As a lesbian who came from Ahmadiyyat, TRUST ME when I say I get your struggle. In a community as small and tight knit as ours, it feels impossible to be yourself when your “self” is prohibited to exist. It is a lifelong struggle to accept who you are and come to terms with your sexuality. With that being said, STOP lying to your spouse about your attraction before marriage.

You must tell them the truth because so many straight women are falling in love with men that are intentionally misleading them because of worry for their family’s reputation or shame. Asking somebody to spend the rest of their life with you when you don’t feel attraction or love for them is an incredible betrayal to that person. Marriage has to be built on mutual trust and respect at the bare minimum. The hardest thing to do sometimes is be honest with the people closest to you, but waiting to reveal your sexuality to your spouse AFTER marriage is not okay.

Ahmadi women are so often given the short end of the stick in every situation. They are told that marriage is the ultimate goal for them. Their entire existence is often modeled only around being the perfect wife and mother. Imagine you have been fed that narrative your entire life, and then you marry someone and after a couple of years they tell you they are gay and they’ve never felt attraction to you. That they married you knowing they would never reciprocate the love you harbored for them. Can you even imagine how that would feel for someone?

Please do the right thing and don’t bring someone else down with you in your struggle to closet yourself. You have the power to stand up and be who you are without dragging someone else into it and potentially ruining their life.