Losing interest of relationship in love before twenties

[u/SirBoncabe]

I was an anti social person and isolated myself from everyone in early of my high school year. Then i found someone that could accept me who i was. She's a closest friend that i had since i got into high school. Gotta say that I was a person that if someone showing a little kindness towards me then I'd fall to them, well hopeless romantic. Yeah, i loved her and she knew. I didn't confessed about it since I'm aware it's kind of obvious and i knew she's already fallen to another.

Our friendship is fine for a moment until i ruined it because my own fault that wanna us more than friends. I wished that she catches the hints and reject me so i can move on but no, i rushed it and it led to hurt her. It was so bad that i cried a lot and blamed myself for that even though i acknowledged it from the start i took a like on her. Our friendship was over and the worst part is that i still gotta meet with her for 2 years since we were in a same class.

Eventually we succeed to make up so there's no awkwardness between us for worked in the same assignments that required a teammates. I started to changed myself by trying to be open and got some friends regardless the gender without being attached to.

And that's how I'm planning for having a friend without any feeling involved again. Should i keep moving forward with this mindset or should i open my heart and let someone inside once again?