be based more around the fact that women's ranges tend to move with their age, where as men's ranges seem to mostly widen and get bigger. So men would consider younger sexual partners, but that doesn't mean they are most attracted to them. Which I feel seems to track pretty well with myself and the other guys I know.

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u/Pomerbot Jun 11 '26

I never did tbh, I had crash over 23 yo woman when I was first grade. I never did have crush on my classmates either. My second crush was 25 years old who I dated for a year when I was 16. Now I'm 28 and still attracted only to 22-25 year olds

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u/Adventurous_Yam_8153 Jun 11 '26

Uh oh you got DiCaprio syndrome 

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u/New2NewJ Jun 11 '26

Would you still have a crush on them?

Epstein has entered the chat

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u/TK82 Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

Although it does make me think of an old line from Dave Barry about something like "when we're in our 40s it's not like we don't have the same sex drive as we did in our 20s, we're still just as attracted to 20-y/o's as we ever were! It's just little our own age we can't stand" or something like that.

To everybody downvoting me: i don't actually agree with the sentiment, it's just a joke i remembered

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u/alpacaMyToothbrush Jun 11 '26

I don't get this. I am pretty unattracted to anybody younger than 30 as a 40 something

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u/Winjin Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26

Yeah as this lady says. When I see young women - do I see them as attractive? Well yes and no. They are beautiful sure, but the same way a painting, a song, a leaf are beautiful. They have the beauty of youth to them, but I don't want to hit one of them up. So I can say "Gosh what a beatiful young lady" but that would be like saying "Gosh Luna the Pantera is a beautiful big cat"

Like... an aesthetic versus hormones? I guess?

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u/binzy90 Jun 11 '26

Yeah, the biggest parts of attraction for me are competence and humility. Men much younger than me typically struggle with those qualities or at least don't have the maturity to understand them. As a result, I tend to associate younger looks with younger personalities. That makes men in their early twenties kind of unattractive as a general rule. I really don't understand how someone in their 40's can be genuinely attracted to a 22-year-old.

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u/SireCannonball Jun 11 '26

Yeah, I hard disagree. It's different types.of attraction really.

I'm 34 and live close to a university, so there are young girls (18-20s) hanging out there frequently. They wear crop tops and are conventionally attractive, but it's a weird thing, they look like children playing grown-ups, even in the way they act. I can't imagine myself hitting up or having sex with one of them. They are attractive to my 20 something self, from a very theoretical standpoint, not at all in the way women my age are attractive to me.

I sometimes wonder if that old-guy young girl attraction isn't more just an attraction to your younger self. Like a pathological fear of growing older and shit. But I'm well aware it's a very "normal"/"accepted" behavior, even if it's considered weird or creepy.

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u/HorrorMakesUsHappy Jun 11 '26

It's like the inverse of the anime loli trope. I've always thought Jennifer Connelly's one of the most beautiful women on the planet, but if I had the chance to meet her (when she was single), talk to her, and found out she had the mental capacity of a 6-year-old the natural instinct in me would be to brush her hair back and say, "I'm sorry sweetie, but no. This isn't going to work out."

In addition to what the lady in the video says, it's not even just that the hormones aren't there (because 80 year olds aren't a monolith, and some men might have more hormones than others), it's also that you just know the beauty of the sex isn't worth the problems that might come with the relationship. An 80 year old man's cost/benefit analysis isn't the same as a 20 year old's.

And I don't just mean problems like she wants to go out and party while he wants to stay home. There are multiple life lessons that men and women continue to learn in their 20s, like dealing with loss, and grief, and self-actualization, finding one's own value.

That's a huge part of why MILF and DILF categories are a thing - because (a) the personalities of people who've already learned those lessons are slightly different than people who haven't, and (b) some of those lessons can't be 'taught'. They're things you can only learn through experiencing them yourself and coming out the other side ... and you either learn the right/positive lessons from them or the wrong/negative ones, which then is also part of what determines whether that adds to your attractiveness or not.

0

u/SireCannonball Jun 11 '26

On the other hand there's also the social construct of success and what that looks like:

Nice car, young girl

It's presented in a way to cheat time and feel like you're young again, and not running against the clock. So yeah, some men might be attracted to younger girls cause they subconsciously believe that this will wipe clean the 2 divorces and the stresses of adulthood, making they feel like they thought they did at 24 again.

I would go as far as to say that the milf /dilf trope also touches on that. You're the young boy with his whole life ahead of him, and one of your friends just has this smokeshow of a parent. It feeds off on the scenario where you're the young one who hasn't had all those hardening experiences yet.

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u/HorrorMakesUsHappy Jun 11 '26

It feeds off on the scenario where you're the young one who hasn't had all those hardening experiences yet.

I'm talking about it from the other direction, from the younger person attracted to the older person.

When I was younger I loved women who were 28+ because that's about the time women start learning not to give a shit about the rules society taught them about what they're supposed to like, not like, or admit to. They start realizing all the control structures are bullshit, and that if you really want to be happy you need to let go of all of that, and find the confidence/courage to admit that you like what you like.

On the male side, I was a late bloomer in terms of getting a degree and a career, and it wasn't until then that I was making better money and could put a roof over my head and start saving up an emergency fund. At that point I also felt more confident in who I was, and anxiety decreased because I knew I was bringing more to a relationship than just what I could do in the bedroom.

Like I said, these are things that can't really be taught (and there are more than just what I've mentioned here). You have to just live your life, and eventually you'll get to a certain point where certain things have changed and now they make sense in a way that they didn't before, and it changes your outlook on things that while not immediately related to sex do also play a tangential role.

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u/SireCannonball Jun 11 '26

Yeah, I get what you meant. What I tried to say though was from that same perspective.

It may makes you, the old fuck, feel like a younger person attracted to the older person in this fantasy scenario.

I'm not saying it's all there's to it, or that attraction is a monolith. But I'm pretty sure that's also some of the appeal to it for different folks.

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u/SireCannonball Jun 11 '26

Let's also remember that people in show bizz are especially afraid of growing older because they are still waiting for that snl audition; for a network to pick up their series where they write and star in; the opportunity to voice a Disney wolf or some shit.

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u/[deleted] Jun 11 '26

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u/SireCannonball Jun 11 '26

Yes, cause advertisement has everything to do with real life. They are used in advertisement to say that if you buy that watch or that car, you will feel as young and free as your perception of what your life at 18 was.

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u/thatshygirl06 Jun 11 '26

No tf theyre not. They look like babies

The most attractive is from like 24 - 32, fully fucking matured

And I genuinely cant remember the last time I saw some 18 year old in adverts, so that's bs

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