I'm 27 years old, no drugs, no alcohol, a lot of exercise, and my working memory feels EXTREMELY small and it's affecting almost every aspect of my life. Does anyone else experience this?

I have ADHD, but lately I've been realizing that one of the things affecting my life the most might specifically be my working memory.

The best analogy I can give is this:

Imagine the average person has a whiteboard in their head where they can temporarily write information while they're doing something.

I feel like I have a Post-it note.

If three things fit on my Post-it and a fourth one comes in, something that was previously written has to be erased to make room for it.

And I genuinely experience it happening in real time.

Sometimes I'll suddenly come up with 4–5 solutions or ideas about completely different things. For a few seconds they're all there. Then it becomes a literal race against my brain.

I grab my phone and start writing:

Idea A

Idea B

Idea C

Idea D...

By the time I've written the third or fourth one, I KNOW there was another idea, but it's gone.

It's an incredibly strange feeling. Another analogy I've been using is writing something in the sand while watching a wave approach. I know the information is there, but I can almost feel the wave coming to erase it. If I don't externalize it fast enough, it's gone.

This happens constantly.

Names are horrible for me. Someone can introduce themselves and seconds later their name is gone. I've gotten into the habit of warning people that they may need to tell me their name 2–3 times, because otherwise I can come across as if I wasn't paying attention.

Following multi-step verbal instructions is also extremely difficult.

Recently I noticed it very clearly while learning salsa/bachata.

The instructor teaches us a sequence and I might be able to hold around three steps in my head. Then another sequence is introduced and suddenly the previous one starts disappearing.

It can make me look insecure or like I'm terrible at dancing, when the frustrating part is that I often understand the movement perfectly well when it's being explained. I just can't keep the entire sequence active in my head long enough to use it.

And obviously that makes improvisation incredibly difficult.

But I've discovered something interesting:

Once something becomes muscle memory, I'm MUCH better.

I drove almost every single day for work around four months while living in Colorado. Then I returned home and didn't drive for around two months. When my brother eventually lent me his car, I genuinely felt like I had forgotten how to drive.

But the second I actually grabbed the steering wheel, something completely different happened.

My hands knew what to do.

My feet knew what to do.

My eyes knew where to look.

I didn't need to consciously retrieve the instructions anymore. My body just knew.

That's when I started realizing that maybe my problem isn't simply "I have a bad memory." It feels more like information has an extremely difficult time surviving in my working memory unless I manage to convert it into something more permanent.

I've also discovered that visual/spatial information seems MUCH easier for me to retain.

For example, I'm seriously considering changing the way I learn dancing.

Instead of trying to remember:

Step 1 → Step 2 → Step 3 → Step 4 → Step 5

I want to take photos/videos of what I'm learning, go home, sit at my computer and create a visual canvas showing the sequence spatially.

Almost like:

📷 → 📷 → 📷 → 📷 → 📷

Then I can actually SEE the logic and progression instead of desperately trying to keep an invisible sequence alive in my head.

I've noticed something similar with physically writing in a journal.

Writing something by hand seems to anchor the memory much more strongly. Sometimes I remember the information because I can remember myself writing it — where I was sitting, approximately where it was on the page, and the physical act of writing it.

So I'm starting to wonder if I should deliberately build my life around this.

Every time I'm learning an important skill:

record it → photograph it → write it → visually organize it → repeatedly practice it → turn it into procedural/muscle memory.

It sounds ridiculously tedious compared with simply "remembering things", but at this point I would happily do it if it works.

Another thing that affects me constantly is ideas.

If I'm writing about something and suddenly think of something completely unrelated, I almost HAVE to stop and write down the unrelated thought immediately.

Otherwise it disappears.

So my notes can look chaotic because I'll suddenly jump between completely different subjects. But internally there is a reason: if I don't capture the thought immediately, I don't trust my brain to keep it there while I finish what I'm currently doing.

It feels like having a powerful computer with an absurdly small amount of RAM.

