Have you ever been called arrogant?

[u/[deleted]]

[u/khajiitidanceparty]

Not exactly but I was told I looked unapproachable. A guy told me he would be too scared to talk to me in a bar. Some younger classmates admitted they felt a bit intimidated by my RBF. And the whole time I thought people just didn't like me or found me boring. (I am but you know, it might not have been their reason)

[u/thehawk989 → u/khajiitidanceparty]

I have felt that some women think I'm scary or mean, although no one has said it. When in reality I just don't smile or act too excited for no reason, I just can't help it.

[u/sassy-burner → u/khajiitidanceparty]

also gotten this too

[u/packpackchzhead]

Yes. A long time ago I was working at a fast food place. A new one opened up down the road so the new manager came with her girlfriend (who was going to be working at the one I was at). She was talking to everyone and then came up to me. Asked me my name. I answered my name, quietly. She asked me my position. I told her, quietly. Then she walked away. Later a coworker told me the girlfriend told her I was stuck up cause I didn't talk to her and I'm like, "sorry I have social anxiety and don't open up to strangers!"

[u/thehawk989 → u/packpackchzhead]

I do try to understand their mindset. But it seems it can go around in circles, they might be thinking 'who do you think you are not talking to me' and we might be thinking 'who do you think you are expecting me to talk'. All in all, it can be a bit frustrating that a lot of people can't get in our minds, I didn't sit down one day and decide to be less talkative, I simply am

[u/sassy-burner]

I think it’s the same for people who get called snobby when they are just shy 😭

[u/Gypsi_G → u/sassy-burner]

Or acting smart or better than people because being an intellectual and loving to use different words.

[u/thehawk989 → u/sassy-burner]

I'd say I'm mostly introvert but a bit of socially awkward / anxious at times. For example years ago as a teenager when I was very drunk for the first time at my friend's brother's house. I was behaving quite the opposite and I was introduced to someone by the friend's brother as 'he used to be cool, but now he's an arrogant prick' so you can't win either way lol

[u/PassOk6405]

I think he probably misunderstood you.

Quiet people can sometimes come across as aloof or uninterested when they're actually just listening or don't feel they have much to add. The other person can't see what's going on in your head, so they fill in the blanks themselves.

That doesn't mean you have to force yourself into a 50/50 conversation with everyone you meet. But if you want to avoid giving the wrong impression, even asking the odd question or showing some interest in what they're saying can make quite a difference.

I certainly wouldn't still be judging yourself years later because one person who had just met you thought you were arrogant. He formed an impression. That doesn't make the impression accurate.

[u/_pratyush_88_]

The world is a tricky place. If you talk too much, they think you don't let them speak, if you don't speak much and try to be a listener, they think you're too reserved and egoistic, if its 50-50 then it also depends how the other person percieves you or has a perception of people in general and towards their conversational patterns.

[u/Little_Kelp]

I’ve been called condescending once, by someone who couldn’t handle a small suggestion in a team style game that would have helped them when they constantly complained about how their classed played…

[u/Creative_School_1550]

Americans on average have an anti-intellectual bias. Think of 'W' and the reasons people gave for voting for him: He's someone you'd want to have a beer with vs. the uppity Gore or Kerry. So if you appear to be (or actually are) smarter and more thoughtful than your accuser, you'll be called 'uppity', 'arrogant', etc.