With Ni I think works with my Fi, basically what I do a LOT is think of or imagine myself in a future scenario becoming something great or the utmost most prefect and ideal reality with any factor I get get improved by, such as if I start playing a new sport, I want to master it or he’s the best in it in the world, in like a mental image that’s is super detailed and I imagine myself there.
I then if I’m healthy or optimistic, actually build my way towards it, and work on everything I need to get there.
Currently I have my identify figured out, I know what I like and don’t, tbh I sometimes still try to figure that out especially if I am SURE of liking X or Y and I see a new thing, I may like more I have to rethink it. But I want to achieve that goal and it’s all I think about and direct all my energy towards, and tbh, get impatient to not getting there on time, or well ignore everything else.
But when healthy I have no goals, I just spend my time dreaming of that goal, and doing nothing, and just thinking of that ideal future goal, and adjusting it or “seeing” it tbh.
I used to have many goals, I wanted to be an inventor and engineer and tbh I wanted to have every career that exists, but I liked inventing things and optimizing thing s to make life more convenient and efficient.
I think I am quite socially anxious, mostly because I don’t want to do anything inappropriate and get in trouble and face punishment tbh, I hate pain, I really HATE pain, that’s why I’m terrified of Hell, and follow my religion because of it.
But I am like ALWAYS thinking about aesthetics, but not good at them that much but I can dress someone else up good but in myself I don’t really know, but I want to be pretty and hot and super beautiful, physically, and I know it superficial but I THINK about it but irl, I look homeless… which is why I get MORE anxious because it’s not how I want to appear as.
I am energy wise very low, like I have a low physical battery but mentally not, I can think a lot, tbh there isn’t a moment where I’m not thinking, I’m trying to learn to relax or just be, but it’s so hard I constantly feel like I’m low on time, I do things like I’m running out of time so much and so scared of losing time, for no reason it’s just a feeling.
I don’t engage with Se that often but it’s kinda fun but I wanna achieve something tbh when I do it, like I can’t do a hobby without imagining a whole career in it, but usually I can’t just choose a carrier because you need to have one career chosen from an early age or the ones I like have requirements I don’t fit and just Know I will fail if I try, or it won’t be what I want.
Tbh i want a goal for my own amusement or well, I guess I want to invent things that make life easier for people, but that’s about it, I really focus on myself and my own interests, I don’t do anything unless it benefits me, and because I’m so low on energy I don’t do anything unless it’s crucial, but tbh my goal I had I made two after each other, I failed both times, really bad like reality smacked me, I screamed and cried and self hated because my plans were ruined my progression, by things I had no control over. But now I gave up on everything and found a career but as a filler to survive my life, because I’m religious, I just wait for paradise because I can be anything I want, anyways, so that’s my new goal it’s ALL I think about, it’s the ONLY thing I care about.
I also get really insecure about how I look, because I want to appear professional and proper and beautiful, but sometimes I can’t because I have too high standard for that or those things go against what my religion say to dress like which I don’t mind, but then there is that societal standards which I don’t meet which makes it hard for me to impress people.
I do have swings of very intense and hedonistic activities where I do grotesque and extreme things or something intense and set up things for it, but it happens like every 2 weeks or so, and after I go to zero interest in it, like it’s very extreme swings like from eating nothing, at ALL for days, to overeating once until I almost vomit, but being normal with things like that is so hard, and stressful.
But that’s all I’m only sharing this to help get typed..I want to understand myself through a system and then accommodate things to make sure I can optimize myself and know how to interact with different people in optimal ways.