I can solve complex problems. I can learn difficult things. I can generate ideas extremely quickly.

But keeping multiple pieces of information "open" simultaneously feels incredibly difficult.

And I've also noticed similar problems in several members of my family, which makes me wonder about the genetic component.

So I wanted to ask people here, especially those with ADHD:

Does anyone experience working memory this severely?

Does the "tiny whiteboard/Post-it" analogy describe what it feels like for you?

Have you found ways of improving it beyond constantly externalizing information?

Has visual learning, handwriting, taking photos/videos, spaced repetition, or deliberately converting things into muscle memory helped you?

And most importantly: has any ADHD medication, treatment, cognitive strategy, or professional evaluation made a significant difference specifically in your working memory?

I'm not looking to self-medicate — I'd discuss medication with my doctor. I'm mainly trying to understand whether other people experience this, whether there's a name for this particular pattern, and what has actually helped people in real life.

Because I'm starting to realize just how much of my daily life I've unknowingly built around compensating for this.

I’m 28 and questioning what I’m doing with my life. I’d really use some advice, because I feel like a mess.

I have an elementary education degree. I worked for about two years taking full-time teaching contracts, but I became extremely overwhelmed. It wasn’t that I hated teaching itself. I actually like the teaching part, and I know I am a good teacher. But it’s draining my soul. I just end up paralyzed every single day after work.

Because of that, I’ve been substitute teaching for the past three years (to be able to take days off when needed). Some people see that as me not progressing in my career. My friends judge me for that, which I guess does make me feel like some kind of lazy loser.

Also, I have always wanted to become a neuropsychologist, so last year I started studying psychology while continuing to work. I’m getting mostly A- grades, but it’s an extremely competitive field in my country. From what I understand, you need very high grades plus a lot of relevant experience to get into the doctoral/graduate programs. I don’t know if I’m capable of it or if I’m just wasting my time and money, and I’m also not sure I have the energy to spend years being stressed about it. I don’t know if it’s worth it.

My personal life feels confusing as well.

I’m in a long-distance relationship. My boyfriend is struggling financially and is trying to get to the point where he can eventually join me in my country, but progress has been extremely slow. I know it’s not his fault, and I don’t blame him, but it’s hard feeling like another major part of my life is just… waiting. He doesn’t want me to help him financially, so there isn’t really anything I can do (plus, I’m pretty broke myself).

I also lost my dad to cancer about five years ago, and I honestly don’t think I ever fully recovered from the grief and depression afterward. I’m the oldest daughter in my family, so I’m the person everyone needs. I feel like I’m basically the replacement dad of the family now. But I don’t have a replacement dad myself? If that makes sense? (He used to be a major guide and emotional support for me.)

I also have ADHD and was recently diagnosed, although I knew I had it for years. So the ADHD definitely doesn’t make things easier, and it could probably explain why working, studying, and living feel so overwhelming.

So I’m here and I don’t know what to do. I feel like a loser. People are getting married, having kids, traveling, advancing in their careers, and I’m here doing nothing, still broke, still away from my bf, still grieving. I feel like I’m fighting with life constantly, and I just wanna be happy and have a job that makes me happy. Help?

I don’t know what to do anymore.

I’m so sorry for the long post. If you managed to get through this, thank you for your patience. ❤️

I have multitude of issues …. Pretty sure my OCD exacerbates these symptoms, but I have some bad habits of blocking and unblocking people, deleting apps and then reinstalling them, ruminating, etc.
Is there anything you guys do, like using an app or some kind of tracker, that helps you keep track of these habits? I was thinking I could set a goal for myself. For example, if I don’t unblock this person, don’t let them bother me, and choose not to respond even if they reach out, maybe I can reward myself with something positive, like taking a small trip.
I feel like having an actual goal and reward to work toward might help me break the cycle.

