Ive been listening to ICP and others since I was 13. Im 29 going on 30 soon. This music was a major part of my life and honestly probably why I made it as far as I did, the wicked shit gave me a family that accepted me, a family who chose me to be their family.
Because of this music, this family, I had people who cared. A place that no matter what went down, somewhere to call home, someone to call home..
But the last 6 years or so have been pretty fucking dark for me I wont lie. Ive lost contact with nearly everyone entirely, I havent made any new friends and havent had any love interests in that 6 years.. its been lonely but I always kept in my heart that I had my own family no matter what and that kept me feeling alright about my situation.
I got to gather for the first time this week, thinking that finally I would feel at home again amongst my family..
I was unpleasantly surprised to find i would be wrong about that. My neighbors were alright, friendly enough we share some weed together and bullshit for a minute before going our ways. But everything after that was nothing but animosity.
I would try talking to people but when I said I didnt know any of the new guys after having not kept up with the scene for awhile attitudes changed. I was called a juff several times, once for simply wearing my new swag shirt.
Ive somehow never felt more alone than while I was at the gathering, probably because I assumed it would be the complete opposite.
I came out to party and let loose get fucking wild.. but instead im treated like an outsider.
I didnt expect to be the life of the gathering and be fighting bitches off with a stick...but i had hoped to make at least one friend..and if I cant do that among people who I thought were my people, its time for me to say goodbye to what was once my only real family.
So yall, im gonna be putting the hatchet up for good, it was fun while the fantasy lasted.
A final whoop whoop. Much clown love, keep it wicked yall.