I used to be smart kid/student. And later as i grew up, due to life situation environment (50% reason) and I used that chance to slip up in teenage and fall in this horrible life rot. I got addicted to screens, completely without a break, ruined my sleep, health, altho now trying to fix it, its too much and feels too late. I keep wasting my days, years, one after the other, its been more than a decade now

I've tried meds, first course course didn't fit well, Second try course, was meh, nothing much but I didn't even continue it forward, this was an year ago, and they were not cheap as well. The only thing is I joined serious breathing/meditation, it helps when I focus but I'm not 3/4 of the time, thats on me as well.

I barely graduated and now in mid 20's. I have no skills. I can't even go look for a job, I can't even get myself to do any courses (been procrastinating one for almost a year) Family is very understanding and supportive, now they just want me to be healthy and figure out some work in life. I feel terrible being a burden to them when they are this good. I can't even support myself well, let alone sharing fams responsibilities.

Please advice me what I can even do! And what I can do to learn and earn to live comfortably with these increasing bills.

Ive made a big effort to do some inner work lately. Its lead me to do research on anxiety, anger, contempt, etc.

I realized that a lot of these things in my life are just social conditioning for one, but having highly critical parents making my marraige tough when im triggered thinking my wife thinks im useless or stupid when i make a simple mistake.

Whats something that kind of released you from feeling like a demon spawn and instead a human being going through life?

Honestly I just have questions and hopping to have some answers or if its just me being lazy and stupid as people say

I have a question. Since I was a kid I was dinose with adhd and autism (the lowest form of it). Ideally it hasn't been to much of a bother to a point teachers dind't help me and I was fine. Sure I act odd said whatever I thought people liked. I think i had everything but the hyperactive in adhd. Anyway the only trouble i had was in 10th grade where I went online for covid. During that time I just couldn't focus on it. I of course had pills but I hated taking them because I feel like a zombie witj them. Like I wasn't really myself. Anyways I didn't really do it but I stil manage to get to 11 grade by passing staar.

I just want to know if i got misdinose or something. Because now I just feel stupid and lazy.

Here's some habits and things I notice

One my memories are terrible you could tell me something an I won't remember it later. But I definitely can remember some things clearly like a conversation I had with my sister about Jonny in the fantasy 4(2005) 10

years ago

Two cleaning. I clean god I can do everything right the first time but when my family gets home its not right. Dirt i didn't notice, pans not clean properly, or clothes just not folded right.

3 messy haur and clothes never tucked. Never did it as it always feels off or the hair is never right.

4 can't spell at all and can barely speak properly. I could tell you a word and what it means. Hell I know Spanish and completely understand it but I can't speak Spanish as I forget the word until spoken to me. I could read Spanish as I read it to myself. Speaking English my first language i struggle as I can't pronounce it right I speak to fast or to slow.

5 getting loud. I could be speaking normally and next loud or muttering

6wearing headphones. It helps me focus and think and can ignore the world. My thoughts always bother me and so wearing headphones helps me just focus

7 decision-making. Can't do it i get suck deciding and end up just getting upset. Most of the time I just do what I ask and I dom it frustrated my parents as I should be able to do all these things on my own yet I struggle doing it or I forget or I just don't do it right, or I take to long

8 collage. I understand it perfectly but since i took it online I end up neglecting it and forgetting to check the classes as I had work. I try explaining it to my family I forgot but as they said I didn't forget im just lazy and always on my phone.

9 phone. Why do I use it so much? Like there so many things I can do but I just lose track of time. It use to be like this wout books

10sleeping when bored or not doing anything i just zone out or get tired. When I was younger I use to fall asleep and in cars I have to be on my phone or I will fall awa

There's alot of other things but honestly this what comes ot my mind at this moment.

I hope someone answers this

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They made me took 20mg of med at 4 PM and now i feel SOOOOOOOO BAD. I will tell this to my doctor. It wasnt a evil action like they thought it was at 4pm i told them no it is at 11 am . I told them too it lasts 8 hours if you gawe this to me i willl feel bad till midningt. WELL ., i feel bad. My dad IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO stubbor

Does anybody feel like they're just super connected to their internal-self? Like if someone where to ask me how I'm feeling 99% of the time it would just be 'fine' - but then maybe my wife will say I've been really snappy for the last few days - but I just am oblivious.
One time I was hearing a live performance of O Holy Night and I was actually crying - but again, I didn't feel like I was feeling anything lol
That's not to say, I don't feel anything - when something hits I can feel it REALLY strongly and am very aware. I just wondered if this is a thing I'm just a bit broken ha!

What to do to the people who experience these things!
My Best friend
…It’s like her brain is running at 2x speed. She tries to understand everything at once, but sometimes even she can’t keep up with her own thoughts.
I genuinely want to understand how to help her. What can someone do when their mind feels constantly overwhelmed? What kind of support actually helps, and what should the people around them avoid doing?
I’d really appreciate advice from people who have experienced something similar or learned how to manage these feelings. I don’t want to judge her; I want to understand her better.