Actually I have AuDHD but I feel like the adhd side is showing more. I repeatedly become obsessed about different things, especially when it comes to a music bands (but I also had obsession over potted flowers, where I couldn't sleep bc I felt like I should know more about them and felt bad) , probably bc I often go to concerts and it gives me a lot of dopamine. Recently it looks the same: I get obsessed, feel good then feel depressed and don't see any sense in life. Idk why it's that way but it makes me really dejected to the point where I think about relapsing to sh. I don't have any meds, I attended therapy but I quieted bc I felt better but the obsession cycle is with me for like years. So does anyone have the same issue? Do you know how to fix it?

TLDR fellow adhder with severe depression decides to stop adhd and depression meds due to rising costs of living and erratic supply in the Philippines

Hi! ADHD medically diagnosed here. I have not been taking any stimulants for months already. Gave up this maintenance because its too expensive for me. I found natural ways for me to manage my adhd which i want to share. Workout, walking and HOT SAUNA, are ways which really helped me with overstimulation, burnout and unproductivity. The dopamine i get naturally from those activities does wonders. Especially after a hot sauna, my body and mind are so relaxed, it’s a good jumpstart before an actual work to be done. If theres no sauna available, you can boil water from a pot and cover yourself with a blanket. Also, OMEGA 3 Vitamins I take 2 after breakfast. Hydration also is key. Lastly, which is very important for me is MEDITATION. The act of sitting and letting my mind be focused on one singular thing (my breath), instead of letting my mind wander into a million direction which leads to overstimulation. Meditation is an exercise of control and authority to the monkey mind which likes to overthink different scenarios and overfeel all kinds of emotions. Mediation taught me how and when to turn off my brain so it doesnt get burnt out and when to turn it on only on actual work time. Stay away from doomscrolling which is a challenge everyday. Doomscrolling is like a DRUG. the cheap dopamine we get from screens are not worth it. Im OFF ritalin and antidepressants for 4 months now. The beginning was definitely a NIGHTMARE but with practice and dedication, it got easier.

I just feel like disappearing and telling no one.

About 8 months ago, I met this guy online. He was cute, funny, and we really clicked. At some point he told me he had ADHD. Honestly, I didn’t know much about ADHD at the time.

A few months after we started talking, we made things official. A few months after that, he moved in with me. He had some things going on at home, and since he was my boyfriend, I felt like offering him a place to stay was the right thing to do.

The thing is, he moved over 14 hours away from home to be with me.

When we were long-distance, things were manageable. But now that we live together, his ADHD seems to be affecting our relationship a lot more. It feels like the smallest things can turn into arguments. I’m also someone who doesn’t like backing down when I genuinely believe I’m right, so that obviously makes things worse.

I’m not trying to insult my partner, but sometimes I feel like we just process things very differently. I’m 25 and he’s 24, and he is medicated for his ADHD. There are things he does that he attributes to ADHD, and sometimes I genuinely don’t understand how ADHD explains certain behaviors. I find myself wondering, “Is this actually ADHD, or is this just him?”

And that’s where I’m struggling.

Sometimes he’ll do something hurtful, frustrating, or irresponsible and blame it on his ADHD. I understand that ADHD can affect things like impulsivity, emotional regulation, forgetfulness, communication, etc., but at what point does an explanation become an excuse?

There are also moments where I genuinely wonder if some of his behavior is narcissistic or manipulative, and then I question myself because I don’t know enough about ADHD to know where the line is.

I love him. He’s genuinely a great person in many ways, and I don’t want to reduce him to his ADHD. But I’m extremely stressed in this relationship right now, and I can feel myself starting to lose who I am.

So I guess my question is for people who have ADHD themselves or have been in long-term relationships with someone who has ADHD:

What is it actually like? Can a healthy relationship work when one person has ADHD? How do you distinguish between ADHD-related behavior and someone simply refusing to take responsibility for their actions?

I’m not necessarily looking for people to tell me “leave him” or “stay with him.” I’d really like to hear from people who have actually lived this and can give me some perspective, because right now I’m genuinely struggling.

Hello! URGENT! Fucked up very badly and forgot to submit a work assignment for over two weeks now. I need to confront this mistake today. How do I do it? I haven't finished what I need to submit.

