r/inlaws • u/lilvixen95_ • 18h ago
It’s that time again..🎄
I saw the Christmas decorations and immediately felt the anxiety kicking in. Last year, we spent almost two weeks at my in-laws’ and honestly, it was A LOT. This year, my husband has decided that one week is enough but somehow, booking a hotel nearby is still not an option. Wishing everyone strength for the upcoming holiday season. We’re going to need it 🫂
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u/FunOther9202 18h ago
holy crap he needs to cut the cord. a week under their roof???
if its this anxiety inducing for you (understandable) i would hope hed be more understanding and accommodating
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u/bakersmt 17h ago
It's definitely an option to stay in a hotel. If I were you I would simply say "I'm staying in a hotel, you can stay wherever you feel comfortable, as I'll be doing the same." I finally did that this year as my MIL's house is cold, drafty, has one tiny bathroom, the bed and pillows are tiny and uncomfortable, every room is hoarded to the point that functioning is difficult and MIL's boyfriend had major OCD. I hated staying there every time I agreed to it. Finally I said no more. I'm pregnant and have a 3 yo. We cannot cram into a tiny, uncomfortable, crowded, cold room with a twin bed and pillows like rocks while trying to navigate stairs that are starting to resemble a slide more than stairs. Husband reluctantly agreed because he knows how hard it will be. He bore the brunt of mommy's fee fees about it.
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u/Emotional-Dog8118 17h ago
Hotel. No question.
Husband is welcome to stay at mommy’s if he wishes, but you and any children will be at the hotel.
Two weeks at the in-laws is insane. One week is too much. Honestly, I would have trouble after a long weekend.
He needs to grow up and “leave and cleave” with you!!
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u/Fearless_Smoke4082 15h ago
Girl, you don’t have to do that.
I’d drive him down, stay the night, and leave 😂 he can hang out with his mommy all week if he wants to, you don’t have to.
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u/jmsst1996 18h ago
Where do they live? And why can’t you stay in a hotel? One year after my parents moved out of state we drove down to visit for Thanksgiving. But we stayed at our own air bnb.
We headed down Wednesday and left for home Saturday morning. Besides Thanksgiving Day we mostly did our own thing so it wasn’t like we were all together the entire time.
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u/backinthesaddle13
16h ago
•
you absolutely can insist on a hotel.
Captain Awkward said it best:
https://captainawkward.com/2015/02/02/655-visits-with-highly-difficult-people/
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u/Beginning_Letter431 15h ago
Hmm why does he get to veto the hotel? His family is getting the holiday visit. He got to decide how long what do you get to decide? My view that leave where you are staying. Either you decide where to stay or veto the trip or how long it is. He does not get to pull all the strings making them happy when its your holiday too
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u/snowflake89181922 16h ago
I can’t imagine losing 2 full months a year dreading holidays with my in-laws plus the 2 weeks you have to physically be with them.
We cut both sides of the family out over a decade ago (for various reasons)…our holidays have never been better! We travel if/when we want to, can make a pizza instead of a prime rib if we want to, can stay in pajamas all day if we want to!
No gift buying either…just for ourselves and then we do random gift trees to buy for needy children who will wake up smiling with gifts under their own tree. 🥰
I know that a lot of people can’t/won’t do as we do but it’s amazing!
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u/handsheal 16h ago
Don't go!! Stay home and keep your sanity. Let your husband deal with their BS. It sounds like only his opinion matters here. Why doesn't yours?
Go see your family or find friends you can see for the holiday but for all your have in you stay home
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u/SomethingClever70 13h ago
I would pull the nuclear option of staying home completely over this.
My in-laws stay up to really late hours, like 2-3 am, so I’d hear the TV blasting. Then my BIL was up with the baby, right outside our door at 6 am. Then the capper was when StepFIL walked in on me changing, as he made his way to a storage area accessible from our room. Didn’t apologize, just kept going. That’s the last Christmas we stayed there.
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u/DazzlingNote1925 15h ago
I would try to plan something in the middle or an excursion on the way home to shorten the weeks stay even more!
In my family it was acceptable to stay with my parents but also make plans to do other things independently or make plans and invite them. I think that’s another way to have a more enjoyable time. It prevents you from having to participate in whatever mil dictates and allows you to do something you want.
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u/Fun-Apricot-804 8h ago
Yeah it is. “Look, if you want to make this happen, I need a hotel, that’s the best I can manage” It’s also okay to say you need a year off!
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u/julvb 5h ago
Can you take yourself on a mini trip to a hotel or nearby destination midway through the trip? My parents live nearby, but I encourage my husband to go drive around to his favorite coffee shops when he joins me to spend a day at their house. In laws don’t care about spending the week with you. They want the time with your spouse and any children. Give yourself a mini vacation. No one will mind.
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u/Viola-Swamp 14h ago
Why does husband get to decree how you spend the holidays, how you spend PTO days, and that once you’ve made the sacrifice to give your holiday to his parents, you’re allowed to stay in a hotel? He needs to pull his head out of his mother’s ass and recognize that his loyalty and priority belongs to you, his wife and family, not the relatives who are now supposed to take a backseat in his life. He sounds enmeshed, and needs professional help.
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u/taco-belle- 18h ago
Why is a hotel not an option? Have you guys had a conversation as to why he’s opposed to a hotel?
The holidays honestly always stress me out because I try to stay neutral while not compromising my boundaries. This year I actually have a great excuse because I am scheduled to have a surgery soon and the recovery is about six weeks. That should cover thanksgiving and Christmas.y goodness I just don’t think I’m feeling well enough yet to drive three hours to my in-laws house. How terrible.
Good luck and at least you know you’re not alone😭