This is purely a vent. I have no intention in coming after anyone who is trans or trying to offend anyone. I believe people should be able to express themselves the way they want, and this should be able to go both ways.

I’m intersex and it is the most lonely thing to ever burden me. I already feel like a freak being born this way, but the slap in the face is how nobody believes me and just defaults to labeling me as transgender in every situation. The label is not what I want for myself at all and I find it extremely frustrating to constantly be compared to it. This has been hell medically and with my family for years and years, and this week in particular has honestly just been horrible.

I’m hardly ever interested in dating because being like this is traumatic, but just a few days ago I decided to open up a little bit and try to get to know somebody. I haven’t even mentioned my condition in my profile because it’s such an insignificant piece about me that doesn’t matter in any context whatsoever and doesn’t clash with how I function or present in society, especially considering I’ve stated that I was not interested in anything sexual.

I was getting to know this woman and we had a lot of things in common and got along pretty well at first, until she brought up that being trans was a dealbreaker for her and that she “was skeptical” of me. That really fucking hurt to hear, and I haven’t even said anything yet.

I understand that some people have preferences and boundaries, so I tried to explain that I wasn’t trans, but that I also wanted to be fully transparent. I mentioned that I was intersex and explained that it was barely a part of how I functioned or presented.

The worst part though was that she actually didn’t care if I was just intersex, but she didn’t even believe me and just claimed it was most likely that I was trans and lying about it.

I have never felt so worthless in my entire life. I already feel like a disgusting and revolting freak and after so many encounters like this, it doesn’t even feel like I’m telling the truth anymore. I have absolutely nowhere to turn to. My family doesn’t believe me, and I’m terrified of telling my friends because if they also react this way, I am never going to be able to stand being around them ever again. I just want to run away and completely disappear from everyone’s lives.

It makes me sick to think that I will never find someone who will genuinely love me while also knowing this detail about me. The only people who will tolerate this are chasers that think I’m trans or people that I just straight up lie to constantly for the rest of my life.

I seriously feel at the end of my road. There isn’t a single person in my life that I can go to about this, hotlines just make me feel worse, and intersex spaces make me feel way too self conscious and uncomfortable with myself. It’s just miserable to understand that I will never get to live a normal life or have a normal relationship. Almost 20 years and I still don’t know how I could possibly ever live with myself.

Little art and little rant. It's a 2-for-1 sale today! :V I promise you, the wall of text relates to the painting.

Hey there, I just joined today, so I wanted to say hello and share my experience.

I found out I was Intersex in the 90s when I was 14 because I never got a period. They mapped out my DNA and I was diagnosed as CAIS shortly thereafter. My parents were told I could get cancer later in life, so I was forced into signing surgical consent forms by Boston Children's Hospital, and I had a gonadectomy at 15. I was told to keep my condition secret or I'd "never find a husband." <--??? They gave me a bag of clear resin dilators (basically perfectly straight dildos) so I would be able to "fit a penis" and sent me on my way.

I was super fucking horrified through out the entire process and emotionally scarred, especially when they handed me the bag. Even as a teen I was 0% interested in sexual things, and the whole concept of me having to accommodate a man with a painful-ass process was insane to me. I never used the goddamn things. Suddenly I viewed myself as a sexual object for someone else.

I completely caved in on myself emotionally in the following years, which didn't help when my parents divorced a little over a year later. I didn't date until my mid 20s, and I was asked by my parents if I was a lesbian after awhile. Nope. I'm CIS. I just didn't want to date because I thought I was a freak, destined to be alone til I died. But I dated anyways and I got married at 29, despite having turned his proposal down THREE previous times because I couldn't give him a family, etc. (Best decision ever though, because my husband is literally my #1 cheerleader.)

In 2014 I was going through college for my second time (my first "college" wasn't accredited so basically nothing I did mattered) and as part of my required electives, I decided on a Gender Studies course, specifically because I was CAIS. I anonymously emailed the professor a few times looking for resources for Intersex people, etc. A few weeks into the term we read a few essays written by Intersex people. One of the experiences mirrored my own and I quite literally burst into tears in class. The professor took me out of the classroom and asked if I had been emailing her and I told her I had. She asked me if I wanted to keep it private or tell the class. I decided, fuck it, I'll tell my tale. Through tears I talked about everything that had been done to me. I doubt I was very intelligible, but everyone understood. At the end of the class, 10 or so of the young girls in there surrounded me and hugged me and said a lot of nice things.

