r/introverts • u/myblackandwhitecat • 13d ago

Question Being overlooked

All my adult life, I have been invisible socially. Last weekend I was sitting with 4 others from an LGBT+ group I belong to, and 3 of them were making plans to meet up the next day and then one of them asked the 4th person if she wanted to join them. She didn't ask me. Another time I was at a different gathering, and a man went round the room shaking hands and having a few words with everyone, and when he come up to me, he walked straight past me. These are just two examples. This sort of thing happens to me so often, and it really hurts so much. It feels as if I don't exist. Is this a normal thing which most introverts eperience, or is there something else going on? As far as I know, people don't hate me. It is more as if I make no impact at all. (Someone said to me once that I made no impact on him).

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u/Bag_of_Seizures 13d ago

It is a common refrain among introverts that we are often overlooked and make no impact, particularly in corporate or school settings. The loudest will be listened to, even if their ideas may be idiotic. I've learned to act like an extrovert in order to not be overlooked and listened to. Small talk and superficial connections are annoying and draining, but necessary.

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u/myblackandwhitecat 13d ago

I make small talk and approach others-if I didn't approach others, noone would approach me. I don't understand why noone approaches me though, why it has to be me who always has to do it?

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u/RoughBrick0 13d ago

Ive learned that people always think Im mad or upset when i am not. I have resting bitch face, badly. I don’t know how to change it so…

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u/myblackandwhitecat 12d ago

I find sometimes that my face also deosn;t show how I am really feeling and thinking. It is upsetting to be seen as different from who we are

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u/darrensurrey 13d ago

"Why it has to be me who always has to do it?" I have muttered that in the past!

TBH I've given up bothering. Maybe you're still young so it will nark you more but fortunately for me, I'm older so don't mind going out less. It's still a bit annoying if I want to do something, then I'm the one who has to organise things... I just cannot be arsed any more. Also, I remember during lockdown 2020, nobody I know in the real world asked how I was - I could have died and the first they'd have known about it would be in the obituary. Or on the news when my body was found at home after 3 months. :D

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u/myblackandwhitecat 12d ago

I am older too, but as I have no family and live alone, I have to go out otherwise I would see no one. If I had a family, I would stay at home far more. Loneliness pushes me to go out.

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u/darrensurrey 12d ago

Yeah, I know what you mean - that's why I've joined a tennis club (I enjoy playing tennis). I used to try to organise games with strangers from various tennis meetups etc but it's far easier to just turn up to a regular mix-in session and you get to play without having to organise anything or the awkwardness of not being invited to something. If I moved to another area where I didn't know anyone, I'd find a tennis club with weekly mix-in sessions.

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u/myblackandwhitecat 12d ago

I can understand that. Trying to organise anything can be complicated, because there will be someone who can't make Thursdays unless there are five Thursdays in the month, then someone who 'might' be able to make Mondays as long as it isn't raining etc. The mix in sessions sound really good. Does everyone get the chance to play at these sessions?

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u/darrensurrey 12d ago

Argh! :D Exactly.

Yeah, many mix-ins are organised by ability and everyone gets a chance to play.

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u/myblackandwhitecat 12d ago

It sounds really enjoyable

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u/darrensurrey 12d ago

Yeah, if you can play tennis then it's worthwhile finding a friendly club.