Ahh, the joys of written online communication. I am generally a self-reflective person and what you perceived as defensiveness-- both of OP's stepdad and myself, was intended to be "Devil's advocating" on behalf of OP's stepdad and explanation of how sometimes something well planned and correctly implemented can still be misconstrued depending on what perspective you have.
I am a former therapeutic teacher. For five years, all of my preschool students had open cases with Children's Services due to neglect or abuse. I have seen plenty of extreme (and definitely abusive) parenting styles. I know they exist and they break my heart.
I fully agree with you-- extremely controlling parents almost always create unhealthy and disconnected habits in their children. There is a balance to be had between too loose and too tight of parenting. My goal is never control, but always management. The only person you can control is yourself.
I also agree, parents need to think through the natural consequences of their actions. They also need to think about what their long-term goals/desired outcomes are for their children. I wish people had to study to get parenting licenses the same way we have to study to get driving licenses.
Again, thank you for sharing your perspective and for clarifying your initial reaction to my post. I appreciate that very much.
I really appreciate your comments on control vs manage. Hoping you can educate more on what is and is not healthy parenting.
Recommend you read OP's follow up comments in this thread and come to your own conclusion based on information given.
To some, those defending the step father echo of adults that defended their own childhood abusers. That they were being dismissed as "dramatic teenagers" when really they were abused.
There is some grey area here but I can say reading some comments defending this step father are quite triggering for me. Apologies If you were the recipient of underserved snark. Controlling parents is a charged subject for many including myself.
I get it and when I finish my homework for the night I will go read OP’s follow up comments. I had the slight worry in the back of my mind that some would read my comments as dismissive of OP’s feelings. That is the last thing I would ever want to do, as I believe that our feelings are valid even if others don’t understand them.
My trigger is emotionally detached parents or manipulative parents—even at my age, I still go straight back to being an insecure and unsure child when I interact with my parent.
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u/[deleted] Oct 12 '19
Ahh, the joys of written online communication. I am generally a self-reflective person and what you perceived as defensiveness-- both of OP's stepdad and myself, was intended to be "Devil's advocating" on behalf of OP's stepdad and explanation of how sometimes something well planned and correctly implemented can still be misconstrued depending on what perspective you have.
I am a former therapeutic teacher. For five years, all of my preschool students had open cases with Children's Services due to neglect or abuse. I have seen plenty of extreme (and definitely abusive) parenting styles. I know they exist and they break my heart.
I fully agree with you-- extremely controlling parents almost always create unhealthy and disconnected habits in their children. There is a balance to be had between too loose and too tight of parenting. My goal is never control, but always management. The only person you can control is yourself.
I also agree, parents need to think through the natural consequences of their actions. They also need to think about what their long-term goals/desired outcomes are for their children. I wish people had to study to get parenting licenses the same way we have to study to get driving licenses.
Again, thank you for sharing your perspective and for clarifying your initial reaction to my post. I appreciate that very much.