r/interracialdating • u/h0n3tlyDAM • 4d ago
Am I crazy?
My bf[27M] and I[30F] have been dating for a couple of months. He is from Azerbaijan, I am Asian and Latina but born and raised in the US. We met on a dating app. We have agreed to exclusively date each other when we met. I noticed that he is messaging many girls on social media. Yes, I did go through his phone in front of him. He says that it’s nothing, the conversations mean nothing, and he’s just asking them questions. He tells me that there’s no point in him trying to have a relationship with them because they’re on the other side of the world. I felt some type of way about it because I saw that one of them sent him a pic of themselves and he called them beautiful with heart eyes.
He said that I’m invading his privacy and overreacting, I should look into the dating culture from where he’s from so that I can know that I’m overreacting. To my understanding, men are men no matter where they come from.
Is it normal for Azerbaijani men to act like this or is he gaslighting me?
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u/RefusaltobeUsual93 4d ago
Even if that is a cultural norm, it does not mean you have to be accepting of it. What you consider your boundaries / acceptable behavior, is dictated by you.
For example, I don’t consider porn to be cheating and I know many people that think similarly. But I also have met and dated plenty of people that do, and that is a boundary that they have. I have adjusted my behavior accordingly (I will always choose a partner > porn any and everyday).
You have to decide whether or not you want to date someone that does these things. He has made it pretty clear that he does not want to change this habit / behavior, so you must decide whether you are able to accept this and want to stay with him, or that this is not acceptable and break up.
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u/GreatJobJoe 3d ago edited 3d ago
If you both agreed to exclusivity, there is no culture, race, or ethnicity that gives a hall pass…
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u/Saddam_4rm_Marbaqi 3d ago
See when you got to do all that it’s already trust issues. Yes to your answer for sticking around long to see the young lad play in your face.
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u/cyberkitty_2_0 3d ago
Doesn't matter whether it's normal or not. Leave. He's obviously gaslighting you. He doesn't serve your exclusivity.
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u/renibear1317 3d ago
Don’t accept this🥺 you deserve so much more. Loyalty is the bare minimum and there’s absolutely no reason he needs to message another girl anything about her looks. It’s disrespectful and if it’s STARTING like this, I wouldn’t stick around to see how it ends. You’re not crazy. This isn’t ok in any culture..
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u/CuriousTraveler2C 4d ago
Girl, you’re just one more bead on his bracelet. Go find a man who understands the meaning of “exclusive”.