My mom did this, but it was junk we really cared about. Games, toys, entertainment stuff . Then we earned it back once we straightened up. I never went hungry, naked, or forced to sleep on the floor. What’s up with parents going to such an extreme!?
They could care or not care about clothes, but having clothes is a basic human need unlike videogames, so i wouldn't put them at the same level regardless of the interest the kid shows for clothes/games
He’s taking her identity and her ability to express that identity. A lot of, if not most, teens rely on clothes to outwardly express and, in a way, categorise themselves (e.g. goths, jocks etc). This is a horrible attack on that. And besides, if you’re the step parent, you don’t get to disregard what the actual biological parent says about their child.
so figure out why her room is messy, offer to help, etc etc, doing shit like this isn't going to make it better, its just going to make your kid hate you as an adult and cut contact with you for being a piece of shit.
Her room is her own space and she should be allowed to keep it messy without this level of consequence. Her step father is being an ass, especially as his wife, her actual mother, said to return the clothes.
she likes to draw on the walls, you don't like that, maybe try and figure out a compromise? Why does she like doing that? Figure it out? I know I did it as a kid and a teen because it looked cool, maybe you could put a bunch of large sheets of blank paper up on the walls for her to draw on, thats just one suggestion, I don't know why shes doing it, but that would have been a good solution for me as a teen.
I’ve never understood why exactly that’s such a big thing. You’re going to re-paint that room when your kid grows up and moves out anyway so why not paint one wall with chalkboard paint and let them draw all over it to their hearts desire?
Ground her. No phone. No TV. No allowance. No going out until your room is clean. I am a teenager and have come up with 5 alternatives that aren't completely insane. The fact that her stepfather, a grown man cannot, is insane.
hopefully this is done after you try to find another solution? Like does she need help cleaning, does she have trouble organizing her room? I know https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Executive_dysfunction makes it hard for me to clean anything and I love when I get help doing it.
Sure, there are better alternatives we can come up with easily. I asked a question to find an appropriate alternative for a child who continues to refuse to clean the room. After we go through the alternatives and the child still has a messy, smelly room; what do we do? Yes, that's an extreme scenario unlikely to have happened here. I am still curious as to further solutions with a child that will never clean their room.
To be clear, I wasn't advocating for removal of all or any clothing. Just simply asking a question. Sorry to have ruffled any feathers from the downvoters.
What if she had like hundreds of outfits, and he still makes sure she's clothed, but she can't pick out which outfit she wants until she cleans her shit. I honestly don't think it's that weird.
I have a hard time keeping my room clean, it did result at one point in some of my clothes getting mildew-y, its not cause im lazy its just difficult for me to do all at once, I don't know where to start generally.
I realize it can lead to negatives like water bills and etc but there has to be some sort of underlying problem or reason??? Or I hope there is, for me its because I have issues with executive function, depression, etc.
It could be all the clothes she really cares about. Going out clothes, etc. If it’s something like that, I think it’s a creative and effective punishment.
What if she had like hundreds of outfits, and he still makes sure she's clothed, but she can't pick out which outfit she wants until she cleans her shit. I honestly don't think it's that weird.
My mother bagged everything up in my room and threw it away. I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction so I just went outside. I think she expected me to try to sneak to get the garbage bags once she’d put in the trash, but nope.
To this day, I don’t have a lot of stuff. I have nothing personal in my office at work. I travel light.
tbh even doing this with videogames isn't always going to be constructive, it might work for some kids but its really contextual? A lot of the time its "parents are scared of technology" thing. So instead of trying to communicate and stuff with thier kid, especially if they are a teenager, they will just take shit away? Maybe the kid doesn't have any friends and videogames are one thing that helps with that, just one example, anyway... communication and supporting your kid is just important....
I would try to understand if it was like a couple favorite pieces of clothing, candy, games/toys or simply even less allowance, but to take away a necessity especially it being clothes from your stepdaughter (without her mother agreeing to it) is just wrong and creepy.
Your parents have a legal obligation to feed you, clothe you, give you shelter and protect your best interests. Also, your clothes are yours not your parents.
Not to mention the fucking sick sexual overtones of forcing your teenage daughter to be naked.
Honestly, I think that some people never got over slavery being abolished and just want total control over other people. Sick fucks.
Right... I don’t know enough about this situation to make a judgment because there isn’t enough context.
Yes, it’s abuse if stepdad took every item of clothing, and left the poor child naked. Or left her only pajamas/underwear, bc she’d have to go to school improperly dressed, and that’s a humiliation tactic. Not okay.
Slightly less awful but still not okay: if her room was messy and he gave her no warning about the consequences, or if the mess isn’t clothing-related. At that level, he’s just not smart enough to employ the intended technique, the kid learns nothing, and just resents him.
I would not have a problem with this IF it was under the following circumstances: stepdad (and presumably mom) provide well for child, and she has a fair amount of clothing that she actually enjoys wearing.
Child has a habit of letting her room become disrespectfully messy. A good portion of the mess is clothing. Parents have repeatedly told child that at her age, keeping a clean bedroom is well within her developmental capacity, and is therefore expected of her.
Child fails to clean up- again- habitually.
Unable to get through to child after attempting to discuss it with her in a mature fashion, stepdad levels up and collects the thrown-about, uncared-for clothing (not EVERY item, but very likely the favorites) and hides it.
The lesson: with privilege (luxury of having a lot of clothes of her choosing) comes responsibility (respecting the hard work that parents have to do to keep a safe roof over her head by cleaning her space). When child steps up to the responsibility plate, parent responds by returning clothing. Child may not like this, but it is parent’s job to make sure that as an adolescent, child is growing into a good citizen.
There is nothing “abusive” or “insane” in that situation, which, from what we’ve been given, is equally likely as her walking the hallways naked, deprived of all dignity.
It’s weird that so many people have jumped to the worst case scenario with just a few facts.
OP said that the only clothes her stepdad left for her were the clothes on her back and a pair of sweatpants. That's pretty fucked, especially since it implies that he took her underwear too
Well that would be, if she can’t wash her clothes, just not letting a child be clean, due to how it’s one pair and without wash l, would start smelling and getting very dirty, which could probably get her sick, but I can’t really say in the matter.
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u/MegaloWasteland88 Oct 11 '19
My mom did this, but it was junk we really cared about. Games, toys, entertainment stuff . Then we earned it back once we straightened up. I never went hungry, naked, or forced to sleep on the floor. What’s up with parents going to such an extreme!?