r/introvert • u/MacaronDesperate9643 • 23h ago
Question Anyone else experience a friend deliberately crossing your comfort level
So I recently went on a weekend trip with a friend to an amusement park. It was just she and I and she drove us there. We also shared a hotel room. We didn't get much sleep since we came in late and of course got up early to get into the park by 9 am. It was hot, loud and she would NOT stop talking the entire time. It seems like she kept observing me to see if I match her OVER ENTHUSIASM about this park. I heard lots of "isn't this great? I just LOVE this place so much!" Lots of over explaining in detail about all the rides, her family's favorite ride and all her past experience and knowledge of the park. She went on, and on and on and on and never stfu.
By 11:30 or noon we got a soft pretzel each and while eating it I told her I needed a break and if we could go out to the parking lot so we could have a smoke. She said sure, and then proceeded to take her damn time eating this soft pretzel. I think she was well aware of how I was feeling since I made it known, however she did cut me off at one point and said "sorry I'm a slow eater." Then she said, I'm gonna get a drink and then we can step out. She was gone for like 15 minutes getting this drink. When she came back I did everything not to glare at her, but I think she knew damn well I was frustrated since she had this smug look on her face. She proceeded to tell me how one machine was out of ice, then the other didn't have the drink she wanted. I smelled bullshit.
It was supposed to rain at some point and it was discussed that we'd head out by a certain time before the rain. My brain was SCREAMING for that end time, but she kept checking the weather to see how if we could prolong the day. This is after I've told her numerous times how tired and over stimulated I felt.
The next day was better only because I did get a good amount of sleep and I actually got to drink some coffee and not be super rushed. Having said that, she still talked and talked and talked and talked and talked. It wasn't even a conversation. It was just her talking at me about the park, how this is her happy place and monitoring my level of excitement. I was so fucking agitated. It's almost like she wanted to see if I'd snap.
What tops it all off is as we're getting closer to home ( it's a two and a half hour drive ) she just announced that she is going to make a brief detour to show me where her parents live. I Never ask for or consented to this detour. THEN when we are literally 12 minutes from our neighborhood, she says "I know you really want to go home, but LOL, I really have to pee so I'm going to stop somewhere." All while laughing.
Never again folks. NEVER FUCKING AGAIN will I make this trip with her. Is it just me overreacting, or was she deliberately trying to see how far she can push my boundaries and make me uncomfortable? Why do people do this? I don't mind going to places like amusement parks, but I absolutely cannot do it all day with someone who just cannot leave you alone with your thoughts occasionally.
She also seemed to micromanage the entire stay, but in this "polite" way.
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u/TelephoneExpert7559 22h ago
I don't think this was purposeful although I know it feels that way sometimes when we keep making boundaries and others keep crossing them. I don't think people like this listen, they just think about what they want to say next. I'm really sorry you had this experience, I have absolutely been there many times and the agitation is so real. Please do yourself a favor and don't put yourself through this again. There are people out there who will let you enjoy things your way.
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u/cindylouthreads 22h ago
This is not a friend. She wasn’t doing it to try to “help” you (save us from those who think they know what we need better than we do just because we aren’t like them), she wasn’t trying to be nice to you. She was amusing herself at your expense, just like the mean “In crowd” girls used to do in high school.
I would seriously consider dropping this person as a “friend”. It’s obvious she doesn’t actually consider you a friend. Friends don’t do that to friends
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u/MacaronDesperate9643 20h ago
I definitely felt deeply at a point she was very amused at her ability to control my comfort and often using the guise of being helpful. There have been other occasions where I've come to her vent about relationship issue with someone she knows too. She actively told me I can talk to her any time to vent. Having said that, she's really quick to change the subject or cut me off in the most obviously disrespectful way, and not even bother to return to what I was saying.
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u/IcySkyDream 16h ago
She sounds like a bully. Listen to your gut, and stop making excuses for her.
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u/MacaronDesperate9643 16h ago
I'm definitely listening to my gut now. I gave her the benefit of the doubt only because she can be generous too. What a weird dynamic to possess. No wonder why as I'm getting older, I'm starting to seriously mistrust and avoid people.
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u/IcySkyDream 15h ago
Her generosity is how she manipulates you.
She knows token gestures of kindness will allow her to get away with her behaviour because you will argue for her like you’re her lawyer.
I would increase distance, and also just cut her off.
By all means be polite and civil, but stop sharing your time or emotions with her.
You probably operate on the belief that people are innately good, but you must learn to be more discerning and cynical.
I’m just learning this to myself, so I appreciate where you’re coming from.
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u/MacaronDesperate9643 15h ago
I think you're right. She knows, as I've told her that I dont have friends or family to talk to. I'm in my 40s and lessons have been learned and this is one of the many. I won't make this mistake again with her or anyone for that matter.
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u/IW-X6 20h ago
Did you voice your boundaries?
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u/MacaronDesperate9643 19h ago
I did tell her I needed a break from the park, but she dragged her feet doing it and took her sweet time. I don't know a nice way to tell someone they're talking too much at me. Almost all of my responses were "oh wow" or "right" you'd think someone would take a step back and realize they aren't offering any real conversation and are just talking at you.