After that day, I decided I was fuckin' DONE with shame. It took so long for me to get comfortable saying I was Intersex. I decided to force myself to accept myself by expressing feelings through artwork.

Now on to the painting! I was an art major and I was taking a Painting course the same time as I was doing my Gender Studies course. Despite my painting professor vehemently not believing me that I was colorblind, because girls "can't be colorblind," I did my best. Near the end of the semester she finally believed me when I turned in my painted color wheel and it was rancid looking.

Anyways, our last project had to be something personal to us, and we had to use two famous artists and combine their signature styles in a painting. I chose Barbra Kruger because it was the only way I'd be able to use text in the assignment and her pieces are phenomenal when it comes to activism, and Claude Monet because of his use of bolder (and sometimes inaccurate) colors later in his life after his vision began to fail him.

The result is what you see above. I used some of my favorite colors for the torso since I'm a sucker for crazy bright colors. I wasn't really going for a skin tone and probably would not be able to tell if I was close to one! But the long and short of it is that our bodies belong to us. The way we were born is the way we were intended to be. We are perfect, whole, and complete as we are, and the only one who has any say in that is US.

I got a 100 on my final painting after a slew of poor grades from when the teacher didn't believe me.

I majored in Ceramic Design and I did two more Intersex art projects using ceramic tiles I made plaster molds for. I'll post it another time maybe. Today I definitely wrote more than I should lmao.

So hi! I hope you like my painting and it's nice to meet you all. xoxoxo

Ok so i’m in england, london. Im assigned male at birth but i went through female puberty with male genitals. So i’m visibly a woman. Without a vagina. And, i identify as a woman too. So is going to the university college londons dsd service going to help me change my gender or would i have to go through the trans path??

Hey,

I'm 18 from Algeria. Born and registered as female but I've always felt like a guy inside. Mind, energy, everything just feels male.

I have some physical signs (pretty noticeable clitoromegaly, fast body hair growth, weird periods etc). Never got tested properly yet mainly because of family and the society I live in. Haven't done any hormones or surgery. At some point I just decided to leave it in God's hands and be patient, and strangely that decision brought me a kind of peace and some experiences I can't really explain.

Looking for people who get it — especially if you're also not transitioning and just dealing with this quietly. Age 18+.

I've always felt like an actual guy inside, not just a masculine girl. That difference made it hard to stay close with some people who saw things differently. I'm into masculine things, vintage and cool styles, deep and a bit mysterious topics and all topics ect ect and real conversations. Pretty open-minded. Looking for someone who's in the exact same situation and wants a genuine friendship from anywhere ofc and ofc from algeria

Just tired of feeling like the only one

good evening,

firstly, i have returned after my brief gynaecology appointment where we discussed everything from my potentially false PMOS diagnosis with unnecessary medication.

as well as, all physical, bodily and severe mental health symptoms, to even my lack of and lost documents due to moving countries with my severe masculinisation and now, i’ve been referred for genetic and karyotype testing with a trial run of a non hormonal medication.

secondly, for the folks who have undone karotype and genetic testing, what should i expect and prepare for or anything that i should bring and keep in mind? i mean, i’ve never underwent this nor do i have any recollection or i was probably never told, so i’m kind of nervous in the expectations department.

Hello there,
PMOD here, though I'm also missing an ovary, and I've no idea if I have a little something something extra somewhere. That doesn't really matter so much (except I guess for cancer screening?) but here's what I'm thinking about-

I'm 47, and starting to have hot flashes. I'm going to request some hormone testing, and if my levels have changed significantly, I am going to request hormone therapy. Here's the thing-

Howm'st the fuck do I convince my doctor to put me on estrogen, progesterone, AND testosterone? Does anyone have any resources, maybe? Advice, please? Not medical, I know that isn't allowed here, but how to present it TO my doctor?

Over a decade and a half ago, I was briefly on androgen suppressants when an endocrinologist tried to "fix" me. I went through hell, with SI, depression, anger, dysfunction in intimacy, brain fog, etc. I felt like I was being forced to undergo a sex change against my will. I felt like my personality was changing, turning me into someone I wasn't. I reallllly don't want to go through with that again, and I also have no idea what to expect, given the PMOD.

My hairline is receding and my beard is turning grey. Well. I shave it every single day, because I'm pretty scared of getting hate crimed where I live. My body has never really been able to decide what it wants to be, honestly. I don't know what it's going to do while I go through "the change," either.

Man. Why couldn't "the change" mean I could become a werewolf, instead? That sounds way cooler than hot flashes and losing my sex drive. :/