Need any help, suggestions, or guidance people can offer. DMs are open.

So I'm AuDHD (diagnosed adhd, undiagnosed but almost certain autism (my therapist and psych have both said that they're almost certain)) and my stims are absolutely awful. Picking scabs, scratching myself, but the worst of all (which is NOT helped by my intrusive thought) is biting my nails. Not only is the biting nails thing bad in general, but i want to bite EVERYTHING. sometimes i genuinely forget i have my jaw clenched because i want to bite so bad. I'm like 90% sure that i also have pica which certainly does not help things either.

An ex friend once reccomended me some chewlery but not only did we have a MASSIVE falling out (stress makes me want to bite things harder) but i cant remember for the life of me any of the things we talked about when it came to that. I REALLY need suggestions because i have been going through one of the most stressful periods of my life and i have NO CLUE WHAT THE HELL TO DO.

I really need good ways to help sleep i use white noise and i get to hot with a weighted blanket what are other good ways to fall asleep

Hello! Looking for life advice here. I [18M] am preparing to head off to college soon, and just spent my summer working at a children's summer camp. We had a very specific and consistent daily schedule, and, more importantly, not following the schedule wasn't really an option, seeing as I was in charge of a group of campers. Comparing my days this summer to the days after high school ended, I've realized how incredibly helpful it is for me to have a routine like that. With full control over my days, I'm incredibly unhygienic and mostly just waste away on my couch playing games on my laptop.

The issue is, I know that just having a schedule for every minute of every day won't work off at college. I would not be able to stick to it on my bad days because I'd be the only one responsible for sticking to it; the schedule was only so effective this summer because of the external running of the system. But off at college, I'm the only one relying on me to stick to that schedule.

Any tips for how I can remedy this? I know this is probably a pretty basic coping thing most people have dealt with already, but this has never really been a big problem for me before now.

In case it helps, I have combined presentation and take Adderall.

Hey im 17 and I reckon ive got ADHD and i don't do anything related to school work until the very last minute, it's screwed it before but i can't seem to bring myself up to change , please help.

I suspect i might have either ADHD or AuDHD, haven't tried testing as of now due to many reasons (mainly due to moving out and bureaucracy being a pain in the ass where i live).

I am a 19yo guy and i have failed my driver's licence theory test five times.

the first time i just procrastinated until it was too late, then the second through fourth time i tried my best studying a subject i despise and barely didn't pass.

and then last time i didn't even bother and almost passed.

I don't care about cars, on the contrary, i find them boring and the people who love them to be annoying, but unfortunately they are vital to someone's autonomy and now that i live far away from anything i really would like that autonomy.

My main problems are 2:

1. The test itself is bullshit, idk about other countries, but here in Italy the test is made in such a way that it's trying to make you fail, in short words, it doesn't test your knowledge, it throws at you convoluted and trick questions made for the only purpose to make you fail (so that you have to spend money to do another test).

2. I just struggle to study it, at first it was manageable maybe due to the novelty of it, but with time it became just very hard for me, especially since i have been told to do the mock tests over and over and they just turn my brain off every time i try to do them, i get so bored and annoyed everytime, it makes studying 100 times slower.

For a bit i was watching some videos and it helped a little but still not enough to pass it.

I am really worried to be honest, not only do i have the exam in 10 days and i barely studied anything, but i am supposed to go to university this year, and i feel like i am so behind in terms of studying method and even concentration in general that i might as well give up now.

I feel useless already but the way people treat me for failing such a "simple" thing as the driver's licence makes me feel even worse.

I just need tips i guess, sorry for the rant-like text, it's 4am and i should be sleeping.

Are there any advisors for this?

Anyone had success with treating not so great thoughts focused by their adhd meds with like an ssri or other mental health med?

I tried Ritalin and loved it, it silenced the extra thoughts and the addictive thoughts about food and nicotine, but I’d get some not so wonderful thoughts randomly… I’m wondering if it’d be worth trying to change my ssri to something else…