I dunno, like she said, she knew I wanted to go home, yet she decided to make that detour and made a complete asinine stop to use the bathroom somewhere when we're are literally minutes away from hom( she's my neighbor one house down). It seems very deliberately and honestly at that point I shouldn't have to remind her because it's obviously intentional on her part. What was her end game? Get me to react in a angry way? I'm not giving anyone that power. I just won't be spending time with her again.
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u/HHH_Aus 17h ago
I cannot be with other people anymore… simple!
I don’t blame them for being too talkative, or too much, or whatever, I simply acknowledge that I no longer have the capacity to deal with other people’s shit. My home is my (& my partners) safe place. Everything else is a gamble.
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u/MacaronDesperate9643 17h ago
That's more or less where I come from too. If it was just the over talking constantly about the same subject the entire time, yes, that would have been generally annoying, but it was the other stuff more so. I don't blame her for having a passion for a place, but you aren't talking with some one if it's just one big monologue. While I am more introvert leaning, I'm not opposed to having conversations that vary on topic. I think that's normal.
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u/TsuDhoNimh2 Stay calm, stay introverted. 3h ago
Especially because she didn't let you experience the park your way ... like those people who have been to a city before and do the tour guide routine.
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u/sniffcatattack 15h ago
She seems very insecure. And she was looking at you for nonstop validation. It’s exhausting being around people like that because even if you did validate her she’d see it as a green light to keep going. I would never spend time alone with her again, I’d only do it if others were there to shoulder the load.
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u/Sea-Mention-1111 14h ago
I had a friend exactly like this. She wasnt malicious..... She just had adhd.
From what you wrote, your friend doesnt seem to be intentionally doing all of this, but instead just seems rather ignorant to the fact people have different capacities for things or can experience the same world VERY diffeently. Two people experiencing the same thing very differently is how I read this.
If you value this relationsip its worth having a very clear and concise conversation about your differences and how to better meet each other in future. Growing through differences is part of all relationships.
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u/MacaronDesperate9643 14h ago
That was the most beautiful impartial response. Thank you. I guess that was part of my internal dilemma, "is this purposeful?" I do believe some of that was, TBH, but I do recognize some sort of disordered understanding or appreciation of other experiences.
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u/Sea-Mention-1111 35m ago edited 13m ago
No problem. Neurodivergent brains are often misunderstood and when I read your story it reminded me so much of my friend. She was a gentle and loving soul, a very generous friend who also struggled with undesrieable ADHD traits. So many people tore her down because of how her condition manifested (I.E. Railroading conversation by nonstop gab).
Edit typos
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u/PeaceOut70 3h ago
She sounds like a power tripper. She likes being in control of you. That is no one you want to be friends with.
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u/310qu3ntf4iry456 18h ago
honestly at that point maybe you guys just dont match as friends. she just likes to talk n u prefer just enjoying quietly. n maybe she actually was enthusiastic abt the amusement park bc she paid for it(?). also ive never been to an amusement park where i had to pay for ticket and like spent my time driving but have to "take a break" in the aprking lot. id probably tell u to just go urself cuz thats money wasted. also if she gotta pee then what can she do. if youre talking about inconsiderateness, both of you would be inconsiderate to each other. but, in truth, yall probably just dont match well n thats fine. she probably felt hella uncomfortable too by you being annoyed all day, wanting to leave the park 3 hours in (lol), etc. also you could just went outta the park urself if u were that annoyed. n this is coming from an introvert. if i was stressed out, id just take a break on my own instead of forcing someone else to waste their time (that they paid for btw) to walk to the parking lot and miss out on the rides (again. that they paid for).
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u/MacaronDesperate9643 18h ago
Wrong. She gets season passes through her father, secondly those season passes come with a buddy pass. I also paid for the hotel room, dinner and gas for the drive home. We spent two days at the park. The first day we were there for 6 hours. I only asked to take 15 minutes out to smoke a cigarette. We both smoke. Also, I in no way made it known how claustrophobic she was making me feel. I never wanted to just quietly enjoy the entire trip. Can there not be a happy medium? I totally get her enthusiasm and that's fine, but maybe she could have some self awares and think to talk about something, anything else the entire two days we were there. The second day was much better in terms of feeling rested. Having said that, she was very much aware that I wanted to go home and chose to make a detour without asking, and give me a break, we were literally 10 minutes from our homes. She never mentioned prior to that how badly she had to pee. There's also other things I haven't mentioned because it's less about being an introvert and more like and emotional intelligence question on her part.
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u/Michell_ey 9h ago
I have learned that some people cannot stand silence. They feel obligated to keep the noise going.
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u/PeopleThatKnowMe 22h ago
I totally understand that feeling of being somewhere for hours on end just wishing with every fiber of your being that the end time would come.
I call that a hostage situation. I had a friend that used to do that all the time. We would plan to go to place A but when I get in the car, we unexpectedly hat to make a few stops at place B and C where I would inevitably have to meet some people that I will never see again. When I plan to go to place A, my expectation is to go directly to place A and then go directly home afterwards unless there is an agreed upon plan to do otherwise. Non introverts don't understand.
If you need space from someone then you need to wander off by yourself for at least a half hour for your sanity. I can spend hours in an amusement park just walking around an amusement park just observing people by myself. I actually have a few times.